24

There is no way to sugar-coat this: Audrey is back. It makes us yearn for the good old hours when all we had to worry about was nuclear devastation.

Speaking of which: The terrorists this year have been pathetic. They had all those suitcase nukes, and they managed to cause one lousy explosion, which at this point feels like it happened back in the Clinton administration. Last week Jack terminated the lone remaining terrorist submastermind that we know of, Fayed, following a dramatic sanitation-truck sequence, which, according to the Official 24 website episode summary, included this scene:

10:46 P.M.

Jack is clinging to the undercarriage of the truck, just inches from the asphalt that speeds past his head.

That's right: Jack was inches from speeding asphalt. Incredibly, he survived and managed to kill all the terrorist extras and get the suitcase nukes. But just when we thought the crisis was over and the season was going to end after 17 episodes, Jack's co-agent, Former Child Ricky Schroder, got a call for Jack. He handed his cell phone to Jack. On the other end was somebody Jack had been led to believe was dead: Edgar.

No, sorry, Edgar is still dead. On the other end was Audrey, and as Jack always does when Audrey rears her whiny head, he started having Feelings and turned into Mr. I-Have-To-Save-Audrey. She is being held prisoner in a Chinese Subplot by Cheng Zhi, who is obviously evil, although we do not yet know what evil rank he holds (submastermind, mastermind, or puppetmaster).

Meanwhile President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat turned out not to be a homicidal lunatic after all. That is the bad news. The good news is, he appears to be about ready to lapse back into his coma, which means we can at least hope to see the return to power of Vice President Darth Boothe.

Speaking of returning: Sooner or later Jack's father needs to reappear in the plot, right? Or was that last year? Not that it matters! The way it's going, we may even see Marwan. Whatever happens, we will be ready. And so will the Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: Right. Like Jack would go to a hospital.

UPDATE: I thought Ricky was going to kiss Jack.

UPDATE: Let her die, Jack! For the good of humanity, particularly the viewers!

UPDATE: I really hate the bunker.

UPDATE: Do you get the feeling the prez is about to keel?

UPDATE: "Jack, we both know that if we do this, it will create an international situation, big time."

UPDATE: Has there EVER been a federal bureau less secure than CTU?

UPDATE: Whoa! The Victoria's Secret Extreme Plunge Pushup is WAAAAYYYYY more interesting than the Boyfriend Trouser.

UPDATE: Is President Gary Payton the worst actor ever? Or what? And I include Lassie in that statement.

UPDATE: Actually, I guess Lassie was an actress.

UPDATE: Oooh. Morris has a logging program, and he knows about the downloaded updated schematics!

UPDATE: Whoever really is in charge of our nuclear security better be nothing at all like these people.

UPDATE: Jack vs. the entire US military... No contest!

UPDATE: Wow. Two whole soldiers guarding the bombs! No sense taking chances!

UPDATE: Don't worry! Just a severe blow to Jack's head! He'll be fine!

UPDATE: "Whatever you have planned, Jack, I can't let you do it." Har.

UPDATE: So after a nuclear crisis -- including a bomb going off in California -- the president sits around watching television?

UPDATE: Jack gives his Word to somebody about every nine minutes.

UPDATE: Right! Risk world war FOR AUDREY!!

UPDATE: We need more information on the Victoria's Secret Extreme Plunge Pushup.

UPDATE: He wants Ricky to help with Audrey's extraction.

UPDATE: Apparently Jack intends to kill himself. Smart! He will not have to deliver any more of this dialog.

UPDATE: Also apparently Morris is completely over getting electric-drilled in the shoulder.

UPDATE: Wait a minute: Cheng and Audrey are in Los Angeles?

UPDATE: Oooh! Darth Boothe! You rascal!

UPDATE: I am still predicting impending presidential keelage.

UPDATE: Told you.

UPDATE: Not Bethesda!

UPDATE: I for one welcome the Darth Boothe administration.

UPDATE: For the record: Basically no action in this episode so far.

