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March 28, 2007

AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY CRIME IS OUT OF CONTROL

(Thanks to trained professional journalist Peter Chianca)

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baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad men, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

Just what was in the magazines to make the goats sick? And I think there may have been more than spraypainting going on.

kick 'em in the goat-nads

Gagnon also left pornographic magazines inside the barn during his 2 a.m. visit. Two of the goats became sick after eating the magazines.

...

At the time, police said it appeared to be part of an ongoing pattern of harassment by Gagnon against the Fiero family.

So orange goat parts get them hot? Who brings p0rn to a harassment party?

And those mags make me sick even without eating them....

I heard that Michael Jackson was looking for a caretaker for his private zoo... this guy sounds qualified.

Those musta been some pretty sick mags. lol What has this world come to? Painting goat nads. (lol @ keil) How'd they like it if someone painted their genitals? lol

Painted Goat Nads WBAGNFARB and a big snork @ CH for the Jacko reference. Doesn't the job come with a residence right next to MJ's room?

Must've been Tag-genburg goats.

....cough....

ok..."Toggenburg" is a breed of goat, but these were 'tagged' so....oh, well. A goat farmer would get the joke. Guess that limits my audience slightly.

Why is my milk orange?

*asks around the office for any goat farmers to appreciate annie's joke*

I got it Annie, I was too busy trying to connect "fainting" to "painting" to snork.
*snorks*

So, with goat farming, do you plant them in the Spring? Or are they a fall crop? Inquiring minds want to know...

You plant them near the Rye, so they can devour it as they grow.

i know at harvest time, you have to wear kid gloves!

There's nothing like a field of Angoras in full bloom.

Goat #1: Hey, dude, what's with the orange genitals?
Goat #2: Well, last night I found some p0rn mags and a bag of Cheetos....

That guy really gets my goat.

And I guess goats really will eat anything.

misdemeanor criminal facilitation?

Facilitation's criminal? Need to make sure the curtains are closed more often ....

Porn makes goats sick. Gotta remember that one too!

Baaaaaaaaack from lunch.

Annie, I've learned SO much about farm animals from you. It's almost like having blurk around with his insightful and very descriptive cow lectures.

Mahopac is the place for me.
Goat farmin’ is the life for me.
But orange paint is not propriety!
These guys must pay the Humane Society.

I have a problem, I’m no saint.
I get a woody spraying paint.
But I left my porn mags on the floor;
That she-goat was mooning to follow me out the door.

...The goats!
...Wild oats!
...Livestock!
...My cock!

You are perverse….
I guess it could be worse….
Mahopac we are there!

have you ever looked at a goats eyes? (Obviously this question is not for AWBH) they're weird....maybe that's why this guy painted them with orange....

*Green Acres snork* @ DeskDiva!

If you learn one thing - don't ever turn your back on a goat. They like to butt things.

And also, again, relentlessly, again - make sure the whipped cream is at room temperature.

so if you turn your back on a goat....they might butt.....hold on....your...they might butt....YOUR BUTT?

...funny...

It was clear to any who saw
That these two had broken the law
But to the judge it's okay
To whack off in the hay
And paint orange the caprinic hooha

funny...until it happens to you.

funny...until it happens to you. Then it's hilarious...to us.

There's an echo in here...in here.

Glad to help any Newbians(Nubians) to the goat world, Siouxie.

mmmmmm....nubians to the goat-nads world

Hello..hello...lo...o...

yep there is, Annie.

I must say that "Siouxie and the Goat Nubians" wNOTbagn for my next band.

We had a couple of goats that we used to keep the grass down on some property I had in Florida. The male goat seemed to think my (ex) wife was some kind of personal affront and would spend the entire day stalking her and butting her at every opportunity. The rest of us (me and my two children) thought this was absolutely hilarious.

Hammie, couldn't you just buy a lawn mower??

*thinks you put hay down the back of her pants*

Siouxie, how would I train a lawnmower to chase someone?

*not shocked she's an 'ex' wife*

Good point.

Lawnmowers are pretty stoopid.

Carry on...

My one and only goat story (so far to date):

A fraternity buddy and I were on our way back from a day at the racetrack where we drank WAY too much when we stopped because we saw a sign on the roadside that read, "Baby Goats for $10"

We thought this was an excellent price for a goat (not having really priced them previously) so we got one. Cute little fella. We were about halfway back to our college when it dawned on us that we both lived in the dorm which (as far as we knew) had a strict NO LIVESTOCK policy.

Thinking fast (or what qualified as fast for us), we stopped at the mall, bought a necktie, put it on the goat and took it to our fraternity advisor's house. (who was also head of the English department). When he answered the door, we informed him we had bought him a necktie for all his efforts on behalf of the fraternity and the mall threw in a free goat.

We handed him the goat and fled before it had time to sink in. We learned later he kept the goat in the bathtub that first night (much to the consternation of Mrs. fraternity advisor) but later moved him to a pen we helped him build in the yard.

The goat, officially named Bud Light, in honor of the beverage that led to his adoption, became our official frat mascot. (and for the record, a baby goat is a MAJOR chick magnet on campus _ especially when you're bottle feeding him).

He served the fraternity proudly for about a year and then got shipped off to the mascot retirement farm where he could live out his life basking in the glory of his college days.

And that's what happened. True story. (burp)....

I'd love to have a herd of goats to keep my lawn under control. Trouble is, they'd also keep my garden under control, AND Mrs. H. would refuse to eat them when the inevitable time came.

Great story, Clark! LOL

i've had goats. they did not eat grass. no weeds in their pen, but plenty of grass. i miss the goats.

It just makes the world a better place when people can come together and forgive the transgression of someone painting your goat's balls.

Goats trim grass a bit too short for me. (it's that overbite they've got going on.) I had a pet cow I used to mow the lawn. She hated tulips, so she did a wonderful job trimming around the flower bed.
I miss that cow.

Dang, no goat stories. I did have a nannie a long time ago, though.....

(SNORK! @ Clark's academic adventures)

*sigh*

Me either...

I used to drink goat's milk....does that count??

Good for you Siouxie!

And goat's milk is hard to find sometimes.... We learned that from our experiences with Bud Light....

Oh, the things I could tell you.....

Not funny alert - years ago, a few horses were 'tagged' at the LA equestrian center. This was a horrible, horrible thing to do to innocent animals. If I ever caught the guys who did that, I would tattoo their nads. Seriously. /not funny alert.

ummm, annie...? explain please.

Some taggers snuck into the barn area one night and spray painted gang logos on some of the horses.

oh. i didn't know what you meant by "tagged". was it toxic?
during hurricanes we mark our livestock with greasepaint, but i've yet to see anything gang related.

It was basic spray-paint. It doesn't come off very well. The horses were freaked out for quite a while.

This was different from greasepaint. These were thugs leaping into stalls in the middle of the night, with hissing spray cans. I hope they got kicked good.

These goats got off easy (so to speak). Ever see the play/movie Equus?

Why is my milk orange?

They are male goats...and that ain't milk.....

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