24

Only two hours to go, people. Even less, if you subtract the commercials, which will be worth watching tonight (more on this later). During the actual show, we loyal viewers are hoping that the writers at last answer the key questions regarding the plot, namely:

1. What is the plot?

2. There are writers?

3. How much do they make?

4. What will be the the "cliffhanger" ending  that sets us up for next season?

5. Will it involve either China or Audrey?

6. If so, where can we get some cyanide?.

These are the questions that are swarming in our brain as we prepare for tonight's finale. As you recall, last week ended with former child Ricky Schroeder grabbing Jack's evil dead brother's annoying mopey son Josh and putting him on to a helicopter to take him to Jack's evil mastermind father Farmer Hoggett. Ricky is supposed to trade Josh for the Top Secret Russian Circuit Board of Doom, which Farmer Hoggett was originally going to trade for Josh with the evil Chinese mastermind "Three Hummers" Cheng, who managed to escape from CTU last week for like the 11th time despite the fact that CTU set up a perimeter.

The reason our government is trading Josh, aside from the fact that he is annoying, is that we really want to obtain the circuit board, because if it falls into the hands of the Chinese, the Russians will -- pay close attention here -- attack the United States. No, we don't understand why, either, although the writers have written many riveting White House scenes attempting to explain it. You would think the Russians would be in more of an apologetic mood, since a Russian nuclear bomb went off in the Los Angeles area earlier in this very season, but nobody seems to remember that. Everybody is like, "The nuclear blast in Valencia? That is so 9 a.m.-10 a.m." 

Anyway, last week Ricky and Josh took off in the helicopter, so of course this week Jack has to go after them to rescue Josh. No doubt wherever they wind up will be swarming with Chinese paramilitary troops, who apparently make up 60 percent of the population of California. We know from the previews that there will be boats, helicopters, jets, shooting and explosions. So get ready, and when it's all over, stay tuned for The Amazing Steve.

Bonus Reason to Watch Tonight: Mrs. Blog, a professional sportswriterette who covers, among other sports, professional tennis, informs this blog that tonight's episode will feature the premier of a Canon camera commercial, shot at Cher's old house in Miami, featuring tennis star Maria Sharapova, who is smoking hot, although of course nowhere near as hot as Mrs. Blog. The commercial also features a small white male dog who thinks in a foreign accent. Plotwise, it could well be the highlight of the season.

UPDATE: How come there's a boys' choir singing in the helicopter?

UPDATE: We'll get you back, Josh! Nothing EVER goes wrong with our plans!

UPDATE: Ho-hum. Jack in custody again.

UPDATE: This here is some solid oak dialog.

UPDATE: Bill can't BELIEVE what has happened to the plot since he left.

UPDATE: So Karen, who works for the White House, and who fired Bill, is now asking Bill to foil a White-House-ordered operation. OK!

UPDATE: Farmer Hoggett has an uplink. They're going to have to keep a REALLY WIDE perimeter.

UPDATE: Do you think that if they showed all the scenes from this season in reverse order, it would make more sense?

UPDATE: It would end with Jack really suddenly growing a beard. That would be the least-realistic part.

UPDATE: You have to hand it to Marilyn Bauer: Even when she's really upset, she retains her inability to act.

UPDATE: Actually, given the competence of CTU security, Marilyn could easily take over using just her fingernails.

UPDATE: This is shocking. Jack managed to get out of custody again.

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be great if Jack and Bill decided the hell with it and went bowling?

UPDATE: Milo's brother! Welcome to the plot!

UPDATE: Milo's brother's job, apparently, is to pad the plot.

UPDATE: "Any sign of Phillip Bauer yet?" Good of Nadia to take a few minutes out of her busy schedule at CTU to check in on the CTU operation that's supposed to avert world war!

UPDATE: "Agent Doyle, be careful!" Thanks, Nadia!

UPDATE: Oh man. Not another White House scene.

UPDATE: This is sure to go well.

UPDATE: Hard to believe such a foolproof, well-thought-out plan could have gone wrong.

UPDATE: "It blew!" Yes, it did.

UPDATE: Just to recap: CTU, the nation's crack counterterrorism unit, which has a huge staff and vast computer capacity as well as helicopters and satellites, and which knew exactly where the bad guys were going to strike, was once again easily defeated, this time by two guys in wetsuits and a motorboat.

UPDATE: I still can't believe Melinda got voted off American Idol.

UPDATE: Another White House scene. Padpadpadpad.

UPDATE: The old Bloomfield Oil Platform! That's IT.

UPDATE: Three Hummers! He's still in the plot!

UPDATE: If anything bad goes down on the oil platform, the actors can just grab chunks of dialog and use them as flotation devices.

UPDATE: Do we think Chloe is pregnant?

UPDATE: One more hour, people.

UPDATE: "The submarine is on schedule." "How soon before they pick us up?" "Thirty minutes." Thanks, writers!

UPDATE: So they can't find the motorboat with three people in it, even knowing where it left from... but they CAN find human body heat on the oil platform.

