24

Last week the terrorists, after much delay during which the plot got padded almost beyond recognition, finally launched a drone carrying a nuclear bomb. Needless to say they launched it from the Los Angeles area, because that is where everything happens. You might think that CTU, which is also located in Los Angeles and has satellites that can detect and track pretty much all earthly movement down to the level of individual gnats, would have detected the launch and sent somebody -- at minimum, California state troopers -- to the site to, you know, apprehend the perpetrators, maybe ticket them for drone-launching without a permit. But no. Not only did CTU not send anybody to the launch site, but it also somehow lost track of the drone.

Seriously: Has there ever been a less-competent federal agency than CTU? And yes, we are including FEMA in that statement.

Fortunately the terrorists this year also suffer from Tiny Brain Syndrome, so they decided to locate the guy who was piloting the drone three blocks from CTU headquarters. Yes! We are still trying to imagine the meeting during which the writers conceived of that. So our boy Jack Bauer, despite floating rib fragments, was able  to terminate the drone pilot with extreme killitude, take over the joystick, and, using what appeared to be Microsoft Brand Flight Simulator, land the drone (Why not?) on the deck of an aircraft carrier in San Francisco.

Vice President Powers Boothe, it goes without saying, decided to retaliate by launching a nuclear strike against... OK, we are not sure where. But we're going to launch a nuclear strike against somebody, unless Jack can do something. We don't really care: We're just grateful for Vice President Powers Boothe, who is (a) acting as president, and (b) a complete raving loon, which means he is our best current hope for the plot, unless the terrorists can pull it together.

In other news: Jack found out that Audrey died in China, but we don't believe Audrey can be killed that easily. Edgar, on the other hand, is still dead.

That is where we stand. I am again on childcare duty tonight, but I will make every effort to be here, ready for action.

UPDATE: Wow. That one guy on Prison Break finally killed that other guy.

UPDATE: No, wait, he just impaled him. False alarm! Sorry.

UPDATE: Fresh plasma! The best kind.

UPDATE: How come they call Fayed's country "Fayed's country?" Is that its name?

UPDATE: I got a phone call, if you can imagine. What happened? Why did Fayed choke Gredenko? Who are these people? Why does this person not eat red food? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

UPDATE: Ah! Mark Hauser. I knew it.

UPDATE: Jack's going back Into the Field. Good.

UPDATE: The Old Navy Shorts are WAYYYYYYYYYYy better than the Boyfriend Trouser.

UPDATE: How will they be able to tell when he's out of the coma?

UPDATE: So our missiles are so lame that we can't hit the Middle East without moving the submarine right up next to it?

UPDATE: Blah blah blah. Let's get back to Jack, in the Field.

UPDATE: Thigh shot! It's been too long.

UPDATE: "I'm gonna talk to him first." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: A nuclear power plant! NOW we are getting somewhere.

UPDATE: You'll be fine, Brady. Nobody ever gets hurt with Jack Bauer around.

UPDATE: Did you ever just really need some protocols?

UPDATE: Has there ever been a more dysfunctional workplace than CTU?

UPDATE: Who the hell is Johnson?

UPDATE: The Victoria's Secret bra seriously beats the Old Navy Shorts.

UPDATE: Assault Vectors! Those will be useful.

UPDATE: It's like "The Young and the Restless," but with worse writing.

UPDATE: This is President Payton's best acting by far.

UPDATE: "I need to put it in your ear." Har.

UPDATE: "Remember the position we talked about?" Har.

UPDATE: They're certainly doing all they can to protect Brady, other than not sending him out alone to meet with nuclear terrorists.

UPDATE: UH-oh: The Boyfriend Trouser ad. Where's the tranquilizer dart when you need it?

UODATE: Interrogation!

UPDATE: Wait... is this going to be just talking???

UPDATE: President Payton! He's BACK!

UPDATE: I hope he goes back into a coma soon, because Vice President Homicidal Lunatic is WAY more fun.

UPDATE: Coup! All right!

UPDATE: Next week, shooting, and Jack is PINNED DOWN. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[WizzyPigabeth]

TW, ITA @ Ricky looking like Old Luke. You nailed it, except his mouth is too small for his face. That's why I dislike him. His mouth is tiny.

Whoever said it was dumb to kill off Tony & Michelle - 100% right. Tony rocked. Tony even had a funky little beard like Milo first season. what, are they trying to make Milo the new Tony? Just bring back the real Tony, thanks.

[danceswithvowels]

MJ, shouldn't be a problem. Too early to tell (they're only meteorologists, after all), but it's supposed to be rainy and 52 on Saturday, partly cloudy and 57 Sunday. Lows around 43. After this winter, that's balmy.

[Val]

Yep, I said in the first show of this season that Nadia and Milo were the new Tony and Michelle. Should we call them Madia? or Nalo?

[MJ]

*sigh* The only tv show I watch (and I mean that very seriously) has turned to garbage.