UPDATE: I think when it's all over, they should show Bill in his condo, wearing a dress.

UPDATE: For the record: Drums in the soundtrack are not a substitute for action.

UPDATE: Well, that was lame.

UPDATE: Next week, at least some shooting, and a helicopter. Hey, we will take what we can get. And now... eventually... The Amazing Steve!

Comments

[Suzy Q]

You know what? I had a more exciting hour than Jack did tonight. And there weren't even any nukes involved. And certainly no Awdrey! Go me!

[MJ]

No, the worst episode of the season was episode 6. By MILES.

[homeybeef]

*perks up*

Oooh - who's going down on who(m) next week?

[WoosterGirl]

"Jack's gone rogue!"

Everybody drink! Bada$$ Jack!

[WoosterGirl]

Yeah, Suzy! Go you!

[Bethie]

I keep expecting the Alley McBeal guy to come on at the end of the episode and say, "Ah, the, the, the the that's all folks!" Well, it's been fun y'all! Snorkness and frivolity I tell ya! See you all next week. Good night to all, and to all a good night!

[Jessica R.]

SNOREFEST is over! Steve, fix this episode, please.

[danceswithvowels]

No Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrousers Asada. Boo.

[OhioNora]

Any luck the Chinese will actually shoot Awwwdry next week?

Probably not... :-(

[Deskdiva]

I LOVE Bada$$ Jack. :)

[Jessica R.]

Nighty night all...6AM comes way too soon.

[Kali.Amanda]

somebody's got Audrey in their sight! but those writers, they are playing with us and won't shoot her, will they? it's just one disappointment after another... no emmy nomination this year, you evil trolls!

[WoosterGirl]

Well, that's it for me!

Tomorrow, Steve, I expect full CPR on this ep.

[Jeannie]

I am so grateful for the Amazing Steve!

[glow]

Episode should have been titled:

Save Da Awwwdrey; Start World War

[Milo]

Is it just me, or did Audrey look particularly ravishing tonight???

[Deskdiva]

OK Steve - ready and waiting, you beautiful man, you.

Actually, the whole world is beautiful...I got a shoutout from His Daveness at the beginning of the hour. I'm gonna live on this FOR A YEAR!!!!!

AND last week a shoutout from Ridley, 2 simulposts with him and a simul with The Amazing Steve's summary. I've had email from Judi and I'm pals with the two best forum admins in the world.

Now, if I can finish landing my 24-year-old gentleman friend, my life will be heaven on earth.

[Deskdiva]

*snork @ dances and glow*

[Noob]

Hope Steve is a miracle worker. Sheesh, I didn't even watch the show, but can tell from the comments how....dead...it was.

Congrats on the shoutout, Deskdiva!

[Deskdiva]

Thanks, Noob!

And you know what? TOMORROW'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! What better present could I ask for?

[Maggie_93]

"Well can I get an estimate on how long you're going to be mad at me?" Har. Silly Morris, Tricks are for Chloe!

[OhioNora]

I have found an old Rambo movie on Spike to watch while waiting for The Amazing Steve(tm thingy). Think there will be any action? I could use some after that stinker we just watched. Just what were viewers be advised about, anyway? Extreem boredom??

[Maggie_93]

Have a wonderful birthday Diva! WOOT!

[OhioNora]

Happy birthday, deskdiva!!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

*sigh* Ignored again by Suzy Q... :(

Best line of the night goes to Aaronak for the following:

Text "24" to "Chloe" and receive free suitcase nuke schematics, right on your phone!

Please report to your nearest usher to claim your prize.

[FredinKC]

Drums=lame
Bongos=EXCITEMENT!!

[Deskdiva]

Thanks for the birthday wishes!!! :) Makes my day early.

