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August 27, 2007

24

In last week's episode, a lot of stuff happened. Still dead: Edgar. We give you now The Amazing Steve.

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24 – Two Days Later – Hour 14

This episode of “24” is brought to you with limited commercial interruption, because it’s completely made up and we don’t really have any sponsors anyway.

The following takes place between 8 am and 9 am

8:00 am – The team is standing in a hallway, with a telephone booth at the end. Jack's very upset. “I shot them! I aimed, clicked, and it blew up! They even fell into that canyon, and they lived!”

Chloe tells him, “Sounds like the last time I used Internet Explorer.”

“What it sounds like,” Morris says, ignoring Chloe's comment, “is whatever it was that allowed you to survive when you fell, it must have worked for them too.”

Bill says, “That is the most logical explanation.”

Jack is still furious, “Who are you, that pointed-eared guy from the space ship we were on a few hours ago, Dr. Spock?”

Bill says, “Mr. Spock?”

Jack says, “Yeah, whatever! 'Logical' my....”

Chloe tries to reassure him, “Look, Jack, I know you're upset. We're all upset. I think what you said back in the desert was exactly the right thing: We have to just go with whatever is happening.”

Jack mutters, “Embrace the weirdness.”

Chloe says, “Right.”

Jack thinks about this. Morris leans over to Bill and whispers, “I'm going to have a bumper sticker made with that slogan, if we survive this.”

8:05 am - Jack looks up, pulls out his gun, and checks it for ammo. There is none. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just that I'm not sure how we're going to get out of this… But, I think we’re on the right track. I do know that we're going to have to be more proactive about how we're going after these terrorists. We're going to have to use everything at our disposal to get them.”

As he says this, a black-haired man suddenly rises out of the bottom of the telephone booth. Everyone there looks at each other, confused. The man smiles weakly, turns, grabs the phone handset and presses a button on the phone keypad, and sinks back into the phone booth again. It takes Morris another second to snap out of it, and to say, “Did anyone else just see...”

Jack says, “Yeah, I did....” He runs up to the phone booth, and tries to open the door. It's stuck. He turns his face away, and smashes the glass in the door with his elbow. He reaches in, and opens the door. There's no sign of the man. Jack asks, “Where did he go?”

Bill volunteers a suggestion, “It looked like he pressed a key on the keypad.”

Jack nods, “Yeah, he did.” Jack picks up the phone, and presses the same number the man pressed. Nothing happens. He says, “Great! Nothing happened. Now what?”

Chloe says, “Close the door, and try it again.”

Jack closes the door, presses the button, and nothing happens. He shrugs.

Chloe sighs and gives him a look as if this is the simplest thing in the world to figure out, “Hang up the phone!”

8:08 am - Jack hangs up, and the floor shifts. The floor in the phone booth slowly starts to descend. After Jack is completely below the floor, a panel slides cross the empty space.

8:09 am – Back at the warehouse, Fenster continues to look around the room, trying to decide what to do while he's waiting for backup. He briefly looks up at the television over the archway, and sees that a commercial for the telephone company is running. He continues to look around at the computers.

8:10 am - Jack is lowered into a room below the telephone booth. He hears a man's voice behind him, “Get off that phone booth pad. What are you doing here?”

Jack turns around and takes a step off the pad. It starts to move up towards the ceiling. The man he saw earlier is holding a gun, and repeats, “I asked you: What are you doing here?”

Jack says, “I’m a federal agent. I'm just trying to figure out what's happening to us. Things have gotten completely out of control.”

The man looks surprised, puts his gun away, and says, “Well of course they're completely out of CONTROL. CONTROL is down here, not up there! The name is Smart. Maxwell Smart.” He extends a hand.

Jack is bewildered for a moment, “What?” Then extends his hand and shakes Max’s hand. “Jack Bauer. What is this place?”

8:12 am - As he says this, the ceiling opens again, and the phone booth pad lowers. Morris, Chloe and Bill are all huddled onto the phone booth pad, looking around nervously as it goes to the floor.

The man says, “Hey! One person per time on that pad! I tried that once with 99, and we almost broke it! With the amount of weight you have on there now, it's sure to break!”

