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July 31, 2007

VEGANS

They're not just for breakfast any more.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

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If a carrot screams in my tummy, does it make a noise?

*Urp!*

This is why you should never buy dinner first.

battery chickens

What the cluck? Does they peck instead of buzz?

Ah, well. And I do so love sausage.

Whut?

DO d@mmit! Do they peck instead of buzz?

*preview is our friend*

Carnivores aren't as picky. . .

'"I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up from the bodies of others who have died for their sustenance," she said.'

I have bad news for her -- large portions of her husband's body are made out of MEAT! Ask any shark, it'll point out the tasty bits.

Cruelty-Free Consumption in New Zealand: A National Report on the Perspectives and Experiences of Vegetarians and other Ethical Consumers

Yep, nothing biased in this report.

Amen, MKJ. Amen.

"I believe we are what we consume, so I really struggle with bodily fluids, especially sexually."

ummmmm... "struggle"???

..."One vegan respondent from Christchurch said: "I believe we are what we consume, so I really struggle with bodily fluids, especially sexually."

I guess I understand why they wouldn't swallow.

Another lovely quote:

'"When you are vegan or vegetarian, you are very aware that when people eat a meaty diet, they are kind of a graveyard for animals," she said.'

As opposed to being a walking mulch pile?

Just remember my favorite Vegan recipe, which starts, "take one Vegan and sautee lightly..."

My

*SNORK* @ diffdave!!

(cont'd after having thumbs reattached)

My fantasy is that when the aliens finally take over, they'll only eat vegetarians. None of that gamy proteiny taste, y'know...

Woo-hoo! I got a SNORK! Even though russes simul snuck in first and made the same "point" so to speak.

Just go with the flow, dif dave.

Yeah, diffdave, but you actually made the point clearly, so you rate higher. ;-)

and I was envisioning a WWF style struggle, perhaps with a tag team, anyway

padraig - *snork* @ your vegan recipe, but watch the mulch-pile comments, you steaming-sack o' triglycerides.

At the end of the meal, the leper in the restaurant said to the vegan wait person, "keep the tip".

Apparently vegans are also afraid of eating some cookies . . .

OK, diff - that's almost over the edge, but you get an *eewsnork* for that anyway because it's the first time I've heard it.

And ew on the cookies, too, MKJ!

*wonders whether they might want to trade their incisors for molars*

We must note that two of the major products of New Zealand are wool and mutton.

*makes note to blog only with vegans.*

Where does vagitarianism rate?

Actually I think this is Darwin at work. The vegans will not reproduce and will eventually die off. They have not adapted to the changing world and will self-exclude themselves from the gene pool.

Just saw a story about some guy in Vermont arrested for having sex with his neighbor's cows....

I was pretty disgusted at first, but now I realize he was just a Vegan who apparently couldn't find any other vegans to hang out with.

On the other hand, I have never considered myself a vegan, but oddly, I've never been attracted to my dog either. Maybe it's because she's a carnivore....

Man, I'm so confused now.

Hm. Well, Annie - that leaves me out, and it's a crying shame for all the ranch- and farm-type men on this blog, I'm sure. I'll just have to console 'em for ya.

I think Maddox put it best..

(and yeah, I have the t-shirt ;)

Clark, cows are vegetarians, aren't they? I guess he thought that was close enough.

A "Level 5 Vegan" character on the Simpsons declared that he "Wouldn't eat anything that casts a shadow."

What a bunch of meatheads.

Did anyone ever consider that I eat vegetables because I hate them and want them to die?

Annie!!! Are you a cannibal?

Man, I gotta rethink this.

Did someone call me?

When I read the first two sentences I thought the vegans were giving up bjs. Then it turns out they're shunning the entire body.

More yummies for me, I say. ;)

YAY, Siouxie!

they must have incredibly boring sex - t'aint (pun intended) possible to really kiss well without exchanging at least some spit...

Vegetables - its what food eats.

Agreed, marfie.

Oh baby, I just love that compost heap smell coming from between your...

*retch* on Stevie.

Notice it's only women who would put their vegan interests ahead of their sexual appetites. We men know how to order our priorities.

EEeeww, Annie stole a line. I can't remember the name, but he wrote for SNL....

No wonder I'm so fat! I have several cows, two pigs and a chicken inside me!

*vows to only eat teenie, skinny animals - like Vegans*

If I only had a nickel for every time I said, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I know you're a successful bikini/lingerie (pic one) model, but would you please remove your hand from my inner thigh? I saw you nibbling on a beef satay earlier during happy hour."

YAY!

Let me just say this:

I. like. meat.

If you had a nickel for those, Stevie, you'd be in the hole.

Siouxie - Oh, don't I know it!

"No wonder I'm so fat! I have several cows, two pigs and a chicken inside me!"

