24

This summary might be even less accurate than usual. I missed most of 24 last week, which was a shrewd move because apparently it was Night of the Living  Audrey. Remember when this season was about nuclear bombs going off in U.S. cities? How did we get from that to Audrey? When this season finally ends, Congress had better hold hearings.

Anyway, Jack is all mopey because the evil Chinese subplots turned Audrey into a zombie, on top of which her father, Secretary of Defense William Devane, last seen drowning, reappeared to order Jack to keep away from his daughter. But before  that happened, Audrey said "Bloomfield," which turned out to be... a clue! To quote from the Official 24 Site "Plot" Summary:

There is a Bloomfield Copper Company that used to have a facility in Los Angeles. Forensics found copper particles on her clothes, so this may be where Cheng was hiding her. LAPD is locking down the building but Doyle is heading there now.

Sounds like a showdown at the old Bloomfield Copper place! (It's one of the many abandoned copper operations in the Los Angeles area.) CTU needs to capture the wily mastermind "Three Hummers" Cheng before he can give his government the Top Secret Russian Circuit Board of Doom (thanks to Fred for the link) which could create... an international crisis. Already Russian troops are moving into Central Asia, and you know what that means. I don't know what it means, either, but it sounds bad, especially if you are a Russian troop.

Meanwhile back in Washngton, Acting President Dark Powers has discovered that Lisa, the White House vixen who has been on his staff, has also been on the staff of a Russian agent. This is very significant, because... OK, it just is. I'll be honest: whenever they show the Washington scenes, I go to the bathroom, even if I don't have to.

Edgar is still dead (although he got right on the horn to his agent when he saw William Devane reappear).

Morris has broken up with Chloe for good.

Christopher shot Tim Daly. (This happened last night on the Sopranos, but I'm including it here because,  whoa.)

Meanwhile, according to this column (thanks to Michelle Jameson) the producers of 24, apparently recognizing that this season totally bites is not quite up to snuff, are going to give it a "complete remodeling." Good idea! Maybe they could hire some writers!

Nah, that's crazy talk.

Anyway, we've given this season thousands of hours of our time, so we're not going to quit until it's over. We will be watching closely tonight, and of course waiting for clarification from the Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: A restraining order! THAT will certainly deter a legal stickler like Jack.

UPDATE: Dammit, Nadia!

UPDATE: Jack is a coiled spring, waiting to uncoil like... like a spring that is uncoiling.

UPDATE: A FIVE-BLOCK PERIMETER!

UPDATE: Real-time tactical feeds will be uplinked to their PDAs! They must have Cingular.

UPDATE: The Venus Breeze looks like a fine ladies' razor.

UPDATE: Can we just get to the shooting?

UPDATE: CTU's motto should be "D'oh!"

UPDATE: So basically, in a locked-down city, with CTU looking for him, Cheng can move a small army on CTU... undetected!

UPDATE: Dropped data fields in Sector 8, I HATE that.

UPDATE: Can we all agree that Chloe's new hair color is a major mistake?

UPDATE: Lisa needs to create an opportunity for Bishop to access her PDA. If you know what I mean.

UPDATE: This season is all about stalling for time, isn't it? Reminds me of baseball, when the manager goes to the mound and scratches his butt while the relief pitcher warms up. Only not as exciting.

UPDATE: What, exactly, do women mean when they say they're going to "freshen up?" Never mind, I don't want to know.

UPDATE: If I were the hospital that employs House, I'd fire him, because wherever he goes the patients are messed up.

UPDATE: "We're in." Wow! Even the Chinese say that! They must have watched a lot of movies.

UPDATE: Milo is hurt because there might be something between Nadia and Doyle. Seriously, do you believe the amount of this stuff that goes on at CTU?

UPDATE: Honestly, CTU is the single most clueless government agency in the history of government agencies. THEY CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT THEY'RE UNDER FREAKING ATTACK.

UPDATE: NOW we are talking.

UPDATE: I'll be honest: I was never attached to Milo. But seriously: Should we not be a little bit troubled by the fact that CTU -- the agency responsible for protecting the nation from terrorists -- could not protect its own building from terrorists?

UPDATE: So it's Jack against, what, 25 killers? This thing is over.

UPDATE: The air duct! That is so... unexpected.

UPDATE: The costume designer said, "OK, the attackers will wear matching tank tops. And we will glisten their bodies with sweat."

UPDATE: Modern buildings have PA systems in the air ducts, for exactly this reason.

UPDATE: Farmer Hoggett! That old so-and-so.

UPDATE: This was the best episode for a while. Utterly preposterous, but less White House and more Jack. Which is why we watch. Coming up: The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: An excellent analysis from commenter Wes S.:

OK, wait a minute...Farmer Hoggett, the superpatriot, is going to defect to China on the spur of the moment because he thinks his country is ungrateful.

And the Russians are getting ready to go to war with the United States because the Chinese got their hands on one of their nuclear weapons components...from a Russian nuke that was smuggled into the USA, by a Russian general, to be used to take out an American city. And the Russians are allegedly doing this because they're afraid of a war with CHINA!

Is this show making even less sense than usual?

Comments

[NC]

My vote for the funniest moment of this episode is the "World War III Can't Get Here Soon Enough" splitscreen at the end:

Panel, top left: Jack held hostage (to bad scripting?), fretting.
Panel, top right: President Daniels, nearing the end of 45 minutes of silent pacing and moping, seemingly looking down at:
Panel, bottom: Evil Lisa getting her freak on with the Stargate guy.

The fate of the free world is in good hands.