24

In brief: Edgar is still dead. Audrey is getting naked for Vaseline. (Thanks to Karl Bade for that link.)

Coming up: The Amazing Steve.

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[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 11

The following takes place between 5 am and 6 am

5:00 am – Jack opens his eyes. He’s lying flat on his back on foliage from the jungle that surrounds him. He tries to sit up, but has trouble doing so. He hears some screaming from somewhere around him. He pushes himself to a sitting position in time to see one of the terrorists run past, screaming like a little girl. Jack looks around, but doesn’t see anything else.

Jack checks the gun he grabbed from Barney, and sees that there aren’t any bullets in the chamber. Jack says to himself, “What kind of deputy has a gun with no bullets in it?” He gets up and puts the gun away. He takes a look around, shrugs, and starts to walk quickly in the direction the terrorist came from.

5:02 am – Chloe, Morris and Bill are out on the beach, looking around to see if they can figure out where Jack ended up. Bill says, “Haven’t we been here before? This looks like the same beach that we were on a few hours ago. What were the names of those people?”

Chloe says, “Um….There’s Gilligan… The Skipper too…”

Morris interrupts, “The millionaire, and his wife….”

Bill says, “The movie star….”

Chloe and Morris both say, “The Professor and Mary Anne!”

They all look at each other. Morris says, “If I didn’t know better, I’d think we were about to break out into a cheesy song!”

Bill says, “Maybe we can head into the jungle and talk to that Professor guy, to see if he can help us.” They hear a loud noise, like the roar of a very large animal. A few of the palm trees in the jungle disappear, as if something large stomped on them. The noise stops.

Morris says, “Guys… Where are we?”

Chloe says, “I’m going to say that’s the jungle’s special way of telling us not to go in there. I’m heading down the beach until we can see something.” Bill and Morris readily agree, and they head off down the beach, while keeping an eye on the jungle.

5:05 am – Jack walks into a clearing with a pond and a small waterfall. He walks to the water’s edge, bends over and uses his hands to take a small sip. Satisfied that the water is O.K., he takes a bigger drink and washes off his face to refresh himself. He hears a voice and looks up. There’s a young boy standing across the pond from him. The boy is soaking wet. Jack yells, “Hey, kid!”

The boy holds up a single finger to his lips to tell Jack to be quiet, and says, “Ouyay avehay otay opstay ethay erroriststay. Ethay erroriststay areway adbay. Easeplay on'tday ootshay emay inway ethay ighthay.”

The boy turns and walks away. Jack yells again, “Hey! Kid! Stop!” and goes running after him.

5:07 am - Chloe, Morris and Bill continue down the beach to a point where it turns and heads back inland. When they reach this point, Chloe gasps. They can all see the remains of a plane crash. Wreckage is up and down the beach, and the fuselage of the plane further down the coast. They all start to run towards it.

5:09 am - Jack runs through the jungle, but loses sight of where the boy went. He continues anyway. He can see the ocean up ahead. He breaks through the jungle, and sees a man sitting on the beach watching the waves. Without turning around, the man says, in a Scottish accent, “You’re not supposed to be here, Jack.”

Commercial

5:15 am – The man on the beach turns and looks at Jack. He says, “Are you just going to stand there for another five minutes? It’s like you were just waiting for a commercial to end!” Jack takes a step towards the man, and says, “How did you know my name? Where’s the kid?”

The man says, “Kid? What kid? …. Oh, you must mean Walt. Never mind him, none of us can understand a word he’s saying. I’m not even sure he’s real.”

Jack repeats, “I’m going to ask you again: How did you know my name?”

The man says, “I don’t know, Jack. I just do. All I know is, you and your friends aren’t supposed to be here.”

Jack says, “You know where my friends are? Tell me where they are!” Jack pulls out the empty gun.

Jack hears a gun trigger click behind him, and he hears a voice, “Not so fast there, Hot Shot.”

5:18 am – Chloe, Morris and Bill reach the main parts of the wreckage. Morris says, “If anyone survived this, I bet they’ll get a bunch of frequent flier miles…” Chloe punches him in the arm.

Bill says, “Look at this… It looks like someone must have survived, because everything in here has been stripped for parts.”

They hear a loud scream, and see two terrorists at the edge of the jungle being chased by a polar bear. Chloe points and says, “And that’s why we didn’t go into the jungle.”