[homeys wonderful girlfriend]

Deskdiva

you did a completely awsome job impersonating my boyfriend.
next week can you do both of us? haha jk

[Deskdiva]

((TH))

Well, I for one, love your opening. My 24 watching would not be the same without it! You can always find a substitute to dedicate it to.... ;)

[Deskdiva]

hwg: I've never been into couples, but I'm game to try anything! ;)

[Val]

Geez, Louise, was that ever a yawner!! And I want to go on the record and say that VP Noah and Lisa are just plain creepy. Icky and creepy. OK. That's all.

[danceswithvowels]

Thanks, Diva. And congrats and happy birthday.

(^_^)

[Wes S.]

Happy birthday from me too, DD.

[Wes S.]

...Amazingly, my "Happy Birthday" wish to DeskDiva was the first post I made tonight that wasn't flagged by the frikkin' bot.

Maybe it does have a heart...

[Jeff Meyerson]

BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!!!!!!!!

And if I may add to that - stupid, predictable (even Dave got it right - no offense, Dave), lame, badly acted, poorly written, too much bunker.

I think if I was The Biscuit I'd be...leaving!

[Allen at Division]

Dave:

I'm not sure Chinese mastermind Wo Fat is really Evil. After all, he IS offering to kill Awwdrey...

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Almost done!

[Deskdiva]

Awwwww... Thanks Mr. SpamBot!

[danceswithvowels]

Yay, Steve! Clean up this Bristol Scale mess!

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Previously on “24” - We found out that: Fake nuclear weapons are very effective against fake unnamed countries; CTU has some great stunt drivers who double as fake terrorists; Jack really impressed Mike with his chain letter to Fayed; If you’ve got a plot you don’t know what to do with, it’s ok to end everything in the middle of a show and start a new plot with something REALLY scary instead.

The following summary occurred between 11 pm and 12 am:

11:00 pm – Jack gets a shot from a CTU medical, who tells him that it will help with the pain of hearing that Audrey is still alive. Or maybe the pain in his side. It’s hard to tell which. Mike tells Jack that the military is about to swoop in and take the fun job of securing the nuclear weapons and bringing them back. Jack had really counted on those things for a really excellent prank he was going to pull later.

11:01 pm – Mike thanks Jack for all the great shooting and killing he did, and says that things could have ended a lot worse – namely, there could have been a lot less great shooting and killing today. Mike looks like he wants to ask for Jack’s autograph, but doesn’t get a chance because Jack goes off down an alley to make a phone call.

11:02 pm – The Chinese guy, Cheng, needs a new chime for his phone because the beeps in his phone are so 1980’s. He picks it up, it’s Jack, and he wants to talk to Audrey. Cheng tells Jack that although everyone else in the world gave up on Jack since the show ended last year, Audrey was still trying to find him, except for that little show “The Nine”, which would have kept Audrey out of the picture for good had it actually been successful. Anyway, Cheng thought that since Audrey was out of a job, she might make a good plot twist, and now he’s going to use it.

11:03 pm - Jack says he’ll give himself up, but Cheng says that wouldn’t be any fun because Jack doesn’t talk a lot when he’s in prison. Instead, wants the nuclear weapons! For a second Jack wonders if this whole “China has nuclear weapons” thing has been just an incredibly great prank by the Chinese this whole time. But then Cheng says the reason he wants the nukes is for the trigger mechanism, because he really wants to learn all the Russian defense codes, since the mechanism uses ROT13 for encryption. Cheng threatens to kill Audrey if Jack doesn’t hand over the mechanism, and Jack somehow misses this gracious offer by telling Cheng that the Russians are pretty good at logic and eventually would figure out that the US supplied the mechanism, and start World War III.

11:05 pm – Jack asks to speak with Audrey. She apologizes for running off to a different network, and Jack promises he’ll do anything he can do to save her. Jack must be pretty tired to be talking this way. Cheng grabs back the phone and says that Jack has one hour to call back. After hanging up, Jack immediately begins stalking the van with the nuclear weapons.

