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July 25, 2007

RETURN RECEIPT REQUESTED

It's a small thing, but it's like a chigger. You know? Chiggers. They burrow under your skin¹ and itch and burn and when you were a kid you scratched 'em til they bled 'cause they just drove you NUTS.

"Return Receipt Requested" is the chigger of the s.b.'s online world.

"Hi there! I don't trust you! My name is John. I'd like to talk to you about this item of interest to us both, but I don't trust you to behave like an adult human being and reply if you are interested. And oh yes, if you don't reply, I'm going to badger you about it, and if, once I finally reach you, you try to tell me you didn't see my email, I'll triumphantly crow, 'But I've got proof that you opened it on July 19, 2007!' Have I mentioned that I think you're a lying slob? But let's do business. Better yet, let me ask this favor of you, you cheating, lying (until-proven-otherwise) scum. Thanks so much!"

Please, don't anybody say, "Someone needs to get a life." We are busy scratching.

----------------

¹UPDATE: Okay, they don't burrow under the skin. From Wikipedia: "Contrary to popular belief, the larvae do not burrow deep into the skin and live there. Rather, the larvae pierce the skin and inject powerful enzymes that digest cellular contents, which become liquified and are consumed by the larvae."
We feel much better.

Comments

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wtf?

FIRST NOT to say, "Someone needs to get a life," but if I did, it would be to the people who send those reply requests - ESPECIALLY for non-work-related material.

Siouxie, I assume you mean "what the first?"

*loves judi some lotion*

We get those all the time at work... people want to know how long it takes between the time we receive the email and the time we reply to them... drives me nuts.

yes, Mitch...I don't curse ;-)

Is it too early in the day to offer you a margarita, Judi? They always smooth out the rough edges for me.

Sheesh. I sent this in to judi last week, and I have proof that I did. How come I don't get credit for it? No fair, no fair, no fair!

DO NOT send back those email retuyrn receipts...
this is how the spammers know your address is live and not dead.

Sending a return receipt will guarantee you an even larger pile of incoming spamage.

Annie, you should have sent it with "return reply requested." hee hee ;)

I use that feature on my work email all the time. but only on work. I have co-workers and a boss that are forever saying that they didnt get my emails. so a delivery and read receipt are always on those emails.

I have only used this on people who claim they "didn't get" the last six e-mails I sent them. Hello? Do they think I believe the little electronic mailman went on vacation and the new one doesn't know the neighborhood?

As a standard practice, I never send read reciepts to anyone who sends me emails. And I make sure to respond to those who send them to me last.

Oh and I burn their houses down too.

Could I have possibly worked the word email in that last post anymore. Too much caffein.

tosses an 'e'receipt up to JoG's 'caffein.'

I'm with ya, judi.

Although chiggers don't really burrow under your skin.

gumball?

Anyone who would use that feature for something non-work-related is a moron. I only use it at work when I absolutely HAVE to. Never for personal shit.

Get a life, indeed.

*snork* @ Annie

Passes Judi a queen sized bowl of gumballs and backs away slowly.

you said personal shit

Annie!! stop sending me pOrn!!!


*snork* @ dick runnin'!!

Judi - just for you - ,a href="http://www.weekofchocolate.com/images/ChocMan_AOC.jpg">a man AND chocolate together!

I personally hate return receipt requests too. I have handily set up my e-mail client to ignore all such requests so I don't know if they're there or not. Makes things simpler (I was running out of places to stash the bodies).

My bad.

Judi - just for you - a man AND chocolate together!

*sweep in case*

Not meaning that judi is queen sized, merely that she is the queen of the blog.

*runs away and hides before hole gets any deeper*

Yup, with JoG 'n' Them Others ... fer werk only ... our boss sorta needs to know, 'cuz a missed email might mean the loss of significant amounts of $$$ ... so, we answer/return 'em ...

Other places? Nope ... of course the Junk Mail Filter helps a lot ... don't even hafta "touch" 'em to delete 'em ...

BTW, judi ... you din't answer my last email ... it must've gotten lost on that left turn @ Albuquerque, eh?

"DO NOT send back those email retuyrn receipts...
this is how the spammers know your address is live and not dead."

but how do you prevent it? my home email asks me if i want to send a return request. my work email doesn't ask me; i assume it does it automatically if i open it. is there a way to set it so it won't send the receipt?

"I have handily set up my e-mail client to ignore all such requests so I don't know if they're there or not."

how do i do that?!

work-related or not, i think it sends a very unhappy message. i don't actually MIND them at home, 'cause i just say no. but here at work, from co-workers? it just rubs me the wrong way. of course, these are the same people who leave the toilet seats messy, so perhaps a lack of trust is a healthy thing to develop.

