24

Whoops! My bad! I was traveling today and I forgot all about 24! I am scum. I hope the Amazing Steve is still out there, somewhere.

Here is the situation: Blah blah blah Edgar is still dead.

Comments

[OtheU(manity)]

... and the link even got fergotten, fer a couple of tries ... wowser ... whutta day, eh Dave?

[OtheU(manity)]

ya don't suppose the 'bot will fergit I've been here already?

[Siouxie]

works now!

[OtheU(manity)]

SIX TIMES!!

That's how many "not found" responses I got, trinta get here ...

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 3

The following takes place between 9 pm and 10 pm

9:00 pm – Chloe insists that she didn’t do anything to transport everyone into the jungle they are now standing in. “Look Jack, if I chose some place to go, it would have been back to CTU. I’m pretty tired right now, and I’m getting cranky.”

Morris glances over at Bill and whispers, “The last time she was ‘cranky’, she tasered me, and when I woke up my head was shaved.” Bill points out that Morris’ head has always been shaved as long as he’s known him, and Morris says, “Exactly.”

9:02 pm - Chloe ignores all of them, and taps on her watch. She puts it up to her ear to listen to it, when Morris points that digital watches don’t making ticking noises. Chloe gives him a dirty look, and says, “I know that Morris. I was trying to figure out of the harmonic resonance of the LCD was being effected by whatever is sending us all over the place.” Morris starts to point out that what Chloe said is just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, but she shoots him a look and he backs down.

She continues, “I know we’re in a jungle, and everything, but doesn’t it seem a little weird to all of you that it’s 9:00 pm at night, and it’s still light out?”

Morris says that “pm at night” is redundant. Chloe threatens to make Morris redundant, so he drops it. Jack and Bill agree that there is definitely something weird happening.

9:05 pm – Jack says, “We’re not going to figure out where we are by standing around. Everyone follow me.” They start to make their way through the dense vegetation, Jack leading the way, Bill right behind him, followed by Chloe and Morris. Chloe tells everyone to be careful, because the insects in the foliage they’re walking through could be deadly. Bill laughs and says that he used to live in South Florida where he witnessed gang fights between fire ants and palmetto bugs, so he’s not afraid of any bugs.

9:07 pm - Almost on cue, they hear a weird noise. Bill’s eyes grow wide and he says, “Guys… Where are we?” in a little girl voice. Everyone stops and listens, but they don’t hear it again. They continue on their way.

Commercial

9:11 pm – The jungle foliage is becoming less dense, and Jack tells everyone that he thinks he hears the ocean ahead of them. Chloe says that, technically, the ocean is ALWAYS ahead of them, but Jack ignores this and continues. About fifty yards ahead of them, they can see blue water.

9:13 pm - Jack tells everyone to be quiet. Everyone stops talking and listens. They hear a strange static-sounding rumbling noise from somewhere behind them. They start running for the beach, nearly tripping all over each other.

They burst out of the jungle onto the beach. The noise that was following them has stopped. Bill points down the beach at something. “What’s that wreckage?” They move towards it.

9:14 pm – They arrive at the wreckage of a boat. Bill wonders, “Do you think anyone could have survived?”

Chloe looks at him, “Bill, it’s a small hole in a boat. It’s not like the wreckage were from a plane. If it were a plane, there would be no way someone could survive something like that. Anyway, the people on board this ship would have had time to jump overboard.”

9:16 pm – Jack walks around the ship and back to the group. Jack says, “The boat is the S.S. Minnow. It looks like it was abandoned some time ago.”

Bill says, “But where did….”

Morris puts up the palm of his hand to stop everyone from speaking, and Bill goes the typical guy thing and instinctively gives him a high five. They briefly start slapping each others hands trying to get the other to stop until they hear the strange noise again.

9:17 pm – They see the source of the noise: A thin young man with a white hat and a red shirt comes to the edge of the jungle near where they’re standing. He’s been trying to make ambulance noises using the megaphone, which seems pretty low on batteries. It’s hard to tell who’s more startled at seeing the other, the young man, or Jack’s group. It’s probably the young man, since the noise he’s making with the megaphone trails off into a low “Uh, oh…”

9:18 pm - The young man stands there for a second, waves weakly, decides it would be better to turn around and run into the jungle, so he does. The man yells “SKIPPER!” as he makes a mad dash through the jungle. Jack starts running after him, while the other three are still standing there trying to understand what they just saw. They snap out of it, and then run after Jack.