11:06 pm – Lennox comes in to see President Wayne. Lennox says that Wayne really should take better care of himself, because Lennox and Dr. Welton are both pretty worried that Wayne needs medical attention, since he keeps making very convincing wincing expressions. Wayne is also worried that VP Noah might try to sneak off with the country, if he as much as goes off to the bathroom, so he says he’s not going anywhere. Lennox assures Wayne that VP Noah won’t be trying anything funny, mainly because of his previous attempt at stand-up that failed. Wayne wants to know the real reason, and Lennox finally tells him he has “The Truth”. Wayne tells him that Dr. Welton might have something to cure that kind of condition. Lennox says he doesn’t mean that, and Wayne says he wants to know what “The Truth” really is. Lennox says that he has a blooper audio recording of VP Noah conspiring with Evil Lisa to commit perjury, and he had been hoping to save it for the Christmas office party. Wayne says he can’t wait to hear the recording.

11:07 pm – Before Lennox can answer, Karen comes running in, saying she has good news. Wayne starts to ask “You saved a lot of money on your car insurance?”, but Karen continues before he can get all the words out. She tells them that CTU (which we know is code for “Jack”) has recovered the nukes. Lennox asks about Fayed, and Karen says that he and his men were killed during the assault (which is also code for “Jack”). Lennox does what anyone in his position as a toady would do: He congratulates his boss for a job well done! Wayne is so thrilled that he just can’t wait to get out of the bunker and tell The American People that they’re no longer under the threat of nuclear attack. I would bet that The American People’s response to this would be “Oh, that’s …. Wait… What???”, if they were actually awake at this hour, since it’s about 2 am on the East Coast right now. Wayne’s so excited about telling everyone about this, I bet he’ll set off all the civil defense sirens just to wake everyone up so he can tell them.

11:08 pm – Bill’s response to this entire situation is what you’d expect: He throws a meeting! Given everything that’s happened, he wants everyone’s briefs right away. One of the people in the back of the room says that he’s pleased about this, because after he heard about the nuclear weapon attacks, he’s going to need new briefs. Bill goes on to bore them some more, when Chloe is saved by a phone call from Jack.

11:09 pm – Jack gives Chloe the bad news: Audrey is alive. Chloe seems very disappointed by this, and tries to deny it, but Jack finally convinces her it’s the truth. Jack also informs her that he needs her help in retrieving one of the circuit boards, and a real one, not something from a Commodore PET, because they’d recognize the fake immediately. Chloe doesn’t seem too thrilled about this, but finally agrees to look at Morris’ terminal to see if she can find a copy of the schematics from a report Morris was working on. Jack says he wants the information sent to his JackPhone.

11:10 pm – Chloe goes to work on Morris’ terminal, and after getting past all the pop-ups, accesses the file. Chloe tells Jack that she’s sending it to his screen. Jack says, “Copy that”, and Chloe tells him that’s what she’s already doing. The file gets uploaded to Jack just as Bill’s meeting breaks up.

Commercial

11:15 pm – The phone rings as Wayne looks at an old picture of President All-State. Wayne’s secretary announces that VP Noah is here. Wayne thanks Noah for that really great idea about the nuclear weapons, but Noah looks pretty disappointed that Wayne used fake nuclear weapons. Wayne tells Noah that their whole relationship has been a marriage of convenience, (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and that they really need to break up. Noah seems pretty stunned by this, since it’s likely he’ll end up with Lennox in a custody battle, and he’s not ready for that. Noah says that he refuses, and starts to walk out until Wayne mentions the little recording that Lennox made. Wayne seems really happy to tell Noah this. Despite his best efforts to laser beam Wayne with his eyes, Noah can’t do it, and leaves.

11:18 pm – Morris is one bright dude. He set up a keylogger on his own system to make sure that no one accessed his World of Warcraft account, and he realized that someone accessed his system. Just as he reaches to call technical support, he realizes HE is technical support and decides to call security instead. Chloe stops him, tells him that she’s the one that broke in, and then tries to walk away. Morris asks why, and Chloe tells him the whole story about Audrey and the circuit board. Morris seems pretty skeptical about the whole situation, but Chloe reminds him that it’s Jack we’re talking about, so everything will be OK. Morris says he’s going to go tattle to Bill, and after a brief staring contest, Chloe says she’ll do it.

