24

Here is where we stand:

We don't really know. We missed last week. But here's where we think we stand:

Lunatic Vice President Darth Boothe was going to launch a nuclear missile against a country that has not been named (although we have our suspicions). Fortunately President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat emerged from his coma, which was indistinguishable from his acting, to restore sanity to the government by... launching the nuclear missile anyway. So basically we have a struggle for power at the highest level of the U.S. government between two insane homicidal nuclear maniacs, which is a good thing because the terrorists have totally dropped the ball since their one lone nuclear strike, which was months ago.

The current ranking terrorist submastermind that this blog is aware of is Fayed, who edged ahead of Gredenko last week when Gredenko took one for the terrorist team in the form of having his arm whacked off, although apparently the only part of this that the TV audience got to see was the severed arm, played by the late Wally Cox. Apparently Jack will be interrogating Fayed this evening, so we are hoping for some excitement there. We are also hoping for fewer and shorter bunker scenes, and no mention whatsoever of the 25th Amendment. "Less bunker, more Bauer," that is this blog's feeling.

Edgar is still dead.

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY: We have been warned by a number of sources that something much worse than total worldwide nuclear devastation may occur tonight.

UPDATE: There is nothing happening at this time.

UPDATE: Whoa. House is on Prison Break. There must have been a major plot twist.

UPDATE: House just spat on a surgeon! I hope he also shows up in 24.

UPDATE: I just can't imagine Bill and Karen having sex.

UPDATE: Jack's interrogating somebody and THEY'RE NOT SHOWING IT!!! What is WRONG with these people?

UPDATE: Could this dialogue be any more wooden? Really, could it?

UPDATE: It was a trick missile. I knew we couldn't trust President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat to be a homicidal lunatic.

UPDATE: Two words, Jack: (1) Power. (2) Tools.

UPDATE: They're in a kitchen! There's probably a fryer! Come on, show some initiative!

UPDATE: Who is General Habib again? Is he the Latest Terrorist Mastermind (LTM)?

UPPDATE: "We're all doing some learning today, aren't we sir." Blecccch.

UPDATE: I hope they remember to exchange insurance information.

UPDATE: How come sometimes the terrorists speak English to each other, and other times they do not? Hmm?

UPDATE: A fake! Good one!

UPDATE: See? Why are they all of a sudden speaking English?

UPDATE: No! Don't involve the president!

UPDATE: I keep hoping they'll slip up and name the country they're all talking about.

UPDATE: Milo is too jealous to be uplinking for Nadia.

UPDATE: I think they should let the viewers vote on the target.

UPDATE: Thanks for joining us, President GPOYWCMH!

UPDATE: A code! Those sneaky terrorist mastermind bastards!

UPDATE: Jack has a visual on the target vehicle and is going to engage.

UPDATE: "I'm on my way to you now." Thanks, Mister Screenwriter!

UPDATE: The Sanitation Truck of Nuclear Doom!

UPDATE: I hate the bunker.

UPDATE: That was a crunchy neck.

UPDATE: These terrorists are horrible shots.

UPDATE: Biting, headbutting AND a chain! AND "Say hello to your brother." THIS is why we watch this show.

UPDATE: UH-oh....

UPDATE: Our worst fears have been realized. Audrey AND the Dreaded Chinese Subplot.

UPDATE: Well, except for our worst fears being realized, it was a good episode. Much more Jack. Thanks for joining the blog tonight; stick around for The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Jessica R.]

OOO, Hi fanity, vanity? With that makeup job, he has nothing to be vain about.

[rob]

OMG Kim Raver is listed in IMDB as Being on 24 for the rest of the season!!!!

[Otis Wildflower]

Watch out Ricky, he shot Curtis already... And he LIKED Curtis...

[Ridley]

Hi Deskdiva!!!

[ubetcha]

The clock is the best part.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack likes his drugs...they're for "fun"...

[Razumihin]

Maybe they could interrogate him by pouring those spices in his eyes . . .

[Gretchen]

Power drill in the head fun? Bullets in the knee fun? What kinda fun?

[EdgarLives]

You can't just "ask Him" when you die. There's a seniority system. This guy will go through 69 or 70 virgins before he even gets a chance to GLIMPSE God.