5:20 am – Jack is now sitting on the beach, with the Scottish man, a tall blonde man with a rifle, and a large Hispanic man standing a distance away from him. The blonde man says, “Tell us again, Trigger Happy.”

Jack says, “I told you: We’ve been blinking from place to place. My friends and I have been chasing after terrorists. I don’t know how we got here. I just want to catch the terrorists.”

The Hispanic man examines the gun Jack was carrying, “Sawyer, his gun isn’t even loaded. If he wanted to kill Desmond, he couldn’t have.”

Desmond says, “Hurley’s right. If he wanted to hurt me, I would be dead already. He’s just not supposed to even be here.”

Hurley says, “Sawyer, just put the gun down.”

Sawyer says, “I don’t care what Grimace says, or what you have to say Nostradamus… This guy pulled a gun. And that’s good enough for me.” He pokes Jack with the end of the rifle.

Jack spins around, grabs the rifle barrel with his legs and twists it out of Sawyer’s grasp. He grabs the rifle and throws it down the beach.

Sawyer says, “O.K.! O.K.! No need to get touchy there, Trigger Happy!”

Hurley says, “You used that one.”
Sawyer says, “What?”

Hurley says, “You said ‘Trigger Happy’. You already used that one.”

Sawyer says, “Oh quiet down, Grimace.”

Desmond says, “You used that one too.”

Sawyer says, “Huh? What? Be quiet, Hugo! I’m trying to talk to Trig… I mean, Mr. Bang Gun here.”

Hurley laughs. “’Mr. Bang Gun?’ Dude, did you just say, ‘Mr. Bang Gun’? I can’t believe you said that. You have to start thinking up better nicknames. Next thing you’ll be doing is calling me H.R. Puffinstuff.”

Sawyer says, “Shut up, Hugo! Let’s take him to Jack.”

Desmond says, “Jack, you really shouldn’t be here.”

5:23 am - Chloe, Morris and Bill continue to look around the wreckage. Morris bends over to look at something on the ground, just as a gun shot rings out. The three of them hit the dirt, looking around for the person that’s shooting at them.

A dark-haired woman holding a rifle emerges from the jungle, and yells, “Stay on the ground.” She walks to Chloe and says, “You. You’re not one of the crash survivors.” She looks at Bill and Morris. “None of you are. You’re not with The Others.” She puts the gun away. “Who are you?”

Chloe says, “My name is Chloe. That’s Morris, and that’s Bill. We’re looking for our friend Jack.”

The woman says, “You know Jack? How do you know Jack?”

Bill says, “Jack works with us. We’re looking for him.”

The woman says, “He’s back at the camp.”

5:25 am - Morris says, “That’s an interesting accent, if you don’t mind me saying so. What nationality is that? It sounds Croatian.”

Bill gives Morris a strange look, “Croatian? What? Where the heck did you get that?”

The woman says, “My name is Danielle. I’m French.”

Morris turns to her, “French? That’s a French accent? You’ve got to be kidding me…”

5:26 am - Chloe says, “Quit arguing. We need to find Jack. Do you know a way off this island? We’ve seen some pretty strange things so far. How did you get here?”

Danielle says, “I was shipwrecked on this island 16 years ago. The other people in my party died. I’ve survived the smoke monster, visions of dead people, and haven’t been captured by ‘The Others’. If I had a way off this island, I would have taken it.”

Bill leans over to Morris, “Smoke monsters? Visions of dead people? ‘Others’? Add her to the ‘pretty strange things we’ve seen so far’ category…”

5:28 am - Danielle turns her head and looks towards the jungle. She says, “We need to get off the beach. Come with me.” She starts to head back into the jungle, but none of them follow her. She becomes more insistent, “The bears and the smoke monster are gone. The Others are coming! We have to take cover!” She runs into the jungle, leaving them on the beach.

Bill says, “You know, if a woman who could blow away anything with a rifle she’s carrying gets scared of something, it might be good idea to follow her advice, even if she does sound a little crazy.” Bill starts to run for the jungle, and slides into some of the underbrush in some bushes. Chloe dives in after him. Morris quickly joins them both by sliding into the underbrush. He turns his head and his noise comes within an inch of the point of a knife.

Morris says, “For a deserted island, it sure is crowded.” The man holding the knife motions for him to be quiet. He points towards the jungle. Everyone stops moving, trying not to make any kind of noise.