11:22 pm – Up in Bill’s office, Bill paces back and forth practicing making phone calls, as Chloe arrives and tells Bill that there is something he needs to know.

11:25 pm – Jack has an irresistible urge to climb on things, so he starts climbing around on pipes on the outside of the building, and continues to stalk the suitcase nukes. Jack finally realizes he can walk over, announce who he is and uses his Jack Powers to scare the guards into letting him get to the suitcase nukes. It works! Jack even invites them to stand guard while he steals the circuit board. Man, that’s going to be hard to explain at their court marshals! Jack gets to work on getting the circuit board. He finds the right one, just in time for Mike to show up and ruin everything. One of the guards hits Jack and he goes down like a Gredenko without an arm.

Commercial

11:29 pm – Jack wakes up and boy, he’s embarrassed. Mike has Bill on the phone. Jack swears up and down that all he wanted to do is save Audrey. Bill looks like he wants to tell Jack that is the reason he can’t let him do it, but he makes up something about not wanting the Chinese to get their hands on the mechanism. Bill says he’s going to do everything in his power to help get Audrey back. Jack has to remind Bill that just because Bill has a spandex suit in his office, it doesn’t mean he has superpowers, so whatever he has planned isn’t going to work. Jack asks if he can call President Wayne. Bill says he’ll see what he can do.

11:31 pm – Back in the Oval Office, Wayne watches the news about what a great guy he is, and gets that phone call from Jack. Jack wants Wayne to authorize a field operation to get Audrey back, and Wayne’s initial reaction is exactly what everyone else’s has been: revulsion. (He disguises it as surprise). Jack says that all he needs is a little FB circuit board to give to the Chinese. Unfortunately, it turns out that Wayne must have had a class on obsolete Russian nuclear weapons when he was in President school, because he knows exactly what the circuit board is for. Jack swears up and down that he’ll make sure that the Chinese won’t get their hands on the component, but Wayne says he won’t do it without knowing Jack’s plan. Jack says this is his plan: 1) Get the circuit board; 2) Conceal some C-4 explosive somewhere; 3) Blow up the C-4 if he needs to. Wayne says he’s not a rocket scientist, but does know that if any C-4 explodes, that Jack is going to die. Jack says that is one of the parts of the plan that he’s still trying to work out. Wayne authorizes Jack for the field operation, and says that he’ll get Bill to help Jack.

Commercial

11:38 pm – Mike releases Jack. Jack says he wants Mike to help him, and Mike asks what the plan is. Jack says that there’s going to be some circuit board destructin’, and some Cheng shootin’.

11:39 pm – Back at CTU, Chloe gets back and Morris wants to know what’s going on. Chloe tells him everything, and then points out that she was right about Morris wanting to tattle-tail. They start having a nerd fight, and I swear one of them called the other a spyware coder, which is clearly a low blow. Chloe says she’s going to hold this over Morris’ head for a long time.

11:40 pm – Milo calls over to Nadia that Mike is on the phone, and Mike gives her the information about the amazing electronic field work they were able to do, to get new tracking electronics embedded in that little tiny circuit board.

11:41 pm – Jack calls Cheng. Cheng gives Jack instructions about where to go next. Cheng tells Jack that he shouldn’t be late because Audrey might die. Jack stops for a moment and starts to say something about this plot being vaguely like the one in that new show “Drive”, but Cheng hangs up.

11:42 pm – Jack and Mike start to leave, and Mike tries to remind Jack that mixing work with pleasure didn’t work for Tim and Nichole on “The Apprentice”, and it won’t work here. Jack doesn’t want to hear about that, and tells Mike that they owe Audrey for the service she did for the country: She was basically not seen on the show for nearly 17 hours. They leave.