[Josh D. Ondich]

Only Jack can do interrogations and torture methods on terrorists

[rob]

OMG Kim Raver is listed in IMDB as Being on 24 for the rest of the season!!!!

[ArcticAl]

5-0 Jays over KC Royals in the 5th

[Captain Hank]

Goodness, did Pinocchio write this dialogue?

[Ann]

*snork* at Flounder.

Bethie - Jack established early on that he, and only he, is Dracula.

[Deskdiva]

In the absence of Suzy Q....

Disbelief suspended? Check.
Chicken from Church's? Check.
My first Coke since I gave it up for Lent? Check. AHHHHHHHhhhhhh. :)

[ScottMGS]

FYI: The Blog also wins when Googling "Edgar is still dead"

[EdgarLives]

Ford also gave ME a rigid frame and 8 inch long, um, release frames.

[MaryContrary]

Setting up my anti-Audrey perimeter right now.

[Bethie]

Jack should eat chocolate in front of him and not give him any!

[danceswithvowels]

Jack, use the Extreme Plunge Pushup!

[Chris Webb]

*thinking of a Very Sexy X-Treme bra with a grenade launcher conveniently built in*

-cw

[Otis Wildflower]

I don't get Sprint's color scheme... Don't they know that Charlie Brown was a _loser_?

[Michael]

Drunk pretty lady? I missed something there.

[Dave]

Ridley! Welcome.

[Bethie]

Ann, that must explain why he never has a five o'clock shadow!

[Otis Wildflower]

Gatorade AM: It's got Electrolytes!

[Wes S.]

OMG Kim Raver is listed in IMDB as Being on 24 for the rest of the season!!!!

Oh crap. Should I claw my eyes out now or wait until the end of the episode?

...I don't supposed if you happened to notice, while you were over there, if Elisha Cuthbert will be coming back, too?

At least she's easier on the eyes than Awwwdrey. And has less mileage on her, too.

[Michael]

Drunk pretty lady? I missed something there.

[Gretchen]

Nooooo, DeskDiva, it has to be something like cajun spice grilled chicken and vegetable gumbo. Lie if you have to!! But thanks for the effort.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Where the hell is Suzy Q????

[Bethie]

I keep expecting that guy from Ally McBeal to say "and hi diddle ho!" or something. Why?

[Otis Wildflower]

Get a room you two...

[Deskdiva]

*GASP!*

A shoutout from Ridley!!! *faints*

*perks back up just in time to see Kareem (Yes, Kareem!) hosing things down in that commercial.

[Ridley]

Note to viewers:

This plot and Dave's comments make even MORE sense when you're watching a different show...

[danceswithvowels]

We're already in a World War Of Wooden Dialogue, Tom.

[MJ]

This scene is painfully like watching a 7th grade play. The acting is that awful.

[Zach Bauer]

You know Doyle's secret past in Denver? It's just been uncovered...

[Bethie]

I did too, michael! What the hell was that commerical about?

[Razumihin]

So, 24 is now a journey to self-discovery?

Fun.

[Gretchen]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MJ]

"I'm not David..."

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

[Ann]

Oh Wise Ridley, tell us...any other show, or something specific? Got my remote in hand...

[Chris Webb]

GET THE PRESIDENT A FRIGGIN' MOCHACHINO!

[Otis Wildflower]

Quick! Get Wayne some Gatorade! He's running dangerously low on electrolytes!!!!

[Steve the LLamabutcher]

How about some innovative product placements? Like Jack sticking a terrorist's hand into a George Foreman countertop Grillmaster Panini Fryer?

Mmmmmmm, panini!

[Deskdiva]

Hey - I'm so sorry! That was LAST night's dinner.

Boeuf Bourgignon with a port reduction sauce? Check.

But I ain't changing that soda for nobody.

:)

[Wes S.]

Oh goody! Ambush! They were overdue for one...

[Bethie]

Oh yeah! Car violence!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Holy Fugitive! I told you they were going to bring the one armed man into this...

[Ridley]

For instance: I thought we were all watching CNN and the 4th anniversary of the "victory." Misssssiles. Inept politicians. NO security...

[MJ]

......what the ......