It's in the same boat X-Files is. Turned to crap Season 6.

The ironic (cruel) thing is that Howard Gordon also wrote for X-Files. UGH!

[Layzeeboy]

*throws laundry from washer to dryer before the Amazing Steve arrives*

[Annie Where-but-here]

It's time for "24 - the Musical."
I'm off to the lyrical room to work on this. Amazing Steve, feel free to join me.

[vickeroo]

Layzeeboy, don't forget the softner sheets

[MJ]

Thanks Dances...I have hopes that I don't have to scream "DAMNIT" while running down the street.

Our winter was pretty mild...damn global warming.

[Layzeeboy]

*watches laundry go around in dryer (with softner sheet) while waiting for Steve cuz the Eddie Izzard show sucks out loud*

HUGE Eddie Izzard Fan

[Siouxie]

Annie, think we can get THE man to score the music???

[Layzeeboy]

14 inches of snow here last week...70 degrees tomorrow...gotta love the Poconos in the Spring

[MJ]

*waves goodnight*

[Layzeeboy]

Siouxie,

His name is Bauer
He was an agent
But that was many years ago
When they used to have a show...

[Siouxie]

Layzee,

Now it's a bomb threat
Set up perimeters
Chloe can taser them at will
Jack sets his thigh gun to kill
And brings them to their knees
The bad guys say Oh Please!
We were strong but we had each other
Who could ask for more??

[Siouxie]

*shoots self in the thigh for bringing up that earwig*

oww

[BixbyOmalley]

Dave-

Bixby O'Malley checking in here. I'm glad you are finally bringing some attention to 24. I need as many eyes as possible watching the show. Somehow in the last 6 or 7 seasons the focused has seemed to be on this Jack Bauer dude. If you ask me that guy is a phoney. He's playing everyone under this guise of "oh me, oh my.. I'm having another bad day. Woe is me. Woe is me." Really? Really Jack? You're having a bad day? How 'bout you stop working with those crack CTU people? Then maybe you wouldn't be wrapped into all this terrorism shananagans. Those people are just a bunch of enablers anyhow. They keep making it seem like only Jack can save the world. HA! As if he's the one pulling the strings anyhow. He's too worried about where the cameras are set up and if he's surrounded by enough short people to make him look tall. Meanwhile, I'm the one doing all the real life saving. Just last week, I had to give mouth-to-mouth to a fat chick at the craft services table because she was choking on a pickle. Do you have any idea what that smelled like? Let's just say, it made for a bad "72" on flashbacks alone. I digress. I just meant to thank you, Mr. Barry, for bringing some much needed exposure to 24. It seems that only you (and FOX's massive marketing campaign) are bringing in viewers. I need as many viewers as possible for that one time that Bauer slips up and I have to come save him. Then EVERYONE will KNOW and LOVE Mr. Bixby O'Malley.

[Layzeeboy]

At the Crappa
Crappa so badda
The worst show since I was a ladda
At the Crappa
Crappa so badda
Suspense and tension have never been mentioned
At the Crappa
Don't fall for sludge

[Annie Where-but-here]

Irony= wearing victoria's secret panties under old navy boyfriend trousers.

[Siouxie]

*sending some gumballs over to BixbyO*

[Annie Where-but-here]

His name was Bixby,
He was a phony....
He says he was there on the show
But I doubt he's in the know...

Ok, smartypants Bixby...the pickles last week - dill or gherkin?

[danceswithvowels]

Is Mark Hauser (Karma Usher) related to Dougie Howser? Would his brother's bananas constitute a Brady bunch?

*Snorks* at Frau Blucher, Brownistan, a million rainmen, bondage video, Geiko, red food recipe, air whoosh over Jack's head (!), Campbell's Cream of Spleen, her system was breached, Tokra, hippies making peace, Milo <3 Nadia, lol!!, Lucky Man, even though I'm technically brain dead, Fountains of Wayne, softener sheets.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Almost done!

[Siouxie]

Niters...bedtime for me. Will catch up with Steve's amazing recap in the morning!

*sets taser to sleep*

*zap*

[danceswithvowels]

His name was Milo, he wore an earring
She was escorted to a chair, he saw Nadia strapped in there
Before they finished, they found a module
But Milo went a bit too far, he and Doyle began to spar

Sorry, I just can't go on.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Previously on “24”, we learned that: AUDREY IS DEAD! Well, she might be dead. Right now Jack thinks she’s dead, but it probably just means she faked her own death to get back at Jack for faking HIS death last season. It would just be like Audrey to get the nation’s hopes up like that, and turn around and show up just to torment us later.
In addition to that news, we also learned that Jack thought it would be Big Trouble if he blew up a nuclear weapon in San Francisco Bay, so he crash landed it instead. Oh, and Noah is a crazy person.