11:43 pm – Back at the White House, Evil Lisa goes to see VP Noah. Noah explains to Evil Lisa that he plans to resign, much to her surprise. Noah explains about the recording that Lennox made. Lisa points out that if she hadn’t asked Noah to lie about Karen, none of what was happening now would be happening at all. Noah doesn’t look very comforted by this. They start holding evil hands together! Noah says that at least he and Lisa will be able to spend more time with each other, and you can just tell that this is NOT part of Lisa’s evil plan. Noah signs the resignation letter, and tells her that he wants Wayne to have it before Wayne’s press conference ends.

11:44 pm – Wayne has the press corps especially well-trained, because they all sit when he tells them too. Noah and Evil Lisa are in the back of the room watching, trying to use Jedi mind powers or anything like that to keep Noah from having to resign. Noah’s even holding his resignation letter, so he seems pretty sure nothing is going to work out the way he wants.

11:45 - Wayne gives a speech about how Fayed is off the show now, and that everything is going to be AOK, because NOTHING dramatic is going to happen from now on. Wayne takes a couple of questions. The first guy wants to know if Wayne is SUPER-DUPER sure that everything is OK. Wayne says that he’s super-duper with sugar on it sure. Wayne asks another reporter to ask a question, and mispronounces “Robin” as “Andrea”. She asks about the detention centers, and this completely confuses Wayne so much so that he starts to stutter, and keels over! Noah or Evil Lisa must really have Jedi mind powers now! Noah puts away his resignation letter.

11:52 pm – Dr. Welton comes in and tells everyone that for some mysterious reason, Wayne had a brain hemorrhage, and that he can’t completely rule out that someone used some Jedi mind powers Wayne. Noah goes into “well, he shouldn’t have been brought out of a coma” mode, acts all “I told you so!”, and tries to blame this on Karen. Everyone argues briefly, until Evil Lisa points out that there is no way that Wayne will be able to recover from this anytime soon. Noah picks up on this and gives a very insincere speech about how everyone liked Wayne, and that it’s a real tragedy about his brain hemorrhage and everything, but WOO HOO! He’s president now!

11:53 pm – Evil Lisa finds a memo that tells about Jack trying to use the circuit board to get Audrey back, but is a bit unclear about the whole thing because the way she says it, it sounds like Jack is going to hand over technology to the Chinese. There doesn’t seem to be anything in there about Jack blowing himself up. Karen tries to explain this, and Noah gets all huffy with Karen about her explanation. Noah foolishly believes that Jack won’t be able to pull of the operation and is suddenly very concerned about getting in trouble with the Russians, forgetting the nuclear weapon he wanted to send to Unnamed Country. We can only assume that since the Russians have nuclear weapons too, that must be the problem. Noah tells Karen to get CTU to make Jack stop everything now.

11:55 pm – Out in the hallway, Karen and Lennox just can’t believe what a big bonehead Noah is being. Lennox goes to the hospital, Karen calls Bill.

11:56 pm – Karen tells Bill about Wayne’s condition, and that Noah is being a bonehead about Jack’s operation. Bill looks pretty scared when he realizes that he might actually have to get in the way of Jack shooting a lot of people, which is bound to make Jack pretty angry.

11:57 pm – Bill talks really loudly to everyone at CTU, and tells them they’re about to stop Jack’s operation. Oooo! He tells Chloe that she can’t work on this anymore because she’s proven that she can’t be trusted! (I’m guessing that’s not going to go over well with Chloe in the long run).

11:58 pm – Bill calls Mike and tells him that they’re going to try and take Jack back to CTU, and they’ve set up one (ONE!) tiny roadblock nearby to do this. Curtis would have set up a whole perimeter! Mike explains the change of plans after he gets off the phone, and after the explanation, Jack does EXACTLY what Jack always does, and pulls out his gun and points it at Mike. Jack explains that since he’s already proven that he’ll even shoot his own partner, Mike really should consider stopping the car. Mike does, and Jack drives away without him.