"well, yes i opened your e-mail... did i mention i'm taking that drug that makes you do all those weird things while you're asleep , like eat a whole pig, or stab people? well, in my case, it causes me to open e-mails and send receipts , and then delete them, when i wake up i have no memory of it, much like i have no idea where that trail of blood goes that starts in the driveway...did i mention about the stabbing people? sincerely yours etc. etc."

In Outlook 2007

Tools>Options>E-mail Options>Tracking Options>

At the bottom you select the radio button "Never Send a Response"

judi ... mebbe if you kidnap politely ask Tech Support @ the Herald, they might help you out on that maneuver ... sorry I'm not enuf of a geek to offer a more helpful suggestion ...

You can also uncheck the boxes at the top in order to not even process receipts

insom, I think that should be THE automatic response to those pesky rr emails.

judi, if you're using Outlook, click on tools, then options, then e-mail options, then tracking options. pick the choice you want, (automatically respond, ask, or deny).

We have some people in our office who request a read receipt on every friggin email they send. "Keys found in parking lot" - has requested a read receipt. "Betty in accounting got a new cat" - has requested a read receipt. Drives me nuts. I often wonder though, how do these morons deal with the 785 emails they get in return saying that we were officially informed that keys were found in the parking lot.

/rant

I kinda laugh at those folks, Layzee. I only put a receipt on really important emails. You know - like those poor Nigerians looking for financial assistance.

fivver a little too late

I just leave my 'out-of-office' response on all the time-
"Thanks for your email - I'm currently out of the office hunting down all the people who request return receipts. If you happen to be one of those morons, I'll be delivering a receipt personally quite soon, gift-wrapped on the end of a hollow-point. For details regarding my location, please check your local news. Cheers!"

I get upwards of 100 emails a day, and have to quickly sort out what's important. I often tell people, "Just because I glanced at it, doesn't mean I read it or remember it."

Annie - BRILLIANT!!

Layzeeboy -I often wonder though, how do these morons deal with the 785 emails they get in return saying that we were officially informed that keys were found in the parking lot.
I can answer that, because I sit next to one of them. They delete them, one at a time, on company time, with their volume turned up all the way. "BINK!....BINK!.....BINK!"
Microsoft's Chinese Water Torture...grrr.

To kill chiggers, take nail varnish and paint over the little dot on your skin that shows where the little critter has dug in. It's supposed to suffocate them.

Don't know if it will work for return receipts.

;-)

YA mean I shouldn't reply to those poor Nigerian people who need my bank account number?

BUT,BUT they say God Bless you and All!

(Bobs blond head back and forth)

AmerInParis,

I prefer thermo-nuclear weapons myself. But each to his/her own.

Paris - that usually works on chiggers.

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In France they often send out snail mail return reply, so I'm forever getting notes telling me to go to the post office -- but the post office isn't exactly on my way to work, and I tend to oversleep on Saturdays, so I often never make it.

I wish they'd just send the ***** letter! But no, they have to have legal proof they sent it -- if if it's a notice of the meeting of the "Syndicate" (all the apartment owners in the building).

ARGH!!!!!

LOL Punkin!

I just love the select/all/delete/buhbye option.

i'm having an inferiority complex because no one ever wants me to confirm receipt of their emails. *sigh*

(((((((((return receipt request hug for cg)))))))))))

amerinparis' apartment is owned by 'the syndicate'?

bet the tenants fix all their own stuff!

"make them an offer they can't refuse: return receipt requested"

I am feeling good that I could never set Outlook up in the first place. I don't know what'cha'll are talkin' bout.

*goes off whistling in ignorant bliss*

Betty got a new cat?

pogo: a hundred?! ohmigod. i wish. i wish. i wish. i do a hundred before... well, i'd say before lunch but it's probably before that ;)

*snork* at SW!

No, SW, she locked her keys in her car in the parking lot.

Sheesh, you need to read this stuff!!!

sorry judi!

*will cut down to 50 before lunch*

LOL, SW, didn'tchya get the email??

Layzeeboy has requested a read receipt for this message.

Send response now
Don't send a response
Tell Layzeeboy to f*ck off

Yeah a hundred, but my job is software development, not correspondence and communication, so a hundred is about 80 too many.

SW, didn't you get the memo? she left her pus kitty in the parking lot.

She's giving away pus kitties in the parking lot?

I only use free email on line for correspondence. They filter out the spam and set it aside where you can empty it in one or two clicks.

