24

Here is where we stand:

We don't really know. We missed last week. But here's where we think we stand:

Lunatic Vice President Darth Boothe was going to launch a nuclear missile against a country that has not been named (although we have our suspicions). Fortunately President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat emerged from his coma, which was indistinguishable from his acting, to restore sanity to the government by... launching the nuclear missile anyway. So basically we have a struggle for power at the highest level of the U.S. government between two insane homicidal nuclear maniacs, which is a good thing because the terrorists have totally dropped the ball since their one lone nuclear strike, which was months ago.

The current ranking terrorist submastermind that this blog is aware of is Fayed, who edged ahead of Gredenko last week when Gredenko took one for the terrorist team in the form of having his arm whacked off, although apparently the only part of this that the TV audience got to see was the severed arm, played by the late Wally Cox. Apparently Jack will be interrogating Fayed this evening, so we are hoping for some excitement there. We are also hoping for fewer and shorter bunker scenes, and no mention whatsoever of the 25th Amendment. "Less bunker, more Bauer," that is this blog's feeling.

Edgar is still dead.

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY: We have been warned by a number of sources that something much worse than total worldwide nuclear devastation may occur tonight.

UPDATE: There is nothing happening at this time.

UPDATE: Whoa. House is on Prison Break. There must have been a major plot twist.

UPDATE: House just spat on a surgeon! I hope he also shows up in 24.

UPDATE: I just can't imagine Bill and Karen having sex.

UPDATE: Jack's interrogating somebody and THEY'RE NOT SHOWING IT!!! What is WRONG with these people?

UPDATE: Could this dialogue be any more wooden? Really, could it?

UPDATE: It was a trick missile. I knew we couldn't trust President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat to be a homicidal lunatic.

UPDATE: Two words, Jack: (1) Power. (2) Tools.

UPDATE: They're in a kitchen! There's probably a fryer! Come on, show some initiative!

UPDATE: Who is General Habib again? Is he the Latest Terrorist Mastermind (LTM)?

UPPDATE: "We're all doing some learning today, aren't we sir." Blecccch.

UPDATE: I hope they remember to exchange insurance information.

UPDATE: How come sometimes the terrorists speak English to each other, and other times they do not? Hmm?

UPDATE: A fake! Good one!

UPDATE: See? Why are they all of a sudden speaking English?

UPDATE: No! Don't involve the president!

UPDATE: I keep hoping they'll slip up and name the country they're all talking about.

UPDATE: Milo is too jealous to be uplinking for Nadia.

UPDATE: I think they should let the viewers vote on the target.

UPDATE: Thanks for joining us, President GPOYWCMH!

UPDATE: A code! Those sneaky terrorist mastermind bastards!

UPDATE: Jack has a visual on the target vehicle and is going to engage.

UPDATE: "I'm on my way to you now." Thanks, Mister Screenwriter!

UPDATE: The Sanitation Truck of Nuclear Doom!

UPDATE: I hate the bunker.

UPDATE: That was a crunchy neck.

UPDATE: These terrorists are horrible shots.

UPDATE: Biting, headbutting AND a chain! AND "Say hello to your brother." THIS is why we watch this show.

UPDATE: UH-oh....

UPDATE: Our worst fears have been realized. Audrey AND the Dreaded Chinese Subplot.

UPDATE: Well, except for our worst fears being realized, it was a good episode. Much more Jack. Thanks for joining the blog tonight; stick around for The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Annie Where-but-here]

That's gonna leave a Mark Jack.

[Sooska]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GAG ACK BARF!!

[danceswithvowels]

LET HER DIE!

[ubetcha]

Oh boy - I'm covering my ears now.

[WoosterGirl]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! My eyes! My EYES!!!!

[steve-o]

Just.....one......more.....thing....to do....China!!@

[WizzyPigabeth]

dang. an almost great ending spoilt.

[Peter]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AUDREY'S BACK!!!

Jack should just forget about Audrey.

[glow]

I have been quiet all hour.

But.

NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!

Nononononononono. Come on, Jack. You haven't heard her stinking voice for 18 months. It's not her!!!!!

[Jessica R.]

Formerly dead Audrey is alive, but Edgar is still dead, and Tony, and , and

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Just end the season here! It's ok! We'd forgive you! This only means we can have like many hours of Awwwwdrey...NOOOO!!!! SPARE US THE PAIN!!!

