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April 02, 2007

24

Here is where we stand:

Vice President Darth Boothe, the only ray of hope in this steaming heap of a random-tangent, padded-plot season, is determined to launch a nuclear missile against a country that nobody seems capable of naming. Maybe it's a hard-to-pronounce country, such as Krzyzewskistan. But whatever it is, Darth wants to nuke it, and this blog supports him 115 percent, because we want to see some country other than Los Angeles get nailed for a change. At the end of last week's episode, President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat, who had been in a coma caused by listening to himself speak, was revived so he could call off the nuclear strike, but veep Vader is claiming the president is unfit, so we will probably have to listen to a lot of bunker blather about that tonight.

On the bright side, we know from the previews that there will be shooting, and Jack will be PINNED DOWN.

Edgar is still dead.

As I advisoried you earlier, I will be unable to watch tonight's show with you, but you're welcome to comment here. And as always we await the summary of the Amazing Steve. Until then, sit back and enjoy the show.

UPDATE (from the s.b.): GO GATORS! Shoot 'em in the thigh!

Comments

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First?

Second and GO GATORS!!!

So we have no adult supervision to keep us in line tonight.

BBWWWRRRAAAHHHHHAAAAA!!!

Let the games begin!

I found out today that the actor that plays Bill is a Yogi/a>. (Crossed legs, not Bear).

Sweet, I'm first!

Whoops. Sorry about the mislinking.

That's okay. I thought a Yogi/a was some kind of new instructor or something.

OK, I'm here for a while, but I can't see the show. Not that this will affect my understanding of the plot.

Over/Under on the number of The Boyfriend Trouser ads during tonight's show: 1.5

I just finished watching an old movie called Freeway (mid-'90's) which was based on the Red Riding Hood story. Red was played by Reese Witherspoon and the Wolf was none other than Keifer Sutherland. I'm gonna be confused watching Jack tonight, since I'll expect him to jump out and kill anyone wearing red.

Nice to have you anyway, Dave! You'll probably enjoy it more this way, anyhow.

As Jack Bauer, Kiefer shows far less restraint.

Here are The Four Questions of 24 that Dave alluded to earlier:

1) Why is it that on all other nights during the year we eat either bread or matzoh, but on this night we eat only matzoh? You've hidden the bread, haven't you! Where is the bread? TELL ME WHERE THE BREAD IS!

2) Why is it that on all other nights we eat all kinds of herbs, but on this night, I'm going to have to force-feed you these bitter herbs until you tell me where the bread is? We're going to find the bread anyway, so you can either tell me now, or I can make you suffer.

3) Why is it that on all other nights we do not dip our herbs even once, but on this night we dip them twice? Damnit, we don't have time to dip herbs right now! There's a loaf of bread out there that's going to get moldy within the hour!

4) Why is it that on all other nights we eat either sitting or reclining, but on this night we eat in a reclining position? Also, I need you to upload the exact positions in which the hostiles are reclining onto my PDA. Everybody remember, we have to take the bread alive so we can "interrogate" it. All right, all teams move in! Go!

Happy Passover!

SNORK at Aaronak.

Dave, do you have some sort of super-early bedtime tonight? I think I speak for all of us Mountain and Pacific Newfangled Daylight time types when I say it'd be a rare treat to have you watching/blogging along with us, and not two or three hours ahead. C'mon, whaddya say?

Hi, Dave. How's in going in your secret undisclosed location at the other end of the country?

I, for one, fully expect the Random Dialogue Generator to out-do itself tonight with epic amounts of undecipherable crappy words spewed at random by various characters so as to completely discombobble us viewer-type people into not knowing what the hell is going on and yet making us at least TRY to figure it out because we have no other option than to watch this crap, week after week, because, after all, it's all about Jack!

Nice tip off, Blog, and glad you finally used a real picture of Edgar. Saturn was just a stretch. As somebody pointed out last week, tonight's events will take place during 24 so the cast will probably be watching 24. Or maybe showering, charging their cells, shaving, eating... who knows? I suspect they will be watching 24 with the volume up, and Gators-OSU with the volume down. Otherwise, if they have the game turned up Jack may have to thigh-shoot the CBS guy that makes/invented the clanking sound off the rim. READY!!