Commercial

9:23 pm - Jack goes running after the man. Jack can’t keep up, because it looks like this guy has had a lot of practice running through the jungle. Still, Jack hasn’t lost sight of him, and yells for Chloe, Morris and Bill to hurry up so they don’t get separated.

9:24 pm – The young man stops up ahead. It looks like he’s trying to decide something. Jack nearly catches up when the man makes up his mind. He turns around to face Jack, and pulls a rope as Jack approaches. Unfortunately, what happens isn’t quite what the young man expects: A net that was under the dirt catches the man by surprise, and he’s suddenly hanging twenty feet in the air. The man starts really yelling now, “SKIPPPER!”, alternating it with “PleaseDon’tHurtMePleaseDon’tHurtMe” over and over.

9:26 pm - Bill and Chloe catch up with Jack, who is trying to calm the young man down. Jack tells him, “We’re not going to hurt you!”. He puts his gun away.

The man says, “Oh, yeah? Then why were you looking at the boat? You’re cannibals!”

Chloe says, “Look at me… Am I dressed like a cannibal?”

The man stops for a minute and realizes that she might not be a cannibal. Bill whispers to her, “What exactly does a cannibal dress like?”

Chloe punches him in the stomach with her elbow, grits her teeth and says, “Quiet! We’re trying to calm him down!” It seems to be working, because the young man is quieter now.

Jack looks around, and asks, “Where’s Morris?”

Bill says, “We thought he ran ahead and was with you!”

The young man hears this discussion and yells, “YOU ATE HIM! I KNEW IT! SKIPPER!”

9:27 pm – We hear a voice yell, “Gilligan! How many times did I tell you to…” Jack draws his gun. Two men come running into the clearing, and stop when they see Jack holding the gun. Morris arrives at the same time, a little winded from falling behind.

“Now wait a minute! We’re not going to hurt anyone! We’re just here to get my little buddy!” says one of the men. He looks like he must be a ship captain, because he’s wearing a hat with an anchor on it. Jack makes a quick assessment and realizes all three of these guys are pretty harmless, mainly because they appear unarmed.

The other man introduces himself, “That’s the Skipper. I see you’ve met Gilligan. I’m Roy Hinkley. Everyone around here just calls me Professor. Are you here to rescue us?”

Chloe seems taken aback, “Rescue you? What do you mean? We’re trying to figure out where we are!”

The Skipper says, “Let’s head back to camp and introduce you to the others. Maybe you’re finally the people that will help us off this island!”

Everyone leaves…. Except Gilligan, who is still up in the net. “Professor? Skipper? New guys? ….Anyone?”

Commercial

9:32 pm – On the way, The Professor explains about the shipwreck and how The Skipper and Gilligan saved everyone. They've been on the island for some time now, and are hopeful they'll be rescued soon.

The group arrives at a set of huts, which surround a picnic table. Skipper introduces everyone, "This is Ginger, Mr. And Mrs. Howell, Mary Ann, and you've met The Professor and Gilligan... Gilligan? Gilligan?" Gilligan comes out from the jungle, completely dirty. Gilligan tells everyone he's going to go change clothes.

9:34 pm – Mary Ann excuses herself and comes back in a moment. Mary Ann says, "I made a coconut pie. Would you like some?" She offers some to Jack, who declines. She offers some to Bill. Mr. Howell rolls his eyes; Skipper makes cutting motions across his neck and shakes his head.

The Professor pulls Jack aside and says, "We've eaten coconut for years here. Every way you can imagine. Diced, sliced, boiled, broiled, baked, toasted.... I think the strain of being on this island and eating so much of it, she finally cracked. She's been making eighteen coconut pies a day for the last three weeks."

9:35 pm – Gilligan comes walking out of his hut, wearing exactly the style of clothes as he was wearing before. He sees the questioning look on Bill's face, and Gilligan tells him he has twenty sets of the exact same clothes. Bill says that he thinks it's a little weird that everyone seems to have packed clothes for a three-hour tour, and Gilligan says he never thought of that before.

9:36 pm – Gilligan tells Chloe, "I gave the Geiger counter to that friend of yours just now. He was in there looking for it when I went in to change clothes, and I gave it to him."