[Travis]

Come on, we get bad ass Jack for five minutes again and we suddenly have to emasculate him with an Audrey plot.

I need a drink!

[EdgarLives]

"If you caw within 10 minutes, you get extra egg roll with ordah ovah 15 dowwars"

[EdgarLives]

"If you caw within 10 minutes, you get extra egg roll with ordah ovah 15 dowwars"

[Ann]

Could these foreign accents be any more stereotyped? "Hewoh Mistah Bawah."

[JJ]

was that Jack on that snowboard?

[Sooska]

Big NO simul-posts !

[judi]

310 597 5781

[Annie Where-but-here]

um...no?

[Master of the Obvious]

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...it's Awwwwwdrey. Lame. Very, very, lame.

[Bethie]

I really haven't been watching long enough, but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[EdgarLives]

"If you caw within 10 minutes, you get extra egg roll with ordah ovah 15 dowwars"

[Adonis]

Okay, maybe I'm rethinking my stance on wanting to watch with you guys. Work doesn't seem so bad now.

[Jeannie]

Travis, I'm confused. Haven't you been drinking all along, like the rest of us?

[Wes S.]

Actually, Jack's "Say hello to your brother" line WAS in the first "Die Hard." The first of the terrorists that Bruce Willis whacked in the movie was supposed to be the brother of Alexander Godunov's "Karl."

[danceswithvowels]

Next week: Jack shoots Ricky! Yay!

[ArcticAl]

8-1 for the Jays in the bottom of the 7th. We had to let them get one so that KC doesn't feel too bad.

And Jack won't really go back to China for Audry. He'll give them a suitcase nuke in a double cross.

[Otis Wildflower]

OH PLEEZ Ricky, didn't I already tell you he shot Curtis?

[Razumihin]

Come on, he shot Curtis, who he LIKED. Ricky is goin' down.

[WoosterGirl]

Oooh! Shoot Ricky, Jack! Shoot him dead!

[Bethie]

Well, it looks like the PResident survives for one more episode, or half an episode.

[JJ]

call 867-5309 instead

[Gretchen]

Well. That was fun. Now it's Eddie time.

[AlanBoss]

It's still two hours before the show starts here in the west. And three hours until this point.

So let me be the FIRST west coast bloglit to say...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'm heading to a misery club.

[Otis Wildflower]

Oh jeez, another day another murder in Killadelphia..

[Razumihin]

Dang, I need to type faster.

[Bethie]

Well, it has been exciting fun y'all! The show was also on, wasn't it? G'nite to all, and see you next time!

[WoosterGirl]

Rats. No lions.

G'night, all! Glad to see you back, Gretchen!

Steve: Your Recap. Me. Coffee. Tomorrow a.m.

Carrrrrrrrrrne asada.

[danceswithvowels]

Let's all sing ... 634-5789

[Ted]

OH MY GAWSH -- what a great Bauer photo finish -- my heart rate isn't back down yet. YEOW!

[Wes S.]

OK, in the past three weeks they've ripped off "Rain Man," "The Fugitive" and now "Die Hard." As well as virtually every previous "24" plotline from the previous five seasons.

Next week it looks like we get a remake of "Big Trouble in Little China."

[WizzyPigabeth]

Chang. They couldn't come up with a more interesting Chinese name? [b]Chang?[/b]

ROFL@ the free egg roll.

[Jessica R.]

Dave, Where are all of the other subplots? Did they all go to CTU medical? No one comes out of there alive. Sis in law, nephew, Daddy Bauer? Ex-pres Handbag? Former first ramparts?

[judi]

jenny i got your number

[Ann]

Wes, I think it's actually Whiny Trouble in Big China

[Otis Wildflower]

"Chinese got a lot of Hells, Jack..."

[Sooska]

Here's some irony - I turn to the PBS and there is a thing on Jim Jones who Powers Booth played in the Tv movie about Jonestown. Maybe we all can convince Audrey to drink KoolAid.

[Otis Wildflower]

Gotta love the Six Demon JackSack...

[Annie Where-but-here]

AlanBoss, sweetie - please refer to my post of 9:59.

About a month ago some blogger predicted the return of Skeletor Audrey.

