Background to the letter below: Some years ago, I very stupidly wrote a column making fun of North Dakota. The residents of Grand Forks, North Dakota, got their revenge by inviting me up there in January and dedicating a sewage-lifting station in my honor. It's still there, though I still don't know why they lift the sewage. But I am certainly not going to make any more fun of them.

Dear Dave --

I am a new rabbi, and as part of our training, we get sent to middle-of-nowhere towns to act as student rabbis for small congregations that can't afford a full-time rabbi. So, believe it or not, once every three weeks for all of last year, I would fly to Grand Forks, North Dakota to serve the huge Jewish population of the Grand Cities. I think I am still recovering from the thirty-minute graveside funeral service I did in January (in which I did my shortest-ever service because I was worried my mouth would permanently freeze shut).

Now, as someone who has been a fan of your writing for almost 15 years, when I realized that the Dave Barry Lift Station No. 16 was located at my student pulpit, I had to take some photos of me in my rabbinic garb in front of the sewage station in February. So I've attached them for you. The first photo is after three minutes outside in North Dakota. The second is after four minutes, and the third is after five minutes. After that, I believe I stayed inside my hotel for the next twenty-four hours until I flew home, keeping the thermostat at a comfortable 130 degrees...

So thank you for giving me an even better reason to visit Grand Forks than I would have otherwise, and while I'm happy I have a picture in front of the Dave Barry Lift Station No. 16, I'm glad I didn't take the tour!

Kol tuv, all good things,

Rabbi Geoff Mitelman

(After four minutes)

Comments

[ScottMGS]

Trade ya!

[ScottMGS]

Oh, wait, it's got dog spit all over it, doesn't it?

[DeskDiva]

Ew.....

[Annie Where-but-here]

No, it doesn't. I wouldn't really give that to my dog. I love my dog.

[ScottMGS]

*mental gears grinding - wouldn't give it to her dog, would give it to me... * ;-)

[ScottMGS]

*yawns uncontrollably*

Good night, ladies.
Good night, ladies.
Good night, ladies.
I'm going to leave you now.

[Meditrina]

As usual, I miss all the yard o beef stick and the vicodin high...... sigh.

It's Sunday..... Yay! My weekend has officially begun.

[DeskDiva]

Yay, Med. :) That's what you get for working evenings. You, NT, and ddd. Hope your weekend's good, though.

[Punkin Poo]

Morning....

*shuffles bleary eyed to coffee maker, changes filter, pours in what she hopes is coffee, presses start*

[Meanie the Blue]

*Sticks what he hopes is large mug under what he hopes is the spigot of the blog coffee urn, and fills*

*Adds what he hopes is milk, and stirs*

*Brings mug to what he hopes are his lips*

*Spews, checks coffee urn*

*Removes what appears to be topsoil from filter holder*

*Curses all gardeners, drives to local diner*

[CJrun]

*sucks down some java-juice, heads off to go play with fishies and crabs*

[ScottMGS]

*avoids coffee since he's never liked it anyway*

Good morning from O'dark 30 here in sunny dark southern California. This "end of summer" stuff sucks. I like long, light, bright (not lite-brite) days.

[JT]

Mazel Tov!

And fifteen years? That's nothing. I can remember the first time that Dave's "The People's Court" column was published, making me a lifetime fan.

Anyone else remember that column? ;)

[daisymae]

No, JT, I don't remember "The People's Court." Do remember the column about Strom Thurmond?

[Siouxie]

OY! mornin' peeps!

*brings out the Cuban coffee maker and starts brewing*

*sets out Annie's tub-o-junkfood for the hungry folk*

*grabs a donut from her secret stash* heck I don't eat that crap!

[pete]

I believe the first of Dave's columns that I read was the one about the exploding whale. At least 20 years ago.

[Eleanor]

*zips in*™

Good morning! Feeling a little better today and I'm planning to try and cut back on the vicodin. I've been up for 90 minutes and have only taken one - yay me!

I would love a donut - is there delivery?

*hopeful look*

[diverdowndoc]

Mornin' all!

just wanted to pop in for a minute and say 'hi'.
*snork* at popecicle.

Hope you feel better, El.

CJ- we have a cream for that.

DD- I'm on call (though we rarely get called in) this weekend and off next weekend- my fist consecutive weekends off in 2 months! We actually had a pool party last night!

(new pix for interested- click below)

[diverdowndoc]

*texts donut to El*

I still laugh about the column in which Dave was talking about Lash Larue and said that he was crazy as a bedbug. "Where you and I have a brain, he has a Whack-a-Mole game."

I laughed again just typing that sentence.

[ScottMGS]

One of my all-time favorites is the one where two guys in their expensive cars, in a traffic jam, in a merging-lane situation, at 1 MPH, drove into each other because neither would yield.

[Annie Where-but-here]

*stashes Yard 'o Beef in an undisclosed location*
What I wouldn't do for an apple fritter about now....sigh. At least Gevalia is in da house.

[ScottMGS]

You're killin' me, Annie. Now, I want an apple fritter, too. 'Course, if I had one, I'd take it down to El to help her through her pain.

[Eleanor]

Thank you Scott, that's sweet. :) Actually, I have a half of a 3 day old apple danish sitting in a plastic container on the counter. My daughter ate the other half the day she took me to the surgery thing. Doesn't look too appetizing....

I'm planning to get pizza delivery today. I'm tired of pudding and tapioca. Pizza will either kill me or cure me!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Yeah, sure. Me, too. Too bad her mouth hurts too much to eat it. And it really shouldn't go to waste.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Pizza! I am there! Thanks for the invite. I'll bring my new can o' Spam.