The following summary occurred between 8 pm and 9 pm:

8:00 pm – Jack tells the emergency crew working on the remote control drone pilot to be sure that he stays alive. Mike tells Jack about the teensy tiny problem of nuclear fallout, warns him not to step in anything that’s glowing, and runs off to see about the computers that were shot. One of the EMT guys tells Jack that the drone pilot was exposed to large amounts of PowerPoint slides on the computer he was using, and before he died he wanted to thank Jack for shooting him to end that misery. Jack calls Bill, and Bill tells him about Noah’s big plans to drop a nuclear weapon within the hour. They both decide it would be a good idea to find Gredenko before then.

8:02 pm – Gredenko works on his “Can You Hear Me Now” impression using his phone, but doesn’t have a phone plan that reaches the underworld, so he can’t reach the remote control drone pilot. Fayed is really upset that San Francisco is still San Francisco, and not the Nuclear Wasteland Formerly Know As San Francisco.

8:05 pm – Gredenko calls Mark, the guy he got the security codes from. Gredenko says that the last security codes just made all the garage doors in the neighborhood go up at the same time, and what he really needed was the access codes for the weapons. Mark hangs up, and feeds his mentally-challenged brother, Brady, who Mark is taking care of. It turns out that Brady has a rider in his contract just like rock bands, and he refuses to eat any red food. It turns out that he’s a real computer wiz too, since that’s how Mark got the security codes. Mark is one swell guy.

8:07 pm – Gredenko and Fayed leave in a completely inconspicuous dark car, and completely conspicuous U-Haul van.

8:08 pm – Milo is watching Nadia’s videos on YouTube, plotting how she can be TraitorGirl15, the next big viral video on the Internet. Bill says that Nadia is going to be tried as an enemy combatant. Bill says the proof is that she’s the only one in the whole world that could have possibly used her computer to stream information to Gredenko because everyone else in the entire world is completely aware of every single thing their computers do while they’re being used.

8:08 pm – Chloe calls Bill over and tells him that in an amazing plot development, that surprises everyone at CTU, they’ve already figured out that Mark is a traitorous weasel who has been helping Gredenko.

8:09 pm – One of Mike’s guys, Kyle, finding only a small plot device that was on remote drone pilot’s computer, figures out that Nadia is completely innocent of all charges against her. He springs into action and uses it to even the score with Mike for the mysterious “Denver” incident, whatever that is, and gives Mike the small plot device! Jack walks in, and it turns out the next guy they’re going to get to shoot is just a few miles away! This makes the second really, really bad guy very close to CTU in just two shows. Jack invites Mike to come along for all the shooting that’s about to happen, but Mike decides to stay behind, and gives that small plot device a great big squeeze.

Commercial

8:14 pm – In an effort to scare Wayne completely awake, Sandra is standing right by the window in case he wakes up even a little bit. Karen walks in and gives Sandra a big hug, frisking her for any long speeches she might have written for this occasion. Karen cuts the small talk, lets Sandra know about Noah’s crazy nuclear bomb ideas, and asks her to wake up Wayne. Sandra says that if she does that, they won’t know what state Wayne will be in when he wakes up. Karen says that she just wants him woken up, and that Wayne doesn’t have Hiro Nakamura’s abilities anyway, so there’s no chance he would just show up in a different state. Karen insists that Sandra needs to wake up Wayne, and asks WWWD? Sandra agrees to talk to the doctors.

8:16 pm – Back in the Planning Room of Death, Noah is getting a briefing on how to bomb a country that’s basically in the stone age back to the pre-stone age, and boy he’s excited about it. Lennox expresses his displeasure about that by making lots of faces and chewing on his pen, which everyone ignores. Evil Lisa comes in to hand Noah a note. Evil Lisa looks like she could be part of some weird invasion, so it’s probably good that Assad is dead, because he might have recognized her as an alien, since he had previous experience with that sort of thing. Anyway, the note says that Sandra’s about to wake up Wayne. Noah points at the note and says, “This is Karen Hayes”. Evil Lisa says, no, that’s a piece of paper. Noah calls the doctor.

8:18 pm – In Wayne’s room, the doctor gives Sandra and Karen the big news: Wayne’s condition is completely unchanged. The doctor takes a call from Noah. Noah’s gone completely paranoid and accuses the doctor of being in on “the plot” to subvert his policies. The doctor says that with all due respect, there hasn’t been a coherent plot for many hours now, and he doesn’t see that changing any time soon. The doctor finally tells Noah, “You’re not the boss of me”. Noah responds to this by telling the doctor he’s going to nail something unmentionable here on a family blog to a wall, and hangs up.

8:21 pm – Outside Mark’s House of Espionage, Jack’s got a positive ID on Mark, so they go in shooting. This completely freaks Brady out. Jack’s seen Rain Man fifty-seven times, so he’s the one that goes in to talk to Brady. Brady tells Jack that he’s trying to get through a firewall and setup a proxy server port. Jack’s reaction is EXACTLY the same as when Chloe tells him that sort of thing: He gets a glazed look on his face and says, “Oh”. Jack goes over to talk to Mike. Mike says he’s been selling security specs on a nuclear power plant to Gredenko.