Chloe says, "Geiger counter? Where did you get a Geiger counter?"

The Professor explains that he made it from things he found on the island, and then says, "Wait a second... What friend?"

9:37 pm – Gilligan says, "The Chinese guy that was with the rest of these people! He came up to me and asked for it, so I gave it to him.”

Jack tells Bill, “I want a perimeter around this entire camp now!” Bill, Morris and Chloe run off into the jungle.

About thirty seconds later, Chloe slowly comes walking back. “Jack, I know I’m not as experienced as you and everything, but … What exactly is a ‘perimeter’?”

Jack thinks about it a minute. “It’s when you surround an area to make sure that no one can get in or out of it.”

Chloe asks, “And just how are we going to do that with three people?”

9:38 pm - Jack looks at the ground, “You know, I never thought of that… But that’s not important now. What is important is we have to follow Cheng and find out what he wants with that Geiger counter.”

Jack turns to Gilligan, “What did this guy look like? Old guy? Trench coat?”

Gilligan replies, “No, he didn’t look like an old guy or like a trench coat. He was a young guy, dressed all in black. Nice guy.”

Mary Ann says, “I offered him a piece of pie!”

Jack says, “What? More people saw him? Didn’t you think this was the least bit strange?”

Mr. Howell says, “Now see here, young man. What was your name?”

Jack says, “Bauer. Jack Bauer.”

Mrs. Howell says, “Thurston, didn’t we know a Bauer in the Hamptons? Tall man?”

Mr. Howell says, “No, Lovey, that was Doris Bauer. She was one of our cooks.”

She thinks about this a minute, “Oh, yes! She made those delightful little cookies we had at tea.”

Mary Ann volunteers, “I can make you some coconut cookies!”

Jack says, “I need everyone to get ready! It’s not safe here! We’re going after them, and you’re coming with me!”

Commercial

9:45 pm – Jack, Chloe, Bill and Morris are all sitting at the picnic table waiting for everyone else to get ready. Jack finally yells, “We’re leaving!”

Everyone comes out of their huts, but wearing completely different clothes. The Skipper and Gilligan are wearing grass skirts and tribal make up; The Professor is wearing a Sherlock Holmes outfit; Ginger is wearing a trenchcoat and a hat; Mary Ann is wearing a bikini and holding a coconut pie.

Jack asks, “Why are all of you dressed like that? Where are Mr. and Mrs. Howell?”

Mr. and Mrs. Howell come driving up in a golf cart, made entirely out of bamboo, palm fronds, and coconuts. They’re wearing explorer’s outfits.

Morris says, “A golf cart? Where did you find a golf cart?”

The professor says, “Well, I made it of course!”

Morris tells him, “Look, if you can make all these huts, a Geiger counter, and a golf cart of out things you get from the island, don’t you think you’d be able to figure out how to get off this island?”

The Professor just stares at Morris and then says, “I’m not sure I see your point…”

Morris looks at Chloe, who shrugs. Morris throws up hands in frustration, “If they just….”

A gunshot rings out. Everyone looks to see Jack standing on the picnic table, pointing the gun he just fired straight up. Jack says, “Enough of this! We’re supposed to be after dangerous Chinese terrorists! We need to get after them right now! Gilligan, which way did that guy leave?”

Gilligan says, “He asked where the lagoon was.” He points into the jungle. Jack hops down off the picnic table, and runs off.

Mary calls after him, “I’ll save you a piece of pie!”

Chloe, Morris and Bill run after Jack. The castaways decide to follow.

Mrs. Howell says, “He seems like such an angry man. I’m going to have to speak to Doris about him. ”

9:48 pm – Jack continues to run through the jungle and trips over some branches. He looks for his gun briefly, and finds it. He finally reaches the lagoon. Across the lagoon, two men are standing at the shoreline over something that looks like piece of sheet metal. One of the men is soaking wet, the other is holding what looks like a couple of coconuts. They don’t notice Jack as he starts to make his way around to their side of the lagoon.

9:51 pm – There’s a splash in the water, and two more men in scuba gear surface. Both of them are holding some electronic equipment. They yell something in Chinese to the men on the shoreline. The two men on the shore look up to respond, and one of them sees Jack!

