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May 30, 2007


Today this blog will be heading to New York City for the world-famous Rock Bottom Remainders Still Younger Than Keith one-city tour, which will occur Friday night at Webster Hall. Already the tour is getting a huge amount of publicity in the form of this blog entry. We will appear tomorrow on "Good Morning America," our goal being to answer the age-old question: "Is there any reason why a group of older authors with very limited musical talent can't still rock the house?" (The answer is: "Yes.")

But the point is, this blog will be on the road through the weekend, and so will judi, who will be in New York passed out helping with band logistics. So there will be nobody reading the email to the blog. So if you send something in and nothing happens, that's why.


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*will be passed out next to judi*

Can't wait to see all of you! and Dave...you guys DO ROCK!!!

Break a leg, Dave. I want photos -- lots of photos.

WAAAHHHH!!!! I wish SSOOOOOOO bad I were gonna be there, Dave!! I hope you do your regular bang-up job!

What about all the other times we sent something in and nothing happened?

Why didn't you check my schedule before setting this up?! I'm going out of town this weekend!!

Maybe you'll post the highlights on Youtube?


Great! We can give blog entries directly to you or Spokeswoman Judi at the show, then. (Kidding!)

ALERT TO ATTENDING BLOGLITS - Please email me at the address below (click on my name), so that we can coordinate our dosages make plans to meet if you're interested.

Woo hoo! Blogits running the nuthouse!!!

Dibs on the fancy chair. You know the one. With the arms. And the little up-and-down control lever. Mine. All mine.

Band Logistics? judi is a roadie?

No one will read my email. How dare you! I demand you hire a replacement.

i too am unable to travel to noo yawk, city of my boith, due to having to work up here in awbenny, city of my job.... soooo post those pictures!! yeah, and a youtube clip of the band in 'performance' would be nice, too. have fun y'all!

CH, you're in charge! just hide the booze and gumballs.

But who won the contest? Would the lucky blogster please come forward for appropriate lashing congratulations? :)

Boosh an' gumballsh are taken care of.



kibby KNEW he forgot to book something...

RBR tickets
airline tickets
hotel (Meanie's or Jeff's house?) reservations
date with Miss Universe
finding the cure for "Incredibly Stupid Syndrome"

ubetcha & queenie - I will be taking loads of pictures and posting them when I get back. THAT's a given!

My question too, Med. Who won the contest?

My second question.....Dave's an author? I thought he played in a band.

I'm so confuzzled.

tweren't me, med.

I think it was Judi...

It wasn't me either. It's ALWAYS some redneck from Trailerville who:

1- Doesn't read
2- Has NO clue as to who Dave or the other authors are
3- There is no #3 and if there were, this person wouldn't be able to count past his one tooth.

OK...who's got redneck relatives??

*Makes note to bring along a crate of 3's for Siouxie*

*still sobbing*

*crawls into corner where CH is passed out*

*raises hand*


OK, well, maybe not. Anyway, Sio, I haven't come down there and am trying to reschedule for next week.

*maybe I sat next to that guy that's been quarantined*

End OT/

Greg Iles and I grew up in the same town. Who woulda thunk Natchez would produce two famous folks?

Somebody at the Brooklynrocks blog done got to work on their alphabetizing skills.

stands by hamm with hand raised. pssst, you think we're kin?

Band members in alphabetical order?:

Greg Iles
- Kathi Kamen Goldmark
- Stephen King
- Matt Groening
- James McBride
- Amy Tan
- Ridley Pearson
- Scott Turow

*is embarrassed to be from Brooklyn*

kibby, the spare room is ready. Just bring the Pivo.

*Looks under the desk for Diva* You can't stay in there all day.

Good morning everyone. Sounds like y'all are going to have a great time this weekend! Someone better make sure Siouxie leaves her machete home though.

CTProf, Deskdiva is in the corner, searching CH's pockets.

CJ - got it!!

cross & hammie - you ARE kin.

Jeff - good catch @ snork!!!!

Mornin' Prof!!!

Machete? Prof, better to worry about Siouxie with the hot wax than something that wuss Jason Voorhees would use. Just speaking from past experience, trust me!

Without either THE Dave or Judi, the pseudo-Dave, to read our submissions who will dole out the Florida Drivers Licenses to people like this, or update us on the newest fascist technology, or keep us up to date on the meanderings of our bulletin worthy celebutwats?

hmmmph!! unfortunately I will have to leave my machete at home. It won't fit in a one-quart, clear plastic ziploc baggie.

The wax, yes.

Baron - nice way of getting some posts in hmm?? (I sent the Paris double one too) ;-P

Ah I see. Thanks Hammond, I see she found something more interesting to do than hide under the desk.

