Here is where we stand:
We don't really know. We missed last week. But here's where we think we stand:
Lunatic Vice President Darth Boothe was going to launch a nuclear missile against a country that has not been named (although we have our suspicions). Fortunately President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat emerged from his coma, which was indistinguishable from his acting, to restore sanity to the government by... launching the nuclear missile anyway. So basically we have a struggle for power at the highest level of the U.S. government between two insane homicidal nuclear maniacs, which is a good thing because the terrorists have totally dropped the ball since their one lone nuclear strike, which was months ago.
The current ranking terrorist submastermind that this blog is aware of is Fayed, who edged ahead of Gredenko last week when Gredenko took one for the terrorist team in the form of having his arm whacked off, although apparently the only part of this that the TV audience got to see was the severed arm, played by the late Wally Cox. Apparently Jack will be interrogating Fayed this evening, so we are hoping for some excitement there. We are also hoping for fewer and shorter bunker scenes, and no mention whatsoever of the 25th Amendment. "Less bunker, more Bauer," that is this blog's feeling.
Edgar is still dead.
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY: We have been warned by a number of sources that something much worse than total worldwide nuclear devastation may occur tonight.
UPDATE: There is nothing happening at this time.
UPDATE: Whoa. House is on Prison Break. There must have been a major plot twist.
UPDATE: House just spat on a surgeon! I hope he also shows up in 24.
UPDATE: I just can't imagine Bill and Karen having sex.
UPDATE: Jack's interrogating somebody and THEY'RE NOT SHOWING IT!!! What is WRONG with these people?
UPDATE: Could this dialogue be any more wooden? Really, could it?
UPDATE: It was a trick missile. I knew we couldn't trust President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat to be a homicidal lunatic.
UPDATE: Two words, Jack: (1) Power. (2) Tools.
UPDATE: They're in a kitchen! There's probably a fryer! Come on, show some initiative!
UPDATE: Who is General Habib again? Is he the Latest Terrorist Mastermind (LTM)?
UPPDATE: "We're all doing some learning today, aren't we sir." Blecccch.
UPDATE: I hope they remember to exchange insurance information.
UPDATE: How come sometimes the terrorists speak English to each other, and other times they do not? Hmm?
UPDATE: A fake! Good one!
UPDATE: See? Why are they all of a sudden speaking English?
UPDATE: No! Don't involve the president!
UPDATE: I keep hoping they'll slip up and name the country they're all talking about.
UPDATE: Milo is too jealous to be uplinking for Nadia.
UPDATE: I think they should let the viewers vote on the target.
UPDATE: Thanks for joining us, President GPOYWCMH!
UPDATE: A code! Those sneaky terrorist mastermind bastards!
UPDATE: Jack has a visual on the target vehicle and is going to engage.
UPDATE: "I'm on my way to you now." Thanks, Mister Screenwriter!
UPDATE: The Sanitation Truck of Nuclear Doom!
UPDATE: I hate the bunker.
UPDATE: That was a crunchy neck.
UPDATE: These terrorists are horrible shots.
UPDATE: Biting, headbutting AND a chain! AND "Say hello to your brother." THIS is why we watch this show.
UPDATE: Our worst fears have been realized. Audrey AND the Dreaded Chinese Subplot.
UPDATE: Well, except for our worst fears being realized, it was a good episode. Much more Jack. Thanks for joining the blog tonight; stick around for The Amazing Steve.