24

Here is where we stand:

We don't really know. We missed last week. But here's where we think we stand:

Lunatic Vice President Darth Boothe was going to launch a nuclear missile against a country that has not been named (although we have our suspicions). Fortunately President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat emerged from his coma, which was indistinguishable from his acting, to restore sanity to the government by... launching the nuclear missile anyway. So basically we have a struggle for power at the highest level of the U.S. government between two insane homicidal nuclear maniacs, which is a good thing because the terrorists have totally dropped the ball since their one lone nuclear strike, which was months ago.

The current ranking terrorist submastermind that this blog is aware of is Fayed, who edged ahead of Gredenko last week when Gredenko took one for the terrorist team in the form of having his arm whacked off, although apparently the only part of this that the TV audience got to see was the severed arm, played by the late Wally Cox. Apparently Jack will be interrogating Fayed this evening, so we are hoping for some excitement there. We are also hoping for fewer and shorter bunker scenes, and no mention whatsoever of the 25th Amendment. "Less bunker, more Bauer," that is this blog's feeling.

Edgar is still dead.

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY: We have been warned by a number of sources that something much worse than total worldwide nuclear devastation may occur tonight.

UPDATE: There is nothing happening at this time.

UPDATE: Whoa. House is on Prison Break. There must have been a major plot twist.

UPDATE: House just spat on a surgeon! I hope he also shows up in 24.

UPDATE: I just can't imagine Bill and Karen having sex.

UPDATE: Jack's interrogating somebody and THEY'RE NOT SHOWING IT!!! What is WRONG with these people?

UPDATE: Could this dialogue be any more wooden? Really, could it?

UPDATE: It was a trick missile. I knew we couldn't trust President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat to be a homicidal lunatic.

UPDATE: Two words, Jack: (1) Power. (2) Tools.

UPDATE: They're in a kitchen! There's probably a fryer! Come on, show some initiative!

UPDATE: Who is General Habib again? Is he the Latest Terrorist Mastermind (LTM)?

UPPDATE: "We're all doing some learning today, aren't we sir." Blecccch.

UPDATE: I hope they remember to exchange insurance information.

UPDATE: How come sometimes the terrorists speak English to each other, and other times they do not? Hmm?

UPDATE: A fake! Good one!

UPDATE: See? Why are they all of a sudden speaking English?

UPDATE: No! Don't involve the president!

UPDATE: I keep hoping they'll slip up and name the country they're all talking about.

UPDATE: Milo is too jealous to be uplinking for Nadia.

UPDATE: I think they should let the viewers vote on the target.

UPDATE: Thanks for joining us, President GPOYWCMH!

UPDATE: A code! Those sneaky terrorist mastermind bastards!

UPDATE: Jack has a visual on the target vehicle and is going to engage.

UPDATE: "I'm on my way to you now." Thanks, Mister Screenwriter!

UPDATE: The Sanitation Truck of Nuclear Doom!

UPDATE: I hate the bunker.

UPDATE: That was a crunchy neck.

UPDATE: These terrorists are horrible shots.

UPDATE: Biting, headbutting AND a chain! AND "Say hello to your brother." THIS is why we watch this show.

UPDATE: UH-oh....

UPDATE: Our worst fears have been realized. Audrey AND the Dreaded Chinese Subplot.

UPDATE: Well, except for our worst fears being realized, it was a good episode. Much more Jack. Thanks for joining the blog tonight; stick around for The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Deskdiva]

*snork @ Otis, Judi, TCHG and the Tundra Crewmax commercial opening*

[ubetcha]

Somebody pass Chloe a suppository.

[Gretchen]

Aaahh - Spambot, my old nemesis, we meet again.

[Razumihin]

The bot got me, or my Indy comment would have been first. Drat :P

[Ann]

Wooster, I think there's a small contingent of 'Burghers. I've seen different people mention it.

[Sooska]

WoosterGirl: Ann and me! It's hockey season so Let's Go Pens!

[EdgarLives]

hahaha, that's the same problem i have with my bluetooth headset. It never works when I'm hanging from the underbelly of a truck.

[Bethie]

If Jack is the praying kind, now would be a good time.

[WoosterGirl]

Gretchen! No lions??

They're the best actors during this entire hour.

[Ann]

There has been a serious dearth of Chloe tonight. No wonder I'm extra bored.

[ArcticAl]

8-0 for the Jays in the top of the 7th. KC is going down!

[Gretchen]

Plus, they know how to say it sexy, "carrrrrrrrne asada."

[Travis]

Anyone notice that you can get a cell signal into a bunker from Jihadistan, but not under a truck?

[Otis Wildflower]

MAL!!!!!!!!

[Steve (not that one)]

Where is Audrey? Is that who Fayed is going to see?!?!

[Sooska]

They have reduced Chloe to an afterthought. I liked it better when she turned into a gun tottin' mama.

[danceswithvowels]

Yay, Mal. I guess Sunday's booked.

[Otis Wildflower]

He's only _MOSTLY_ dead!

[Razumihin]

So much for the whole "no one must know" thing.

[Ann]

Did they say 70 over 40? That was my baseline bp when I was a gymnast, and I'm just fine.

[judi]

two things:

1) marlins won

and

2) i love the weenie

[Chris Webb]

"Drive" looks like Rat Race without the good parts.

[WoosterGirl]

"I'm not going anywhere," as he gets up to go.

