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March 25, 2007



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How do you know who is the toilet guide?

How do you know who is the toilet guide?

Finally, a job where I can put my liberal arts degree to use...

Errrr....no thanks.

Ah-ha...a robot doublepost...for first, second AND third.

Dave, you mean it's better than your job?

Toilet Guides - not AGNFARB, but maybe a Teletubbies-type kiddy show.

After all, they need toilet guides more than most of us.


Not much good if they can only speak Chinese.

I woulda thought it would be a brown arm band.

Is it just me or is the blog especially focused on toilet stories lately? Perhaps there is a squirrel conspiracy to scatter attention away from them?

Career Counselor: I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is that according to your apptitude tests, the job that you are most suited for would be "toilet guide."

Applicant: What's the good news?

Counselor: That I'm not you.

No tickee, no pishee.

Hey, this could be well worth the yuan if you're doing the pee-pee dance and don't know your way around.


Punkin, you must have received my line through ESP. ;)

Anytime an NYY fan can help you out again, just let me know. :)

Can I pay on the inSTALLment plan?

El - I don't mind the mind meld, but why did you have to include the naked Jeter fantasy???

Wait for the shake!

The guides have to take more frequent breaks after some reported feeling a little flush.

Wait a min...earn $ 1.29 and STILL have to pay for the pu pu platter???

snork @ Punkin's *jeter fantasy*

If you prefer Punkin, we could have this NYY naked fantasy!

pssst Punkin, it was just too good a setup for me to resist ;)

They only make 10 yuan a day for pee pointing, but of course, they could always multitask.

They could point out the hookers - that's gotta be worth 100 yuan a day. Then they could point out the cop standing near the hooker! Another 100 yuan!

There is job growth potential!

punkin and eleanor - last year Mrs. Layzee and I were at Yankee Stadium sitting in the 7th row from the field. During warmups Jeter came out and started stretching right in front of us. He stood with his back toward us, spread his legs, and started bending to touch his toes. He did this for about 3 minutes. When he finished the missus turned to me and said, "OK, we can go now."

We just got their AAA team here in Scranton and we have season tickets. She's lighting candles for him or Damon to be slightly injured so they come here on rehab. If they do I'm sure we'll be the first ones at the stadium to watch warmups.

Whoa, Layzeeboy! I'll light candles for Mrs. Layzee's cause too, if she promises to send me pictures. I wish they had spring training out this way - I'd take a road trip for sure.

*snork* at Stevie's refreshingly un-pc joke. He's a real potty animal.

Moon they could also hide the tp and make some added cash by pointing it out when needed.

It's good to see that Mrs. Layzeeboy has her priorities straight. ;) I'm an A-Rod chick myself, although I could certainly "make do" (or actually do) with JD or Derek. :)

*joins with Annie in request for pictures*

Is it possible to go downhill from toilet humor? Yes, apparently, there's always baseball


*SNORKKS* @ Stevie!

CJ - don't you have a catfish to classify?

Let's see - A-Rod, Johnny, and Derek or...
...Manny and Big Papi?
Game over!

Annie, El.....I've already done Johnny....


Rest assured Mrs. Layzeeboy will have her crap cam with the zoom lens.

punkin, yes, but WE cleaned him up.

reminds me of the seinfeld episode (but then just about everything does) where jerry would name a n.y.c. address and george would name the best restoom facilities there...

everybody was poo-poo guiding
hoping for a outhouse sighting
though the stench was not inviting
it was better than a public shite-ing!

from the opera "The Glorious Ex-Farmers Of Wuhan Make A Pittance Telling Foreigners Where To Go"

Coming soon to a theater near you - Crapping Tourist Laughing Toilet Guide

The bot just made me type kotexi. It's been a while since I studied Latin but I don't believe that's the correct plural.

BTW, if you get USAWeekend in today's Sunday paper Dave talks about the blog on the first page where the questions for "celebreties" are. They also refer to his Pullit Surprise.

Here's the link for the USA Weekend blurb. Dave and the blog are right after Laura Bell Bundy.

*waves at Orwigsburg, PA*

*snork @ Layzeeboy
sounds like a chicken entree "Pullet Surprise"

More like Pull It Surprise, mm. Orwigsburg is right down the road from me, JG.

