24

This summary might be even less accurate than usual. I missed most of 24 last week, which was a shrewd move because apparently it was Night of the Living  Audrey. Remember when this season was about nuclear bombs going off in U.S. cities? How did we get from that to Audrey? When this season finally ends, Congress had better hold hearings.

Anyway, Jack is all mopey because the evil Chinese subplots turned Audrey into a zombie, on top of which her father, Secretary of Defense William Devane, last seen drowning, reappeared to order Jack to keep away from his daughter. But before  that happened, Audrey said "Bloomfield," which turned out to be... a clue! To quote from the Official 24 Site "Plot" Summary:

There is a Bloomfield Copper Company that used to have a facility in Los Angeles. Forensics found copper particles on her clothes, so this may be where Cheng was hiding her. LAPD is locking down the building but Doyle is heading there now.

Sounds like a showdown at the old Bloomfield Copper place! (It's one of the many abandoned copper operations in the Los Angeles area.) CTU needs to capture the wily mastermind "Three Hummers" Cheng before he can give his government the Top Secret Russian Circuit Board of Doom (thanks to Fred for the link) which could create... an international crisis. Already Russian troops are moving into Central Asia, and you know what that means. I don't know what it means, either, but it sounds bad, especially if you are a Russian troop.

Meanwhile back in Washngton, Acting President Dark Powers has discovered that Lisa, the White House vixen who has been on his staff, has also been on the staff of a Russian agent. This is very significant, because... OK, it just is. I'll be honest: whenever they show the Washington scenes, I go to the bathroom, even if I don't have to.

Edgar is still dead (although he got right on the horn to his agent when he saw William Devane reappear).

Morris has broken up with Chloe for good.

Christopher shot Tim Daly. (This happened last night on the Sopranos, but I'm including it here because,  whoa.)

Meanwhile, according to this column (thanks to Michelle Jameson) the producers of 24, apparently recognizing that this season totally bites is not quite up to snuff, are going to give it a "complete remodeling." Good idea! Maybe they could hire some writers!

Nah, that's crazy talk.

Anyway, we've given this season thousands of hours of our time, so we're not going to quit until it's over. We will be watching closely tonight, and of course waiting for clarification from the Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: A restraining order! THAT will certainly deter a legal stickler like Jack.

UPDATE: Dammit, Nadia!

UPDATE: Jack is a coiled spring, waiting to uncoil like... like a spring that is uncoiling.

UPDATE: A FIVE-BLOCK PERIMETER!

UPDATE: Real-time tactical feeds will be uplinked to their PDAs! They must have Cingular.

UPDATE: The Venus Breeze looks like a fine ladies' razor.

UPDATE: Can we just get to the shooting?

UPDATE: CTU's motto should be "D'oh!"

UPDATE: So basically, in a locked-down city, with CTU looking for him, Cheng can move a small army on CTU... undetected!

UPDATE: Dropped data fields in Sector 8, I HATE that.

UPDATE: Can we all agree that Chloe's new hair color is a major mistake?

UPDATE: Lisa needs to create an opportunity for Bishop to access her PDA. If you know what I mean.

UPDATE: This season is all about stalling for time, isn't it? Reminds me of baseball, when the manager goes to the mound and scratches his butt while the relief pitcher warms up. Only not as exciting.

UPDATE: What, exactly, do women mean when they say they're going to "freshen up?" Never mind, I don't want to know.

UPDATE: If I were the hospital that employs House, I'd fire him, because wherever he goes the patients are messed up.

UPDATE: "We're in." Wow! Even the Chinese say that! They must have watched a lot of movies.

UPDATE: Milo is hurt because there might be something between Nadia and Doyle. Seriously, do you believe the amount of this stuff that goes on at CTU?

UPDATE: Honestly, CTU is the single most clueless government agency in the history of government agencies. THEY CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT THEY'RE UNDER FREAKING ATTACK.

UPDATE: NOW we are talking.

UPDATE: I'll be honest: I was never attached to Milo. But seriously: Should we not be a little bit troubled by the fact that CTU -- the agency responsible for protecting the nation from terrorists -- could not protect its own building from terrorists?

UPDATE: So it's Jack against, what, 25 killers? This thing is over.

UPDATE: The air duct! That is so... unexpected.

UPDATE: The costume designer said, "OK, the attackers will wear matching tank tops. And we will glisten their bodies with sweat."

UPDATE: Modern buildings have PA systems in the air ducts, for exactly this reason.

UPDATE: Farmer Hoggett! That old so-and-so.

UPDATE: This was the best episode for a while. Utterly preposterous, but less White House and more Jack. Which is why we watch. Coming up: The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: An excellent analysis from commenter Wes S.:

OK, wait a minute...Farmer Hoggett, the superpatriot, is going to defect to China on the spur of the moment because he thinks his country is ungrateful.