9:53 pm – Jack tries to shoot the guys on shore, but they duck for cover. Next he tries to shoot the guys in the water, and this time he’s more successful. One of Jack’s shots hits the pillar valve on one of the tanks and it breaks off. The guy still attached to this does some impromptu body surfing to the opposite side of the lagoon and into the jungle. The other scuba driver has gone underwater.

9:55 pm – Bill, Morris, Chloe and the castaways arrive at the lagoon. Jack tells everyone to take cover. They all hide behind trees. The Professor peaks out from around the tree and says, “That’s scrap from the space capsule that blew up! We were going to use it to be rescued!”

The scuba diver that hid underwater has made his way over to the other side of the lagoon, and the two men are trying to help him out of the water, all while Jack is shooting. One of them is hit, and falls to the ground. The other pulls out a walkie-talkie, and frantically yells into it.

9:58 pm – Jack has nearly made it to them now, and tells them to drop their weapons and kneel on the ground. The man with the walkie-talkie laughs. There’s a bright flash of light and a loud noise. Gilligan yells that Jack and the Chinese men are gone! Everyone looks around, and they see that Bill, Chloe and Morris are gone too. Ginger mutters, “We’re never going to get off this island!” Mary Ann offers everyone some pie.

9:59 pm – A dark room. It’s completely silent, until we hear Chloe say, “Is anyone there?”

10:00 pm – Time’s up!

[OtheU(manity)]

SEVEN TIMES!!! Or I'd've had my hat trick ...

Dang bot ...

Hi, Siouxie ...

[OtheU(manity)]

... and three fights with the bot ... and another one now, I'm sure ...

Hi, Steve ... now I'll go have dinner and read up on whut happened afterwards ...

[Siouxie]

Hi Othe U!!

Mr. Blog...you're not scum...unless you try to power level us.

[Wes S.]

9:58 pm – Jack has nearly made it to them now, and tells them to drop their weapons and kneel on the ground. The man with the walkie-talkie laughs. There’s a bright flash of light and a loud noise. Gilligan yells that Jack and the Chinese men are gone! Everyone looks around, and they see that Bill, Chloe and Morris are gone too.

Oh my God! The Chinese power-leveled Jack! And Morris, Chloe and Bill too!

[Edgar Greenberg]

A 24-Gillagen crossover. Steve is clearly a visionary.

[Jeannie]

If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost....

Great job once again Amazing Steve!

[Mary Ann]

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!

Pie, anyone?

Thank you, Stevie, for resurrecting my career... and I still look fabulous.

[Mary Ann]

adjusts coconuts and pulls down the i

[Solid Citizen]

Did the Skipper hold his mud?!?

[Gilligan]

Professor! Skipper! Hayulp!!

[Meditrina]

What was skipper doing to Mud?!!! Please, this is a, cough, hack, cough, family blog.

[CJrun]

*gets out the Sharpies for Mary*

[Meanie the Blue]

Tony is definitely in the next episode. I can feel it. Wait, maybe that's just indigestion....

[Annie Where-but-grrrrrrr]

Whoops! My bad! I was traveling today and I forgot all about Dave's new book!

[Dr.Rickenstien]

Hey, I was about to comment on something then a loud SUCKING noise dragged me away from the desktop!

[Meditrina]

Who is Mary?

Buehler.

Buehler.

Buehler.

Nope, no one here by that name. Would you like door number 2 or door number C?

[Meanie the Blue]

Med - Mary is the short form of Marytheblogkidsmom, a blogger who materialized during and after Dave & Ridley's last book tour. The appearance of Mary with her very photogenic kids (and her photogenic self) at that time has prompted recurring jokes about self-censoring our posts with sharpies.

[danceswithvowels]

What a coinkidink, Mr. Blog. I am traveling too, and was bummed that I was going to miss all the action while I was eating and drinking too much at the Anderson-Abruzzo Albuquerque International Balloon Museum this evening. But I'm just in time for, um, coconut pie. Great! I still hate sauerkraut.

Amazing Steve (you rock, as usual), I'm not sure I understand the 378 pies. I'm missing something. But then, I'd guess that Marcia Brady can't dance. Maybe with vowels, though, as a racy barmaid.

[Just Ducky]

Terrific, Steve! I can't wait to see where the group ends up next!

(I nominate WKRP in Cincinnati.)

