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August 26, 2007

WHY WE ARE GOING TO REMAIN THE GREATEST DARNED NATION ON THE WHOLE DARNED EARTH

We have the leaders of tomorrow.

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That's why you should stay in school, kids...

"Looks fade, dumb is forever."
~Judge Judy

What ever happened to World Peace????

We definitely need to get those poor people in South Africa and Iraq some maps!!!

*hair flip*

*calling Al "the world is a-round" Gore*


(seriously, I believe we're DOOMED!!!)

What ever happened to World Peace????

We definitely need to get those poor people in South Africa and Iraq some maps!!!

*hair flip*

*calling Al "the world is a-round" Gore*


(seriously, I believe we're DOOMED!!!)

stooopid blonde bot!

*wipes a proud Carolinian tear*

Steve, it wouldn't help. Biology lecture at unnamed SC institute of higher learning. Hot, dim gal asked professor, "if semen is mostly sugars, why does it taste so bitter."

Thinking it was one thing; asking it caused all the guys to swivel in their seats.

7th! How could Miss wherever be so stupid? Yikes!

Does that really come in a bottle? Maybe we should just drop a few cannisters in our enemies' drinking supplies.

Off topic, but about squirrels:

Comic

This is so unfair. Where's the swimsuit competition?

Wait, isn't that Nancy Pelosi's granddaugher? Or Bush's second neice twice removed?

In America, if your teeth are white, who cares what you say.

Leave it to Stevie to cut to the chase!!

Who knew that the answer to the question was "not enough maps". Honestly, how can you expect to locate anything on a map if you don't have one - I mean, like, such as, like duh!

I don't mean to belabor the obvious, but she could NOT string together words into a sentence.

Oh. My. God.
We're doomed. Doomed.
The Apocalypse is here.

....crawls into a cave, whimpering...

Mapmaker, mapmaker make me a map
Find me a blonde
Activate yap
Mapmaker, mapmaker open her mouth
She doesn't know north from south.

She didn't win, did she?

Guin, relax... this is SC we're talking about here. I love the place, just don't wake up the gals in bikinis or they may speak. We are talking about a State that, to this day, only sells liquor from buildings that have large red discs painted on them. "Les'go tada PolkaDot store," is foreplay!

"I am Miss Teen South Carolina and I am not smarter than a fifth grader."

lairbo - she was one of the 5 finalists (the only 5 that had to answer a question), and finished 4th , i think

She was probably nervous and couldn't finish this sentence coherently, probably because she didn't start it coherently, sent a few brain cells to Iraq to help them out, or like such as:

"Our education like South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as..."

Just imagine the question portion of the preliminary Miss Teen South Carolina competition. The horror, the horror...

Why were they asking her like such as a question? That was mean. Just because she was trying to represent the country as Miss Teen USA didn't mean she had to care if anyone knew how to find it on a map. I mean, DUH!

"May I momma dog face to the banana patch?"

Seems her parents may have been sincere fans of Steve Martin's "teach your kids to speak wrong" routine.
(circa 1978)

The more I think about it, the more I think "not enough maps" was a brilliant answer. Had she stopped there, she might have distinguished herself as a comic genius. Unfortunately it rolled downhill from there.

But, like, she looked sooo good, and like had her hands on her hips, with like SUCH an attitude.

OK guys, if she was 24, would you really care what came out of her mouth? Uh, you know what I'm asking.

I think Dave found his running mate.

Was I the only one that saw smoke coming out of her ears as she was thinking???

LOL Stevie! and ebl??I believe it's "THE Iraq", like such as, ya know?

She needs this time wasting productivity enhancer.

http://theclickgame.com

I volunteer as a long-term tutor.

Product endorsements you will never see:

1. Dave Barry for low-flow toilets

2. Miss Teen South Carolina for Hooked on Phonics

This just in: John Edwards has just announced that since we are two nations (those with maps and those without) he is changing the theme of his campaign to "a chicken in every pot, a map to every bimbo."

Wow, talk about reinforcing every blonde stereotype.

"Can someone get this girl a map, please?"

Jeff, a map wouldn't help her. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO READ..... IT.

Poor thing. Will someone please tie her tubes, stat?

What insomniac said:


2007 Caitlin Upton Lexington 18 3rd runner-up

Oh, the humanity!

Expalins why young men are so prone to be confused. Well prone.

I hope the women out there now understand what us guys go through growing up dating a companion like this. Easy.

Having given this careful thought, I realize that at 18, my hair was as long and glisteny and I would have given an answer that didn't sound like it came from the Random Wooden Dialog Generator.

sw - exactly , "there's not enough maps, doy!" would have perfect...

Words fail me, as they apparently abandoned Blondie as well.

We are doomed.

...There is no hope for my generation. None whatsoever.

Well, if nothing else she has guaranteed herself a spot on a future season of The Real World. I honestly don't understand why the beauty pageant system still exists. Nobody cares about it anymore unless the winner is getting coked up and making out with other women in night clubs. Seriously, does this sort of thing need to exist in the 21st century?

