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May 29, 2007

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Attack of the Loo-Roll Holders

(Thanks to DavCat14)

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First?

And Sheryl Crowe was seen leaving the scene...

Headline: Workers at the Department for Education and Skills Lack Both

First?

And Sheryl Crowe was seen leaving the scene...

*snork* @ paperwork

That would be a rockumentary wouldn't it? After all, The Loo-Roll Holders WBAGNF...

So, are the dispensers mounted unusually high up or are their heads unusually low?

Of course, we are talking about gov't employees here so perhaps their heads really are... uh, appropriately positioned.

Oh, I thought it said Lou Rawls. I knew he was funky but I didn't take him for the violent sort.

"I know many of you will think this is humorous..." They just knew it was going to end up on The Blog before it even did!

i predict we will be seeing these featured in a japanese video clip on youtube in the near future, only after getting t.p. holder whacks him on the head, the walls will fall down and the subject will find himself pooping on a busy street corner or a ski slope or something.

LMAO KCSteve! that sounds about right.

and *snork* @ Scott!

horrendous grammar alert: (the phone rang while i was typing)

i predict we will be seeing these featured in a japanese video clip on youtube in the near future. only after the t.p. holder whacks him on the head, the walls will fall down and the subject will find himself pooping on a busy street corner or a ski slope or something.

that's better.

Those "office wags"! They are always so funny!

"Several workers were bashed on the head..."

But of course. Where else would they be sitting? On a sofa?

"Quit flirting with Miss Moneypenny, Double-O Seven, and get in here right now. And close the door behind you."

"Sorry..." (*thump*) "You wanted to see me, M?"

"James, we have an urgent situation. A shipment of some of Q's gadgets has gone missing."

"What sort of gadgets, ma'am?"

"Tell him, Q..."

"Yes, madam...Ah, well, it was a shipment of, well, my latest tactical innovation-"

"Get to the point, man!"

"Ah, yes madam. Well, James, it was a box full of, erm, uh, exploding loo roll holders."

"?"

"Quit sniggering, James, it isn't particularly funny."

"Ma'am, that wasn't a *snigger,* it was more of a *snork*. And it actually is sort of funny. Except I can't quite figure out the purpose of an exploding loo roll holder, Q."

"Well, it doesn't actually explode James, it just sort of springs open and smacks them in the face. It's a good way of catching villians with their pants down-"

"Or anybody else who gets in their way. You see the problem here, James?"

"Yes, ma'am, I do. It's a crappy assignment, but someone has to do it. Do we have a lead on who took the, er, items in question?"

"Here's a dossier containing all the evidence we have. It seems that the items may have been leaked - stop SNORKING, James! - to someone in Civil Services. They could be anywhere by now-"

*SPROIIIING!* *SMACK!* "Eeeeek!"

"That sounded like it came from the ladies' lav...Moneypenny!"

(*M's office door slams open, revealing an angry Miss Moneypenny, sporting a black eye*)

"Q, I'm going to KILL you for this!"

"Calm down, Moneypenny, it's all right..."

"No it's not, M, I had a date tonight! And no, it wasn't with James."

"I know, I can tell from the sulky expression on his face."

"I am NOT sulking, M!"

"Neither are you looking for my loo roll holders...Moneypenny, please answer that phone and then find some ice for your eye."

"Hullo, Director's office...Hold, please. Hullo, Director's office...Oh. Hold, please. Director's Office...uh...erm...hold, please...Director's Office..."

"Miss Moneypenny, dare I ask who is calling?

"Well, M, you've got the minister in charge of the Department of Education and Skills on Line One. He says some of his employees have been injured by exploding loo roll holders. Line Two is the head of Civil Services; he says that if he's going down he won't be going alone. Line Three is the Minister of the Exchequer; he wants to know just what we've been doing over here with our R&D budget. And, oh, there's a reporter from "The Sun" on Line Four."

(*Stunned silence, then M slowly sits down in her chair and puts her head in her hands.*)

"Oh my God, we're too late. James: find that leak. Do what you have to, as long as the paperwork is clean."

FROM THE UPCOMING MAJOR MOTION PICTURE "ROYALE FLUSH:"

..."Quit flirting with Miss Moneypenny, Double-O Seven, and get in here right now. And close the door behind you."

"Sorry..." (*thump*) "You wanted to see me, M?"

"James, we have an urgent situation. A shipment of some of Q's gadgets has gone missing."

"What sort of gadgets, ma'am?"

"Tell him, Q..."

"Yes, madam...Ah, well, it was a shipment of, well, my latest tactical innovation-"

"Get to the point, man!"

"Ah, yes madam. Well, James, it was a box full of, erm, uh, exploding loo roll holders."

"?"

"Quit sniggering, James, it isn't particularly funny."

"Ma'am, that wasn't a *snigger,* it was more of a *snork*. And it actually is sort of funny. Except I can't quite figure out the purpose of an exploding loo roll holder, Q."

"Well, it doesn't actually explode James, it just sort of springs open and smacks them in the face. It's a good way of catching villians with their pants down-"

"Or anybody else who gets in their way. You see the problem here, James?"

"Yes, ma'am, I do. It's a crappy assignment, but someone has to do it. Do we have a lead on who took the, er, items in question?"

"Here's a dossier containing all the evidence we have. It seems that the loo roll holders may have been leaked - stop SNORKING, James! - to someone in Civil Services. They could be anywhere by now-"

*SPROIIIING!* *SMACK!* "Eeeeek!"

"That sounded like it came from the ladies' lav...Moneypenny!"

(*M's office door slams open, revealing an angry Miss Moneypenny, sporting a black eye*)

"Q, I'm going to KILL you for this!"

"Calm down, Moneypenny, it's all right..."

"No it's not, M, I had a date tonight! And no, it wasn't with James."

"I know, I can tell from the sulky expression on his face."

"I am NOT sulking, M!"

"Neither are you looking for my loo roll holders...Moneypenny, please answer that phone and then find some ice for your eye."

"Hullo, Director's office...Hold, please. Hullo, Director's office...Oh. Hold, please. Director's Office...uh...erm...hold, please...Director's Office..."

"Miss Moneypenny, dare I ask who is calling?

"Well, M, you've got the minister in charge of the Department of Education and Skills on Line One. He says some of his employees have been injured by exploding loo roll holders and immediately thought of us. Line Two is the head of Civil Services; he says that if he's going down he won't be going alone. Line Three is the Minister of the Exchequer; he wants to know just what we've been doing over here with our R&D budget. And, oh, there's a reporter from "The Sun" on Line Four."

(*Stunned silence, then M slowly sits down in her chair and puts her head in her hands.*)

"Oh my God, we're too late. James: find that leak. Do what you have to, as long as the paperwork is clean. And Q: consider yourself in deep $#!t."

Whoops, double post. And Typepad said its comments were down and nothing was getting through.

God, I hate reruns...

well done Wes!

*SNORK* at Wes!


Well, they could go to Islamabad and just pee in the street.

Dangit Wes, it's always like that. EVERY time I turn on a movie I've seen, I always do it in the EXACT SAME SPOT. *sigh*

*switches channels threads*

Wes, that (those) posts are great! It seems that most of you are way smarter than me. I can't compete with this stuff. So I won't.

with love,
me.

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