And yes Doc, Siouxie has the potential to use just about anything and make it lethal.

*running* Morning Siouxie :)

*Makes note to wear wax-proof underwear clothing*

Well, Siouxie, I figured that if our intrepid, globe-trotting blogger and his faithful pseudo-Dave were not going to be reading our submissions, someone had to get the important stories to the befuddled... cornfuzzled... rabid... amateur humorists.

*Waves @ Cousin CG!!*

And then there's this.

*glares @ Prof* (you're not too far from me, ya know???)

Baron, you pick out great stories too. The blog (not The Blog) will be in good hands. (Uh..I'm assuming Mrs. Blog will be there so The Blog will also be in very capable hands.

Meanie, it won't hurt a bit. really. ;-P

*waves* back at hammie, but aren't cousins supposed to kiss? xxx

this blog will be on the road through the weekend

Y'all will be driving RIGHT PAST my house. Give me a call and I'll have the beer ready for you. If you get here at the right time of day, I'll feed you dinner, too.

... um ... Siouxie? I'm thinkin' it would be easier if y'all rephrased your question to: "Who does NOT have Redneck relatives?"

Fewer hands to count, that way ...

*mentally raises hand in answer to Siouxie's original question ... I'll admit it ... yup, I got some of them ...*

What if I am the redneck relative? Do I put my hand up or not?

Nothing happening on the weekend, I'm used to that.

*comes out of the corner*

Well, he's right. He took care of the booze all right.

And Prof? It's SO nice to know you were looking for me! :-)

Anyone need any (lemme see here) string, jacks, baseball cards, rocks or used chewing gum?

I shall be sure to turn GMA on tomorrow whilst I try to pry my eyes open. I hope someone will still be available to feed Preci!

Souixie - that's my goal: not to hurt a bit. I need them.

Bethie, Walter's mantis-sitting for the weekend.

OtheU - Gotta great point there! *I* don't have redneck 'tives. (unless you count those that live in "Hialeah")

Chris!! BBQ at your house??? I'm SO there!

Diva, the used batteries belong to casey.

Hey! Gimme back my baseball cards! (You can keep the gum, though.)


Cow-Bull Warming!

*hands CH back his baseball cards. sighs and pulls the ebay listing*

*fixes CJ's linky thingy*

*wonders what casey's used batteries were doing in CH's pockets anyway....*

Ugh. "Commie Cream," my family calls that stuff, and I refuse to buy it. No, really - B&J are responsible for bankrolling the campaign that got us our first self-described socialist Senator, Bernie Sanders.

I've met the man, and not only is he a shambles in appearance, his personal hygiene leaves quite a lot to be desired, to say nothing of his politics or his manners.

As for the batteries, uh, I was recharging them. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But I STILL love Chubby Hubby. :-)

Um, CH? I didn't find a charger, you know.

Back in the Dark Days of ice cream, when B&J was pretty much the only decent stuff broadly available, we were known to occasionally suffer a moment of weakness over their cookie dough ice cream. I still experience guilt knowing that some of my money wound up in that cretin's campaign war chests.

Also in In the News
Police find 1,500 girls' shoes and one big fetish

Wakesha, Wisconsin: Police seized more than 1,500 pairs of girls' shoes from the home and storage unit of a man arrested for breaking into a high school, police said Tuesday.

He liked to smell them,” said Lt. William H. Graham.

(jeesh. . . last week it was women's underwear; this week it's shoes. What's next?)

Thanks, Diva! I now realize what I did wrong....

(durn high-falootin' html). I don't mind B&J doing their own thing with their own money; the voters got what they foolishly bought. Unfortunately, they elected someone that wants to control what I do with my own money!

CH - you're avoiding the issue. If you were charging the batteries, where's the charger? Hmm?

Hey, its3 - I've already sent that in to the Blog. Will see if they blog it, too.

*back from lunch*

heh! surprise surprise....I also sent the stinky-foot-fetish-thief story. LOL we're all on the same gutter.

Batteries? Did someone call me?

CH -- ugh, thanks for the education on the B&J/Sanders connection. This family has enjoyed its last pint of Phish Food. And now, I have to tell them... also ugh.


*sits next to its3 and Siouxie in the gutter*

Ew. Anyone gotta wet wipe?

Anybody know anything about this missing gold bathtub?
Nobody leaves this room!


Any bloglits attending the Rock Bottom Remainders "concert" on Friday, June 1 are invited to a pre-concert carbo-load at Patsy's Pizza, 67 University Place (between 10th & 11th streets and just a short walk to Webster Hall) for, well, pizza 'n' other refreshments.