8:23 pm – Mike and his second in command arrive at CTU, where they tell Bill that all the computers were “all complicated and stuff”. Mike asks about Nadia, and Bill tells him that she’s in a holding facility. Bill asks Mike why he wanted to know that, and Mike makes up an excuse that he might want to ask Nadia out for a date, but Bill ignores this. Milo comes up to tell Bill that Jack is on the phone. Jack informs Bill they’re going to use Brady to try and catch Gredenko when he comes to get the information about the power plant.

Commercial

8:28 pm - Jack brings Brady to Mark. Mark tells Brady to do whatever Jack wants him to do, and that Jack will take care of him. Mark calls Gredenko and tells him that Brady will have the security specs in the parking lot across the street, but neglects to tell him that Jack will be there with him with a large gun.

8:32 pm – Mike’s second in command who we learn is named Kyle. Kyle turns out to be an especially sleazy weasel, because he tells Milo that Mike has evidence that Nadia is completely innocent! Milo tears off his own arm sling, which he has been using to get sympathy from everyone, and pushes Milo around. In several plot twists that take place within about 10 seconds, it turns out that Mike gave Morris the small plot device. Bill says this is all very confusing, and finds it weird that there are so many people here that have names that start with letters in the middle of the alphabet. He suggests that people with names at the beginning of the alphabet are cool too, but everyone ignores him when Morris points out that the small plot device is real. Bill tells everyone to get back to work, and Milo apologizes to Mike for nearly letting Mike kill him with his bare hands.

Commercial

8:38 pm – Bill has Nadia uncuffed. He tells her that they found evidence that her workstation had been breached, and that she’s clear. She says that she’s actually opaque, and gets up to leave. Bill immediately starts using his mind powers to tell her what she’s thinking: That she’s going to quit and take legal action, but that she wants her to stay because they really need people to stay until the end of the season.

8:40 pm – Milo’s working on Nadia’s workstation when Chloe comes over to point that that Milo has a crush on Nadia. Nadia comes over and tries to point out that CTU isn’t the best place to start a relationship, what with all the gas canisters and shootings that tend to happen around there. Milo counters this with a very awkward to watch kiss. Even the camera guys had to pull back and show them from across the room. It was that awkward.

8:42 pm – Back at Wayne manor, Karen found the time to go get a half double decaffeinated half-caf with a twist of lemon for herself and Sandra. Sandra says she doesn’t like waiting, but recognizes that a lot of exciting stuff happens near the top of the hour, so she says she’ll have to wait. Sandra says that David Palmer had the patience of Job, and Karen tells her that she didn’t realize Job was a doctor. Sandra says, “Patience, not patients!”, but Karen ignores this when the doctor comes in. The doctor says that there has been some intracranial swelling, and if this continues, Wayne will get brain damage, and become a writer for “The Simple Life”. Sandra decides to take a chance and tells him that they need to wait, to see if they can keep Noah from carrying out his evil plan. In some impeccable timing, Wayne makes his machine go ping, which causes the doctor and nursing staff start looking around for some junior mints to see if that will help. One of the nurses makes a phone call to get a team of doctors into Wayne’s room, because they’re occupied with other REALLY important patients elsewhere.

8:44 pm – Jack consults with one of his tactical guys about what to do with Brady. Jack gives Brady one of the new microscopic iPods and puts it into Brady’s ear so that he and Brady can communicate. They go outside to meet with Gredenko. Jack sets up a perimeter with lots of tactical guys, but doesn’t have to call it a perimeter, because he’s Jack.

8:46 pm – Brady waits across the street from his house, and one of the tactical guys has his radio on MUCH too loudly. Jack looks like he wants to shoot him, but Gredenko drives up, so that’ll have to wait. Gredenko gets out of the car, and suddenly everyone realizes they’ve set up all the tactical guys on the wrong side of the street because no one has a clear shot at Gredenko. Brady gives Gredenko a USB drive. While Gredenko downloads the information into his laptop, he proves he’s a complete jerk by telling his men to shoot Brady as soon as the information is done downloading. Jack hears this, and tells Brady to hit the ground as soon as he can. The information gets done downloading, and Gredenko gives the order to kill Brady. After a tense moment where Brady doesn’t immediately hit the ground, he finally does, just in time for Gredenko to receive a new feathery ornament right in the neck. Lots of people get shot, including someone that’s still in the car. (Jack called dibs on that one, and shot him as soon as he got out). Brady, fortunately, is OK. The tactical guys drag Gredenko inside the house.

Commercial

8:53 pm – Jack gets Brady into a car to go see Mark at the hospital. As Jack goes in to talk to Gredenko, one of the tactical guys asks “Do you need help with him?” Jack mumbles, “You must be new here”, and then declines.