Hey p-poo! You know how many animals fit in a pair of panty hose?

Four. Two calves, an ass, and a beaver.

Whooo! A Punkin-simul!

Stevie, go to your room - now.

CJ - I think the original joke was from Steven Wright, but I could be wrong.

*runs from Punkin Poo*

Where does vagitarianism rate?

Posted by: fivver | 05:37 PM on July 31, 2007
-------------------

*was waiting for it*

*snork*!!

"Stevie, go to your room - now."

But I have no functioning TV in there.

Don't forget to eat your vegansveggies, Stevie.

Me gusta la papaya.

Hey, did you ever hear a carrot scream when you pull it out of the ground?

I'm still waiting for Kaf to check in with the sane Christchurch viewpoint.

Am I the only one who had to read the caption to understand the genders of the people in the photo?

*snork* & *smack* @ Stevie!

papaya, eh???

YIKES, Stevie. I see what you mean. The guy needs a haircut, though.

ahhhhhh, finally a good excuse reason for my celibacy, there simply are no vegans here in redneck central. if anyone needs me i'll be in the fridge checking out the veggie drawer....

Count Drac?? vegan? say it ain't so!!

pssssst cg?? careful with that cucumber.

The Arrogant Worms: Carrot Juice Is Murder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmK0bZl4ILM

*notes that ArcticAl is taking time off from his Russian lessons*

I'm getting crossed off so many lists right now, it's just unbearable. Mmmm....bear....

Someone say Cross-Eyed Bear?

Hey, Gladly, I was just thinking about you!

Well, padraig (Hi, Paddy) beat me to the line, tho I gotta admit I wuz gonna say "manure" instead of "compost" ... so ... it's prolly a good thing that he did say it first ... eh?

No, it was some guy my brother was telling me about. At some point he was on Weekend Update, but wrote for SNL. I looked him up last week and that was a line that really got me. His name (I had to look it up again) is A. Whitney Brown, "but I want to be The Whitney Brown."

He's written some funny stuff.

Perfect!

This means I don't have to share any of these big ole medium rare steaks just coming off the grill with nobody who doesn't appreciate them!

So I guess us omnivores got no chance with these vegans, even if we take out the trash without being told, can cook, clean and do the grocery shopping, give great foot massages, can waltz, foxtrot and tango, don't drink to excess, are kind to widows and orphans, and don't care for squirrels.
Not that I would want a chance, mind you.

Bill, I can think of about 1000 carniverous female types that'd be pleased to meet your acqaintance.

substitutes meet with make.

Hey, Bill! You've got plenty of options...

Do I hear the evervescent whinin' of a neglected carnivore?

Dang Bill...what Vegans??? Cook too?? Foot massages??

I akshoelly like the way that's spelled.

Carnivore right here, Bill!

(Elbows past Siouxie)

ya know i realy try to be respectful of people's beliefs...but

""When you are vegan or vegetarian, you are very aware that when people eat a meaty diet, they are kind of a graveyard for animals," she said."

I am very aware that when people go around refering to fellow humans as graveyards for animals they are kind of neurotic.

Seriously!
These have to be the same sort of people who view the world as one giant germ delivery system and go around hitting everything with purel and lysol.

Joben - yeah - these guys give Vegans a bad name. Let's cook 'em and eat 'em.

and judging from that photo, I'm guessing estrogen is derived from animal protein. *shudder*

I wouldn't want to pork a vegan anyway.

But did you ever invite a vegan or vegetarian to a dinner? You're expected to serve them something tasty that's got no meat. But accept an invite from one, and they won't honor YOUR dietary preferences.

I'm in the mood for love
Simply because you're anemic...

Where's the beef?

....waxing nostalgic for old Clara Peller

back to bus.....

not all of us, RichZ! When I accept an invitation, I always bring along a vegan dish for everyone to try. And when I host a dinner, it's usually chicken marsala or filet mignon. Just because I don't eat animal products, I don't expect everyone to stop eating meat. Different strokes and all.

....vegans believe in something different than me... must attack them ... to feel .. morally superior... hide behind half witted jokes... don't think about implications... thinking bad .......................... ........................................ .......................

hey, way up there. love me some Ed McBain! Just love Gladly, the Cross Eyed Bear.

Mickle, moral superiority is the LAST order of the day around these here parts. Do your highfalutin' sermonizin' elsewhere.

By the way, here's another joke for you:
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, and it's NOT FUNNY.

btw, does anyone else think the woman in the photo looks a bit like the hippy mom from Darma And Greg?

Padraig, please refer to the spider post again.
and Joben, it looks just like the hippy mom. Not all vegans look alike, but nearly all of us have that weird pallor, like the living dead.

Looking at the picture of the vegans, I can see that I am not missing out on anything.

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