So when do they reveal that a huge chunk of this show was a dream sequence?

[Ann]

I'm now on Wonder Years reruns, and there's more action with Kevin's class letting out than there was with that fight. Sigh.

[Deskdiva]

OK -

1. _MOSTLY_ dead is like "lightly killed"
2. Whiny Arabic music reminds me of a REALLY bad night in my freshman year of college. *SHUDDER*
3.
4. *SNORK* at choking chicken/terrorists and the Flying Fayed Brothers
5. REALLY strange music on that phone number...
6. JJ - is that short for Jenny?

[Wes S.]

8-1 for the Jays in the bottom of the 7th. We had to let them get one so that KC doesn't feel too bad.

Too late, Al. Just as well I wasn't watching the game...and I'll likely be missing the last couple of innings, seeing as how I have to finish washing my eyes out after that Awwwdrey sighting...

*walks away grumbling*

[Zach Bauer]

EdgarLives, I'll take one order of the City Beef and one order of the City Pork...

[ubetcha]

Sooska - I was thinking the same thing!

[Gringa]

7 more weeks and 7 unfinished plots:

1) What happened to President Handbag and the former First Lady Handbag?
2) What the heck happened in Denver?
3) Did Gradaenko die and do they find him?
4) Do they really have all the suitcase nukes?
5) Where's Audrey?
6) What's with the Marwan/Chinese Ambassador sub-plot?
7) Is Edgar still dead?

[MaryContrary]

Let us pause and think about this Jack shooting Ricky business. Because if, say, Ricky shoots Jack, then Jack will not go a-rescuing Audrey. It might even qualify as a mercy shooting.

[Jessica R.]

This is crazy. Snowed out 4 days in a row! The Indians are going to play Anaheim in Milwaukee because they have a dome. Tickets are $10 each because who will be there to watch?

[Ann]

Gringa, I don't know what happened in Denver, but it must be a crazy place because I have a new colleague who described herself as a Colorado native who was born in Wyoming. If that's the case, who knows what goes on out there?

[cooleyez229]

Jack shouldn't have killed Fayed since, you know, Fayed could've at least followed through on his evil plot, and would've been just the man for the job to once and for all rid the world of the Chinese subplot Audrey.

[Wes S.]

Hmmm. Wouldn't that be a case of turnabout: Ricky shooting Jack in the thighs?

[Sooska]

ubetcha - several weeks ago I made the same reference and no one picked up on it!

[Zach Bauer]

"Chinese got a lot of Hells, Jack..."

ROTFLMAO, Otis!!

Now I gotta ask, does Audrey have eyes like jade?

[bauerbabe]

So Jack says to the Prez, "You owe me." I'd say that's about right. When Jack declined to help with the raid after he choked his sis-in-law telling Buchanan, "It's personal", Bill replied, "That's not good enough." I was screaming at the TV, "Not good enough?!!" You asked this guy to sacrifice his life and now you say what he's done is not good enough!

We'll see what Prez Allstate's little brother will do next week.

Gee, if Jack kills Doyle, there won't be too many takers to join Jack on future field ops.

[L - Sarah L that is]

Didn't Silver Spoons take place in Colorado?

[ArcticAl]

9-1 top of the 8th for the Jays.

[Deskdiva]

So - what's with the 634 phone number?

[Otis Wildflower]

OMG Audrey's got either green or hazel eyes.. Looks like Lo Pan's gonna get some...

[Zach Bauer]

Gringa, I posted this earlier tonight, but THIS is Doyle's past in Denver....

[WizzyPigabeth]

Didn't the guy who played Ricky's dad on Silver Spoons also play our wonderful Blogmeister on Dave's World???

[Jessica R.]

Don't know, dd. Were we supposed to text that to someone? Where is that area code?

[Otis Wildflower]

634-5789.. You'd know if you were on a Mission from God(TM)..

[danceswithvowels]

If you need a little eggroll, call on me, all right
And if you want a little Audrey, call on me
I'll be in your timezone
All you got to do is pick up your telephone and dial now
(634-5789, 634-5789)

[Jessica R.]

No, Wizzy, Harry Anderson played Dave and Joel something or other played Ricky's dad.

[Deskdiva]

Riiiight. OK.

