24

Here is where we stand:

We don't really know. We missed last week. But here's where we think we stand:

Lunatic Vice President Darth Boothe was going to launch a nuclear missile against a country that has not been named (although we have our suspicions). Fortunately President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat emerged from his coma, which was indistinguishable from his acting, to restore sanity to the government by... launching the nuclear missile anyway. So basically we have a struggle for power at the highest level of the U.S. government between two insane homicidal nuclear maniacs, which is a good thing because the terrorists have totally dropped the ball since their one lone nuclear strike, which was months ago.

The current ranking terrorist submastermind that this blog is aware of is Fayed, who edged ahead of Gredenko last week when Gredenko took one for the terrorist team in the form of having his arm whacked off, although apparently the only part of this that the TV audience got to see was the severed arm, played by the late Wally Cox. Apparently Jack will be interrogating Fayed this evening, so we are hoping for some excitement there. We are also hoping for fewer and shorter bunker scenes, and no mention whatsoever of the 25th Amendment. "Less bunker, more Bauer," that is this blog's feeling.

Edgar is still dead.

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY: We have been warned by a number of sources that something much worse than total worldwide nuclear devastation may occur tonight.

UPDATE: There is nothing happening at this time.

UPDATE: Whoa. House is on Prison Break. There must have been a major plot twist.

UPDATE: House just spat on a surgeon! I hope he also shows up in 24.

UPDATE: I just can't imagine Bill and Karen having sex.

UPDATE: Jack's interrogating somebody and THEY'RE NOT SHOWING IT!!! What is WRONG with these people?

UPDATE: Could this dialogue be any more wooden? Really, could it?

UPDATE: It was a trick missile. I knew we couldn't trust President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat to be a homicidal lunatic.

UPDATE: Two words, Jack: (1) Power. (2) Tools.

UPDATE: They're in a kitchen! There's probably a fryer! Come on, show some initiative!

UPDATE: Who is General Habib again? Is he the Latest Terrorist Mastermind (LTM)?

UPPDATE: "We're all doing some learning today, aren't we sir." Blecccch.

UPDATE: I hope they remember to exchange insurance information.

UPDATE: How come sometimes the terrorists speak English to each other, and other times they do not? Hmm?

UPDATE: A fake! Good one!

UPDATE: See? Why are they all of a sudden speaking English?

UPDATE: No! Don't involve the president!

UPDATE: I keep hoping they'll slip up and name the country they're all talking about.

UPDATE: Milo is too jealous to be uplinking for Nadia.

UPDATE: I think they should let the viewers vote on the target.

UPDATE: Thanks for joining us, President GPOYWCMH!

UPDATE: A code! Those sneaky terrorist mastermind bastards!

UPDATE: Jack has a visual on the target vehicle and is going to engage.

UPDATE: "I'm on my way to you now." Thanks, Mister Screenwriter!

UPDATE: The Sanitation Truck of Nuclear Doom!

UPDATE: I hate the bunker.

UPDATE: That was a crunchy neck.

UPDATE: These terrorists are horrible shots.

UPDATE: Biting, headbutting AND a chain! AND "Say hello to your brother." THIS is why we watch this show.

UPDATE: UH-oh....

UPDATE: Our worst fears have been realized. Audrey AND the Dreaded Chinese Subplot.

UPDATE: Well, except for our worst fears being realized, it was a good episode. Much more Jack. Thanks for joining the blog tonight; stick around for The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[danceswithvowels]

Mister President, please send a Wooden Dialogue warhead to Fayedistan. That'll scare Habibibibib.

[steve-o]

On the Enterprise, we'd call those guys a "security detail"

[Gretchen]

That's one speedy Ambassador. What did they do, beam him over?

[Ann]

Your lips say "sit down," Mr. President, but your eyes say "sit on it."

[Razumihin]

Eh, he'll be fine. At least, until he gets to do something dramatic, like collapsing through a plate glass window. Slumping against a desk isn't violent enough for this show.

[Jeannie]

How did we go from haivng Pres Handbag in a coma/on his deathbed to being presidential with just a little ole bandaid on his neck in just a few short hours?????

[Bethie]

Shut up woman! Where is your veil!

[Travis]

We need more drugs for the President, STAT!

