SOMETIMES THIS BLOG CANNOT TELL WHEN PEOPLE ARE SAVING THE EARTH, AND WHEN THEY ARE KIDDING

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

UPDATE (Thanks to CJrun): It takes a lot of stuff to be green.

Comments

[Cheryl Howard]

YAY Sio!

[Cheryl Howard]

Dang. I shoulda said "First to say YAY Sio!"

[Hammond Rye]

Yay, Siouxie!

*Waves @ Siouxie!*

[Siouxie]

YAY!!

*Waves back @ Hammie*

I seriously would love to know if Al Gore can use ONE square...

[Meanie the Blue]

*Reminds self never to shake hands with Laurie David or Sheryl Crow*

[Meanie the Blue]

*nor invite them to dinner*

[tweetywill]

No mortal human being can. Only celebrities whose toilet paper needs smell of roses can even conceive of such a thing...

[Sue of the North]

Proof that all enviormentalist crack pots aren't living in BC like I suspected..........please keep her south of the border we have enough like her. I would like to know how big is the one square that they use.......papertowel size maybe..

[Jemmy]

Thats an excellent plan! I mean for people who don't actually "go" when they use the toilet, of course.

[From another world]

Souxie - Only if its the size of a endangered sealion.

[mm]

she can limit all she likes. I just don't want to sit next to her...

What she needs is one of those catch-fire toilet seats.

[Suzy Q]

Can you spare a square?

(Hey, someone had to say it.)

[Siouxie]

LOL true, FAW!

And her design for "dining sleeve" to wipe your mouth on it?? ewwwwww

Sorry...but she's nuts.

[Hammond Rye]

Sue, we'll try, but you have to take back Celine.

[Suzy Q]

Ok, now that I actually read this article or whatever it is, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that Sheryl Crow is stark raving mad. And she probably has skid marks. That is all.

[Val]

I blame it on the drugs.

[the world has a fivver]

They undoubtly have c STunt doubles to do their peeing for them.

[Siouxie]

Nice bumpin' into you, Hammie ;-P

No, they can't have Celine back!!!

[Hammond Rye]

Nice shoes, Siouxie! Oh, yes, they can, too!

[Siouxie]

LOL fivver!

Suzy, honestly...do you really think she uses ONE sheet??? On the news this morning, someone said they were even suggesting on how to fold the square into 2 halves and use a finger for "gripage".

eww...just eww! gimme the whole damn roll!

[Layzeeboy]

Friday on Good Morning America they actually said that the average American uses 3 feet of TP per episode. I do research on human behavior but I'm not gonna validate that study.

[insomniac]

i can only say this to sheryl crow...(re:toilet paper usement)

"every day is a binding load"

or for the dinner-sleeve/handkerchief

"gonna soak up the snot"

[Boo Augustus]

As long as they don't take away my 2 - 4 per bathroom visit, pre-moistened, flushable towelettes, I'm fine with a limit on toilet paper.

However, I find that the first square to go is never "barely used." Ugh.

[Bethie]

Okay, I really think she is just kidding. If she's not, well, then, she's a real fruit bat.

[Siouxie]

*snork* @ insom!

(no they can't, Hammie!!)

[wickedwitch]

yes, it's true, i am a tree-hugging vegetarian crackpot; however, this B*^%H is just F&#(*@G nuts. That is all.

[tmcguinn1]

That is just plain disgusting.....the whole thing! The TP, the sleeves, all of it! I seriously HOPE she's kidding!

And, I must agree with Hammie on this one, they can have Celine back!! ;)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Wow - this really rides the comedy/psychosis picket fence. Being married to Larry David HAS to affect Laurie David's outlook. Is that really her own tongue in her cheek, or someone else's? This seems real and in earnest - very scary.

What's this about running warm water over her hands to warm them up after her jog? How wasteful is that? Get a pair of gloves and quit wasting energy, ya hypocrite! (I think.) That's it - you're cut off - no tp for a week!

I'm gonna print this out to read later in the bathroom. ;)

Oh, and yay, Siouxie!

[Annie Where-but-here]

*snork* @ Hammond about Celine. A valiant effort.

[Siouxie]

Annie, if you run outta TP...make sure you cut up the article into a 4in square.

[Meanie the Blue]

Dear Sir or Madam, will you hear my plea?
I got no brains to speak of, will you humor me?
Based on a theory 'bout the way we go
But I need some cover, cuz I want to be a paperless wiper,
Paperless wiper.

It's the dirty story of a dirty deed
But the pooping public won't pay any heed.
If they'd all just listen, it's the Holy Grail,
It's an angry mob that refuses to be paperless wipers,
Paperless wipers.

Paperless wipers.

Save a thousand plies, give or take a few,
We'll be wiping less in a week or two.
We can make them stronger if some stays behind,
We can change the texture and I want to see more paperless wipers,
Paperless wipers.

If they'd only do it we can win the fight,
They'd get used to the aromas almost overnight.
Who cares if skidmarks appear everywhere
But I need some help cuz I want to make you paperless wipers,
Paperless wipers.

Paperless wiper

Paperless wiper - Paperless wiper
Paperless wiper - Paperless wiper

[JohnnyB]

Why not stop using TP completely and attach a washable "doody sleeve" to your shirt?
BTW, how does the dining sleeve work when you're wearing short sleeves?

[Hammond Rye]

*SNORK* @ Meanie!