5:31 am - Everything is quiet for a few moments. Then they hear a group of people approaching. Chloe looks out from the branches she’s hiding behind and sees that one of the terrorists has been captured by a group of people. The terrorist is bound and gagged. Some of them are wearing really worn out clothes, while others are dressed normally. A small man with short-cropped hair talks with one of the men in the group. He says, “He’s not going to tell us anything. They must have come from the same boat as that helicopter. I think they’re headed to the 815 camp. I’m sick of their interfering! When we get back, I want you to organize a search party to chase them down and kill them all!” They continue on their way.

5:33 am - As soon as everything is quiet, the man with the knife says, “They’re gone! We have to get back to camp and warn them!”

Commercial

5:38 am - Jack arrives at the camp with Hurley, Desmond and Sawyer. They pass by a few people. Jack says “Hello” to a few people, but none of them respond. Jack asks, “Why aren’t these people saying anything?”

Hurley says, “They never say anything. It’s the strangest thing. A bunch of us talk all the time, but the rest them never say anything. All they do is hand food back and forth to each other, and fold laundry.”

Sawyer says, “Except for Tricky and Apollo.”

Desmond says, “Who?”

Hurley replies, “He means Nikki and Paolo. Yeah, that was weird. None of these other people who survived the plane crash say a thing. Then one day Nikki and Paolo speak up and start talking to us. Then ‘whammo’! A few days later, they’re dead! Now everyone is afraid to talk to us.” He looks up and points, “There’s Jack and Kate.”

5:40 am - Jack says, “Who’s this?”

Hurley says, “His name is Jack. He’s looking for some of his friends.”

Desmond says, “He shouldn’t be here.”

Jack says, “Look, I don’t have time for this. I’m chasing down terrorists. I have to find my friends, and I have to find them now.”

Hurley points, “Hey! It’s Locke! He’s got some people with him!”

5:41 am - The man with the knife, Chloe, Morris and Bill come running into camp. Locke yells, “Jack!”

Jack and Jack simultaneously say, “What?”

Jack looks at Jack Bauer and says, “Jinx!”

Desmond says, “None of these people are supposed to be here.”

Jack says, “Chloe! Morris! Bill! Are you O.K.?”

Locke yells, “They’re coming! They’re going to come into camp and kill us all!”

Desmond says, “Yeah, even the people that aren’t supposed to be here!”

Commercial

5:43 am - Everyone in the camp is grabbing things from their tents. Jack, Locke, and Kate are organizing people, while Jack Bauer and Sawyer go through a bunch of weapons in Sawyer’s tent. Chloe is helping a woman with a baby, and Bill and Morris are helping with supplies.

Locke yells to everyone, “We have to leave now! We’re heading towards the new station! We have to get there quickly!” The group starts heading into the jungle. Locke tells Jack that he’s going to scout ahead.

5:45 am - Chloe talks to the woman she’s helping, who’s name is Claire. Claire says, “It’s kind of weird. I just realized that of all the people that survived the plane crash, or anyone else we’ve seen so far… None of us have the same name. Your Jack the first person that we’ve seen that has the same name as anyone else here!”

Chloe thinks about this for a minute and realizes, “You know something? I don’t think I have two friends with the same name either? That’s really weird!”

5:46 am - They arrive at the station, and people start going in. Sawyer hands both Jacks a gun, and tells them he expects to have them back when they’re done.

Locke comes back out of the jungle. “They’re headed this way. Get everyone inside.”

5:47 am - Everyone scrambles into the station, and waits.

5:48 am - Nothing happens.

5:49 am - Nothing happens again.

5:50 am - Nothing happens for a third time.

5:51 am - A voice calls out from the jungle, “Jack! Jack Shepard! I want to speak with you!” The small man comes out from amongst the trees. Chloe says, “That’s the guy we saw in the jungle!”

Jack Shepard starts to leave the station, but Jack Bauer stops him and says, “I’ll go.” Shepard says, “That’s Ben. Don’t trust him. He’s dangerous.”

Jack says, “So am I.”

5:52 am - Jack Bauer walks out of the station, which seems to surprise Ben a little. Ben regains his composure and says, “I want to talk to Jack.”

Jack says, “I’m Jack.”

Ben says, “You’re not who I want to talk to.”

Jack says, “Well, I’m the one that you’re getting. Why are you bothering these people?”