And the Russians are getting ready to go to war with the United States because the Chinese got their hands on one of their nuclear weapons components...from a Russian nuke that was smuggled into the USA, by a Russian general, to be used to take out an American city. And the Russians are allegedly doing this because they're afraid of a war with CHINA!

Is this show making even less sense than usual?

Comments

[MJ]

Marilyn's bad acting returns....

[Brad]

don;t make jack cry

[Siouxie]

Marilyn, get some acting lessons...PLEASE!

[tw]

South Park already did a '24' spoof this season....pretty funny....recommend looking for it in reruns if you missed it.

[Desk Diva]

Hmmm....bring ManKim by to say goodbye to DADDY, maybe?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hottie: "I'll bring Josh by."

Jack: "That would be fun. Yeah, we'll toss a ball around here in my isolation room, play hide and go seek, make up for lost time, etc."

[Razumihin]

So, they're using PacMan to infiltrate CTU?

[ChuckE]

Doyle on the scene. Well, absolutely nothing can possibly go wrong now...

[Siouxie]

"People are going to die" FINALLY!!!

[Unrealious]

Here comes the Shooting Dave.

[Desk Diva]

Suzy - How bad was he? More to the point, how GOOD was he?! Let that be your determining factor....

[Suzy Q]

Crap. Things are a'happenin' on the 24 and I'm missing it!

[Razumihin]

Main characters don't need to wear helmets, I guess.

[KJP]

Their objective is to obtain the package! The Chinese are going to attack UPS!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wait! The Chinese are using Teenage Mutant Ninja Terrorists!

[Dennis]

I get the impression that the Chinese are about to attack CTU. Jack of course will escape notice because he is in custody and will escape during the confusion. Then he will route the Chinese singlehandedly.

Anybody smell a "Die Hard" rip off coming here?

[Desk Diva]

Hmmm...Morris looks...thoughtful.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

PERIMETER! DRINK!

[Unrealious]

By the way, just an observation but Cloe has about 12 differently nuanced "cross" faces for when she is concerned, sad, relieved, angry, wants to say "oh please" etc.

[Aaronak]

CTU? Attacked? Whoever heard of such a thing?

[MJ]

Wow...they are going to invade CTU!

Cause, like, that's never happened before. Ever.

[Suzy Q]

DD, he was a bad boy for leaving me incommunicado for 3 weeks, and I'm letting him know in no uncertian terms that he is on my sh*t list. He's already offered to be my slave for a week. Somehow, that's not good enough. *EG* I told him he has to grovel. A lot. (Oh, I do think he's trainable.)

[Desk Diva]

I hate this show for one reason - I have to turn the dang thing up to 42 to hear it, then get blown into the next county if I forget to mute it before the commercials come on.

I blame the bot....

[Zach Bauer]

Whatever became of the Chinese CTU guy with the Anglo name?

[Razumihin]

He went to Africa to learn about Snapple? Dude, they have a website . . .

[Brad]

Has anyone heard if any of the characters in 24 contract have not been renewed?

[abilicious]

Chloe is SO about to be kidnapped and forced to help the Chinese. This will be followed by Morris going "Neener!" about her don't-arm-any-more-terrorist-nukes comment.

[Razumihin]

US Cellular FINALLY got rid of Joan! DRINK!!!

[Jeannie]

So, is anyone else looking forward to the Simpsons movie? It's gotta be better than this!

[ChuckE]

I think someone at CTU buys it tonight. My heart says Milo, but my head says Chloe.

[Desk Diva]

Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh.......sllllllaaaaaaavvvee......

*Drrrroooooooooooolllllllll*

*wipe*

Make sure the groveling involves lots of massage oil, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce....

[Dr. Rickenstien]

Isn't invading another country's agency kinda illegal....oh wait

[Siouxie]

Chloe's PMSing.

[KJP]

Milo, "it's not you, it's me" is so played...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jeez...Chloe, can you taser the writers perhaps?!?

[Desk Diva]

Ewww....pukey Lisa-face!!

[KJP]

Er, Morris, rather...

[Dr. Rickenstien]

Isn't invading another country's agency kinda illegal....oh wait

[Aaronak]

I have a bad feeling about Morris. And Tom Lennox seems to be putting himself in danger. The tension is ... uh ... tense

[Razumihin]

Dave: The color is symbolic of her angst.

Or the fact that these people haven't showered in 24 hours . . .

[insomniac]

unrealious - rather like the inuit and snow, chloe has a dozen different facial expressions for 'p*ssed'...

[ChuckE]

Once this administration and its rotating presidents are over, Lennox has quite the future as a pimp.

[Siouxie]

*snooze*

[Suzy Q]

Yer funny, DD! It's gonna take more that that for me. Yep, I'm tough.

Plus, he's making me miss 24! Dammmit! I have NO IDEA what's going on tonight! Although...come to think of it, it's the same as every episode of 24.

[MJ]

When the Chinese attack CTU (yawn) I'm hoping Big Pimp Bill Buchanan flies in with his pimp stick to save the day.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Job description? He's a WEENIE! OF COURSE IT DOES!