[Prairie Dog]

Hmmm, I propose that Ms Crow and Ms David use cloth diapers as a wiping agent and that they be forced to wash them themselves. I think that's a far more reasonable request than being limited to one wispy square standing between you and indignity.

[tmcguinn1]

I like the "doody sleeve" LOL.

I guess when wearing short sleeves, you just use your arm. Saves all that wasteful detergent and water one must use to wash the removable sleeves, too. Better yet, let's just all use our hands for all these messy chores from now on!

[Siouxie]

*SNORK*@ Meanie!!!

[AmerInParis]

One square? FRENCH toilet paper?! Hah!

[sthnbelle]

Reminds me of this joke.

And I'm with Meanie - I'm not gonna be shaking their hands, thankyouverymuch!

[Mikey123]

Are both of these nitwits 12 years old?

STFU and go back to hollywood, idiots.

Especially you, Crow! And take a bath.

Thank you.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Meanie - the RBR's have 'covered' that tune. They did not leave skid marks.

[Brad]

There is a classic Internet chain letter about how to wipe with just one piece of paper. It involves cutting a small notch out of the center and saving it. Then you stick your finger through the center. That small notch is for cleaning under your finger nail when you are done. When I first heard this, I though that might be what she was referring to. But now, I think she's just crazy.

Idea for anyone who goes out to see her in concert. Throw toilet paper up on the stage. More ideas soon...

[the world has a fivver]

Brad, maybe use slingshots to smack her with one square of wet tp at a time. kind of like spitballs only different.

[pogo]

...and the winner of the coveted Blog Grammy goes to....Meeeeeeenieeeeeeee!!!

[Mikey123]

She should wipe with one poison ivy leaf. and that David dame needs counselling. Gets all upset because her boring speech at UVA did nothing. Went off the stage and started to cry. Oh brother!

Both from the shallow end of the gene pool.

[Bones]

*snork* @ one of the comments on the article...

"Laughed so hard I did a three-square in me pants.

By christopher.witmer"

[Siouxie]

fivver, even better...with used tp!

[Not my usual alias]

I suggest using flame throwing bidets.

Toilet paper? Isn't that what your left hand is for?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Siouxie - then they wouldn't be sPitballs anymore, would they?

[Kevin In JAX]

Is that why Karl Rove went nuts when she touched him at the Correspondent's Dinner?

[Siouxie]

Precisely, Annie! maybe she'll then realize you need more than ONE FRIGGIN' SHIET OF TOILET PAPER!!!

[Renee (the First)]

You'd think if we're as "industrious" as all that, we'd need MORE tp, not less.

[rich]

so it will be called the "Smell like France" law

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

If she REALLY wanted to be environmentally friendly, she'd skip the TP altogether and get a rolling dung beetle to live in her crack.

[casey]

Being the environmentally friendly type person that I am, I wipe with a cat.

Wipe with a cat, save a tree.

[Siouxie]

casey, being the environmentally friendly person that *I* am, I'd rather "save a horse, ride a cowboy" ;-)

what?

[casey]

ooooooooo, cowboys!

um....back in a minute.........

[WriterDude]

Meanie, when you said, "*Reminds self never to shake hands with Laurie David or Sheryl Crow*", you reminded me that I have shaken hands with Sheryl Crow. I may need to go wash up now, even though it was almost 12 years ago.

[WriterDude]

Dang it. Sorry.

[Dean-oh]

Sheryl Crow and the Toilet Paper Police WBAGNFARB.

[trr]

All I can say is, I no longer blame Lance Armstrong.

[John Dash]

You got suckered by Karl Rove, God help ya!

[philintexas]

One square per visit to the low-flow ergonomic crapper? Dave, explain to the crazy lady how many acres of pines are sacrificed each day so the Miami Herald can publish (about 30 acres +/- 5 acres)

[tmcguinn1]

Chris, instead of a dung roller, she might have more fun with a dung tunneller (same link).

[tmcguinn1]

So, we should use the Miami Herald instead of a doody sleeve?

[judi]

the update is UNBELIEVABLE.

[Siouxie]

judi, I agree!!

UN. REAL.

[Siouxie]

oh and YAY to CJ!!! (nice sharin' with ya!)

[Gary]

Hey, it's right there on page 4 of the contract:

<14> DRESSING ROOMS

One private room will be required for SHERYL CROW. This should be comfortably furnished with a couches, coffee tables, and shower / toilet facilities with a minimum of one square of toilet paper per day of the engagement.

And you all thought she was joking!

[tmcguinn1]

Maybe if she cut back on a few of those plastic water bottles and drank tap she could justify sending another square of TP down the loo each visit!

[EB]

For this she got Chemotherapy????

Let me forward you some Psych Literature on "Chemotherapy syndrome", where your brain has trouble processing information for up to 10 years after....

Hoping all of us don't have to go thru it... EB

[Blogchik]

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

[Kristina L.]

Either she's kidding, or she has some serious physical problem. 1 square?!!! Maybe she just doesn't eat anything.

[grant]

Maybe she's talking about European toilet paper. Any more than one sheet of that sand-paper, and you won't even have any skin down there to worry about cleaning.

[grant]

Another thing... my wife grew up in the Soviet Union, where you would have to wait in line for HOURS to buy toilet paper. And even in that time of scarcity, they would not limit themselves to one sheet at a time... and yet they were still "rationing". It's hard to believe that Crow wants to make us worse off than people in the Soviet Union were (and we all knew how rousing a spectacular success that turned out to be).