Dave --

I ask you about this question because of your knowlege on the subject and having written a book about the genders.  Every so often -- and I am not saying that I was necessarily confronted with this question recently, or anticipate it coming up soon, so to speak, but never hurts to be prepared -- men will be faced with this question in the 'cuddle phase' after you  know what. And it's always in that almost childlike talk, What are you thinking?

Whatever it is we were really thinking at the moment is most definitely the WRONG answer.  Silence is the WRONG answer.  Giving it a little thought, maybe after repeating the question to allow for some time to come up with a 'safe' answer is the WRONG answer. Being hung over doesn't permit taking the fifth. And if, lets say, we miraculously come up with the right answer or an acceptable answer, there is a good chance there will be a follow up question, which is probably harder to answer than the initial question.  And getting up earlier, showering and going to get the paper is considered insensitive.

Any advice?

Ted

Ted –-

Lie.

Say you were thinking about the Relationship. Of course then you will have to explain WHAT you were thinking about the Relationship. The answer is, you were thinking, in a very general way, just how satisfied you feel to be in this Relationship. These feelings are SO general that you have no further words to describe them.

WHATEVER you do, when asked what you are thinking in these moments, do NOT mention the NCAA tournament.

Good luck,

Dave

 

Comments

[fritchbeetle]

First?

Let me say, as a female, that I know better than to ask that question.

[BLT]

First?

[BLT]

Dang! Going back for seconds might be a suggestion for the topic, though.

[Hammond Rye]

I've found out that yelling "I'm King of the World!" at the top of my lungs is often unanticipated and usually does not create a follow-up question.

[fritchbeetle]

...but I did ask the question once to a friend of mine while we were driving back from somewhere. And he really was thinking about a relationship with me!

We're married now. :)

[Keilwerth LA]

say you were thinking about the global warming "crisis" and how sad it makes you

...then, the pity sex...

[beaniehampton]

I'm guessing that if you said you were thinking about an old girlfriend, THAT would register as an incorrect answer.

[Siouxie]

That's the stooopidest question a woman can ask a man. As if we didn't know they're always thinking about how quickly they can turn around and go to sleep.

[Chaz]

Let me say, as a female, that I know better than to ask that question.

Posted by: fritchbeetle

well spread the word, as everyone else hasnt figured that out yet

[Chaz]

and from now on the answer is: "Dave Barry said you would be asking this...so I was thinking about Dave Barry"

LOL

[Annie Where-but-here]

FIRST to be shocked that Hapte-Grabber actually has this issue come up...

[Clark Kent]

I always tell them I was thinking about how if I were to fly around the world counterclockwise REALLY fast it would make the Earth go backwards and turn back time so we could do it again just like it was the first time....

Chicks dig that....

[mudstuffin]

"i was thinking that now would be a good time for me to get up and go to the bathroom or else i might do something that would really spoil the mood" and then fart on the way to the bathroom.

that'll shut 'er up.

[insomniac]

"what are you thinking about?"

did i do alright? should i ask? would she think i was awful if i didn't know? lord, i have to pee! how long do i have to wait before i can eat a sandwich without looking like a caveman? a caveman, who eats sandwiches, good one...it's like swimming, in reverse, you can't eat until so many minutes afterwards... i bet those geico caveman eat sandwiches.... what should i say? she looks like she's going to hold a mirror under my nose to see if i'm alive! attila the hun died on his wedding night, lucky bastard...but i bet his concubines didn't ask him what he was thinking...well,, here goes...

"oh, nothing, dear"

[KCSteve]

What, you other guys can't get away with claiming you don't think at all? For some reason that always works for me...

[Eleanor]

I am 100%, totally (redundant?) with Siouxie here. It's just begging to be lied to, or not if the GIQ (guy in question) is an idiot that we had sex with for some unknown reason.

And in other news deduced from this post, it appears that Ted Hava-Nagila is getting l@id! WTG, Ted. ;)

[Meanie the Blue]

Other answers that have proven, for some reason, less than satisfactory:

"Did Mom call?"
"What time is breakfast?"
"You did take your pill, right?"