[Jeannie]

AWW cool! Lot's of gunfire. He's down!

[danceswithvowels]

Jack has 'em where he wants 'em!

[MJ]

BAUER DOWN, I REPEAT, BAUER DOWN

[Flounder]

That's that. Show's over. No more Jack. We can all go home.

[Bethie]

Thigh shooting!

[Sooska]

Great Caeser's Ghost! It's ALIVE!

[Deskdiva]

*snork* at Ridley.

Actually, that's kinda sad.....cuz it's true....

[Razumihin]

Whole lotta bluffing goin' on.

[EdgarLives]

Jack is the Terminator! He just needs time for his body to close around the bullet hole! Wow!

[Gretchen]

They're SO tricky tonight!

[steve-o]

They really fooled us! I mean, after watching the first five years, we actually believed that could happen.

[MJ]

Now THAT'S some good action!!!!

[Karl]

Oooooh super bluff!

[Ann]

Ridley, you are a GENIUS.

[danceswithvowels]

Blanks for everybody!

[ArcticAl]

Oooh Nasty Master. Plays bad tricksy on Golum.

[Wes S.]

Oh brother. ANOTHER fake?

I should have known. THOSE "villians" actually knew what gunsights were for...

[Bethie]

It's the ol' switcheroo terrorist move!

[Jeannie]

What a fake out!

[Zach Bauer]

Hey, does what just happened count as Jack's death for this season?

[Gretchen]

Excellent choice, DeskDiva. And thank you.

[Ridley]

Thigh Shooting...
Ah... this must be the OUTDOOR LIFE network...
or is that versus?

[Ann]

"As you wish?" Now it's The Princess Bride?

[Deskdiva]

Damn, Al - I'm snorkin' chicken Boeuf Bourgignon out my nose here.... Those Very Secret LOTR Diaries go to ya, didn't they?

[Bethie]

As you wish! What is this? Aladin?

[Sooska]

when the show is over we can hang a mission Accomplished" banner

[rob]

Strikes me of the old show mission impossible

[Sooska]

when the show is over we can hang a "Mission Accomplished" banner

[danceswithvowels]

*Snorksesesss* @ AA.

[Jessica R.]

ARGH! Had to put the oldest kidlet to bed and missed the iterrogation! I put this stupid machine on pause, but I hit a wrong button because I'm a moron and went to a cell phone commercial! Did Jack go for the thigh, the finger chop, or the IV?

[Ridley]

Oh... I forgot my meds tonight.
No wonder this is suddenly making sense.

[Deskdiva]

Glad to oblige, Gretchen. I know I'm not nearly so good, but it's just incomplete without it.

[Bethie]

They are speaking English cause this is America dammit, and if you are going to be here, you'd better speak the language! Or so I've heard.

[CJrun]

Because, Dave, when the Wooden Dialogue Generator starts to smoke, terrorists speaking Terrorist allows it to coast.

[Otis Wildflower]

Yes, but can it make the elderly use their turn signals?

[ubetcha]

Ridley, I'll have what you're not having.

[ArcticAl]

8-0 for the Jays in the 5th

[Sooska]

OK so the spambot stopped me and it still posted twice with a misspelling...how? why? go figure..must be terrorists

[Jeannie]

Ridley, you are too funny. It's not the meds. You just found out that you are one of us!

[Razumihin]

I still say the Prez's desk looks like a giant video game console . . .

[Deskdiva]

Sadly, I must say Jeannie's right.

[Bethie]

All that trouble for nothing!

[Jessica R.]

Hey, did we ever get any news about Pres Handbag who was suffering from the wound inflicted by first ramparts with the sissy knife in the living room?

[Captain Hank]

Of course there's no possible way that this plan could blow up in their faces. Riiiiight...

[Deskdiva]

OK - Wayne better friggin' believe what Jack says after all the crap he's avoided because of Jack.

[Ridley]

Jeannie:
it COULD be the meds...

[Sooska]

meeting in "the lounge"? is there a lizard?

[Otis Wildflower]

OMG someone actually believes Jack? It's only taken 6 seasons of him being right?

Wayne's gotta die soon...

[Zach Bauer]

Jack learned this trick from the Chinese. Except he knew enough NOT to use silver Toyota SUVs....