[Zach Bauer]

She's gonna stab him with a letter opener, just like in season one...

[Siouxie]

I think the bot wants some tonight..

first it made me type "s e x" and now "69"

WTFBBQ????

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Loosen her up! Loosen her up!

[Razumihin]

o/` Infiltrating the countryside . . . infiltrating the peasants . . . infiltrating all the people in the thatched-roof cottages! o/`

[Desk Diva]

Now that's intelligent. Immediately before you enter the enemy's lair, look directly at the van that's surreptitiously spying on you....

And then, act like you can't stand to kiss the man you just botfocked an hour ago like a rabid bunny....

Yeah. That'll convince him.

[Siouxie]

ohhhh kinky!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oooooh! She's not wearing a Victoria's Secret bra!

[Siouxie]

Dave, you DON'T wanna know...

[Russell]

GIGGITY

[MJ]

Sorry I dozed off...what did I miss?

[Russell]

GIGGITY GIGGITY GOO

OH RIGHT

[Brad]

What kind of action was Fox promising? Shootin' or %$$%%%%

[judi]

"candlesticks always make a nice gift"

[Desk Diva]

Dave, if Mrs. Blog has never clued you in after all these years, it really is something you don't wanna know.

[Desk Diva]

*snork* @ Judi!!

[Dr. Rickenstien]

didnt she ever think to just say she had to pee? just askin.

[Suzy Q]

Is that a circuit board?

[Aaronak]

What if Mrs. Bauer dies and Jack gets custody of his "nephew"?

[Desk Diva]

Important business again, so....MUST...SPEAK...ENGLISH!!!

[Wes S.]

Finally...after forty-five minutes of blather we finally may be getting close to some action.

Action that, thankfully, doesn't involve Lisa going to bed with someone.

[Desk Diva]

Is that a reeeeeeeeeally bad rug on Milo, or is it just me?

[WoosterGirl]

*zips in*

Why does Nadia's hair still look so friggin fantastic after more than 20 hours without a shower? Is she the erstwhile 24 Breck girl?

I know, I'm just jealous.

[Razumihin]

Dave :D

[WA2CHI]

Women can't admit that they need to go potty until long into the relationship. Check out past editions of Gene Weingarten's on line discussions.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

SHOOTIN' TIME! BREAK JACK OUT NOW!

[WizzyPigabeth]

If Chloe dies, so does 24. I am willing to give next season a shot, but not without Chloe.

[Siouxie]

A hiccup in the server?? has the server been drinking???

[tropichunt.com guy™]

"Hiccup in the server"?!??

THANK YOU WRITERS FOR THE MOST TECHNICAL LINE OF THE SEASON!

[Razumihin]

Holy cow, PacMan killed CTU!

[danceswithvowels]

IM IN UR SEWER KILLIN UR COMMZ! AND UR D00DZ!

[Desk Diva]

And Suzy - this could be a REALLY good time to get all your needs met.... Gutters cleaned, lawn mowed, pipes reamed...and all at your command and convenience. Just sayin'.

;)

[WoosterGirl]

Yay! Shooting!!!!!

[Wes S.]

Why does Nadia's hair still look so friggin fantastic after more than 20 hours without a shower? Is she the erstwhile 24 Breck girl?

And remember, she was tortured midway through the season. Obviously, given the controversy surrounding the show's frequent depictions of torture, the writers have included a full makeover as part of the standard "24" torture package. Along with the really cool drugs.

[Suzy Q]

There could never be 24 without Chloe. Without Jack, as he has been performing this season? Yes. But not without Chloe.

[ChuckE]

Everyone! You know the drill! Go to your nerve gas stations!

[Siouxie]

SHOOTING!!!! FINALLY!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

There's a weapon for you, Jack. THIGH TIME!

[Wes S.]

"I need a weapon..." *BLAM!*

Well...that was convienent...

[WA2CHI]

Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack: Now I have a machine gun. HO HO HO!

[insomniac]

assume crash positions!

[Desk Diva]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JACK KILLED SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ChuckE]

Yippie Ki-Yay, Jack Bauer.

[MJ]

Toys R Us has better security than CTU.

[WoosterGirl]

No! NOt Milo!!!!

His abs are fabulous.

[Ryan]

Is it just me, or is CTU easier to get into than the local Stop & Rob?

[Aaronak]

Oops.

[Siouxie]

Oh no...bye bye, Milo

[Alejandro Reis]

BOW CHICKA BOW WOW

[Wes S.]

Aaaaand...Exit Milo.

[Suzy Q]

DD: All good ideas, except I don't have a house. So, all I could use from that list is the pipe reaming. Hmmmm.....

*waves at WooserGirl with the pretty hair*

[Brad]

i guess milo was not a mole

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Saw that comin'...yep, this is a Die Hard episode...

[Momanon]

Cold!