[OtheU(manity)]

Gilligan: Wow, Professor!

Professor: As God is my Witness, I thought turkeys could fly!

[CJrun]

Med, Meanie was mostly right, which is about all we aspire to. Mary prints out threads she enjoys, to share with the blogkids, but first she edits them with Sharpies. So, I would gather, the blogkids have never heard of blurk or Diva and may be batting .500 on Annie.

I think I am just about caught up on my reading for this fine, long day, which included volume 104 of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. More importantly, I laughed to the point of tears reading Lileks' commentary on dogs in today's Bleat.

[Nurse Tammy]

*shudder twitch shudder*
I was traveling this weekend too...
a. Cincinnati airport is the Devil's armpit and tries to make you miss any and all connecting flights
b. airlines rhyming with melt-a totally will never receive my business again
c. there is no 3
d. sitting through a three and a half hour graduation ceremony in cold, pouring rain is not entertaining and will be blocked from memory as soon as humanly possible

[Guin]

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip..."

Bravo!

[Punkin Poo]

Morning little buddies!

*tries to get out of hammock, flips it, falls to the ground*

Ouch!

Has the Professor invented the coffee maker yet???

[Meanie the Blue]

*Helps Punkin to her feet*

'Mornin', Punkin'. (Dang'ed apostrophes!)

Yes, he has invented the coffee maker. Would you like a deluxe grande lattemochafrappawhatsis some hot water dripped through coconut shavings?

Pie?

[OtheU(manity)]

Yeah, I'd like some pie ... but not coconut ... can't stand that flavor ... I'd've found it difficult survivin' among that group ... except fer Mary Ann and her own coconuts ... and Ginger ... um ... nevermind ...

[Punkin Poo]

Banana Cream, O?

Anybody ever catch a wild boar and make some sausages for kripe's sake??????

[wickedwitch]

no, Punkin. but i have wrestled the package of Morning Star (trademark thingy) sausages which will be ready in a minute.

[mudstuffin]

mmm.... skipper.....

[crossgirl]

i don't think you're supposed to put ginger in coconut pie....

[Meanie the Blue]

Sometimes the internet knows what you want before you do! Here ya, go, O.

[Steve Haller]

I think they'll be all right. McHale will rescue them...

[crossgirl]

idly wonders if they'd mind if i just ordered one shoe.

["John Galt"]

So...

You come to town to see thousands of your closest friends (for pay, of course), you completely describe your phenomenal presidential run and then run for the airport...

Without so much as a phone call.

Piffle.

[SW]

lol, meanie. That has potential.

[Ginger *150lbs later*]

*wobbles in adjusting her gold sequined gown that's been ripped at the butt*

That stooopid MaryAnn! been eating these coconut pies for 25 years now and look what it's done to me!

Where's my man, Skipper???

[fivver]

Thanks Meanie. That's almost as good as coffee at getting the heart jump started this morning.

[OtheU(manity)]

Meanie - tnx, but the Dang wmv doesn't werk @ the moment, but I think I get the idea from the title ... been there, done that, puked on the T-shirt ...

Punkin' ... um ... yeah, that'll do fer me ...

[otis wildflower]

What, no onion rings?

(BTW, just got an HDDVD player.. _Goodfellas_ holy crap you can see the alligator skin grain in De Niro's shoes..)

[Lavid Detterman]

TODAYS TOP TEN SHOWS WITH BETTER WRITING THAN 24 SEASON
6 AND EACH SHOW BETTER THAN ITS PREDECCESOR ON THE LIST!

10. My MOTHER THE CAR

9. THE DON RICKLES SHOW

8. LOST (? WHAT?)

7. GILLIGANS ISLAND

6. STAR TREK

5. McHALES NAVY

4. ALIAS

3. JOHNNY QUEST (THE ORIGINAL-YEAH!)

2. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

and the number one show...

1. HEROES
Because we'd all like to go back in time and
save the world from season 6!

[scoop]

BULLETIN

HBO just revealed that in another bold cost cutting move, it had
hired the Fox 24 writers to screw up er finish off
the Sopranos. Until this move, there was at least
semblence of a plot. Tony was heard to exclaim "I'll
get even with you! It aint't over!" as a drive by
filled him with lead.

[Steve Haller]

I thought Edgar was *already* dead -- oh, wait...