I'm outta here at 6:45 Pacific California Still Really Early Time.

At this point I'm watching the show out of habit, and for Karen and Bill. Still bitter about what the writers did to Aaron and Martha, not to mention the "steaming heap of a random-tangent padded-plot season" alluded to above.

And, of course, I'm watching for all you snarksters and for Dave. Y'all oughta be paid for this.

Can't wait...for the Gators to win the championship! Woohoo! GO GATORS!!!!

What? Is there something else on TV tonight?

Good point, Dave. Breathing is all the motivation Jack needs to kill someone.

As this season is going into its fifteenth hour, and so far maybe only five minutes of the entire season has been even remotely interesting, I'd like to know how some people can have the nerve to say that this show is unrealistic. Five remotely-interesting minutes in about fifteen hours mirrors my life EXACTLY.

Oh, Suzy Q here, present and accounted for and ready for duty, Sir!

Got my red wine and am waiting for my Discretion to be Advised.

Also for my mind to be blown, yet again, by THC guy's incredibly mind-blowing intro that makes me shiver with excitement EACH and EVERY TIME I read it!!

So, bring it onnnnn!

Confidential to Gretchen: Cajun pork chop and roasted asparagus.

Ah, Dave, I see now that your event is tonight -- for some reason I thought it was a day gig. Hope you took our suggestions of getting TiVo or some sort of DVR. You could strain something by missing a week and coming back.

I had to endure that a few weeks ago, but The Amazing Steve helped me out a lot. (Thanks again, Steve!)

*flaps in for a moment*

*waves at Dave and everybody*

Go Gators! Hi, Suzy Q--dinner sounds YUMMY!

Y'all have fun! I'll be watching a little later!

*flaps away*

if they are watching 24 on 24 tonight, I hope it's a better episode than the one we get

Dave--

Sorry you'll miss the fun tonight. For a copy of tonight's exciting episode, just watch any of the episodes from any other season.

I can't believe that Prison break guy just took it up the ass for his girlfriend! LIterally!

I'm hoping that one of the drones find its way to Atlanta tonight and detonates at the game, wiping out a significant portion of gator and buckeye fans! That would be so awesome!

"Darth Boothe."

*snork* *giggle* *snicker*

Now that's funny. And he's right, you know, about Wayne Allstate's lack of fitness for the Presidency...

ESPN is reporting that this morning, after practice, Ohio State had a snack. Stay tuned.

Ducky, you weren't supposed to read that. It was confidential.

*waves anyway*

Wow. There're "men whooping aggresively" on Prison Break. Watch that aggro!

Happy Passover, Aaronak, and to all other Jew Bloggers!!

Wow, Dave. That pre-game report sounds ALMOST as exciting as 24.

*zips in ™*

LTTG but barely in time for the Left Coast pre-show czech in.

I'm honored to be in the same time zone with Dave. I feel a connection! :)

Locked and loaded..... Watch for the summary after the show....

(Hope you're having fun out there, Dave!)

Viewer Aggression Is Surmised!

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
GATORS OVER THE BUCKEYES!!! GO GATORS!!!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("Buckeyes?!? Don't you mean F..er..nevermind.") and ChloeSack™ ("Ohio...State? Isn't that redundant?")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "First Awwwwdrey, now Tancredo's running for President! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" intro to "24" is dedicated to blogit "Suzy WHO??!!?". We've stopped askin'.

Then my money is on Not Ohio. They are fat.

Sorry, Suzy Q. I couldn't help myself! :-)

*looks around*

Damn! I still seem to be at work.

Enjoy the show without me!!!!

Viewer Discretion!!!!!

Heaven help us!

I can finally liveblog for the first time in weeks....

Loaded already, Steve?

Viewer discretion! YES!!

I can't remember which remote volume to turn up... oh well. Discretion Advised!!

At least we are getting some pre show re action.

*slips sly a surreptitious Blog Bar Special*

Could that guy have anymore pock marks? Can't they use the "shadowy camera lens"?

