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April 09, 2007


Here is where we stand:

We don't really know. We missed last week. But here's where we think we stand:

Lunatic Vice President Darth Boothe was going to launch a nuclear missile against a country that has not been named (although we have our suspicions). Fortunately President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat emerged from his coma, which was indistinguishable from his acting, to restore sanity to the government by... launching the nuclear missile anyway. So basically we have a struggle for power at the highest level of the U.S. government between two insane homicidal nuclear maniacs, which is a good thing because the terrorists have totally dropped the ball since their one lone nuclear strike, which was months ago.

The current ranking terrorist submastermind that this blog is aware of is Fayed, who edged ahead of Gredenko last week when Gredenko took one for the terrorist team in the form of having his arm whacked off, although apparently the only part of this that the TV audience got to see was the severed arm, played by the late Wally Cox. Apparently Jack will be interrogating Fayed this evening, so we are hoping for some excitement there. We are also hoping for fewer and shorter bunker scenes, and no mention whatsoever of the 25th Amendment. "Less bunker, more Bauer," that is this blog's feeling.

Edgar is still dead.

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY: We have been warned by a number of sources that something much worse than total worldwide nuclear devastation may occur tonight.

UPDATE: There is nothing happening at this time.

UPDATE: Whoa. House is on Prison Break. There must have been a major plot twist.

UPDATE: House just spat on a surgeon! I hope he also shows up in 24.

UPDATE: I just can't imagine Bill and Karen having sex.

UPDATE: Jack's interrogating somebody and THEY'RE NOT SHOWING IT!!! What is WRONG with these people?

UPDATE: Could this dialogue be any more wooden? Really, could it?

UPDATE: It was a trick missile. I knew we couldn't trust President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat to be a homicidal lunatic.

UPDATE: Two words, Jack: (1) Power. (2) Tools.

UPDATE: They're in a kitchen! There's probably a fryer! Come on, show some initiative!

UPDATE: Who is General Habib again? Is he the Latest Terrorist Mastermind (LTM)?

UPPDATE: "We're all doing some learning today, aren't we sir." Blecccch.

UPDATE: I hope they remember to exchange insurance information.

UPDATE: How come sometimes the terrorists speak English to each other, and other times they do not? Hmm?

UPDATE: A fake! Good one!

UPDATE: See? Why are they all of a sudden speaking English?

UPDATE: No! Don't involve the president!

UPDATE: I keep hoping they'll slip up and name the country they're all talking about.

UPDATE: Milo is too jealous to be uplinking for Nadia.

UPDATE: I think they should let the viewers vote on the target.

UPDATE: Thanks for joining us, President GPOYWCMH!

UPDATE: A code! Those sneaky terrorist mastermind bastards!

UPDATE: Jack has a visual on the target vehicle and is going to engage.

UPDATE: "I'm on my way to you now." Thanks, Mister Screenwriter!

UPDATE: The Sanitation Truck of Nuclear Doom!

UPDATE: I hate the bunker.

UPDATE: That was a crunchy neck.

UPDATE: These terrorists are horrible shots.

UPDATE: Biting, headbutting AND a chain! AND "Say hello to your brother." THIS is why we watch this show.

UPDATE: UH-oh....

UPDATE: Our worst fears have been realized. Audrey AND the Dreaded Chinese Subplot.

UPDATE: Well, except for our worst fears being realized, it was a good episode. Much more Jack. Thanks for joining the blog tonight; stick around for The Amazing Steve.


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*smacks Wooden Dialogue Generator to warm it up*

Everyone, please take a moment to tighten your perimeters.


Dodger Jackie Robinson wore #42, the opposite of dodgy Jack Bauer's '24.' Separated at birth? Subplot? Discuss.

Is there a drill for an imminent Audrey sighting? Should I hide under my desk or in a windowless room?

And is Gredenko really dead?

Woohoo! Can't wait...tick...tick...zzzzzzz...