[Clark Kent]

Fallback answer: "Global warming. I'm really worried about where all those polar bears are going to go after the ice caps melt."

It shows you're deep, enviromentally conscious and concerned for bears....

[Noob]

Dave wrote a book??

(someone had to say it)

[Hammond Rye]

Also:
"Should I get this rash looked at?"
"I've been thinking about cleaning the garage"
"Did I turn on the camera?"
"Do you accept credit cards?"

[Cheesewiz]

Try faking a stroke and hopefully they won't let her ride in the ambulance.

[Gadfly]

I just say,"I was thinking you've got 5 minutes then it all happens again". She usually goes for a sandwich at about the 4 minute mark.

[mudstuffin]

speaking of the NCAA tournament:

keep your eye
on the big guy
with the buckeyes
that is all

[Meanie the Blue]

Actually, at such moments, I like to pull out reach for this.

[wickedwitch]

i just did permanent damage to myself SNORKING at insom. truly awesome insom and it sounded like it came from personal experience.

[Beppie]

Well, if you are that worried about it, you could always talk to your hand.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Let me explain for all of womanhood, of which I'm a vital, curvaceous part, that the reason we ask THAT question is because it's one of the rare moments a guy actually appears to be thinking about something.
The scientific cause of this is simple - he has just depleted his testosterone, so it's low, so at that point, he's more like...a woman.

[casey]

Big fat snork to Hammond way ^ there!

[Punkin Poo]

There's a "cuddle phase"?

[Gadfly]

So AWBH, would that explain insoms aimless mental meandering?

[Meanie the Blue]

I suspect, if this thread is any indication, that things did not turn out as planned at this time.

[crossgirl]

I'm usually asleep before I can ask anything, but tops on my list would be, if you're getting up, would you bring me some water?

[Just Ducky]

*snorks* @ Clark, Hammie, insom & Meanie!

A question like, "What are you thinking?"
Makes a man’s heart begin sinking
And try as he might
No answer is right
This causes key parts to start shrinking.

[artchick]

Men can think? (ducks)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Gadfly, insom's comments made sense to me. Maybe you should have a woman explain them to you. ;)

[Siouxie]

lol cg!!!

[Lairbo]

SNORK and amen to that, insom.

The truthful, if not correct, answer (for me, anyhoo) is always, "Thinking?"

[crossgirl]

2nd favorite question is "you remember how to get home?"

[crossgirl]

followed by, "you're not gonna need to turn on a light to find your shoes, keys and the door, are you?"

[Annie Where-but-here]

I like exclaiming, "You're sleeping?! At a time like this?! How could you?!"

That startles them to the point they don't know if they were sleeping, where they are, or what happened. It's fun to watch them struggle. ;)

[Tea Hag]

Memorize the following responses: (1) I am thinking how peaceful this is; (2) I am wondering what I did to deserve this; (3) I am thinking I am the luckiest guy in the world; (4) I was wondering what YOU were thinking. After you have used all of the above, it is safe to say, "Oh, honey, you already know the answer."

[Crash]

I have never asked this question.
I am female.
I have BEEN asked this question.
By a male.

Just goes to show...

[wickedwitch]

it is much safer to ask me what i'm thinking after sex than during sex.

[fritchbeetle]

Just Ducky & Tea Hag... very funny!

[CJrun]

It's entirely unfair to ask questions like cg's, as guys of the male gender might forget they're at their own place! [testosterone depletion, doncha know]

Another wrong answer [trust me] is, "do you have a sister?"

[Jeff Meyerson]

Crash, you dog you!

I think insom gets the prize for best thought processes under pressure.

Just don't answer like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally....

[ted]

If i was an accomplished juggler, I wouldn't worry about it. That's when I'd grab the alarm clock, and her moisturizer and start juggling. The distraction should do the job, I figure.

[Suzy Q]

When I'm done with him, he is beyond all thought. 'Nuff said.