8:54 pm – Jack asks Gredenko, “Do you know who I am?” Gredenko tells Jack that he knows all about him, because they get “24” in Russia too, only there it’s called “Man Who Will Shoot You in the Thigh”. Jack threatens to do some nasty interrogating and then send Gredenko back to Russia, so Gredenko readily admits where the next target is. In return, he wants amnesty, a promise he won’t be sent back to Russia, and guarantee that Sanjaya will be off American Idol this week. This apparently stuns Jack, because he’s starts to go into a one-sided staring contest with Gredenko, who continues to just babble away.

8:56 pm – Back in Noah’s planning room, Lennox brings Noah some very bad news: Jack has Gredenko in custody. At least, Noah considers this bad news, but decides, what the heck, since they’re already in the neighborhood, the nuclear strike should continue. Lennox tries to argue with him, but Noah says that the special effects guys have been ready to go for a long time now, and he doesn’t want to disappoint them.

8:58 pm – Just as the commander calls to give the order, it turns out that the fleet already has orders… from President Wayne! The phone rings, and its Wayne calling for Noah! Wayne tells Noah that there is to be no launch today, and hangs up on Noah.

8:59 pm – Noah takes this opportunity to point out that Wayne must have been kidding about the “don’t bomb” thing, doesn’t want Wayne to remain in power, and asks to talk to the attorney general! Noah’s going to try and get Wayne out of the way!

9:00 pm – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: WAYNE IS BACK, FIGHTING FOR HIS JOB! EVIL LISA ADVISES NOAH! BILL STATES THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THE BOMBS! JACK IS ITCHING TO SHOOT GREDENKO! LOTS OF SHOOTING!

[WizzyPigabeth]

What went over Jack's head? I don't get it....

Hey, Layzeeboy, we're neighbors. I'm in the Poconos too. Scary!!

[WizzyPigabeth]

Steve, I can't stay awake now. Will read it eagerly tomorrow, while I wake up with my coffee. Thanks in advance!

[Allen at Division]

Way to go, Steve! Woo-hoo!

[Dr. Rickenstein]

I just got my wife into watching this show on the DVDs. She watched seasons 1&2 prior to the current season and is now watching season 4. With that little bit of knowledge and not having season all of season 3 or 5 she think she knows whats coming next! The writers are living off of the Emmy wins and taking this season off since they think no one else watched prior to last year.

[mellio]

snorking @ gretchen, re, Milo:"I like his watch. I know that's not what I was supposed to focus on, but there you have it." HAA!

I dunno, I think Milo is pretty hot--but that's about the only thing this character has going for it. I'll bet the guy playing him wishes he could've come back in Season 3... ;)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Yay, Steve! You're outwriting the writers, yet still driving a cheaper car. Is there no justice in LA?

...don't answer that.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Annie - "24 - The Musical"? Yeah! We can do that! We can even use Chloe's song to Edgar at the end of last season's summary!

Here's another:

(Apologies to Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day”)

This was the moment we needed you most
You hit the streets and the terrorists lost
Tony and Michelle, they passed away,
Even poor Edgar - he turned gray,
And everything seemed to be going wrong....

You'd stand in line just to hit Gredenko,
No bathroom in sight; when do you go?
One of the worst days in your life,
You're shooting the thighs of everyone's wife,
Jumping on planes with one carry on....

Cause you had a bad day,
You’re takin’ em down,
The streets are empty when you’re driving in town,
And Chloe will know,
You know she won't lie,
But Curtis can’t drive when you go for a ride,
You had a bad day
Audrey might have died,
You could talk to Nadia,
But she's got Milo on her mind,
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a CTU holiday,
The point is we're happy you saved the day
And we don't mean to carry on...

You had a bad day
You took 'em all down,
You called on your phone, and the bill weighs a pound,
You brought the drone in low,
Dropped it out of the sky,
You saved The Bay when you shot the bad guy,
You had a bad day,
Fayed will lie
But he's really creepy and not a nice guy,
You had a bad day,

Sometimes the computers go on the blink and the plans just turn out wrong
But you know Chloe can get them back and beam right to your phone,
And we're not wrong

We know you'll be there when we need you the most
Even Edgar believes that, and he's just a ghost

'Cause you had a bad day,
You're taking ‘em down,
Lennox says he doesn’t know,
Karen says that’s a lie,
They say you're all done,
We hope that's a lie,
You helped us a lot, and you're our kinda guy,
You had a bad day,
We'll call you again
And ask you to help one more time,
You had a bad day
But you saved the day

[Just Ducky]

*applauds Amazing Steve*

He shoots, he scores! ;-)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Yesssss, Steve!
Act 1, Scene 1-
exterior of CUT - Crimefighting Unit of Terror
(this could be difficult, since every time someone yells "CUT', the cameras stop rolling.) Amway, I digress...Arch enemy (he has flat feet) Earwig is skipping down the lane singing....
It's a world of thigh shots, a world of fear,
It's a world of dead guys that re-appear.
It's so lame, we're aware but we have to declare
It's a fun show after all.