Chloe jumps off the pad before it can reach the floor, and starts towards Max. She says, “Are you calling me fat?”

Jack grabs her before she does something Max will regret.

Max looks suspicious, “I thought you said you were in CONTROL?”

Jack continues to hold the struggling Chloe, and says, “I said that things have gotten out of control. ...Chloe! Stop it!”

Chloe struggles a bit more, but finally agrees.

Max says, “You mean you're not in CONTROL? Hoo boy.... The Chief isn't going to like this. Come on.” He motions for them to follow along down a corridor.

Commercial

8:18 am - They get to a set of wooden doors. Max enters the room, and everyone else follows him in. The room is an office. A man sits behind a desk speaking to a woman when the group enters. The man looks surprised that Max has company.

The man asks, “Max, who are these people? This is a secret federal installation!”

Max looks nervous, and then says, “Chief! I'm surprised! These are the new cleaning people we hired!”

The Chief says, “I don't believe you.”

Max says, “Would you believe I just accidentally ran into these people upstairs by the phone booth?”

The Chief says, “That I would believe.”

8:20 am - Jack interrupts, “Excuse me, sir. Did you say you this is a federal installation? We’re with the federal government.” Morris waves at the Chief. “Are you in charge here? I need to speak with you about something of national importance.”

The Chief says, “Which agency are you….”

Max leans over to Jack and whispers, “Demand The Cone of Silence.”

Jack looks distracted, “What?”

Max whispers, “I said, 'Demand The Cone of Silence'!”

The woman says, “Max, for heavens sake! We're right here! We can hear ever word you're saying.”

The Chief says, “Max, Agent 99 is right. We all have clearances. I'm sure that whatever he has to say can...”

Max insists, “He needs The Cone of Silence. He's not going to say another word until he gets The Cone of Silence.”

Morris leans over to Bill and asks, “What's a 'Cone of Silence'?”

Bill shrugs, “A close relative of 'The Rhombus of Serenity'? How should I know? I didn’t take geometry in spy school.”

The Chief sighs, “OK... OK... But I swear this the last time we use it.” He motions to a chair cross from him at his desk. “Sit there.”

8:23 am - Jack sits down. The Chief presses a button, and a double dome of clear plastic lowers from the ceiling. One it's lowered all the way to the desk, the Chief says, “Which agency are you with?”

Jack asks, “What?”

The Chief talks more loudly, “Which agency are you with?'”

Jack repeats, “WHAT?”

The Chief repeats, “WHICH AGENCY ARE YOU WITH?'” He looks exasperated. “This is stupid...” He presses a button and the dome raises back up.

Max says, “You really need to have that fixed, Chief.”

Chloe says, “You know, the weird thing was, we could all hear you perfectly well out here...”

The Chief says, “Never mind all that.... Now, will you please tell me which agency you’re with?”

Jack says, “We’re with CTU. He writes the letters “CTU” on the chalk board near The Chief’s desk.

Max says, “See Two? What kind of agency is that?”

Jack says, “Not ‘See Two’. C… T… U… Counter Terrorism Unit.”

The Chief asks, “Well, why are you here?”

Jack says, “That’s what we’re trying to find out.”

The Chief sighs, “Why do I always get the agents like this….”

Jack says, “That’s not what I meant. We’re chasing terrorists, and we’re being transported to different places. And times. At least we think we are.”

Morris speaks up, “We’re Embracing the Weird.”

The Chief looks at Morris for a moment, and then says, “I’m sure you are.”

8:26 am - Agent 99 asks, “Wait a minute, did you just say you were chasing terrorists?”

Jack says, “Yes…. Why?”

Agent 99 turns to The Chief and says, “Chief! Those must be the people we were just talking about!”

The Chief thinks about this a moment, and says, “You know, you might be right. Max, we’ve gotten some information from the field.”

Max says, “Chief, wouldn’t have been better to get the information from an agent?”

The Chief says, “That’s what I meant. I want you to take these people to the meat packing plant. You’re to meet Agent 13 there, and he’ll fill you in on what he saw.”