12:00 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: JACK GOES ROGUE! BILL THINKS THE CIRCUIT BOARD GOES TO A SUBMARINE! BILL AND/OR KAREN ARE IN BIG TROUBLE! NOW THAT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH WAYNE IS ON THE ROCKS, NOAH WANTS TO KNOW WHAT LENNOX’S INTENTIONS ARE! LOTS OF SHOOTING! SOMEONE HAS A RIFLE SIGHT ON AUDREY!!!!!

[OhioNora]

*snork* for 'saving on car insurance' and the custody battle over Weasle!!

Excellent as always!! Bravo!!

[another Dave]

Wow - is it possible that this episode was so terrible that we won't even get a summary tonight?

[danceswithvowels]

Beautiful as usual, Steve! I especially enjoyed the encryption detail. But since Russian has 33 letters, and with the language issues, lets see, carry the 1, add the nasal infix ... wouldn't that be Lot 49?

[Deskdiva]

*SNORK* @ reference to "The Nine." I think we were all rooting for that one, Steve! Nice call on the Geico moment, too, and an EXCELLENT catch on the time shift for the middle-of-the-night announcement! (They apparently do not employ any continuity men.) Also love the "new briefs" bit.

And NOW I know who CH keeps playing WoW with!

Steve, I'm so glad you caught a glimpse of that spandex suit in Bill's office. I was afraid I was imagining things. ;)

Anywho, top drawer as always, Steve! Your moniker is well earned!!

[Novanglus]

I have only one thing to say: Chloe, I bet, gets those wonderbra's for free, That nuke looked alot like the inside of my computer, if they can bring Audrey back from the dead, then Edgar really did escape the poison gas...he'll come back and fight over Chloe with the "guy who would not give his life like Jack for his country" boyfriend, and Powers Booth will have to keep on wearing that really thick panstick makeup.

The writers are running out of big bangs, they need to get into nano-technology scary stuff. The country's weather is scarier than 24 at the moment.

But loved Chloe poutty faces...she and Jack are saving the whole show. AND Jack needs a DOG! Or a gerbil! He could carry a trained gerbil around in his pocket trained to go into small nukes and disarm them...

Oh...and happy birthday to DeskDiva! Where ever you are. Be sure and plan now for 80 more. DO NOT grab that twinkie. But...birthday cake is okay.

[Deskdiva]

Uh oh, THCG. We have an apology to make to Suzy Q. Here's her post from earlier today:

"Hey, WoosterGirl: I'm gonna be AWOL again tonight from 24 blogging. I will be entertaining a young gentleman caller. Yes, the same one who took me away from you guys last week. Sorry (sort of). Please give my regards to Gretchen and THC guy. Have fun! I know I will..."

[Wes S.]

*snork* Good job, Steve! You make even the lamest episodes entertaining!

Anyway, Cheng thought that since Audrey was out of a job, she might make a good plot twist, and now he’s going to use it.

For that alone, Cheng deserves to die. Slowly. Painfully. Wretchedly.

Along with whichever pervert was looking at Audrey's butt through the riflescope. Unless, of course, he was trying to discern if she actually has one; as skinny as she is, it's kind of hard to tell...

[the real homeybeef]

Thanks for covering for me tonight, deskdiva. I don't think I've ever been that funny. Happy birthday to you.
Now what's with this low number of comments tonight? I mean, sure the most intense moment tonight was Chloe uploading the schmatics to Jack before Morris could turn his head (dun dun duhhh), but have this many people really given up hope for good 24? Who am I kidding, of course we have but damn it, I'm sticking it out till the end likeI do every year.

[Deskdiva]

Homey - I'm with you on that! Gotta have me my Jack. Maybe we've just turned into a "more intimate" community. *snort*

Hmmm. It seems that on nights when I blog nothing amusing entertaining violent seems to happen. Maybe I'm a jinx...?

