24

This summary might be even less accurate than usual. I missed most of 24 last week, which was a shrewd move because apparently it was Night of the Living  Audrey. Remember when this season was about nuclear bombs going off in U.S. cities? How did we get from that to Audrey? When this season finally ends, Congress had better hold hearings.

Anyway, Jack is all mopey because the evil Chinese subplots turned Audrey into a zombie, on top of which her father, Secretary of Defense William Devane, last seen drowning, reappeared to order Jack to keep away from his daughter. But before  that happened, Audrey said "Bloomfield," which turned out to be... a clue! To quote from the Official 24 Site "Plot" Summary:

There is a Bloomfield Copper Company that used to have a facility in Los Angeles. Forensics found copper particles on her clothes, so this may be where Cheng was hiding her. LAPD is locking down the building but Doyle is heading there now.

Sounds like a showdown at the old Bloomfield Copper place! (It's one of the many abandoned copper operations in the Los Angeles area.) CTU needs to capture the wily mastermind "Three Hummers" Cheng before he can give his government the Top Secret Russian Circuit Board of Doom (thanks to Fred for the link) which could create... an international crisis. Already Russian troops are moving into Central Asia, and you know what that means. I don't know what it means, either, but it sounds bad, especially if you are a Russian troop.

Meanwhile back in Washngton, Acting President Dark Powers has discovered that Lisa, the White House vixen who has been on his staff, has also been on the staff of a Russian agent. This is very significant, because... OK, it just is. I'll be honest: whenever they show the Washington scenes, I go to the bathroom, even if I don't have to.

Edgar is still dead (although he got right on the horn to his agent when he saw William Devane reappear).

Morris has broken up with Chloe for good.

Christopher shot Tim Daly. (This happened last night on the Sopranos, but I'm including it here because,  whoa.)

Meanwhile, according to this column (thanks to Michelle Jameson) the producers of 24, apparently recognizing that this season totally bites is not quite up to snuff, are going to give it a "complete remodeling." Good idea! Maybe they could hire some writers!

Nah, that's crazy talk.

Anyway, we've given this season thousands of hours of our time, so we're not going to quit until it's over. We will be watching closely tonight, and of course waiting for clarification from the Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: A restraining order! THAT will certainly deter a legal stickler like Jack.

UPDATE: Dammit, Nadia!

UPDATE: Jack is a coiled spring, waiting to uncoil like... like a spring that is uncoiling.

UPDATE: A FIVE-BLOCK PERIMETER!

UPDATE: Real-time tactical feeds will be uplinked to their PDAs! They must have Cingular.

UPDATE: The Venus Breeze looks like a fine ladies' razor.

UPDATE: Can we just get to the shooting?

UPDATE: CTU's motto should be "D'oh!"

UPDATE: So basically, in a locked-down city, with CTU looking for him, Cheng can move a small army on CTU... undetected!

UPDATE: Dropped data fields in Sector 8, I HATE that.

UPDATE: Can we all agree that Chloe's new hair color is a major mistake?

UPDATE: Lisa needs to create an opportunity for Bishop to access her PDA. If you know what I mean.

UPDATE: This season is all about stalling for time, isn't it? Reminds me of baseball, when the manager goes to the mound and scratches his butt while the relief pitcher warms up. Only not as exciting.

UPDATE: What, exactly, do women mean when they say they're going to "freshen up?" Never mind, I don't want to know.

UPDATE: If I were the hospital that employs House, I'd fire him, because wherever he goes the patients are messed up.

UPDATE: "We're in." Wow! Even the Chinese say that! They must have watched a lot of movies.

UPDATE: Milo is hurt because there might be something between Nadia and Doyle. Seriously, do you believe the amount of this stuff that goes on at CTU?

UPDATE: Honestly, CTU is the single most clueless government agency in the history of government agencies. THEY CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT THEY'RE UNDER FREAKING ATTACK.

UPDATE: NOW we are talking.

UPDATE: I'll be honest: I was never attached to Milo. But seriously: Should we not be a little bit troubled by the fact that CTU -- the agency responsible for protecting the nation from terrorists -- could not protect its own building from terrorists?

UPDATE: So it's Jack against, what, 25 killers? This thing is over.

UPDATE: The air duct! That is so... unexpected.