[Jessica R.]

I like how Pres Palmer got blown up just hours ago and he has that Teeny, Tiny Wound (TTW?) on one cheek bone, but every once in a while he stumbles a little.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I'm serious. We're dealing with an Oompa Loompa!

[Ridley]

Okay.. Okay... how cool is this:
The last code I had to type in IN ORDER TO POST (a feature I could REALLY DO WITHOUT, DAVE!!!) was...
get this...

s7sv24

You see: Bauer is channeling through me here! "24"
Got to be significant!!!
or as significant as the show, at least...

[Razumihin]

Geez that's an annoying ringtone . . . oh wait, it's the background music.

[Gretchen]

The general doesn't speak ENGLISH??? Get him off the show! We don't want no furreners who don't speak the language.

[Bethie]

By the looks of that guy, the country is probably called "Indiakistan".

[Deskdiva]

Whoa!! You go, PPOYWCMH!!! (that's a lot longer than POTUS to write).

[andy]

>>UPDATE: I keep hoping they'll slip up and name the country they're all talking about.

Dave, it's WhoGivesACrapistan.

[danceswithvowels]

*Snork* @ Oompa Loompa. He must've been eating the choco, tho. He's much bigger now.

[Sooska]

steve-o Gretchen - simul-Star-Trek posts! *drinks*

[Jeannie]

Okay Ridley, If it is the meds, please share.

[Bethie]

Do you have a bit of a problem? Shall I drink to that?

[Ann]

Ridley, I think that's code asking you to write the 24 scripts from now on.

Please????

[ArcticAl]

OK when the bot is blocking Ridley we know that it's in league with Fayed.

[Wes S.]

Milo, Nadia, could you save the lovers' quarrel for another time here while we deal with the ONGOING NUCLEAR FRICKIN' ATTACK!?!

[Karl]

When does Behrooz show up?

[Travis]

Please tell me the General sounds like Apu from teh Simpsons

[Jessica R.]

*high five's Jeannie*

Ridley, you got meds? You'd best be sharin', Big Guy!

[Deskdiva]

How is it I never heard of you?

Hmm. Sounds like "Where have you been all my life" to me!

[Razumihin]

Ffft, did they really need her to translate the word "general"?

[Gretchen]

Check it out - the word for General in Arabic is "general." And yet, Nadia helpfully translated it.

[Deskdiva]

Travis - the General sounds like Apu from The Simpsons....

[Bethie]

It couldn't have been that easy, c'mon. Somethings gonna blow up. I mean, I hope!

[Adonis]

I gotta say this is awesome. I just wish I could watch along with you guys.

[Otis Wildflower]

So even if Fayed shoots the guys in the back of the truck, there's no way he can get to the driver's compartment..

[WoosterGirl]

*zips in*

Wow, that Nadia is some translator. She actually translated what the General was about to say.

Hi Gretchen! Hi Suzy!

Are we drinkin' yet?

[Jessica R.]

Ridley, we have repeatedly shot the bot in the thigh, but he keeps comin' back for more. When we had no bot; we had tons of spammers - YUCK!

I think the Pres is about to go down for the count.

Jeannie - Great minds, I guess.

[steve-o]

What part of LOCK THE DOOR don't you understand?

[Flounder]

Ruh-Roh.

[Ann]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

[Razumihin]

Locking the door won't hide anything, since they are all TRANSPARENT, you doofus.

[Chris Webb]

Gary Payton was always a flopper. Wuss.

[Ann]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hmm...I sense the final checkout for Gary Payton...

[Bethie]

Okay, the President kinda imploded.

[Deskdiva]

I just love the Frankenstein scar on PPOYWCMH's face. Do you suppose the Band-AidsTM on his neck conceal the bolts?

[Wes S.]

...And just when we need something to blow up, Wayne Allstate goes down...enter VP Darth Boothe, stage right.

Yippee!

[MJ]

*snork*@ the Behrooz mention

[Adonis]

Always. And how'd you know my name was Gretchen?

[danceswithvowels]

I'd like to buy the world a pepsi beachball.

[WoosterGirl]

Aaaaaaaand, President Paxton collapses down stage left, enter Looney Tunes Veep, stage right.

[Jessica R.]