[Riquochet]

Dan, you idiot. It is a CNN viewer, everyone know that.

[Riquochet]

WizzyPigabeth: "What went over Jack's head? I don't get it...."

In the drone pilot's fldying room...

That was when Jack was talking to Ricky Mikey and said, "Want to come with me and shoot bad guy?"

And Mikey responded with, "No, I gonna stay back to do some admin stuff."

That went over Jack's head. (And mine too.) The look on Jack's face was priceless.

Lazyeeboy: Hillarious!

[Cotton]

So somebody has to ask some of the plot-hole questions: why the heck do they want to blow up a nuclear power plant? What kind of wimpy target is that?

They missed San Francisco (whew! I live nearby), but why not target another big city, like Las Vegas or San Diego or (dare we even hope) Los Angeles? If you want to get back at the pesky Americans, that would get attention.

And why do you need to download security protocols for the power plant? You've already killed 12,000 people within a mile of ground zero with one of those bombs. How close do you have to get it so it will do damage? Couldn't you just park it in a van outside the front gate?

Just askin', so I won't be kept awake by all the questions.

[Novanglus]

Improvements are in order: of course not for the Dave Berry fan club who are in a class all their own...and need only to drink more...but

Choloe needs to go back to being a blond and a nosy gossip: We need a politically correct gay as a President: The Russian guy needs to get a haircut: that big Kiss should have gone down to the floor and continued: The Presdent should have pushed the button, and Jack should have gotten in a shuttle and shot down the missle with guest star Bruce Willis: An earthquake would have been nice.

And Brady should have talked to Jack on his earpiece, while the Russian guy was standing there.

Wait...I'm not finihed. That weazel that was taped last episode to the drainage pipe, should have hit the President over the head with a walrus penis.

Edgar needs to come back from the dead, and someone needs to take over CTU...I suggest Gene Simmons.

And Jack, needs more closeups, with breathy statements so I can fall asleep with better dreams.

That would be a good start. Or Dave and Ridley could suggest a few scipts...under the fake names of Edgar and Tony. I'm easy to please.

[JerseyGirl]

Morning, all.

*hoses bloodstains off blogbar*

*pitches empties into recycling bin behind couch*

*sets up blog-o-matic laser coffeemaker/missile deflector for morning shift*

*arranges basket of assorted bagels, bialys and Spring Valley Transit� Coacher for Passover Matzohs*

Pssst... the lox and cream cheese is in the fridge. ;-)

[Joe (AKA The Joe, AKA The Joe The 3rd)]

Mr. Gredenko! They called him Mr. Gredenko!

[goddessoftheclassroom]

One of the weaknesses this year is too many unresolved plot lines. What happend to Hand Bag and First Ramparts? Where's Wassid (not that I care, but for continuity's sake?)

I refuse to stop loving this show, but like a surly teenager, it's getting harder to like it.

[Lairbo]

So, after all the satellite, computer, phone-record and whack-a-mole style house-to-house searching, what CTU really needed to catch Gredenko was an autistic guy?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Morning, Blogits!

Yawn. I think 24 put me to sleep last night. I've seen Rainman too many times, and these impostors just lull me to sleep. *YAWN*

[Jeff Meyerson]

Steve, thanks for Evil Lisa looks like she could be part of some weird invasion; man, ain't that the truth. She killed that show too.

And *snork* for Mark's House of Espionage.

But my favorite was In return, he wants amnesty, a promise he won’t be sent back to Russia, and guarantee that Sanjaya will be off American Idol this week

Me too, Steve, me too!

goddess: it's Walid.

I was under the impression our missiles could be fired from a sub off Norfolk and reach the Middle East, but apparently not in 24 World.

[Reddsuss]

"Wayne manor" "junior mints"! Brilliant as usual Steve!

[gfunksizzle]

This season is honestly pretty bad... What the hell's wrong with everybody over there?

[JunebugJinny]

Things you will never hear on "24" no matter how much you want to:

Nadia to Milo: "BACK OFF, Horseface!" (I swear, maybe it's my miserable, flaring allergies talking, but if he kissed me I'd be BEGGING Doyle to shoot me.)

ANYONE to Ricky/Doyle: "ENOUGH ABOUT FREAKING DENVER! Either TELL us the story, or SHUT UP about it!" (Okay, I know Ricky's not the one who keeps bringing up Denver. But again - the allergies ...)

Seriously. Evil Acting President/Veep Noah is going to start rubbing his hands together and giggling about taking over the world. All he needs now is a Persian cat. And maybe some sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.

[Tom]

I was hoping Rainman would go Warren on Jack when he tried to put the ear plug in and attack Jack causing Jack to reflixively shoot him.

The other thing is apparently the Denver branch is as dysfunctional as LA... It makes you wonder what division is like a bunch of guys eating glue with no sharp edges on the desks, no scissors and everything is fireproof.

