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June 20, 2007


Be on the lookout.

(Thanks to Angie Brennan)


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Why did he leaf his salad right there, begging to be stolen? Lettuce ponder this a moment.

Layzee, you didn't leave your salad out to be caesared did you?

Find the salad, find the dope. Simple.

Whoa casey, you're sharp early today.

*whips self with wet noodle and goes to stand in the dunce corner*

Now that's a salad recipe I need to get!

And they have a suspect? A dangerous vegetarian no doubt.

being a vegetarian of the non-meat eating type, i'm here to tell you that when you are craving a chilled salad, you just can't stop yourself.

Casey's right: We have to Romaine vigilant.

I think it's fairly obvious what's going on here: the famed beef-junkie and long-time Fast-Food Fugitive known only as "The Hamburglar" has sworn off his love of meat and has stolen his first healthy meal since his criminal debut in 1971. He should not be difficult to catch, given his preferred wardrobe is that of an escaped convict -- the striped prison pajamas and raccoon mask are only made more conspicuous by the addition of a bright red hamburger-print tie and wide-brimmed pimp hat and pimp cape -- and his vocabulary consists only of the inexplicable phrase, "Robble, robble, robble!"

Mr. Hamburglar has recently fallen on hard times, as parental activist groups and fringe organizations such as MAFTA (Mothers Against Filthy Thieves in Advertising) have pressed McDonald's to banish the burger-loving kleptomaniac from the hallowed halls of McDonaldland. "We just don't think a creepy, illiterate little man in prison clothing and a pimp hat stealing hamburgers is a good role model for our children," MAFTA spokeswoman Carol Vendetta says. "If he's too poor to pay the $0.59 for a McDonald's hamburger, he should do what the rest of us do: Go on welfare."

McDonaldland officials could not be reached for comment, as Mayor McCheese is currently in Switzerland undergoing radical plastic surgery to reduce the size of his enormous, grotesquely deformed head, which has been slowly crushing his spine since 1974.

Speaking of the Hamburglar™, here is a great article on some of Micky D's failed characters.


What's up with that guy's hair?

It must have been the egg salad from Woody Allen's "What's Up, Tiger Lily?" (Dating myself here, but at least displaying my memory isn't all gone.)

Borrowing from Steve(the 24 guy)...

When they collard the crook, he was advised:

You have the right to romaine silent.

Everything you say, canned and wilted, be used against you in a cole of slaw.

If you cannot afford a lawyer (and who can?), one will be appointed to romaine silent for you.

I guess he was really hungry, but on a diet also.

I think this story should make each of us ask ourselves whether our crisper drawers are the safe havens for vegetables we thought they were.

Apparently June is National Fruit and Vegetable Month...perhaps the thief got a little carried away in her zeal to observe it. And yes, I'm guessing it was a "she." Can you imagine a man going through that much trouble for a chilled salad?

The case was thrown out on a "search and Caesar" technicality. (If you steal from your own joke from the TJ giant salad thread, is it stll plagiarism?)

I think this just proves that Martha Stewart's rehabilitation is not yet complete.

lol, pad.

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