You post the choices, Dave. We will vote.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BTW...Hi, Ridley! Thanks for joining the fray fun!

[Deskdiva]

Damn, Andy - say it ain't so! Oh, wait. Nevermind.

[Jeannie]

We will vote for Dave for President!!!

No question!

[judi]

do we know what's wrong with gary payton?

[Sooska]

Ann - was that a deliberate double yawn (deserved) or was it just a contagious yawn? (the whole blog will catch it) either way....on point.

[Razumihin]

Hmm. Quasi-invisible razor. Sounds like a murder weapon, Ridley.

[Ann]

Dave, I vote to aim at the Wooden Dialogue Generator. Let's make it happen.

[Bethie]

Michael Jackson would be an excellent target. Also, O.J Simpson could use some comeuppance.

[Sooska]

I'm from PIttsburgh so I vote for Cleveland.

[judi]

ridley :) swwoooonnnn.

[Gretchen]

Hi Woostergirl! I think Suzy's takin' the night off. Like the lions.

[Jessica R.]

judi, He got blown up a few hours ago, but it's only flesh wound.

[Wes S.]

Well...so much for the great bluff...

[Ann]

Mom!! Ottawa--HELLO!!

[danceswithvowels]

The General wants a bagel and a schmeer?

[steve-o]

Security guards out first

[Deskdiva]

See, Ridley? Look at the effect you have, even on JUDI THE MAGNIFICENT!

*blatant sucking sounds in the background*

[Bethie]

Oh, stupid, stupid! He was speaking in code! Of course!

[Otis Wildflower]

Better call Fayedscountrystan and have them kill the General and his family..

[Adonis]

That's some fine swoonage Ridley. I mean, it's the Stealth Bloggerette after all.

[Razumihin]

Before you dress, duress.

[Bethie]

Okay, this plot has been slightly exciting so far.

[Sooska]

Why does Jack always have to ask or demand EVERYthing twice with yelling on the 2nd? that must be Rule#2 of the WDG

[Otis Wildflower]

"How long is it?"

That's a rather personal question...

[Deskdiva]

*snork* @ Raz

[Ann]

Jack can't handle tunnels? He must be from Pittsburgh too!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

MEEP MEEP!

[Wes S.]

...So, since the cargo compartment of the truck was seperate from the cab, how did Fayed whack the driver?

[Jessica R.]

I am jealous of everyone who can see baseball tonight. Cleveland has been snowed out all weekend.

Let's not nuke Cleveland; I am too close to that one!

[insomniac]

"oh and fayed, that dead guy sends his regards"

[ArcticAl]

So Jack is playing hide and seek again, eh

[WoosterGirl]

Someone here is from Pittsburgh?

Go Stillers!!

[Bethie]

Oh Jack is gonna go it alone! He is going to die for certain!

[Eponder]

The General: I am in a Flank 2 position!!

[steve-o]

Jack's ass is dragging

[judi]

snork at otis

hang in there, jack. ha.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack's pulling an Indiana Jones...sans whip!

Oooh, a phone call...from under a truck...

[CJrun]

Sealed off the entire area... except to garbage trucks!

[Wes S.]

Jack said "Damnit!" Everybody drink!

[Captain Hank]

"Sanitation Truck?"

[Sam G.]

I hate having to call people from the bottom of a truck. The connection is never good.

[Razumihin]

Hee, Jack's pulling another Indy maneuver. Doesn't he know he needs a bullwhip for that?

[Gretchen]

Nice inobtrusive vehicle Fayed selected. Guess he couldn't find a city bus.

[Zach Bauer]

Jack's going all DeNiro on Fayed's ass....

And a DAMMIT!

[Sooska]

Sorry Ann-Ottawa indeed. How about 2-4-1 and just blast Ontario and Ohio??

[Otis Wildflower]

Just track his cellphone signal.. Gawd..

[danceswithvowels]

This is where Jack needs his bullwhip.

[Gretchen]

Nice inobtrusive vehicle Fayed selected. Guess he couldn't find a city bus.

[WoosterGirl]

Did Jack say "Fayed" or "my head" is in a sanitation truck?

Cuz either would work.

[insomniac]

and now he's driving the Garbage Truck of Doom!!