Aim for 6pm. They don't take reservations but can accommodate groups of up to 10 without much trouble.

Here's a link to their site:


Any questions, email Lairbo through the link below or whatever email address meanie's got linked to his nom du blog.

To those who cannot attend, just sit back and wait for the mug shots.

casey, you left some used ones inside CH's pocket.

Lairbo! Pizza sounds wonderful!

I'm thinking they melted it down. Might explain those weird yellow chunks I found in CH's pockets.

Exothermic, baby. Exothermic. (Me, not the batteries - OUCH!)

Would you believe motion-recharging? No? Well, uhm...

You, yeah. I'd believe you're hot um, exothermic. ;-)

Hm. To paraphrase from the song "Land Down Under," more like "Six foot n'more, and made of blubber." At least I don't eat vegemite sandwiches. Tried the stuff down there, and just couldn't understand the attraction. Give me blood pudding any day over that, thanks.

**SNORK** Smarta$$. Just lemme keep my fantasies intact! :-D (Ya know I'm kiddin', Bro. :-)

*wonders what color the sky is in the Diva and CH's world.....decides he has better things to do and goes back to the Sandusky thread instead*

Blue and sunny here, Doc. Nice day. Think I might take a walk at lunch and do some reading in the park.

Still working on that Churchill.

Heh. Churchill is a weighty subject. So are his writings. *SNORK*

Hey, Doc? PTHTHTHTHTHT. *smiles anyway*


Anybody know how old LiLohan really is?

20, I think. But after figuring in all of the factors mentioned, he Hollywood age is probably nearer to... well, done.

Hey Diva, didn't want ya to feel all neglected like I was ignoring ya or anything. Poor CH just got caught in the crossfire but seems to be having a better day than I. If I were to head outside right now the chances of my spontaneously combusting are exceptionaly high. The temp is currently 8 billion degrees with 5 million percent humidity.

Well done, indeed. Like an overcooked steak.

*Extends Carbo-loading VIP invite to older authors with very limited musical talent and passed-out roadies assistants/research departments*

Overcooked steak? That reminds me of that last "accidental" flash picture of her... bleargh.

Well, Rick - if you came up here, you'd melt from the rain. I'd rather have the rain. Ish. I do NOT weather heat well.

Oh, CH!

*gargles brain bleach*

CJ: thanks. That was classic!

Patsy's Pizza.

Good choice, Lairbo! Thanks. My brain wasn't working well (NTTAWWT).

Note to Siouxie (and Dave & judi):

For those who think New York is not accommodating to out of towners we are having specially imported Miami-type weather just for you this weekend: near 90, humid, with chance of thundershowers.

No need to thank us, it's our pleasure.

*snork* @ Jeff's weather accomodations. (Not that I'm green with envy or anything, no, not me.)

I'll be green with you, CH. :-(

dear dave, please bring some of that new york rain back with you.

Further note to Dave & Judi:

If you get tired of hobnobbing with the stars, we real people are available for your entertainment.

Just let us know.

CJ, that's pretty darn funny!

Jeff, thanks! I was beginning to think I'd miss our fabulous weather! Last time I was in NYC, it was in the middle of August - about 200 degrees and humidity to match. STEAM was coming out of the gutters.

Good times to be had no matter what the weather.

Judi, unless you're busy doing sound checks or making sure that the M&Ms in the green room are all the right colors, try to swing by.

You guys just go ahead and have a big time in NY. I'll be livin' it up here in good ol' Montana. I'm gonna have a GREAT time. Why, I'm gonna fix fences, then check water tanks, then work on tractors, then fix...more......................fences.....


FYI, y'all... The TV monkeys executives at CMT have green lit a great new premise that promises to appeal to all hillbillies hicks rednecks Southern Socialites with discriminating tastes.

You have to love the line-up of has beens never weres stars they have on tap for this pointless waste of time extravaganza.

*passes blurk a gumball and an early JB & spit*

blurkie, don't forget the cowsies...

we'll be thinking about you. really. ;-P

BrnvKlf: There should be a new show "Who Wants to be the Next Forgotten Baldwin." Winners can choose between the first names Gummo, Zeppo or Shemp.

Anyone attending the RBR pre-show dinner is welcome to bring these:


Gee...thanks, Sioux.

And Baron, since I'm all them things you just named, I'll be watchin'.

Bull Riding with the Stars... What's next... Lawn Mowing with the Celebutwats™?

blurk, are you including "monkey"?

At times, JS.

How goes the fencin' today, blurk? Someday I'll have to see how you handle your sword spear foil.

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