Ben says, “Bothering? ‘These people’ come to MY island. They capture and beat ME. They blow up and kill people from my group. And I’m the one ‘bothering’ them?” He pulls out a gun and points it at Jack. “Now get out of my way!”

5:53 am - A loud noise comes out of the jungle. Trees start to get uprooted and thrown aside. Ben panics and runs off back into the jungle, leaving Jack standing there. Desmond yells to Jack, “Get the hell out of there!”

Black smoke comes pouring out of the jungle to Jack’s left and stops in front of him, as if it has a mind of its own. Sparks show throughout the smoke cloud as it hangs there in front of Jack. We can see brief scenes of Jack’s life in the cloud as it hovers right in front of him.

Suddenly, the sparks and pictures stop. The smoke makes a yelping noise like a dog that has been scolded, and it disappears into the jungle.

5:55 am - Jack heads back to the station. Jack Shepard steps out of the doorway and tells Jack, “I’ve never seen it do anything like that.”

Hurley comes running from the station, and says, “We found another one of those movies.”

5:56 am - They follow Hurley into a small room, which leads into a large conference room. Everyone is piled in there. Locke says, “We’ll play the movie as soon as everyone gets here.”

Locke comes over. “One of the new people was looking at one of the computers, and this slid out from a panel inside of it.” He hands a film reel to Jack Shepard.

Jack hands it back, “Well, go play it!”

Locke goes over to a film projector, threads the movie, and asks for the lights to be let down.

5:58 am - Someone turns off the lights, and the film starts.

The film that plays looks a lot like movies that kids used to see in late sixties or early seventies, with music to match. A man in a white lab coat appears on the screen.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Marvin Candle. Welcome to observation station number 8, ‘The Duck’. What I have to tell you is of utmost importance. You probably have seen a lot of strange things on this island. Polar bear experiments, button pressing, smoke monsters. I can explain all of this to you now. The …”

There’s a bright flash.

5:59 am - Jack, Morris, Bill and Chloe are standing on sidewalk in a city.

6:00 am – Time’s up!

[Afkat]

*taps mike*

Is this on??? Anybody here???

Or is everyone as confused as I am?

Tip your server...try the veal...I'm here all week....

[Bethie]

I so thought they might meet the Jetsons this episode! Very nice Steve of the Amazing Nature!

[FredinKC]

Dammit! I thought I was finally going to find out what the island really is!

[CJrun]

Ready again.

Nice job, Steve!

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

"I feel a lot more comfortable getting naked than you do when you're not naked." Oh yeah?

Wait, what?

[Bethie]

Codblammit, now I can't get the Jetsons theme out of my head.

[Wes S.]

Take that, J.J. Abrams! And if "24's" writing staff is too stupid to hire Steve, you really ought to give him a call yourself!

Chloe says, “I’m going to say that’s the jungle’s special way of telling us not to go in there. I’m heading down the beach until we can see something.” Bill and Morris readily agree, and they head off down the beach, while keeping an eye on the jungle.

Do you know how many lame horror movies I've sat through, waiting in vain for one of the main characters to use even that much common sense? Again, kudos to Steve.

[Doc Rick]

Since we've jumped into more modern shows, what are the odds that they leap into last season's 24 and Jack arrests the writers after hour 4?

[CJrun]

Belated (just caught up) Ducky props on the Juggernaut Q&A, with a fine A!

[Wes S.]

It may be appropriate that Kim Raver is "getting naked for Vaseline," because those of us who still enjoy watching "24" may be about to get the shaft. Because for Season 7, according to the Washington Post, Jack Bauer will be fighting global warming:

From “An Inconvenient Truth” to popularizing the Prius, Hollywood has helped lead the way on some environmental issues. One of the latest initiatives: Cool Change, Fox’s company-wide program to reduce the network’s impact on global warming. As part of that effort, the seventh season of “24″ will take steps to reduce and offset the carbon emissions from the show’s production, with the goal of having the season finale be entirely carbon-neutral.

It may sound like a publicity stunt, but Fox spokesman Chris Anderson says the network isn't after bigger ratings.

Gee, that much was obvious last season...

“We are publicizing ’24’s’ commitment to climate change for two reasons and two reasons only: to inspire the public to take global warming seriously and hopefully to motivate other studios to make changes to their production practices as well,” (Anderson) says.