Never mind Gredenko; from last weeks' previews it looked as if JACK is going to be really dead tonight.

...On the other hand, this season's plotline expired shortly after the bomb went off in Valencia.

A preview showed Jack giving his best line of the season so far: "Now we're going to have some fun." Look for it...!

Is it me, or does Wally Cox look like Spider-Man?

Actually Dave something is happening. The Toronto Blue Jays are leading the Kansas City Royals 4-0 in the third in their home season opener.


THAT's who he reminded me of! Thanks, it was bugging me...he DOES look like Toby McGuire.

hmmmm let's see.... "24" or "Meet the Press," which one is more likely to have some action?...Better go with "Meet the Press"...

The following takes place between who the hell cares and I can't find my pencil....

Jack can't die. At least not permanently. I'm pretty sure he's a cat with at least seven lives left.

Dave, I think (yeah right) that audrey comes back the 23rd. probably something to do with ratings and heroes coming back the same day at the same time. apparently there are people out there who will watch because she comes back. imagine that.

Will this be actual Audrey or the ghost of Audrey?

Is there a tactical team trained to repel Audrey attacks?

I am ready, too!

The Toronto Blue Jays are leading the Kansas City Royals 4-0 in the third in their home season opener.

Arrrgh. When the Royals' new manager said that they thought they'd turned the corner in rebuilding the franchise, even though they didn't know whether they'd either have a playoff season or another 100-loss season, I just KNEW it would be closer to the latter than the former.

Come on, football season.

JT - at first I thought it was a mistake on Wikipedia. Then I thought that maybe Toby is playing him in a CBS made-for-television movie, or something. Then I thought, maybe he was the illegitimate father of Toby? Then I thought, "who cares"?

Also, when is ManKim coming back?! I miss hir.

Oh no, don't tell me that Jack is shot, starts walking Toward The Light, and Audrey is there, waiting . . .

I'm sorry, Audrey returning would constitute torture in violation of the Geneva Convention.

Sorry for your loss MJ, but they're doing wonderful things with Propicia these days.

Dave---I am extremely jealous that you own the top spot on Google for "Audrey is a noxious ho 24"......for now!

Laugh while you can, monkey boy!

I joined Schade on that last thought.

Arrgggh, the bot apparently doesn't care for ale. Where's that Typepad link to get out of jail?

In case of an Audrey sighting, remember these three basic procedures. They might well save your sight, if not your sanity.

1) Stay calm.

2) Flush your eyes with copious amounts of cool water.

3) Seek prompt medical attention.

Hmm. Since I moved my computer desk, I now have my back to the TV.

This could arguably be an improvement over previous weeks of watching 24 . . .

Audrey: Viewer repression is devised.

This just in: House has gotten older. Also, sometimes he gets bored.

Is it on yet? I'm waiting for Dancing with Losers to end.

Worse than total worldwide nuclear destruction? You mean Jack is going to pull down his drawers then attack a Christmas tree? Say it ain't so D-Bear!

wes - we ALL knew that.

Ready to go! I'll post the summary after the show's over, as usual!

ROTFL, Dave! 24 needs House! At this point House is badder than Jack.

Wooooo! Go Steve!

"House" is badder than anyone. C'mon, Jack!

*zips in*™

Left Coast pre-show czech in.

Yankees are ahead 8-1, yay!

See y'all in the morning. :)

NEVER may that be so Dr Alice. If you don't apologize, I'll attack with italics.




Just kidding judi.

Due to circumstances beyond my control (Dave stopped writing a regular column, leading me to find his blog, then to watching 24), I've been slowly catching up on the previous 5 seasons. I've just discovered why Logan is called Handbag. Wow. This season is awful.

Jack says we're going to have some fun!

OK, Annie - you can stop smackin' my ass now. I'm ready to go.

Jack just said in the preview, "Now we're gonna havce some fun." I HOPE HE'S NOT LYING AGAIN THIS WEEK.

NOW we're gonna have some fun! Jack said so.

Discretion Advised!