Commercial

8:33 am - It’s about 10 pm at night. A car drives up to the outside of the meat packing plant, and Max, Jack, Bill, Chloe and Morris all get out of the car. Max tells everyone to wait by the car while he makes contact with Agent 13.

He walks over to a garbage can and knocks on it a few times. There’s a loud yell from inside the can, and it starts to move. Max waits while the can moves around a bit, and then starts to try and take the lid off the can. The lid won’t budge at first, but eventually he pries it off. There’s a man inside the can. Max calls everyone over.

Max says, “Agent 13, this is everyone. Everyone, this is Agent 13.”

Bill says, “He’s in a ….”

Agent 13 says, “Garbage can, yeah, I know, I know…”

Max says, “What have you found out?”

Agent 13 says, “Less than half an hour ago, a group of men all dressed in black entered the plant. I think they were talking to Siegfried. They left a short time later.”

Jack says, “Siegfried? Who’s Siegfried?”

Agent 13 looks surprised, “Siegfried. You know…THE Siegfried?”

Jack asks, “The tiger guy?”

Agent 13 doesn’t understand. “Tiger guy? What tiger guy? Max, where did you get this guy? Siegfried, you know… Vice President of Public Relation and Terrorism at KAOS?”

Chloe says, “Chaos? What’s that?”

Agent 13 looks up towards the sky, “I’m here stuck in a garbage can, and new recruits don’t even know what KAOS is. Why do I deserve this?”

Max says, “We’ll take it from here. Thanks, 13.” He starts to put the trash can lid back on.

Agent 13 asks, “Max? Can you do me a favor?”

Max says, “Anything, 13. What do you want?”

Agent 13 says, “Ask The Chief to get me a new assignment soon. Thursday is trash day!”

Max replaces the trash can lid and says, “We’re going to have to sneak in around the back. Come on!”

8:36 am - Max explains that KAOS is an international criminal organization, while the group sneaks around to the back of the meat packing plant. There’s a refrigerated truck parked in the back of the plant. Workers are loading large cuts of meat, which are hanging from the ceiling of the truck. Max, Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill wait for the workers to go back inside for another load of meat, and then sneak towards the back entrance. They’re just about to the door when they hear, “Hands up!”

They look around for the source of this command, and see a side of beef swinging around inside the truck. It turns and they see a man who has attached himself to the side of beef. He’s holding a gun.

Max says, “Siegfried! The Old ‘Hang From a Side of Beef Ambush’ Trick.” He snaps is fingers. “I fall for that every time.”

Siegfried says, “So, they were right! They told us you would be here snooping after them. What luck! We were just here making a recruitment film, and you drop in. Anyway, you’ll never make it to the museum in time.”

Jack asks, “Museum? What museum?”

Siegfried contemplates this for a moment. “Well! I guess it couldn’t hurt to tell you, since you’re all going to die anyway when my workers get back. Keep your hands up and come closer so I can tell you. It’s freezing in here, and I don’t want to hurt my delicate vocal cords.”

8:38 am - They all step forward. Siegfried says, “They’re going after the Amulet of the Drunken Ninja in the museum. It’s on display. I saw it last week when we took a KAOS field trip. We have those about once a month. Brings the….ARGH!”

Jack hits Siegfried in the face, knocking him out. Jack says, “Run for it! Before the workers get back!”

Max says, “We’re going to need some backup! We’re headed back to CONTROL!”

Commercial

8:45 am - Back at CONTROL headquarters, Max finishes explaining what they found out. The Chief looks puzzled. He says, “Why would they want the Amulet of the Drunken Ninja?”

Jack says, “They’ve been collecting items from some… maybe all… of the places we’ve seen so far. This is must be another item they are trying to collect.”

The Chief says, “I think you might be right.”

Max says, “We’re going to need to go in there with lots of firepower.”

The Chief says, “We don’t have the firepower! Everyone went home for the night already. But I can give you this….” He opens his desk and hands Max something that looks like a gun. He continues, “This was just sent up by the boys in the lab. It’s a prototype laser, which should help you get into the museum without setting off any alarms.” He turns to talk to Jack, just as a loud crack and sizzling noise goes off. He turns back, and half his tie is gone. The gun is still smoking in Max’s hand.