But, Doc Rick, think of the money! All that poor money that will have no place to go. And who will do product endorsements once all the sports heroes are proven to be just plain people with one marketable skill!

Touché’ Scott! Touché’.

Rick, if it wasn't for beauty pageants, we'd never have had a great movie like "Little Miss Sunshine."

For that reason alone, they are handy....

that is the most hilarious, pathetic thing i've seen in a long time. thanks dave!

I just watch the Hooter's Swimsuit pageant. At least with it your not subjected to dolled up vapid women pretending to care about the world.

There's definitely a doublewide in her future!

Of course, I wouldn't watch that either but they air it on Fox Sports so I just have to put up with it as part of my job. *sigh...........hehe*

"This is a trick question, because the reason you can't find America on a map of the world is because America is actually in the United States! America is a country where the world is a planet - like the moon."

~Miss Arkansas

Is that you, Hillary?

She must be a graduate of George W. Bush high school...*rolls eyes*

*ducks, waddles back to Steelers/Eagles game*

I am proud to be a US American!

Actually in her defense this may have been the first instance where people were actually interested in the words coming out of her mouth.

Can U identify one fifth of nations from an unlabeled topological geographic map w/o political borders drawn in? Can U say duped? I knew U could. You R believin' the celebrity of The Simple Life of Jessica Simpson so you'll buy this act too. Beauty pageant are Red State preserve run by CREEP who stick us with Dianne Sawyer. All those years, when the votes were added up did you Miss Texas? Rove.

Hey ya'll! I was just watching the MTV Teen Choice Awards and they awarded Miss S.C. with the "Blonde Bimbo of the Year" award. They didn't give her a surfboard - probably cuz she might hurt herself and her brain cell - they did giver her
THIS.

And may I award Punkin with the *SNORK* of the night!

Aww, jeex, Sio... I hope that's childproof!

I purposely mistyped giver...yeah.

CJ, I'm thinking between that and her implants, she should stay afloat.

I'm glad that since she probably can't find a map, let alone find Canada on a map, that there is little chance she'll ever come up here.

Oh and I made my daughter watch the video and told her:

"See?? aren't you glad I made you finish grade school???"

I also bought her a map.

I'm thinking I shouldn't have eaten so much. Did you know that Moose Tracks Reese's Pieces doesn't actually have separate chocolate and peanut butter nuggets? I didn't. Once you get to the bottom and start eating the chocolate Moose Tracks, the peanut butter's in there. Just trying to save anybody from needlessly getting bumped into the next boxing bracket.

ArcticAl - Don't go counting your luck, yet. She may head out on a road trip to Mexico (yeah, the New one) and take a wrong turn.

Al, I'm afraid that she'll come to Miami - you know, that 3rd World country I live in - and try to "help" us.

*will send her to OJ's house*

*snork* @ CJ. :)

And dangit, Rick! Missed ya again! Boo hoo! :(

Hey, Scott! Almost didn't see ya there as I tripped over ya. ;-) Having a good weekend, I hope.

Scott, with our luck she'll take a right and keep going and going and...oops...water.

Doing well, DD! We had one of the rare warm, muggy days (for su.so.ca, that is). The breeze kept it tolerable, though.

Siouxie, she also might find her way on to one of those superhighway interchanges and be stuck circling there until her gas runs out.

Aaaannd, 69!

big mouth company

OOOOOHHHHH, with Moose Tracks?

Muggy is about all we get anymore, Scott. It's just no fun at all. I'm jealous that y'all have drier air on the coast than we do in the midwest!!!

*tosses confetti all over CJ!!!*

*missed it by THIS much!*

btw, CJ?? I'm staying away from chocolate and all good things (except shoe shopping, of course) so that I don't get bumped into that next boxing category. I have also joined a new gym and working out like crazy!

*trying to get rid of those damn lbs. I gained during my Mom's illness...etc.*

Shoe shopping IS a sport. Lots of calories burned just finding that perfect shoe.

You Cubans - anything for a party.

The folks in SC know from muggy. The lookers are allowed to strive for double-wides with AC!

We're already dropping here. I can feel the water dropping in temperature. We'll still have some hurricanes, but the water is dropping below 90. Absent a long, sunny, dry period, the Gulf is starting to cool down. I have never seen the Bay this healthy, so full of life that I can't see past my shoulder on a calm day. It's a complete soup of tiny fishes, medium fishes, and plankton. This concludes your OT Bay report.

Don't blame the poor girl Most gas stations stopped giving out maps long before she was born.
I hope in her travels, she doesn't find her way to Connecticut?

Her teachers must bo afraid to show their faces around town. What about her parents?....Surely THEY speak English.

Sioux, I met the most awesome Cuban woman last night. Told her all about you and your girls.... we are both ready for you to visit.

How many days (like 56) until I land? I can't wait. And I am always up for a run/fast walk on the beach. Is the beach near your pad and are there cabana boys wearing thongs? Inquiring minds.......;-)

I'm with SW, can we just get to the bikinis and quit asking these girls to use their mouths for speaking?