Since my handle is neutral, they think I'm a guy, so I get tons of things offering to increase my manhood. Good for a laugh sometimes.

Tempting to answer sometimes though. "Actually, I had my chigger smothered by nail polish, and therefore any attempts to make it bigger would be a waste of time and money."

Judi, can't you just tell Dave not to do that?

*Hits Reply To Entire Universe Including The Unborn*

Gene Rayburn: Welcome back everybody. Let's not waste any time and get right to the next round of the Match Game.

We'll start with Fannie Flagg. Fannie, how did most people fill in this blank:

"Betty lost her __________ in the parking lot."

Fannie: I need a clarification, Gene. Was she with Charles Nelson Reilley at the time?

AmerInParis, the best way to kill chiggers is to take a long, hot bath as soon as you can after exposure.

So, judi, maybe you should toss your PC into the bathtub.

Having spent most of my life running through meadows while naked, I can testify to the chigger/clear nail polish trick. Works like a charm.

well thank you all for the tools->options suggestion.... i went there, and our server DOESN'T HAVE THE OPTION to not send a receipt. i can see it, but it's grey, not something we can choose. they're allowing the chiggers to choose the "attack" option, and blocking our access to the repellent and/or varnish.

yes, the nail polish trick works with chiggers and ticks; HOWEVER - be careful of where (on your personal body) you use it. there are some areas that should never, ever, ever be subjected to nail polish, acetone, rubbing alcohol or bengay.

casey, since there are no meadows in Miami, you can run naked at the beach. Sand fleas are a bitch, though! Annie told me.

wicked, still burnin' from that bengay/ky switcheroo??

Nail polish on ticks? How in the world do you see their little toes?

Hummmm. Guess I'm not the only one whose chigger has been varnished.

judi, are you signed onto the server with SA rights?

Siouxie, it still hurts to think about it.

*clicks cloven hooves and gallops off*

My cousin mixed up the Vicks and the petroleum jelly. Won't talk about it no way.

Nope Siouxie, not gonna do it. Large bodies of water + nekkidity = skinny dipping. No running.

Judi - you'll need to ask your IT guys to switch that for you. It sounds like you don't have Administrator rights on your computer.

Hanna, it is such a traumatic experience that it is best blocked from the memory. it's usually best not to ask leading questions about it. unless you are into torture. of course, then it is not only permissible, it's actually encouraged.

If anybody brings it up, she crosses her legs and howls. That's a clue, I think.

Judi -- did you forget to commemorate this essential holiday?

A case of Jolt Cola delivered to the right geek may solve all your problems.

Back to salt mine. Judi, good luck with the chiggers.

I have no idea what's going on. The only return receipt thing I know about is from the post office.

Gimme a chigger and a jar of Vicks
Ain't got time for no pesky ticks
Patience being tested
Return receipt requested
Judi, she got her a chigger

Please, this is polite society, you should call them "chegroes".

Hanna - I get emails offering to increase your manhood, too.

*laughs at Death*

oops.

LOL Stevie! good one...

oh judi? whatever you do? don't ask Dave to fix it, ask Sophie.

LOL Punkin and Siouxie!!

If Elvis had email:

I got an email in my inbox
I did not answer back
Bright and early next morning
Got ten more from that hack

He wrote upon them:
Return requested; that makes me groan
Scram, you scumbag! Leave me alone!
This guy keeps sending; messages piled
It makes me sorry that I clicked on “Hot Girls Gone Wild.”

So I delete them from my inbox
And block that sender’s name
Bright and early next morning
Are hundreds, just the same.

He wrote upon them:
Return requested; that makes me groan
Scram, you scumbag! Leave me alone!

This time I’m gonna find him myself
And make sure he understands
If he sends me just one message again
I’ll have to kill him (with my own two hands).

Return requested; that makes me groan
Scram, you scumbag! Leave me alone!

Punkin, why are you getting email offers to increase Hanna's manhood?

Ooh - and LMAO @ Mr Death, too!

YAY Ducky!!! and a quite *snork* @ Death

quiet!! damnit...quiet!!!

*starts itching sympathetically*

OK - you don't have to yell.

*gets quiet*

LMAO at Death!

The Sympathetic Itch, Bethie? Didn't they do

-Squeeze Squeeze Me

-One Less Boil to Lancer

-Pimples, Pimples Who Bleed Pimples

-Does Anybody Really Know What Kind of Zit This Is?

and speaking of Elvis (nice work btw, jd; my fave King tune)

-Little Blister, Don't You

thanks a lot casey....I can't concentrate on anything since the "running throught the meadow" post. :-0,,,

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