UPDATE: The costume designer said, "OK, the attackers will wear matching tank tops. And we will glisten their bodies with sweat."

UPDATE: Modern buildings have PA systems in the air ducts, for exactly this reason.

UPDATE: Farmer Hoggett! That old so-and-so.

UPDATE: This was the best episode for a while. Utterly preposterous, but less White House and more Jack. Which is why we watch. Coming up: The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: An excellent analysis from commenter Wes S.:

OK, wait a minute...Farmer Hoggett, the superpatriot, is going to defect to China on the spur of the moment because he thinks his country is ungrateful.

And the Russians are getting ready to go to war with the United States because the Chinese got their hands on one of their nuclear weapons components...from a Russian nuke that was smuggled into the USA, by a Russian general, to be used to take out an American city. And the Russians are allegedly doing this because they're afraid of a war with CHINA!

Is this show making even less sense than usual?

Comments

[Desk Diva]

MILO BITES IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I see why they gave him the BAD wig this week....

[Jeannie]

This is more shootin' than we've seen all season! Must be the May sweeps.

[ChuckE]

And miles to go before Milo sleeps.

Bye, annoying cipher.

[MJ]

WHAT THE..........F!

[Aaronak]

R.I.P. Milo (probably)
Season 1 - Season 6, with nothing in between

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Saw that comin'...yep, this is a Die Hard episode...

[Suzy Q]

Buh bye, Milo!

[WoosterGirl]

Hey, Suzy!!

Where's Gretchen? I miss her almost as much as the lions.

[chc]

audrey's in charge

[Wes S.]

Aaaaand...Exit Milo.

[insomniac]

milo may not be a mole, but he'll be partying with them soon enough...

[danceswithvowels]

Kim in CAPTIVITY!

[Dennis]

You can't shoot Milo just once a day and expect him to stop.

[abilicious]

Wow. With all the episode padding they've inflicted on viewers this season, I'm surprised they dispatched Milo so quickly. There wasn't even any dramatic music to see him off!

[Desk Diva]

Well, Suzy, I'm sure you can come up with some OTHER "household" chores what need doin'.... You are a creative kinda gal....

[Siouxie]

CTU= Clueless Terrorist Unit??

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Y'know, Milo goin' down was telegraphed when he and Nadia clarified their relationship.

Lesson: Stick with screwed up relationships. You'll live longer.

[WoosterGirl]

I love the Spiderman/Comcast commercial.

[Razumihin]

Note to fiction writers: There are other ways to resolve love triangles . . .

[MJ]

Meanwhile, Adam from Season 3 is on Heroes....

[abilicious]

Siouxie: Currently Terrorized Unit?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack's assessin' how many thighs he needs to be shootin'...

[Razumihin]

C'mon prolly-Jack's-kid! Use your Bauer powers!

[Siouxie]

Ok Jack...time to shoot some more people!

[Wes S.]

Yeah, Kim in captivity...and torture ... and "termination."

OK, I've been waiting for someone to give Elisha Cuthbert a good spanking since the series premiere of "24"...but that seems to be way too much of a good thing.

Elisha ought to fire her agent. Before she ends up, you know, typecast as the damsel in distress or something...

[Suzy Q]

What the hell? Jack has an uzi?

[Aaronak]

FARMER HODGETT IS RE-ENTERING THE PLOT - he's probably the one who is going to help Cheng fix the chip!

[WoosterGirl]

"Stay close, c'mon," says Jack.

There's a recipe for sure death.

[Siouxie]

abi, that too!

[Desk Diva]

Wes? Too late....

[tw]

Couldn't the Chinese simply track all the Bauers by the security cameras?

[judi]

who's josh?

[insomniac]

a doozy of an uzi...

[Siouxie]

judi, the son

[WizzyPigabeth]

Suzi, Jack took it from a chinese guy he killed.

[WA2CHI]

Where is Daddy Bauer?

[Dr. Rickenstien]

Die Hard: With A Bauer

[MJ]

Damnit, where's Buchanan when he's needed?!

[abilicious]

Next time, Jack, keep the loaded gun, and use the empty gun to hold the fan.

[Dennis]

At least he didn't crawl through the fan and use the machine gun to prop it open.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Does ManKim have a lighter? No, wait...Bruce Willis he ain't.