Max says, “Sorry about that chief.”

The Chief says, “Max, be careful with that thing. You’re going to need it too. This is going to be the most dangerous mission you’ve ever been on. You’re going to be facing terrorists and brutal killers!”

Max says, “…and loving it!”

8:48 am - Fenster looks idly the television as he continues to rummage through the computer equipment. He looks away, does a double take and then runs over to the screen. Fenster says, “Jack! What’s he doing on TV? Jack! Jack!” He yells, but Jack, of course, doesn’t answer since he’s on the television screen. He runs back to the console, looking for something that might help him communicate with Jack.

Commercial

8:53 am - The group sneaks to the back door of the museum, and uses the laser to carefully cut the door lock while at the same time preventing the alarm from going off. They sneak inside the room which is pitch black. Chloe says, “Someone turn on a light!” The lights go on, and four terrorists surround them! One of them is carrying a golden amulet.

One of the other terrorists holds a gun, and points it at them. “Hands up!”

Max speaks up, “You might as well give up! We have the whole building surrounded by 1000 federal officers who are just waiting for me to yell to them, or they’ll come storming in.”

The terrorist says, “I find that hard to believe.”

Max says, “Ah…Would you believe 100 police officers who are waiting for me to bring them something from the museum cafeteria?”

The terrorist says, “I don’t think so…”

Max says, “Would you believe a couple of hobos with a quarter that I gave them to call someone in case we didn’t come out in time?”

The terrorist says, “Now that, I might believe…. But by then, it’ll be too late.”

8:55 am - CLICK! He tries to fire the gun, but nothing happens. CLICK! CLICK! Nothing happens. He yells, “Will SOMEONE make sure that we have BULLETS?” He throws the gun at Jack’s face. Jack catches it before it hits him. All the terrorists go running off towards some stairs. Max, Jack, Bill, Chloe and Morris run after them.

Jack says, “I think they’re headed for the roof!”

8:56 am - The terrorists burst through the door at the top of the stairs at the top of the roof. One of them calls on a walkie-talkie to the driver of a delivery truck who is waiting down below. The truck has two large mattresses strapped to its roof. The terrorists head for the edge of the roof.

Jack and Max reach the top of the stairs. Jack yells for everyone to stop where they are. The terrorists completely ignore this and start jumping off to the waiting truck. The man holding the golden amulet has his back to the ledge of the building says, as Jack approaches him, “You’ll never catch up with us, Bauer. It’ll be the end for you soon.” Jack takes to steps towards the man just as the man steps backwards off the building.

Chloe, Morris and Bill finally reach the top of the stairs. Bill says, “Where are they? Where did they go?”

Jack says, “They all jumped. They must have had a getaway car.”

Max walks over to the edge of the building and looks down. He says, “I think we’re going to be able to recover that amulet.”

Jack says, “They didn’t have a getaway car?”

Max says, “Oh, they had a getaway car…” He hold his fingers close together, so there is a tiny gap between them. “Missed it by that much.”

Chloe says, “I don’t think that’s the last of them. There were a lot more of them before.

8:57 am - Suddenly a phone rings from somewhere. Jack, Chloe, Bill and Morris all look at each other to see who’s cell phone is going off while Max reaches down and removes a shoe.

Max slides a panel off the heal and answers his shoe phone. “Hello?... Who is this? What? Yes… He’s right here.” Max hands the phone to Jack. “It’s for you.”

Jack looks taken aback. He picks up the shoe, puts it up to his ear, and says, “Hello?”

Fenster is on the other end of the phone. “Jack! I’m in the computer room! I found a telephone here that I used to call you. I’m surprised it worked! I’ve been trying to figure out how this thing works!”

Jack says, “We’re chasing after terrorists! I think Cheng is with them! You have to figure out a way to get us out of here!”

Fenster says, “What? No! It can’t be Cheng! He came in voluntarily for questioning about five hours ago. It’s someone else!”

Jack says, “What? How can that be?”