Isn't "House" over yet? Or, as they call it in Mexico, "Casa?"


J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("I knew the Gators were going to win. Are you going to question me?!?") and ChloeSack™ ("Of course I didn't reprogram the Buckeye's ports. There was no need. They weren't even in the same league!")


This "Don't-Shoot-Until-You-See-The-Whites-Of-Awwwwdrey's-Eyes...And-Then-Shoot-About-25-Million-Rounds-And-Detonate-The-Next-Nukular-Bomb" intro to "24" is dedicated to blogit...how do you spell that?...S...u...right I'm with you...z...Why? I don't know wh...oh, you mean 'y'....Q? Huh? That doesn't make any sense!


Viewer discretion! YAAAA!

Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn

They just advised view discretion.... that must mean Audrey really is coming back tonight.....

.....sorry, I just had to write that. See you in the posting after the show's over...

Thanks Adonis...*sniff* I really miss my pencil.

The death toll in this season has to dwarf all other 5 put together.

Don't worry, that missle won't hit until next season...

Wow - 10 whole seconds before the first word was spoken. Hear the spooky music?

given the speed of a SLBM, shouldn't the missile have already hit by now?

"You're asking me to LIE? For shame!"

Ricky Schroder is still going by Ricky. Wasn't he "Rick" on NYPD Blue?

Well...Kim "Audrey" Raver's name didn't appear in the opening credits, so that's a good sign, right?


So, their plan to thwart the missle is to talk until it's too late to call it back?

Thanks for the welcome thg.com. Remember our agreement: no italics, no shooting-in-the-thigh.

This is your President. This is your President on drugs.

An excellent sign, Wes.


I know! I know why he's doing this! It's the vice president in disguise!

I think I just set a land-speed record for falling asleep during 24.

NOW we're going to have some fun?
... okay....
I'm ready...

They even SOUND french!

24 IS the drone operation!

Adrenaline is kinda like Crack, huh?

OK, I'm sneaking in here.....

Does it seem like Gary Payton grew some stones during his coma?

Early-onset Parkinsons? Withdrawal?

Y'know, the ambassador looks like an Oompa Loompa...

Wait, can you even abort an SLBM?

Did anyone see who wrote this episode, and who directed it?

Because, as well all know, the credits are the most interesting part these days.

How do you "abort" a missile, I wonder. Send it somewhere unpopulated, like France?

Is that a pupa (pupae, chrystallis?) on the guy's face?

OK so I've never seen this before.

Oooh, President Sneaky!!!

talking ALWAYS brings the missssszzzziles down.


Wayne Palmer for President! Oh...wait.

OK, we have confirmation that a prominent general in "Fayedistan" was involved in Fayed's terrorism...and they're going to go ahead and abort the missile anyway.

...Oh, brother, it was just a bluff anyway. I should have known...

Well, that scene was intense---ly boring.

Yeah? Yeah? Well.... I knew he was bluffing the whole time. So there.


"My work here is done. And now, back to my coma."

oh snap, the nads finally descend! Bravo

WHAT? Did Jack REALLY just miss hitting that guy in the face?

Wow! Someone called that unarmed missle last week!

Is that McSneaky?

Let Luke have a chance at 'em...he'll go Dark Side...

He said it himself--they are getting nowhere!!

"We're getting nowhere."

We noticed, Jack.

Drastic.. Like the SOFT CUSHIONS!!!

EW, Dave - please don't talk about Bill & Karen having sex...I'm eating here!

Where's Suzy Q? What's she having for dinner? Where's the glass of wine? I can't watch this show under these conditions!

New Foreign Policy Tactic "Psychological Mind Games with fake nukes".

Oh, wait. I get it: these aren't reruns...
thought I'd heard this dialogue before...

anybody else notice this new guy's name is Momar Habib?
Habib Marwan anyone?

Ricky makes me sleepy....

Hey, there's no I in Jihad.

Is that guy dracula or something? Where is that accent from?

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