*pouts*

[Bangladeshi_gurl]

So I've joined the workforce...it's boring.
WAKE UP!!
*sends for the Pink Elephants and official Blog Band*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Dd: Bah. She was here. She posted. :(

[Siouxie]

Good Morning! Not a very funny morning though. I will now read Steve's summary to cheer up ;-)

*prayers on*

[Gary Forgue]

11:03 (alternate universe)
Cheng asks Jack for the suitcase nukes. Then Cheng says, "I don't want the bombs, I really want the cases. See, Mr. Bowah, we are starting the Chinese version of "Deal or no Deal," and we are short two of those really cool metal cases. I get the cases, Audrey lives."

Thanks to my daughter Brittany for this observation.

Gary

[Siouxie]

Excellent work, Steve!!!!

[Siouxie]

um...judi, Dave??? something is wrong with the next post.

[Siouxie]

I think Audrey broke the blog.

[Mike Marsh]

The next post has a typo in the URL for the story. It's quoted initially with a single quote, not a double quote (after the "href="). That seems to have messed everything else up.

[grav8e]

I think it's safe to say we'll see Gredenko in future seasons...last we saw he'd passed out under the pier with nobody discovering the body (which ALWAYS means they will be back).

[Suzy Q]

Happy Birthday, Deskdiva! Great job with the impersonations last night.

Oh, THC guy, what am I going to do with you? You KNOW I love your intro.

*snorkage* as always to Steve.

[Val]

The best of the show was when Jack says "Mr. President, you're just going to have to trust me" and Wayne rolled his eyes!! I shouted, "Yes, Wayne, we feel the same way!". That was priceless.

[DeskDiva]

Thanks, Suzy Q! I rather had fun with it, too.

[Eleanor]

*zips in*™

I was unable to do the Left Coast pre-show czech in last night. I hate when that happens. :)

So I'm doing it now.
*wonders if that counts*

24 was soooo borrrrrrrring last night I fell asleep during it, but I was taping so I finished this morning, fell asleep again, but I'm here now, and was saved from falling asleep again by The Amazing Steve's report. :)

Happy Birthday, Deskdiva!
What better present could anyone wish for than a shout out from Dave - YAY you!

[Hosmer]

I keep waiting for the Vice President to ask everyone to drink to poison Kool-Aid......

[Mike Antonucci]

Suggested bunker dialogue for a future episode of 24:

Acting President Darth Boothe: "Six hundred million screaming Chinamen."

Karen Hayes: "Last I heard, there were a billion screaming Chinamen."

Boothe: "There were."
[he throws whiskey on the fire; it ignites violently, suggesting a nuclear explosion]

[jon]

Matching panties...
interesting!

[steve-in-kansas-who-envies and praises Steve the 24 guy]

Previews we wish would come true...

There is a rifle scope on audrey as she stumbles (she's drunk again, or maybe on mind control riddlin) towards
Jack.

As the camera backs up we see that it is Edgar, who shoots Audrey. "Take that, &&^&&**, " he says.

Jack rushes to audrey's limp body...and in the
dawn says..."ooo...you look awful!". (JacktalkTM
for "what was I thinking"?)

He walks over to Edgar, thanks him, and promises him his old Job back, provided he kills Morris. Edgar agrees, and the two shake hands and depart.

[Clean Hands]

*I*, for one, thought last night's episode was excellent.

Of course, it helped a lot that I designated "Awwwwdrey" as a "drink" word.

[SB]

So Wayne is a goner right? In the last episode Fayed said hello to his brother. This week it was Wayne's turn, I think.

Did you guys notice how Wayne looked at his brother's portrait at one point in yesterday's episode? No TV character has ever survived after looking at the portrait of a dead relative that way.

Although I wish the writers had allowed him to ramble incoherently for at least a few more minutes before he keeled over. They really lost an opportunity to write some great monologue there...

[Riquochet]

Mike---

Excellent "Red Dawn" reference!

[Solid Citizen]

Morris didn't hold his mud..... and as far as VPs go.... I'd rather hunt with Dick Cheney than ride in a car with Ted Kennedy (or Patrick for that matter)