As opposed to entertaining the public, perhaps? Don't we get enough of this crap on the nightly news?

(Hat tip to Misha at The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, who observes: "Wouldn’t that require actual viewers in order to work, or are you going to strap innocent victims to chairs and give them the full “A Clockwork Orange” Special™?")

[Wes S.]

And I finally got embedded HTML links to work! Yay for me!

[ubetcha]

Bethie, it might as well be real. Please don't kill me.

[Annie Where-but-here]

MKJ - what you said. What'd SHE say??? Is she dissin' my nekkidity? Cuz I can take her, easy.

and of course the ever-popular Yay, Steve!

[Meanie the Blue]

Low-energy perimeters, shooting SUV drivers in the thigh, recycling Edgar. Lots of possibilities, Wes.

[Kathybear]

Yeah, and welcome to the real world, Wes, where even Jack Bauer realizes there is such a thing as global warming.
Hey, Amazing (and/or others) which is more confusing - Lost or 24? Or is that a trick question?

[ubetcha]

Kathy, nah, it's a moot point.

[Doc Rick]

Wes, I work in the sports division of Fox and we have a bunch of “An Inconvenient Truth” fliers pasted all over the work space. I questioned a supervisor as to it's complete factuality and I was told to let it go. His point was that they are ramrodding this and arguing wouldn't make a difference. I really have a strong dislike for Mr. Gore.

[Jazzzz]

I feel a lot more comfortable getting naked than you do when you're not naked
WTFBBQ?
Anybody got a clue? Too kryptic for me.

[ubetcha]

Steve - love it. I'm thinking next time you should put them in the Twilight Zone. You know, the one where they're stuck in the little girl's dollhouse? Just a suggestion.

[ubetcha]

Jazz, yep. I think you'd have to be a woman to get it.

[Siouxie]

AWESOME JOB, Steve!! I was hoping it was LOST and not Baywatch!! thank you!!! Loved it.

hmm next week...sidewalk..city... Sex and the City??? ohhh the possibilities!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Doc Rick - by making fliers, aren't they killing trees? Hmmmm...

[CJrun]

I'm really hoping Jack will stab House in the other thigh, giving him two canes to hobble on....

[Just Ducky]

Amazing again, Steve!

*snork* at CJ--House is cranky enough with one cane; if he had two, he could lean on one while he smacked patients and hospital staff with the other.

Thanks, too, CJ, re: the Q&A. Dave actually answered TWO of my questions over the weekend! Although I think your idea of changing the name of the legislative branch to "Congresh" and having it convene at Hooter's is the best question I've seen so far.

[daisymae]

I vote for recycling Edgar and Mrs. President Hooters! For one! That should cut greenhouse gas emissions by...hmmm...at least a factor of 19 (or was that a vector of 19?)

[Siouxie]

Nite, folks!

[Just Ducky]

Nighty-night, Siouxie! Sweet dreams!

[OtheU(manity)]

So ... will F0x keep a tab on all the carbon emitted by all the actors and crews flying/driving to the job?

Will they count the carbon footprint of the Prius, which is (according to one source that seems to know what it's talking about) three times a carbon-y as that of a Hummer?

Inquiring minds want to know ... how much more BS we'll be subjected to, before Hollywood decides on a new fad "cause" ...

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

KathyBear,

I take LOST a lot more seriously than 24 (I have a blog where I write about various theories), and it's a lot of fun trying to figure out what the heck is going on. On 24, it's hard to predict how silly it's going to get.

Love em both. :-)

[daisymae]

Steve: How can you take LOST seriously? I can never figure out what's going on.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I'm afraid it is no more understandable this morning than it was last night:

"I feel a lot more comfortable getting naked than you do when you're not naked."

[Brad]

Steve is amazing! But that aside, has anyone watched CSI: Miami? That has got to be the worst show on TV. The cinematography is striking, and hey, it's Miami. But the acting and plotlines are horrific. David Caruso has got to be the worst actor ever. A friend called me last night to tell me just how bad it was, and after watching the episode, I have to agree.

[Steve Haller]

And just where is Sayid while all this is going on? Infiltrating the terrorists??

[DeskDiva]

From the Naked Audrey link:

She says, "I feel a lot more comfortable getting naked than you do when you're not naked."

WTF kinda statement is THAT?

OMG Doc Rick – that’s a stroke of pure GENIUS!!!