[Desk Diva]

Can I just remind yall how much I loooooooooove TatBoy? Such taaaaasty eye candy.

[Suzy Q]

An Asian guy? Did CTU go all Benetton when I wasn't paying attention?

[Siouxie]

buh bye, Nadia!

[WoosterGirl]

judi, Josh is affectionately known in blog circles as ManKim, Jack's brother's son.

However, everyone and his uzi believes that Josh/ManKim is really Jack's son.

[insomniac]

didn't nadia watch python, the first rule is 'not to stand up'!

[Suzy Q]

Oh, yes, DD. I suppose I could find SOMETHING for him to, ahem, attend to. But, the groveling must come first.

[Desk Diva]

So...he kills Milo when he thinks Milo is the ranking officer (and Nadia doesn't stop it, the BITC#!) and yet when Nadia does finally announce herself, they make her make a phone call and let her live?

[JohnnyD]

Why is Yankee center field Johnny Damon leading the Chinese gang?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

MY NAME ISN'T JOSH! IT'S MANKIM, BEYOTCH!

[Siouxie]

YES!!! Shoot Marilyn!!!

[MJ]

The first second Josh came on the screen this season, I blurted out "MANKIM!" He looks so much like Kim it's frightening.

[Desk Diva]

So, Suzy, when it comes to groveling, what do you have in mind? Expensive dinners? Jewelry?

[Siouxie]

dang! what a tease

[danceswithvowels]

ManKim, expose yourself to my men within 10 seconds or your mom's acting will get even worse.

[WoosterGirl]

Gosh, Lisa is skinny. Her back shoulder bones stick out a mile.

[Ryan]

Damn, my building sucks. You can't even hear the PA system in the bathroom there.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

ZEPHRAN COCHRANE! STOP MESSING WITH THE TIME LINE!

[Desk Diva]

WHY O (Not Wyo) WHY do they need to show Lisa doin' the humpback with the Russkie? Ewwwww....

I sooooo shoulda known that Farmer Hoggett was behind all this porkin' around.

[Dennis]

Shouldn't the Russians have attacked the base by now?

[MJ]

...and round and round we go with the plot.

[WoosterGirl]

Jack should not wear white shirts. They make him look fat.

My, I'm picky tonight!

[Siouxie]

Ok...looking good...more people die.

[Brad]

who is not Farmer Hogett helping

[Zach Bauer]

Lisa's doing it for her country!

[Aaronak]

"We're about to go to war..."

"Next on Fox 25 News: A schoolboy in trouble for making a list of sexy students!"

[MJ]

Time for me to go to bed. Night all!

[Ryan]

"We're about to go to war!" Again... with the Chines... err... Russia... err... Fayed's countr... err... who, again?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

"For 21 hours you've wondered how the season was going to end.."

Yes, so have the writers.

[abilicious]

Wait, how did Grandpa Bauer get the security override codes to give to Cheng? Didn't Cheng just say, "Thank you for the codes; they worked perfectly"? I am SO lost.

Which couldn't have ANYthing to do with the fact that the writers are making this up as they go along.

[WizzyPigabeth]

Okay, this was annoying.

And Milo didn't rate a silent clock? Poor Milo.

[Siouxie]

Ryan, hopefully with the writers.

[WoosterGirl]

Ooo, a subsitute teacher keeping a journal of hundreds of students he wanted to boink.

G'night, all! *blows kiss to Suzy*

Steve, tomorrow, same time, same Jack channel.

[Desk Diva]

*snork* at TH & abi

[Wes S.]

OK, wait a minute...Farmer Hoggett, the superpatriot, is going to defect to China on the spur of the moment because he thinks his country is ungrateful.

And the Russians are getting ready to go to war with the United States because the Chinese got their hands on one of their nuclear weapons components...from a Russian nuke that was smuggled into the USA, by a Russian general, to be used to take out an American city. And the Russians are allegedly doing this because they're afraid of a war with CHINA!

Is this show making even less sense than usual?

[WA2CHI]

Damn! The local affiliate in Mobile,AL preempted the coming attractions!

[WizzyPigabeth]

You forget, abilicious, that Hoggett was lurking around CTU unattended for several hours before he was shown to be an evil mastermind.