UPDATE: Phillip Bauer and confederates! They can tell by the body heat who the people are!

UPDATE: And that they're confederates!

UPDATE: "Get the kid, Jack!" That's exactly what people say after bombs go off in their faces.

UPDATE: Hey! A helicopter! Do you think...

UPDATE: I think Maria should have gone with the bikini.

UPDATE: "We'll be in range in 22 minutes." Thanks, writers!

UPDATE: I suppose it would make way too much sense to have the fighter jets take out the submarine.

UPDATE: A five-mile perimeter. That's a big perimeter.

UPDATE: Those have to be the slowest fighter jets ever.

UPDATE: Catch them off guard? In a helicopter?

UPDATE: Ummm... Why did Cheng give the component to Phillip? Does that make any sense? Never mind! Who cares!

UPDATE: Shooting. Good.

UPDATE: Whoa! Josh!

UPDATE: Boom! Yay!

UPDATE: OK, the truth is that the Russians have no proof whatsoever that the component was destroyed. But who cares? Not us!

UPDATE: OK, there are 25 minutes to go. Cliffhanger time.

UPDATE: Aww. Chloe downloaded Morris's schematics.

UPDATE: Please let this be the last White House scene.

UPDATE: UH-oh... William Devane means... AUDREY.

UPDATE: I'm getting the feeling that this season is going to end with a whimper.

UPDATE: "I'm at a crossroads." Did he actually say that?

UPDATE: At least Audrey didn't get any lines.

UPDATE: Sigh.

Comments

[DeskDiva]

*sigh*

Though I am indeed NOT dead, I soon will be if I don't hit the hay. I must bid you adieu, till the morrow.

[Dr. Rickenstien]

Sorry DD, gotta pass on the drink. Time to call it a night. Wow, ended for me just like this last season did. Depressing. oh well, have a good night all and yak at ya later on DD.

[tallulah]

I just want closure for Martha, Aaron, and Logan. Even written badly, they're still three of the most compelling characters on this show.

[goddessoftheclassroom]

I'll have to read the thread this afteroon, but a quick commnet: I'm glad Chloe and Morris are together and alive.

[Val]

And Walid? We didn't get to see what happened to Walid. Is he still in the hospital? Is Sandra by his side? Or is she by the president's side? And we never DID find out what happened in "Denver", did we? Maybe I slept through that part. Anyway, we need answers, dam*it!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Good morning, all. Haven't read the comments yet but Dave pretty much got it all.

1. Funniest bit of the season - Alex P. Keaton VP Noah learns a lesson and realizes Dad President Wayne was right.
2. If there was any doubt that Josh was Jack's son, shooting Gramps should have removed it.
3. no #3
4. Does William Devane look an awful lot like a chipmunk and/or other rodent or is it just me?
5. Chloe pregnant? Not too obvious, right?
6. How did Milo's brother vanish from the locker room? (And of course, why was he in the show other than: a. to kill 5 minutes and b. to set up a possible CTU job for next season.) No guard escorted him in or out. I guess they were the two extra guards they needed to subdue Marilyn, surely the World's Worst Actor.
7. I know, don't call you Shirley.
8. Is Wayne still alive? If so, does he have permanent brain damage and will we be able to tell the difference?

Let's just hope they get a real plot for next year, one that doesn't include any of the following:

Evil VP
Attempts to remove the President from office
Mole inside CTU
Invasion of CTU
Audrey

[Siouxie]

I STILL want to know if Former First Lady Ramparts finished her damn fruit salad.

Steve, most excellent work! Thank you for keeping us coming back. YOU TOTALLY RULE!! Dave, thanks for allowing this insanity to happen every week!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Great job, Steve. I *snorked* at Josh gives him a look that says, “You shot Grandpa once too??”

[Lairbo]

Great job, Steve. As always.

Here's hoping that next season opens with Josh at the CTU Academy (Steve Guttenberg, commandant), getting thigh-shooting lessons from a one-eyed Mike Doyle when, out of nowhere, Unca Jack shows up . . .

[Reddsuss]

Thanks Steve. I would have given up on the season long ago, but for your great recaps. Enjoy!

[Eleanor]

*zips in*™

There are 811 comments for me to read??? WTF?

That's OK, I'm sure they'll be better than the show, and yes, Dave, Jack really did say he was at a crossroads, but really - aren't we all?
Left, right, straight ahead???
Decisions, decisions.....

[ArcticAl]

Great job Steve! Thanks for all the laughs all season. Are you going to do your own parallel season this fall while we're waiting for the real show to come on again?

Thanks for hosting the party Dave. Don't know what to do on Monday nights with out this insanity.

[Val]

thigh-shooting lessons from a one-eyed Mike Doyle

*Snork* @ Lairbo!

And regarding Jack's "Crossroads" - wasn't that the name of Britney Spears' one and only movie? *shudder*

[DeskDiva]

Yes, El - but remember it was 2 full hours. Think of it as just over 200 per half hour. :-) That makes it more manageable. Well, for my mind, anyway.