Hang in there, Siouxie. Youngest Daughter and I have been going since August 1st. We're building the habit of going and it's starting to pay off.

Er... to the gym. Going to the gym. We aren't working on maps or anything like that.

pete - sure we can. Just as soon as guys quit using their d1cks for thinking. ;p

Siouxie & Scott- I'm there in spirit at least. Our basketball team has its best record ever and I'm finally getting back in shape. Sure beats Weight Watchers.

I showed this video to my 10 year old. He kept waiting for the joke....he couldn't believe she was seriously that stupid. And I said the same thing to him as Steve the 24 guy said - 'stay in school.'

Anyone else see the video and start thinking
"follow the yellow brick road"?


I could answer any question
Create a good impression
Not crumble from the strain
I could be quite impressive
While my thoughts were so expressive
If I only had a brain

I’d not have to spout such drivel
My stomach wouldn’t shrivel
I wouldn’t be in pain

With the words I’d be sayin’
I would not have need of prayin’
If I only had a brain

Oh, I would tell you why
Kids can’t find Singapore
I could name places known only to Al Gore
And then I’d talk about the Peace Corps

I would not stand here and waffle
My head pounding so awful
My ignorance so plain
I would think, yes, I’d ponder
I could be even blonder
If I only had a brain.

Very cute, jd.

Could the 5th place chick have been even worse? Enquiring minds want to know.

I think she may have been experiencing a stroke during her "answer." Cat scan, stat. There is something not right with that brain.

I saw this video on another website and among the comments, somebody said this girl wants to go to med school to become a pediatrician.

So... all you parental types here take a good look at her. And if she ever walks in to treat your child at the hospital, throw a map at her and run!

And she wants to help with education in South Africa and Iraq? mmmm, wonder if she'll be able to find either of these countries on a map.

I was educated in SA and I can name all 50 states and most of the capitals, and I'll be able to find all of them on a map, I reaaly need her help. :-p.

BTW, she is very beautiful. I wonder why it's an either/or situation. The only place where I regularly encounter both beauty and brains in an individual, is here on the blog.

*Makes no excuse for the shameless and transparent attempt to obtain hot wax immunity*

Mornin'!

Med, I can't wait for you to land either!! (have you emailed judi about volunteering???) No beach real close but within driving distance - not too bad.

Scott, I used to go regularly - for years - till last year. Now I'm getting back into it. I love "spinning" and other types of cardio classes. Tonight we're going to "Latin Salsa" night. Should be fun!

Annie, congrats on the basketball team's standings. You rock, woman! (better than 'rollin' iykwim).

DavCat, are you sure didn't mean that she wanted to go to "Club Med" and become a pedicurist?? Not that I'd trust her with my feet or anything.

Mot, thanks for the compliment - you can always kiss our @ss ;-)

Mornin' Sooz. Our Digital Satellite sevice provider here in SA runs 5 dedicated movie channels with no commercial breaks and on Sunday nights they normally show a relatively recent movie. Last night's movie was Miami Vice, what an absolute load of crap. You guys must be paying a sh1tload of state tax if your cops can drive $ 200,000.00 sports cars and fly Lear jets, and what's wrong with American actors? Why were there British actors with lousy accents in the movie.

Mornin' Mot! That movie sucked BIG TIME. It was OK for a regular action film but nothing like the original show. I was a fan back then and there wasn't anything in this movie that brought it back.

UGH...time to get ready for work....

Moening, Siouxie. We're catching a break from the heat and humidity after the weekend. I'm thinking of a road trip to SC, if I can only find my map.

It's near Iraq, right?

tosses an 'r' up and snatches back the 'e'

Whoa! Everyone's already up and I'm barely conscious (well, conscious enough to use a computer).

OK, got my coffee and I'm totally awake now.

Hey Mot, how's the weather down there?

Many years ago, a Miss America contestant was asked one of those typical sweeping global politico-philisophical questions that they like to throw at pageanteuses, and she started out relatively coherently, and then finished with a flourish: "It's like Abraham Lincoln said: 'A house divided against itself... a house divided......[extended episode of brainfreeze]...is NOT GOOD!"
In retrospect, she was was a freakin' genius. Sigh.

Hey all!

*pours gallon jug o' java, hoists to mouth, chugs*

What's up with everyone today?

Jeff, we're having the typical August winds which are always the harbinger of Spring, the temps have been between 65 and 74 for the last few weeks with the occasional icy wind blowing off the mountains.

Oooh, what lovely weather, Mot. Swap ya 90+ with humidity for your 65-74 with wind.

Let's just hope Janis Ian wasn't right (Warning: geezer reference alert).

Also, betsy, snork at "pageanteuse".

The only place where I regularly encounter both beauty and brains in an individual, is here on the blog.
Posted by: Mot the Hoople | 07:01 AM on August 27, 2007

Thanks, Mot! But I'm smart enough not to get rid of the hot wax.
Thanks, Siouxie, for the basketball comment. I'm gonna order us real team jerseys this week. Part of the reason we're winning may be that up until now we've been playing without them.

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