[danceswithvowels]

What'll it be, Mr. President; your nukes or my resignation?

[Bethie]

Mr. President, you are a bit of a cranky pants today.

[Ann]

*snork* at "mostly dead"

[JJ]

If he wanted to know what was happening, why would he call CTU?

[Sooska]

Ann I thought the same thing!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

President: "Call CTU. I want to know what's happening."

CTU: "Mr. President, Jack is chasing the terrorists from under a garbage truck."

President: *collapses and dies*

[Razumihin]

Heh, that garbage truck *still* moves faster than the car chases in the 24 PS2 game . . .

[judi]

we're going to take out downtown los angeles!

[ubetcha]

i hope they have enough virgins ready

[Adonis]

*Decides not to make any 'I love the weenie' jokes*

[JJ]

nice snapping sound Jack

[Bethie]

Thank god, Jack heard that in English! He is the praying kind and it worked!

[danceswithvowels]

Jack, steal his beard for a disguise!

[CJrun]

Downtown Los Angeles, that's a relief!

[Gretchen]

Downtown Los Angeles is a dump. Who cares, anyway?

[Wes S.]

...The terrorists also have their own version of redshirt security guards, it seems...

[Otis Wildflower]

What Jack wouldn't give for a hoodie right now...

[Flounder]

(deadpan) Oh no. Not downtown Los Angeles. Anything but that.

[ArcticAl]

What's with the whiny arabic music?

[WoosterGirl]

I like how they play Middle Eastern music when Jack kills Yourcountrystanis.

[Sooska]

Oh BOO it's downtown LA! Rats! Are there writers geographically challenged? must be because they don't know any country names either.

[Ann]

Raz, do they pepper the 24 game with bad dialogue, or is that a special treat just for the show?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

You know how many people have tried to take out downtown LA and failed? What chance do you think YOU have, Fayed?

[MJ]

"Two snaps and a twist!"

[Wes S.]

Damn, Jack, you ever think of calling for backup first?

[judi]

and a deadly game of laser tag ensues

[Bethie]

Jack is an excellent shot!

[Karl]

How is it that the terrorists can afford nuclear weapons but bulletproof vests are out of the question?

[rob]

they do run out of bullets!!!!

[JJ]

Headline: Man With Handgun Defeats Small Terrorist Army With Automatic Weapons

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wow...go Jack go!

[Jessica R.]

Okay, Sooska, I'm gonna have nightmares now. I did when they nuked LA on this show, but now you are nukin me at home! ACK!

[ubetcha]

The dead beating the dead.

[rob]

they do run out of bullets!!!!

[MJ]

LOVED how Fayed threw his gun at Jack! Like it was actually going to help.

And this music is awesome. Sean Callery is awesome.

[danceswithvowels]

Use the 16 ton weight!

[Annie Where-but-here]

two things:

1) YANKEES won

and

2) i'm worried about judi (because Rid is MINE!)
...kiddding....please don't hurt me.

[mm]

WWF fight acting

[ArcticAl]

The chain bit is from Diehard one. Except for the say hello to your brother line...

[Razumihin]

Vampire Jack!

[JJ]

suddenly, there are NO guns

[Bethie]

They both speak "aaaak".

[Deskdiva]

Al - Kansas City always goes down when you're around. ;)

[WoosterGirl]

Jack bites again!!!!!!

Everyone drink!!!!

[Jeannie]

Oh! He bites!

[Gretchen]

Best dialogue all night. AAAAhhhhh! Ahh! Aaaah!

[beersme]

It's Balboa vs. Creed

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Terrorist...tastes like chicken...but Jack has to choke it...er...um...nevermind...

[Ann]

Die Hard much?

[CJrun]

Presenting the Flying Fayed Brothers!

[Wes S.]

YES! The "Lost Boys" manuever again! That's our Jack!

[Ilya Lichtenstein]

Holy crap since when did Jack become Solid Snake?

[MJ]

Ok...FINALLY some action. That was pretty hardcore. "Say hello to your brother." Ouch!

[judi]

NOW you show up.

[PinnyPed]

Oh now this strains my credibility...

[Jessica R.]

Vampire tendencies never really leave do they, Kiefer?

[danceswithvowels]

Rib frrrrrrrrrrragments asada!

[Bethie]

Big sigh of relief!

[JJ]

Jack, you alright?

yeah, Can I go back to China now?

[Sooska]

Jessica R - sorry. You in Ohio? better than LA!

[Travis]

TWIST!!!

[CJrun]

Damn, Jack!

[Zach Bauer]

"Say hello to your brother."

Are we supposed to remember an obscure reference to something that was mentioned in passing in the season premiere?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

[steve-o]

Hello? Jack, this is the producer, you still have four hours left....

[judi]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[Captain Hank]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MJ]

They secured the bombs....and we still have HOW many episodes left?

AUDREY!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

[insomniac]

sheeeeee's back!!!!

[Gretchen]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[WoosterGirl]

I sense...Audrey....

[Wes S.]

OH NO! Not Audrey! Aaaaarrrrrrgh...!

[CJrun]

NNNNOOOOOooooooo!

[JJ]

Edgar has Audrey!!

[Bethie]

Oh no. Japanese terrorist now!

[Jeannie]

audrey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jessica R.]

Ok, now the suitnukes are secure where does the so called plot go from here?