[WizzyPigabeth]

never mind, I was wrong. And now I'm embarrassed.

:-(

[Gringa]

OK, maybe there are more than 7 unfinished plots:

8) What's with Milo?
9) Who was the unknown Denver guy with Ricky Schroeder last week? What was on that chip?
10) Where are Farmer Hodgett and Grandson Hodgett?
11) What will happen with ex-sister-in-law/ ex-girlfriend now that Audrey's known to be alive?

[Deskdiva]

And Erin Grey of Buck Rogers was on the show, too.

[L - Sarah L that is]

I was wrong. It was somewhere in NY. Can you believe there is actually a website dedicated to Silver Spoons? WTFBBQ?

[Zach Bauer]

Hey don't forget Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Aire!

[Jessica R.]

No need to be embarrassed, Wizzy. Why should anyone remember Joel Something-or-other? I shall go check IMDB and find out the man's last name.

[danceswithvowels]

You can check out the lyrics to 634-5789 and other phone songs here.

[Deskdiva]

So - I'm starting a pool.

Take a number for how many friggin' fried chicken Boeuf Bourgignon crumbs went down my dress during the show and are now stuck to or in my ramparts.

(It's damned hard to eat that and blog at the same time....)

[Otis Wildflower]

Methinks it's time for a wee dram while Steve is a-summarizin'..

[ObiDon]

I like Audrey. You all quit picking on her or I'll kick the...I'll shoot your...I'll cough into your... I'll drill holes across your.....

[Otis Wildflower]

Methinks it's time for a wee dram while Steve is a-summarizin'..

[WizzyPigabeth]

For a split second I was hoping that Jack's phone call was from Hoggett, but then I realized it was probaby Awwedrey.

I hope she's not reading this blog. I'm sorry that I don't like her, but I don't. :-( My husband likes her though, and is annoyed by my annoyance. LOL

[Deskdiva]

(And thanks for the heads up, dances!)

*waves goodbye at Ridley, who I'm sure is gone by now*

BYE, RIDLEYYYYYYYYYYY!

[ArcticAl]

Oh DD can I go and count them for you and be the official judge? ;-)

[Jessica R.]

Joel Higgins. HUH Zach? Carlton from Fresh Prince did not play Ricky's dad? Was his name Joel Something-or-other, too?

[danceswithvowels]

I don't think Jack will really shoot Ricky, though. He just wants them all to shut up about Denver already.

[ArcticAl]

Oh and its 9-1 for the Jays in the top of the 9th.

[WizzyPigabeth]

Well, I was hoping that Jack's secret call was from Hoggett, but before I could process that I realized it had to be Awwwwdrey... hubby really likes her and doesn't understand why I dislike her so.

I really miss Nina. I want Nina to come back!! I miss My Tony!! Bring HIM back!! I miss Pres AllState!! EDGAR!!! Even Sherry!!! THere are so many more fun characters to bring back! Anyone but AWWWDREY!!! It's not her fault that she's boring.

[Otis Wildflower]

Mmmm.. Dalwhinnie 15 FTW...

[Deskdiva]

Well, OK, Al - but then you don't get a prize for guessing correctly.

*sneaks into the blog closet with Al for an official counting*

[Jessica R.]

Audrey is just a weepy mess. Now she is being held captive, and she is sure to be just one big puddle.

[danceswithvowels]

Lessee, DD. Ichi, zwei, trois, quatro, Clark & Addison, 30.06, ... I give up.

[Zach Bauer]

Jessica-

No, but he WAS a regular on SS, as Ricky's token black friend, "Alphonso."

Apparently, all the kids on that show had to have the same character name as their real first name, except Jason Bateman (Derek).

[WizzyPigabeth]

sorry for the double post that wasn't really a doublle. I didn't think it posted. First I get Dave's alter ego mixed up with some guy named Higgins, and now this.

Did anyone on the show say perimeter tonight/ I think that's what's wrong with me...I didn't hear my favorite word.

[Deskdiva]

*muffled voices from the blogcloset*

Hey! I said you could count, not touch!!

[Jessica R.]

Ok, back to Simon & Simon re-runs. Where more real action happens in 60 minutes minus commercials than we get in 24 hours of 24. Not to mention, the dialogue is WAY better; oh and the Simon boys are more handsome too.