[Siouxie]

OMG! I just watched about 20 seconds of golf and they started talking about birdies and boogers or bogies and all of the sudden I juzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Meditrina]

Someone throw some ice water on Sioux. She's passed out again. ;-)

Did someone say yard o beef pizza?! I'm in. especially if there's a cold Newca$tle Brown to go along with it.

[Siouxie]

ALRIGHT!! Clive Owen in "Arthur"....woke me right up!

oh and...

R.I.P. Merv....

[Annie Where-but-here]

*uses Slim Jim to defend Yard 'o Beef*
gimme the apple fritter and pizza and nobuddy gits hurt too bad.

[Siouxie]

PIZZA!!!!! where?? when?? ok..I am SO there!!

El...if you can't chew...stick it all in a blender and slurp it. Do NOT throw it out.

((((((((((El))))))))))))))) smooooochies

NO ICE WATER!! Med, I'm awake I'm awake!

[Meditrina]

LOL at Annie's Slim Jim Ninja move.

[Annie Where-but-here]

For someone who worked late last night, Med is awfully sassy.
Which type of margarita goes with blendedededed pizza - regular or strawberry?

[Meditrina]

I'd pair pizza with the non-fruity rita.

We have a strawberry basil marg at the restaurant that is the $hit. Fresh basil and berries.... yum, yum. Yep, they even concoct amazing foofoo drinks at my restaurant.....

It's awesome until a table of 6 orders 6 different foofoo drinks, and then the bar and I go down in flames. Picture The Hindenberg and you know what I mean.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Oh, the horror - Med walks into a flaming bar. Bartender says, "Why the long fireplace?"

[ScottMGS]

Sounds like we need a su.so.ca doughnuts-and-beef-stick get-together to offset Siouxie's so.fla get-together!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Subtle, Scott. I know you only want me for my beefstick.

[Siouxie]

Scott, you can always join us. I'll even get some Cuban pork-jerky.

ewww...that sounds totally disgusting.

[ScottMGS]

Annie, I'd say the same but you'd hit me with yours!

Siouxie, I'd try anything almost anything once. Besides, I thought it was a bloggals-only party.

[ScottMGS]

And, yes, Annie, I will freely admit that yours is bigger than mine.

[Siouxie]

We may be tempted to allow a few chosen blog dudes to crash the party.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Scott -:P

[EB]

Dave, please make fun of Jamestown, ND, so we can name something after you here..... (perhaps a bldg. in the Correctional Center?)

Rabbi, you need to gain a little weight to survive our winters properly...... I know there are at least 17 Jewish families in Bismarck who would love to have a Rabbi....they don't have Bldg, though..

Jamestown, ND.---- home of the worlds' only Albino Buffalo..--- the only place in America where you can have Mexican food served to you by someone with Natural Blonde-Red hair...

El, get better quick. I know them NYC Docs don't hand out Vicodin freely...

Meaninglessly, the EB

[OtheU(manity)]

EB ... you mean that "Mexican" restaurant down there on the south side?

OK ... it wuz adequate-to-decent, but nuthin' special ...

There's one in Bismarck that does a pretty good job ... tho that wouldn't bring Dave (or other blogits) to Jamestown, would it?

How about they name that basketball court on the South Campus after Dave?

[Siouxie]

psssssst...El?? I hope you're feeling better by now and OFF the really really good drugs medication. You'll need to be alert for when Dave gives you his ^^^ phone number. I hear it's "rabbi season" ;-)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Be vewwy vewwy qwiet - El's huntin' wabbi!

[SW]

T'fillin. Wo, wo, wo, t'fillin..

[SW]

I am a new rabbi, and as part of our training, we get sent to middle-of-nowhere towns to act as student rabbis for small congregations that can't afford a full-time rabbi.

Anybody remember "The Frisco Kid" with Gene Wilder? High-larious!

[SW]

Wasn't that one of those popular spy novels from the sixties? "Friday the Rabbi Came in From The Cold," or something like that?

[SW]

A young rabbi walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "Why the long payis?"

(Ha ha ha ha ha I'm so proud of myself I could schvitz. I mean like I'm kvellin' here...so help me you guys better see this...)

[OtheU(manity)]

Yes, SW ... there wuz a series of 'em ... I dismember if they sold well enuf to run thru the entire week ... "Tuesday the Rabbi went hungry ..." and such ... but they were perty decent adventure/detective stories, for the time ... I've still prolly got several of them in one of my "storage" locations that substitute for a "library" ...

[OtheU(manity)]

OK ... here's a list ... after Harry Kemelman filled out the week, he came back some over the next 30 years and added another title or six ...

FRIDAY THE RABBI SLEPT LATE, 1964
SATURDAY THE RABBI WENT HUNGRY, 1966
THE NINE MILE WALK, 1967
SUNDAY THE RABBI STAYED HOME, 1969
COMMONSENSE IN EDUCATION, 1970
MONDAY THE RABBI TOOK OFF, 1972
TUESDAY THE RABBI SAW RED, 1973
WEDNESDAY THE RABBI GOT WET, 1976
THURSDAY THE RABBI WALKED OUT, 1978
CONVERSATIONS WITH RABBI SMALL, 1981
SOMEDAY THE RABBI WILL LEAVE, 1985
ONE FINE DAY THE RABBI BOUGHT A CROSS, 1987
THE DAY THE RABBI RESIGNED, 1992
THE DAY THE RABBI LEFT THE TOWN, 1996

[queensbee]

lets all go to his shul for the high holydays. they're next month. there must be enough motel space in that town. a beegezint, y'all.

[Moon]

Grand Forks is a great town to come from.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Stop me if you've heard this one before...

"So, a rabbi walks into a sewage lift station..."