Max interrupts, “Let me have the shoe…”

Jack tells Fenster, “Just a minute, someone wants to talk to you.” He hands Max the shoe. Jack asks, “You needed to talk to him?”

Max closes the phone, “No, my foot was getting cold.”

Jack yells, “Wait! Give me back that shoe….”

8:59 am - There’s a bright flash.

Jack, Morris, Chloe and Bill are standing in front of a high school.

9:00 am – Time’s up!

Fast Times at Ridgemont High?

American Graffiti?

BH 90210?

Whutever ... great job, Steve ...

Wait! Do the South Africans have maps?

GREASE!!!

back after I read it now ;-)

Room 222?

Oooh! I like Siouxie's GREASE idea!! My first thought was High School Musical, but I don't think you could stomach that one. ;-)

My vote is Saved by the Bell. If we're lucky, Chloe will taser Screech before he's ever in a porn film or starting fights on Celebrity Fit Club. As always, excellent job Steve!

Ah, yes - I think that's a better choice, actually, Rick, and I can't think when you've been wrong. About this, anyway.... ;-) Are you gonna hop on IM tonight?

And THANKS SOOOO MUCH for that "Screech the porn star" image. ICK!

On second thought, could be Welcome Back Kotter. Maybe Morris could bitch slap Barbarino before he finds Scientology and makes Battlefield Earth.

Dangit - I'm sandwiched in the middle, but I STILL can't get a simul.

Doi. Now to check back and find out my own actual name is on my own post. It was supposed to be Miss Teen South Carolina.

I suppose it could be Room 222 or BH 90210, but I vote for Welcome Back Kotter!

*SNORK @ Cheryl!!* Beautiful. :)

Welcome back....

How do you spell horshack's laugh? Can't wait to see the attempt.

Rick, I swear your post wasn't there when I wrote that. Great Minds Think Alike....

"Embrace The Weirdness." Never mind Morris: I'm going to have a bumper sticker made up with that slogan on it...

...And wouldn't it be hilarious if at some point during their travels through reruns of various TV shows, Jack and the gang were dropped back into a previous season of "24?" Maybe to resolve - once and for all, as only Jack can resolve things - some of those annoying timewaster subplots?

Wes - someone suggested that (Doc Rick, I think) a few weeks ago.

You want weirdness? Drop them right in the middle of a writers's session for '24.' Right on the table between the Chinese food and the boxed wine. Right as they're getting 'notes' from the network execs-

Network exec: Is it really necessary for terrorist #7 to smoke?

Writer #1: He's a bad guy. He's supposed to set a bad example.

Network exec: Yes, but smoking is bad for you. We might get letters.

Writer #1: But he dies from it. Well, he would if Jack didn't give him lead poisoning first.

Network exec: How about if he lights up but doesn't inhale?

Writer #2: If he inhales, he can make cool special effects with the smoke. And it's cheap!

Network exec: Well, if it's a special effect....I guess it's ok.

Writer #2: Can we have a plot this year? Pleeeeeease?

I want an "embrace the weirdness" bumper sticker! Count me in.

Me too! Embrace the weirdness should be the theme of this blog. Oh, wait. It is! *EG*

Wouldn't it be great if all the artifacts from those shows came form important years in Jackie Chan's life and that, when reassembled, conjure Jackie Chan from the time before Rush Hour when he was still good, and he appeared on a giant hovercraft like in Rumble in the Bronx? I don't know what they could use him for, but he could be like the stay Puft Marshmallow Man in GhostBusters and be destroyed by the JackSack.

I woulda made the midnight time spot but diverdowncat was barfing in the next room.

Hey, ddd!! How the heck are ya! LOVE the idea! I think you oughta pitch it to Steve directly.

Super job yet again, Steve!

ddd: Ewww. About the cat, I mean. Great Jackie Chan story line.

Good idea, DD!

Hey Steve! What I said earlier!

Doing fine DD- just glad to be back home. Been working in Macon for the past 5 days, and busy otherwise, so mostly lurking these days.

Any new productions in progress?