It occurs to me that Jack must survive the entire season because he was around to do the "The following takes place" narration.

If I promise to hook up to my Viewer Discretion, can the show actually give me a reason to NEED it?!

"Sandra, I can't afford to look weak..."

Too late, Wayne.

Roosevelt was wooden, too!

I was so damned excited about liveblogging tonight that I picked up my Sonic drink and completely forgot about the food. *sigh.*

Greg Gumbel has revealed that the victor tonight will be either Ohio State or Florida.

OMG, they're getting Coma Prez out of bed? Ha! And with a TIE???? Puh-leeeze. Yeah, that's the first thing he thought of when he came out of his come: OMG, where's my TIE?

Dr Watson, can the viewers get a shot of adrenaline?

So when you're President, you can order people to give you drugs?

Jeez, the old "25th Amendment". The writers haven't used that for a few years...

25th Amendment: Thou shalt not revive comatose presidents when crazy-a$$ VPs are in charge.

Hopefully, Jack is loaded and ready...his gun, I mean. I think that I am going in search of some "cough medicine".

Say hello to his brother Bryant!

Hopefully, Jack is loaded and ready...his gun, I mean. I think that I am going in search of some "cough medicine".

Powers Booth looks very happy!

The Veep is lying...what else is new?

Nice to see that CTU is finally going to renege on one of those bogus pardon offers...

*Waves at Diva*

You don't need to eat for this show, just drink.

President Payton seems to be walking with an un-melted suppository up his @ss....

Could you do something about that cough, Jessica? It's really annoying!

Mr. President, are you able to discharge?

Hmmmm, JACK Bauer and Vice President DANIELS. Are they trying to tell us something?

Look closely...the doctor has his hand up a small slot in the President's back...that's why he's sitting so upright...

Just another committee meeting at work. The normal back stabbing, hangers on and whiners.

*snork* @ vowels

Maybe it was an olestra suppository....

"Relapse?" Oh, PLEASE, let Wayne relapse...

...Of course, it might be hard to tell that Wayne's had a relapse, as comatose as he's acted all season...

Looking for something to ease the cough and make 24 more exciting...80 proof or higher...kids are abed! woohoo!

"To remove me from this office...would be to recycle an idiiot plot point used against my brother just a few seasons ago...if you can call this boring drivel a 'plot.'"

Actually, it's the Electoral College that elected you to give us inaction and bad dialogue.

Why is this not under the "24" blog section?

I was freaking out because I couldn't find it. I had to shoot someone in the thigh to help me.

Ugh. I'm back in high school. Constitution Shmonstitution. Shoot somebody!!!

Another medical miracle on 24.

Pres: "No, you may NOT nuclear bomb kys#W%$^&&istak#@$%^%istan!

So if you don't nuke somebody, then you're sick?

Well, that killed off the first 9 minutes. Geez....

Whoo!! Who knew the President gets recess?

So the Blog has the Pre-Game volume turned up and the 'share our pain' dialog turned down. Wise choice! This is why he gets to capitalize....

Nine minutes and no blood. This episode sucks!

The doctor has his hand where?

The Pres cannot discharge his doodies?

Suzy, I think the country you're looking for is "Madeupistan."

Hey, the good Palmer's on TV now.

Hmm...ok, so that first part before the commercial break completely went over my head. Wooden dialogue generator.

These commercials are annoy...PRESIDENT ALLSTATE!!!!!!!!!!

"You're in Good Hands"

President Goodhands. Looks alive.

I mean, peace on earth, good will towards writers and other various people!

I thought the country was Marzipan.

Bob Uecker! Now THERE'S a sports announcer!!

No shooting yet? No hitting?

*sigh* Of course Suzy didn't even comment on my opening...surprise surprise... :(

Complete waste of TV so far.

Just a few words bantied about.

So...the Cabinet will recess for ten minutes, during which the fate of both Fayedistan and the audience's attention span hangs precariously in the balance.

The way our collective disbelief used to hang, before one last recycled plot point from past seasons caused the suspension to fail catastrophically...

*snork* @ Al. Marzipan indeed. Sweeeeeeet!

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