[Siouxie]

I knew I shoulda watched Dancing With the Stars tonight for the action.

[abilicious]

Oh, that's right, Wiz - since CTU didn't realize he was a bad guy, they probably just left those codes lying around.

[Dr. Rickenstien]

how exactly do they intend to cram 3 hours into a 2 hour hole? Me thinks the writers have given up and made a run for the perimeter.

[Suzy Q]

Ok, I've caught approximately 0.37 seconds of this entire episode. Did anything other than Jack shooting Milo happen? I thought not.

DD: Expensive dinners would be definitely in the mix. Flowers, perhaps. Jewelry? Not so much. I'm not that materialistic. But, apparently the poor boy has been working very long hours and very hard. Boo frickin' hoo.

[Brad]

out of curiosity did I see about 3 guards at CTU get killed. They have more guards at Disneyland than CTU

[Dave]

Wes. S. -- Wow. That is an excellent point. The Russians started all this.

[KJP]

Previews: Jack kicks ass (as usual), Farmer Hoggett wants to take Josh with him to China, that whole "smooth operation" with the Russian mole doesn't go smoothly, and the veep is excited at the prospect of going to war.

[Brad]

If the Russian's started this, shouldn't they attack themselves?

[Zach Bauer]

So... Josh... how do ya feel about General Tso's chicken? Better than the Colonel's? Henh? henh?

Where we're going, they just call Chinese food, "food."

[Wes S.]

Dave: thank you very much! You've just made my entire week!

[slyeyes]

What did I miss?

[Dr. Rickenstein]

On the plus side tonight:

Thigh & crotch shootin'
Milo makes an excellent target practice dummy
Perimeters were breached
And the #1 positive....No Awwdrey

The negatives:

Don't have enough room here

[Desk Diva]

Wes - WOW!! You got a Wow from His Daveness!! I wanna be you!

Well, no, I don't. I rather like being a girl. But still.... Coooool!

[Wes S.]

...And Dave, wait just a minute. Speaking of the Russians: Wasn't Farmer Hoggett also involved with the Russian general that "stole" the suitnukes? Yet he's fleeing to Beijing instead of Moscow.

OK, I should know better than to try to make sense of "24's" plotlines. That's apparently beyond even the show's writers...

[WizzyPigabeth]

I never got a nod from Dave.

I think I'll go eat worms.

:(

[baligurl]

Tropic, I got the Zephram Cochram ref, Satr Trek, right? The first guy (with tequila shots) in...I forget which film, on account of I'm on allergy meds. Silly 'Next Generation"...

[mc5cents]

You know, I liked farmer hogget better when he was the "love iterest" on 6 Feet Under.

[Siouxie]

Ok...I got a chance to FINALLY read the "summary" and may I give Dave some much deserved *SNORKS*!!! Now I'm waiting for Steve The Magnificent Amazing to make some sense of this totally unrealistic boring action-packed episode!

WTG, Wes!!!

[Siouxie]

btw, there is MORE action in "The Bachelor...Officer and a guy with the personality of a turnip Gentleman!

[insomniac]

("suite:judy blue eyes" c.s.n&y)

it's getting to the point
where i can't watch '24'
it's just so sorry!
sometimes they goof so badly
i must cry out loud "It's so phony!"
24's, out of time,i still watch so far...
but they make it hard!

remembering who is, and who's not, a traitor
they won't have mercy!
all the world's bad guys, converge on CTU,
(instead of Jersey)
24's , out of time, i still watch so far...
but they make it hard!

jack bauer's tried ,but many have died, and some we
regret
but we keep watching!
we're into shock and jack is the key to our remotes,
and we love him!
24's out of time, i still watch so far...
but they make it hard!

monday evening...watch the chimps at c.t.u
what else have you got to choose?
mutants, dancers, sitcoms, please be gone i'm tired
of you, what else have you got to choose?

irritated chloe, can't believe her colleagues
break the code, hack a node, drive nerds crazy!
washingtonian weasels don't know who they're fighting
start a war, don't be a bore, it's so exciting!

[Siouxie]

acck...how did my name NOT come up...that WTG, Wes! was me.

*shoots bot in the thigh*

[Siouxie]

LOL insom...and a simul to boot.

guess I'm the only one still awake...