Thanks JD- my sentiments exactly. About the cat, I mean. I guess I just have to embrace the weirdness. Of course, that is what I do every day on my way to work so that I am ready to face the Darwin Award nominees.

ddd, embracing the weirdness in no way needs to include hairballs. Really.

Wow - how far is Macon from home, ddd?

Yeah - I'm working on an all-new production of Aida at the KC Lyric. It's going to be amazing. I have to wear harem gear, too. :-)


Hey, Ducky! How's life in Texas these days? I certainly hope you're drying out for a while.

I think we have the 2012 Juggernaut Slogan™.

Diva! Aida is so COOL!

We are dry here for the moment, but apparently there's something brewing in the Gulf. We have a fairly significant chance of rain by Wed. or Thurs.

It's been the WEIRDEST summer, and it was NOT easy to embrace.

Ducky - you should trek up to see this one - SERIOUSLY. We have the most amazing director. He did our Hamlet last year. His name is Thaddeus Strassberger and he's young and visionary. There are several photos on his site from our Hamlet and from operas he's staged in Tel Aviv, Ireland, Colorado, Germany.... He's amazing.

Diva, I wish I could. Going to Arizona, then moving the girlduckling back from Arizona and then to Houston, has absorbed any and all of my discretionary funds. I'm so glad you have such a talented director, though. I'll just have to be there in spirit!

And with that, I must flap off to bed. Nighty-night! Sweet dreams!

I won't be far behind y'all. Nighty night! I'll just have to post some photos from the show afterward.

Aida is one of my favorites!

Macon is about 1.5 hours from home. 4 hours in holiday traffic.

Nighty night girls! Sweet dreams!

I've gotta stay up for my upcoming run of night shifts, so I'll be here a while, albeit working.

The saddest commentary on 24's past season is that Steve's follow up makes just about as much sense as it did. I've seen the 1st 4 hours of last season 4 times now and it justs sucks how they shot their creative wad in the 2 night season opener. This Washington angle with Jack involved in Senate hearings better be good. Hopefully he'll get ticked at Ted Kennedy and shoot him in the thigh.

Is it just me, or would "shot their creative wad" BAGNF something?

"Rhombus of Serenity" -- triple SNORK!!! :) LOL!

We're halfway thru the series that ended a short while ago over there and I haven't watched a single episode, kinda got the whole gist of it from the regular Tuesday morning (our time) updates from the inimitable Steve.

Hi NT, missed you madly. Congrats on the new pad, next time I'm in Vegas may I borrow your couch?

Shouldn't we be glad Steve is inimitable? Just think how many helpless computers would be snorked upon otherwise...

If you can wrest my sofa from the clutches of my evil cat, Mot, you're a better man than I am. Well, figuratively speaking...
*attempts to dislodge cat, cat disdainfully hops back up and tries to sit on laptop*
*gives up dislodging attempts when cat cheats by purring*

NT, I've had too many lacerated hands to try that. Think I'll just check into an hotel again. I don't know when I'll visit Vegas again unless there's a specific reason such as a blog convention or something, hint, hint. Once you've seen all the big resorts (c@sinos) inside and out, you've pretty much exhausted the appeal unless you're into serious gambling or, heaven forbid, into Celine, Barry, or Wayne.

There is hope for the future, though!

As far as I'm concerned, the best show at Caesar's is the animatronic Bachus lecherously eyeing the wenches every hour.

I don't really think I can argue with that. *sigh*

Buenos Dias!

Who's going to Vegas?? ROAD TRIP???

Cool job, Steve! I've been waiting for your Get Smart episode for a long time, and you didn't disappoint.

Greetings to all the bloglits, sorry I'm too tied up (and not in the good way) to be here much of late.

Carry on.
(Oh, right. You are.)

Meanie!! we missssssssss ju!!

pssssssst...need my machete to help untie yourself???

You know, it occurs to me that if Steve doesn't mind dropping them into the middle of a show that's still on the air, you just can't "embrace the weirdness" any better than in Eureka...

I want to know when they're going to hit Happy Days. Surely, the Fonz could help them catch those terrorists!

I just want to say that, YOU ARE AWESOME DAVE!!!!

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