Is it this bad in Britain? CTU Slough? Director David Brent and his head of Field Ops, Gareth?

[Ronald McFirbank]

Why is it that every time they mention "what happened in Denver," I get an image of the two cowboys from Brokeback Mountain? Actually, I think everything that's wrong with 24 this season is summed up by the fact that the writers thought up "what happened in Denver" as opposed to, say, "what happened in Berlin" or "what happened in Djakarta." It makes CTU sound like they attended the Century 21 Regional Sales Conference, and things got... a little... out of hand at the meet and greet.

It used to be that my solution for 24 whenever it spent a six-hour stretch airborne above finned carnivores was 24: D-Day-- do the time travel bit from Blackadder and send the same characters to June 5, 1944, as Captain Jack Bauer suspects a German mole inside Eisenhower's command. No satellites, no protocols that need uplinking, just machine guns and crank telephones to torture with.

However, this season has been such a disaster-- the most aimless bad guys, the least interesting CTU soap operatics, the dullest President Palmer and staff ever-- that I think a different approach is warranted. I think it's time to do 24 either before Season 1, or between Season 1 and 2. You get Nina Meyers, you get George Mason and Ryan Chappelle chapping Jack's butt by making him stick to the rules, you get Tony Almeida and Sherry Palmer, you could have Buckaroo Banzai as Jack's boss before he went bad, you get to show Chloe's actual interview for her job (that must have been something), you get Jack and Tony at loggerheads over Nina, you get Mindy the naked lesbian terrorist, admittedly you also get Michelle and Palmer the First but nothing's perfect, you could have guest appearances by future bad guys like Habib Marwan and the drug cartel brothers... tell me that doesn't sound 10,000 times more interesting than another season of Milo, Morris, Bill Buchanan (who completely fails at the key CTU chief job criterion of being an interfering butthead) and President Malcolm X. Palmer.

[Dave]

Mgmax: Hard to disagree with any of that. Please go write the show. Thank you.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Seriously. Evil Acting President/Veep Noah is going to start rubbing his hands together and giggling about taking over the world. All he needs now is a Persian cat. And maybe some sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.

Jiny, I keep expecting him to start rolling steel balls in his hand and ranting about the strawberries.

[Clean Hands]

A huge, hearty *snork* @ TraitorGirl15!!!!!

(I was following LonelyGirl15 for a long time, refusing to believe that she was fake... and then I read in Forbes that she was an actress - an ACTRESS - and not a sweet teenager with a creepy family and a dullard [not]-boyfriend. *sigh* I hate being taken in...and loved "Proving Science WRONG!")

[Clean Hands]

Mgmax, with an endorsement from His Daveness Himself, you should definitely be sending in your resume to Fox. Congrats!!

[otis wildflower]

I still miss Kumar.

[Mike Antonucci]

Is Brady the first one-shot (so to speak) character to survive a Jack operation unscathed? I keep thinking back to the poor bank manager and his wife from last season.

[Val]

BRAVO to Novanglus! I love all the "improvements" and I think we should contact somebody at "24" about those. Wait? What's that number they've been giving out all season? That's probably a direct connection to the writers begging for new ideas!

[Annie Where-but-here]

I get the feeling this whole thread is a weekly reading assignment for somebody at Fox.

AND I love the conflict/contrast between the avid show-watchers and the mildly amused bloggers.

[Eleanor]

EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME!!!

I live in San Diego, as do a couple of other blogits and we do not need to be bombed.

We have enough city govt. corruption to keep us busy.

Love the Bad Day parody, and of course Annie using my fave song as well. :)

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small, small, small world

*zips out happy to be leaving everyone with an excellent earwig*

[Clean Hands]

El, San Diego must now be nuked in retaliation for that earwig. After all, a lesson must be taught.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

AND I love the conflict/contrast between the avid show-watchers and the mildly amused bloggers.

I had someone over on my blog (magiclamp.org... plug plug) leave a comment that said I ruined the summary by adding my snarky comments into the mix, so I know for sure there are some folks out there that didn't get the whole thing that we're doing here.

Not that WE understand any of this either....I'm just sayin'....

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

AND I love the conflict/contrast between the avid show-watchers and the mildly amused bloggers.

I had someone over on my blog (magiclamp.org... plug plug) leave a comment that said I ruined the summary by adding my snarky comments into the mix, so I know for sure there are some folks out there that didn't get the whole thing that we're doing here.

Not that WE understand any of this either....I'm just sayin'....

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

double posts. Sorry about that.

[MOTW]

Brilliant as usual, Steve! (even though my name starts with a letter from the middle of the alphabet)

[Val]

Steve, I have a love/hate relationship with the show. I want to love it but my reality-o-meter just makes me throw things at the TV at times. And, by the way, I love your snarky comments :)

[Val]

Mgmax, it's too bad you didn't leave your phone number in your post. I have a feeling you'd be getting a call from Fox this week. I love the ideas. I'd give my right cannister to have Marwan back on the show!