And DANGIT PART TWO!!! I friggin' forgot the Sandra/Walid subplot entirely. My brain needs rechargin'. Anyone got a plug-in handy?

[Siouxie]

*gets spark plugs ready*

CHARGE!!!!

[Siouxie]

OK those I had to shove in your ears, Diva...sorry.

Let me know if that worked...if not, I have my defibrir diffibril electrical paddle thingies ready.

[otis wildflower]

Worst.
Season.
Ever.

Can't wait 'til January.

[Wes S.]

Mercifully, I too completely forgot the Walid/Sandra subplot. And then Val had to go and remind us about it.

And *snorks* for Lairbo's "CTU Academy" sequence.

[DeskDiva]

Ya couldn't find something with batteries in yer arsenal, Siou? *sigh*

[Wes S.]

Siouxie, if those don't work I can always loan you a set of jumper cables. Just let me fetch my car...

[Siouxie]

Diva, used up all my batteries last night, sowry. Um..I'll take those jumper cables, Wes.

[Mike Antonucci]

If someone faints at CTU, is it standard procedure to administer a pregnancy test?

[Denise]

I'm a big Jack and Audrey fan. I was extremely sad. I hope in the future they can have a happy ending. I was disappointed Jack did not kill Cheng or have more of a dialogue with Dad. However, I did enjoy this season.

[WriterDude]

I'm really gonna miss these until January, Steve. Extra good snorkage @ 5:42, BTW.

If, as someone once wrote (okay, it was me), the amount of laughter a funny person generates here determines his/her status in the afterlife, then I look forward to bringing you coffee after we're dead.

[Eleanor]

*re-zips in*

I read it all. It was all terrific, the haiku, Steve The Magnificient, and all the great comments. And Dave, of course.

But it seems like I'm the only one who thought that when Darth Noah told Karen he was going to have her arrested, that if she'd just offerred him a bj, all would have been fine. :)

OK - just me, I guess.

I just hope Ricky's eyes heal during the off season so he'll be back and in tip top shape.

[Riteaidbob]

LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dr. Rickenstein]

Almost last...just wanted to say one last time, PPPHHHHTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! at the writers and thank Dave for creating the best excuse to keep my brain cells working on Monday nights past 8pm. And that is it...

[Surfin USA]

Mercifully Jack whimpers at the end of the show gazing at Audrey "I'm at a Crossroads"... if Season 6 is any indication, so is the 24 Series. Unless they return to "storyboarding" the plot like they did the first 3 seasons, season 8 is "iffy".

Apropos Jack said he was at a Crossroads. This could be his fate (courtesy of the late Robert Johnson):

I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Asked the lord above for mercy, "save me if you please."

I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
Nobody seemed to know me, everybody passed me by.

See ya next January Jack

[Marc]

And of course, I'm one full season late. How lame.
All of you sound like a bundle of joy, though, so I hope to be there with you in January to get the ball rolling!
--marc

[Marc]

And of course, I'm one full season late. How lame.
All of you sound like a bundle of joy, though, so I hope to be there with you in January to get the ball rolling!
--marc

[Arjewtino]

That'sll do, 24, that'll do..

[Scott]

Dave's (and Steve's) comments have kept me going in this dreary season. I have been compelled to watch so I can read the comments afterwards (I live in Estonia, so I'm a little behind the curve)

I didn't think it could get worse than S2 and the Cougar, and the bunker, and the gas station. But ... it ... did.

Notes for the brain-dead writers:

Please. Think the season through. You might have struck gold with keeping it loose in Season 5, but it blew up in Season 6. Please, for frack's sake, know where you are going with your plot.

Don't kill good characters without a good reason. President Logan, who turned out to be the biggest twist (outside of Nina) in the history of 24, shows up out of mothballs, has discovered da Jesus, and is ... mesmerizing me .... Is he really what he claims to be, or is this some other sinister layer to discover? Then, in about 2 shows his ex gets stabby with him and he's gone. Probably dead. WTF? What a waste.

Actually, that's when I realised the writers had no freakin' clue what they were doing. And Dave told me so.

Three; the best acting by the President and Audrey were when they were unconscious. Certainly, 24 can attract better actors than that. Devane as president would be a good start for next season.

Four; a plot that makes sense.
Russians blowing up America because China is stealing a circuit board when Russian nukes have blown up in the U.S. -- oh, remember that plot development? -- doesn't.

I could go on, but I would start to pound my head on my monitor.

At least, I thought, it was a good last hour.

[Maggie_93]

Yes, I know I'm two days late but, who cares?! I'm in a blogging mood, so hurray for me! Comments on this season:
1. Yes, it slighly sucked
2. Only thing that got me up on Mondays (this is a sad, but true fact)
3. Awwwwwwwdrrryyyy (you are soooo cruel, and totally mindless)
4. CHLOE IS PREGNATE!! BABY SHOWER AT MY PLACE!

Well, I currently can't really think at the moment (three graduations this week, AH!) But I knew that Chloe was pregnate, all along, haha "With child?" No Morris. (I can see it now, father of the year)

[Cecil Rose]

Hey, Steve, no extended season blogging this year?