LEAVING LAS VEGAS

In the Las Vegas there are slot machines, in case any departing travelers have any remaining money. Most of these machines are mercifully silent; a few occasionally emit random electronic bloops. But there is one -- I'm listening to it right now, at 5:40 a.m. -- that every few minutes says (in the voice of a wildly enthusiastic crowd) "WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE!" Some day, I will smuggle a gun into this airport, and I will shoot that machine.

Comments

[Noob]

First to say I'm glad I don't have to listen to that machine. :)

[blurk]

Dave, I have a few guns. What flavor ya want?

[slyeyes]

I was in that airport a couple of weeks ago on a layover. I had to listen to that d@mn machine for 2 1/2hours. Dave, the line forms behind me for the opportunity to shoot that thing.

[DDi]

I've heard that machine, it's taunting. It's asking to be put out of its misery.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

I'm sure everyone that works at the airport loves that thing too. Yikes. You could probably make a fortune selling earplugs.

[kibby F5™]

Got a colleage that randomly shouts that out - can I borrow the gun too?

[blurk]

kib, start with spit wads.
Really juicy ones.

[fivver]

Steve, I pity the retail clerks during the holiday season who have to listen to some tinny, insipid, things that play carols over and over and over.

[Suzy Q]

Dave, that's just Merv Griffin taunting you from the Other Side, where he continues to rake in the dough.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Dave, apparently you didn't spend any appreciable amount of time in the casinos on The Strip (™), where that hideous machine is ubiquitous.

Please, shoot them all.

[CJrun]

Maybe that's the machine that issues boarding passes....

[mudstuffin]

ha ha hahahahhahaha haah, haha!

(wiping away tears of derisive laughter)

i have three teenagers.

they play "music"

they play "video games"

they "speak"

don't complain to ME about annoying sounds.

[kibby F5™]

CJ's comment will drive an idea for the airlines where boarding passes become gambling wins and seat assignments are based on how many times you pull the handle.

The more mulla the better the seat.

[Recovering 24 Addict]

I know of this Slot Machine that you speak of Dave. I have also have wanted to shoot it after a night of only legal in Vegas debauchery good clean family fun.

[Siouxie]

Dave, while you're shooting up slot machines, make sure you get the "Chips Ahoy" pirate one that has my daughters' college money.

[Meanie the Blue]

I'd like to buy a bullet, Pat.

[Paqo Gomez]

Been stuck by the same machine. Just remember to use a clear plastic bag when you smuggle the gun in.

[Meanie the Blue]

In the Las Vegas  /\  there are slot machines
                |
                |
                |
              airport

(There you go, Dave).

[Siouxie]

YAY Meanie!! now he can re-hire judi!!!

[Bethie]

I wonder how differently people would think of that machine if it dispensed beer?

[Siouxie]

Bethie, the thing is...as long as you're losing the shirt off your back...literally playing, you get free booze. No need for the beer dispenser ;-)

[Lairbo]

There weren't slot machines on the plane? What sort of rinky-dink airline did you fly on?

[DeskDiva]

*sigh* I feel your pain. Went to Vegas 2 years ago for my bff's wedding. We only left the $%@%^! casin0 for the actual ceremony because we couldn't have pried her butt off the seat in front of one of those $%@%^! machines with a crowbar and a construction crane. Now my roommate has to watch the show in the evenings at our house. Eventually I come to in the fireplace corner sucking my thumb.

[Esther]

Ohhhhhh, THAT Dave...

OK -so why IS "Dave" suddenly posting as "Dave Barry?" Not enough time to type in "His Lordship, the most excellent David Barry, etc..."

[ScottMGS]

kibby - when you wrote "mulla" did you mean moolah, Mullah, or mullet?

[ScottMGS]

Esther, that's the best he and his techy-nerds could do when he posts from his cell phone. If he's using a real computer, it's just "Dave".

[Alien8]

My friend used to work in a minimart which had an old video game no one ever played. About every five minutes it would come to life, play a little tune, and in the voice of a coked-up and over enthusiastic gameshow host it would scream "KICK BOOOOOOOTY!"

Somehow it used to come unplugged every night . . .

[kibby F5™]

moolah? THAT'S how it's spelt!? Ok ...

*wonders how a mullet gets a boarding pass*

*sees the beginning of a wonderful joke here*

"A mullet walks up to the boarding agent ..."

[Wes S.]

The Kansas City-area riverboat ca$ino I work at has one of those, too. It's pretty annoying, but not nearly as annoying as the "Hee Haw" and "Green Acres" games. Or the James Bond "Golden Eye" game they had a couple of years ago, which was programmed to repeat-play the absolute lamest of all the lame Bond theme songs we've suffered through over the past four decades. Like "Goldfinger." Blecch.

And there's "Lucky Lemmings." Imagine spending two hours on the gaming floor with the repair techs, trying to fix a balky ticket redemption kiosk, with an entire fully-occupied bank of penny Lucky Lemming slots five feet away going Boing! Whee! Boing-boing! Whee! Boing! Wheeee! the whole time...

I keep begging my supervisors to add a two-and-a-half pound sledgehammer to the kiosk repair kit, but unfortunately they won't let me have one...

[chaz]

I heard Dave did Las Vegas like S Hunter Thompson

[OtheU(manity)]

... and the boarding agent says, "Why the long hair?" ...

[Siouxie]

LOL good one, O!!

[rickh]

ya know

the last time i was "leaving Las Vegas" nearly 5 years ago after getting MARRIED there, i noticed that there were NO signs in the airport touting "the loosest slots"

as we were flying an airline that sounds much like America WErst

i figgerred i was already gambling a bunch so i avoided the airport slots.

[Novanglus]

Actually, I don't think anyone would care if you shot the machine. The one thing I noticed the first time I got OFF the plane in Las Vegas, is that everyone in the airport coming to get ON their planes, were very depressed.

EVERYONE. The Las Vegas airport has the most depressed people gathered in one spot at any time, in the United States.

NO0000 one was smiling. It almost made you want to say in the middle of the airport, "Hey, did ANYONE win?!"

Which would not be wise since almost all of them looked as if a gun would be a perferable object at that point in their life.

Therefore, if Dave had won some emormous amount during his stay, would the Wheel of Fortune have gotten on his nerves as much?MMMMMMmmmmmmMMMMmmMM?

Which, means...how much did you lose Dave?
Enquiring minds will never know.