@ Layzeeboy: We just LOST the NYY AAA ballteam here in Columbus, so no chance of a Jeter sighting here any time soon. ((sigh)) Athough I did get to see Darryl Strawberry on one of his comeback tries back in the 90's.

Washington Senators farm club? Who the hell are the Washington Senators??

My husband tells me that our teams are in the same league, so we will meet here and there this summer. We should do a Dave Barry Official 7th Inning Stretch.


Annie - Thank you for cleaning JD up....I left him a bedraggled, drooling mess. (But a happy one!) ;)

I thought the Washington Senators was the team that always played against the GlobeTrotters...?

[grumble, grumble] Fine!

SAILFIN CATFISH (Pterygoplichthys multiradiatus)


That was a complete PITA to look up and detracted from my ability to watch the Gators march towards UCLA.

[Looking up critters:

Freshwater or Salt? Yes.
Home Range? All over Florida and South America.
Are you trying to be funny? No, I promise!] And now to face the Bot for posting a link!

mm - The Washington Generals were the Globetrotters' non-nemesis. The Senators were the longtime American League baseball team that never won much of anything and finally ended up moving elsewhere to become the ...... [help, someone!]

The Senators were also the team for whom "Shoeless Joe from Hannibal, Mo.", of Damn Yankees fame, played.

*Notices that according to the USA Weekend blurb, this thread is way late for a Barry Manilow reference*

There, I did it. You are welcome.

Now there are the Washington Nationals, who have as much chance of winning as a sailfin catfish.

Layzeeboy - the Dave snippet links to www.davebarry.com, not directly to this blog. (I'm sure they were just ducking my personal appearance fee.)If any wandering USAToday readers find us, please be advised that you must stow all carrion in a clear one-gallon Ziploc bag. (If Siouxie's around, it has to be a one-quart bag.)

Speaking of underwear models, which Dave was in that snippet, I just sent a video link in to Dave featuring an underwear model. If it doesn't pass his mustard in a few days, I'll share.

m. the b. - the first wash. senators became the minnesota twins...my dad who worked in d.c. became a twins fan, when they moved although he had never been in minnesota, and even after he moved to s.fla.
now, of course, he is a marlins fan!

there was a second incarnation that was briefly in wash. d.c. and became the texas rangers...

Holy cow, Annie! The flight attendant making the announcements last week was from Australia or New Zealand and pronounced some things rather differently. I later asked her if she was serious about wanting us to store carrion under the seats. She didn't get it!!!

When you are unable to find the restroom on your own, you will no longer be sh!t outta luck.

oh, and...

CJ's Link

and *snork* @ Stevie

And my hometown managed to snare this rare and little-known team. WOOHOO!


a chinaman who shows you the toilet? That reminds me of an episode of Kung Poo with David carridine playing Kuai Chang Caine aka Dung Dong americanized name.

GRassHOPPER, you have to ask yourself one question? do you feel Lucky...well do ya skunk!

Master, I gots to know...peppy la puuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeee....don't worry it's just tomato juice.

To watch Derek Jeeter that close up, do you have to buy a package?

The bad news is, I recorded another self-indulgent, poorly-guitared, and worsely-sung song parody.

The good news is, I learned how to distill it down to an mp3 file, much smaller than a wav.

(Right click, save target as..., play. Don't say you weren't warned.)

*S N O R K* @ Stevie. Excellent song, and now I've got an earwig, too. Double score!

GREAT one, Stevie!!! LOL


I went to play your link, clicked, and IE said it had to close and wouldn't play it! And then crashed.:(

Are you still made at me because of the joke???

Thanks, guys. (I almost recorded the Dumferline/Donovan thingie this a.m. but time is too tight.)

El - that happened to me too if you simply try to "open" it. That's why you need to right click and save target first.

And I was never mad at you for that joke!!!!

It opens up for me right away...cuz I'm "special".

EL!!! TIGER WON!! woooooooooo hooooooooooo!!!

10 yuan per day? I googled on 10 yuan to usd and got $1.29. Not exactly the big bucks yuans.

*zips in™*

Yes, he did, Siouxie!! Jazzzz and I are jazzed!!!

Thanks Stevie, my paranoid side was having an issue. :)

A job where I can put my liberal arts degree to use.
Addiction Recovery New Mexico

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