[Eleanor]

Steve, without you and Dave the show would NOT be worth watching. :)

Well, maybe for Ricky, whose lips I think are just fine!;)

[Dan]

You ain't seen snarky, until you read Misha's take over at the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler:

Joel al-Surnow Jumps the Shark

Hilarious.

[Val]

Joel al-Surnow Jumps the Shark

Oh my gosh!! Thank you, Dan, for directing me to that site. It was brutal but freakin' hilarious!!

[Wes S.]

Damn...Dan beat me to the punch. Pity Misha has quit watching the show; his recaps were as funny as The Amazing Steve's.

Now THERE'S an idea for a writing team...

[25hoursaday]

Personally, I’d beat my grandmother with a snow shovel just to get in the same interrogation room with Nadia.
Nadia is Jack Bauer material.

Nadia is top shelf.

Nadia is Elite.

Nadia is Prime Filet Mignon, but Milo is last week’s fuzzy green liverwurst. C’mon. Don’t take us down this road. I just can’t get any cathartic satisfaction from Milo.

[BauerSkater]

ah...there's been alot of leg shootin' this season! What ever happend to 2 to the body on in the head? I guess those days are over. The protocol now is "go for the thigh!!! It's meatier!!"

[kcsteve]

To the Amazing Steve (the 24 guy):

Thank you once again!
Writers: dull, copycats, nearly brain-dead;
Steve: BRILLIANT!

Is there any way...Is it possible...May I have your
autograph before the networks hire you? Because they
will (if they know what's good for them!)

Also, may I suggest that you copyright and compile
your summaries, and publish them as a guide to
each season of 24? No reason you shouldn't make some scratch for entertaining us better than the writers
do!

Or maybe you could work out a deal with Dave to
write his column for him when he's out on his next
book tour! (Seriously, Dave, I miss your columns!
It's been W-A-Y over a year since you took off, and
if it weren't for the internet I'd be going through
withdrawal depression! Hope you will come back to writing the weeklies soon...or have the Amazing Steve "fill in" occasionally! PS want your autograph also!)

You are two of my favorite writers!!! Now about those autographs....

Steve in Kansas City (Best wishes no mutta what!)

[lee]

I agree with kcsteve! Bravo!
Predictions...

Brady will get a job at CTU, and
Chloe will call him her "new Edgar!" (Oooou!)

Mark lives and also gets a job at CTU,
as interrogation rooms janitor (he gets to clean up the blood.)

Edgar returns from the dead but goes
postal when he discovers Brady and Chloe.

Lennox criticizes Noah in the war room and tells everyone how Noah planned to use any event to
justify bombing "that country". All of a sudden
Lennox is shot dead and everyone sees Noah with a
gun! But Noah says "I didn't shoot the little commie, but I was gonna!" People mumble, apparently
not believing Noah, then out of the shadows emerges
Dick Cheney, smoking shotgun in hand, who tells Noah, "We're even now, brother." Noah thanks him,
and adds, "I always love hunting with you!"

In a last Minute decision, Wayne calls Oprah and
tells her she's gotta get the word out that Noah
does not have an arc, and wants to start a world war. Oprah goes on her show, and promises she will
personally air hours and hours of Sanjaya singing outtakes from American Idol unless world war is avoided. The joint Chiefs call an emergency meeting and after two hours agree to capitulate.

Jack can't decide whether he wants to find
Audrey's body--dead or alive--or what he'll do when
he finds her. He has a flashback to Kim, his
daughter and wishes he had shot her in the thigh when she rejected him.

And the writers for 24's current season are arrested
in LA for giving aid and comfort to the other networks, and they don't win any emmys this year!

Tick tick tick...times up!

[paulharvey]

Hilarious!

But you forgot this probable plot twist:

Jack discovers new clues that lead back to his father,
who (yes) still lives and is running free.

Senior Bauer leads Jack to the real mastermind:
A talking pig named Arnold.

Jack shoots the pig, and Jack's dad starts
crying, "Babe, I can't live without you!"
Jack shoots his dad again.

Moral: when some pig tries to take over the
world, just shoot him, and have some bacon!

[24apothecary]

Separated at birth: Walid and Barack Obama

Explains why Walid has been absent from 24 - He's busy campaigning to replace President Gary Payton

[lurkernolonger]

Everyone needs to watch the South Park parody of 24 RIGHT NOW. Hilarious:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2018676670

Though by linking to this, I'm probably putting it in danger of removal. I advise you to watch it quickly.

[Mike Wilkerson - 2GuysTalking 24]

I have to tell everyone here, that we as viewers deserve so much more than what this episode provided for us. While the incursion of a "bad/tripping over it's own inconsistencies" episode is something we don't like, I'll tell you - it's ultra-entertaining to review!

Did anyone else feel like they were being spoon fed something completely unacceptable this last episode? (15)