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March 26, 2007

FASCISM CREEPS INTO DUNFERMLINE

(Thanks to Bob Gibson)

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Mr. Laidlaw looks a bit out of it...or drunk...

Now THAT is a "smoke free environment!"

Next they'll be banning Mud from the blog...sheesh...

can beer drinker's still belch?

Mr Laidlaw (35), who is furious at the ban by Thirsty Kirsty’s, is thought to be the first person in West Fife to be barred for breaking wind.

Classic reporting!

indeed Siouxie, just this morning he fogged up the forum. Be we love him anyway...

"You can’t just have one guy sitting there farting his day away"

Well, I guess I owe everyone an apology.

Kind of a revolting thought that the bar used to be so full of smoke that you didn't even notice the farts and BO.

By the way, What the hell is Toni wearing today and why should we care?

WOO HOO!! simul with the Blog ...on a thread about flatulence...

not sure how to take that.

was it good for you Siouxie? go ahead, light 'em if you got 'em.

Simple solution: farting sections.

“I didn’t even have a chance to draw breath."
Why would he want to? I say bring back the smoking, and we can all breathe easier.

“Other people have dropped handbags, shall we say. But when everybody’s choking and I come out with the spray and say don’t do it again, they will appreciate that and stop it."

dropped handbags?

how many other fart euphemisms are there that i don't know about? be advised that 'dropped a handbag' will appear in a poem here soon.

oh, and for the record, i have never been to dumferline.

the smell peeled the paint, made us gag
and the pub patrons that night were all stag
so we were compelled then to ask
as we donned our gas-masks
"who the hell dropped that handbag?"

a silence after
pause, then a rush for windows
the fallen handbag

a handbag was dropped
somewhere over in scotland
his tab paid in full

pleases to meet you ma'm
yes, i am your daughter's friend
whoops, dropped my handbag

oops, i guess i cleared the room again...

Did someone say Scotland?

In the chilly hours and minutes
Of my flatulence, I get the sense
I'm not wanted here in Dumfermline

To fill the air all around me
And let loose my scent, from here to Kent
Ah, but I may as well try and pass some wind

--apologies to Donovan

*opens blog widows and turns fans on*

*strikes a match* *sprays the room*

Is it safe now???

*open blog wiNdows too*

"It cometh in the night and dropeth like a handbag,
Verily it cometh like a crusty patch of nature e'en in pub,
Creeping, silent it weakens the heart and turns the ale from warm to steaming,
And doth make the Gaffers fall and the Gamers scratch.
Curse the wind and curse the windmakers
Curse the scourge of places public
Take thine hobby and go elsewhere
Drop no more handbags, now, Begone!"

and how many of us HAVEN'T wanted to open a blog widow or two....

Handbags droppin' from me
Nothin' but cleared rooms do I see
No Bluebirds singin' a song
Nothin' but handbags all day long

Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
Never saw things goin' so right
Noticing the neighbors hurrying by
When you're got gas, my how they fly

Handbags, some of them gone
Nothin' but handbags from now on
(No one smilin' at me
Nothin' but cleared rooms do I see)

Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
Never saw things goin' so right
Noticing the neighbors hurrying by
When you're got gas, my how they fly

Handbags, all of them gone
Nothin' but handbags from now on
Nothin' but handbags from now on

Ready for fun, I saw the "Closed" sign
On the pub door in Dunfermline
As I said "What goes here?"
I wrinkled my nose here
'Twas Laidlaw who on haggis had dined

*strikes a few matches for the boys*

Something about that face looks familiar

LOL Glix!

I loved Marty!

First they ban smokers, now it's old farts, where will it all end?

Suppose if someone had lit a match against his butt when he did "passed" he'd quit soon!

NOTHING says, STOP like a charred hole in the pants!


“You can’t just have one guy sitting there farting his day away and nobody else coming in."

my feelings EXACTLY!!!

and these people haven't smelled f@rts till they've been around my Boxer.... talk about clearing a room....

He just needs a methane control device around the ol blow hole...perhaps a pilot light,they could kill to birds with one stone and roast their wennies while they're at it.

Hopefully not a Gay bar could be too temping!

that picture's worth a thousand handbags...see what noxious fumes will do to your brain?

Former Woodmill High School pupil Mr Laidlaw

So other than farting, his big claim to fame is that he's a former high school student? Not even a graduate. Just a former student.

This'll bring a whole new aspect to 24 blogging tonight re: The Handbag.

Oh, and what the hell does "touch-born" mean? Something about that term gives me the willies.

I think this whole town is dirty, and not in a good way.

They have people with B.O. that they didn't notice when you could smoke?? WTD?

And I'd bet, even though the article doesn't say so, that bad breath is rampant as well, and of course the belching that Siouxie mentioned, which oftimes can be odiferious.

Suzy, that usage struck me, too.

I'm guessing that it's along the lines of "'E's a bit touched, if you know what I mean, guv'nor."

As in "touched" by the hand of God. (And not in a good way...)

El, I believe it was crossgirl who belched. I burp very daintily...

*urpsie*

Oh, Steve Martin...

Mind if I smoke?
Mind if I FART?

Cabbage, anyone?

Apologies to lower case cg. And to you too Siouxie if necessary. ;)

I'm getting all my tax stuff ready to take to the tax guy - what a PITA! So I didn't take the time to scroll back up and see who said it.

I'm trying to learn how to do the loud belch thing, just because of all the stuff I missed out on in childhood, being raised as a Jewish Princess. My daughter, although a JAP, has a great belch and she's been teaching me.

The other day when my CG was here for lunch, I burped, grinned and asked how was that?
WHAT?!?!?

Need more practice, I guess. :)

Green Fog

The green fog comes
on little rat feet.
It sits looking
over bar and table
with silent stenches
and then, hopefully, moves on.

Apologies to Carl Sandburg

El, that reminds me of that scene in the Titanic when Jack was teaching Rose how to spit.

(I know the tax work in a ROYAL PITA)!!!

...for indiscriminate wind breaking.

So discriminate wind breaking is OK?!

discriminating wind-breakers wbagnfarb.

Do I get a prize for having the illulstrious Mr. Barry post my link on the first try?

snork @ "crusty patch of nature" wayyyyyyy up there

I suppose this qualifies as Breaking News.

Bob's prize.

(Plus a complementary spell-check).

(Congrats!)

To clear up a few points

1. The city is spelled DuNfermline

2. Touch is a housing estate in Dunfermline
(pronounced 'tooch' - with the 'ch' as in 'loch')

3. In Scotland, we do not celebrate a 'graduation' from high school like underacheiving americans. We graduate from college or university.

4. The landlord always has been a bawbag.

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