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March 26, 2007

24

Last week the terrorists, after much delay during which the plot got padded almost beyond recognition, finally launched a drone carrying a nuclear bomb. Needless to say they launched it from the Los Angeles area, because that is where everything happens. You might think that CTU, which is also located in Los Angeles and has satellites that can detect and track pretty much all earthly movement down to the level of individual gnats, would have detected the launch and sent somebody -- at minimum, California state troopers -- to the site to, you know, apprehend the perpetrators, maybe ticket them for drone-launching without a permit. But no. Not only did CTU not send anybody to the launch site, but it also somehow lost track of the drone.

Seriously: Has there ever been a less-competent federal agency than CTU? And yes, we are including FEMA in that statement.

Fortunately the terrorists this year also suffer from Tiny Brain Syndrome, so they decided to locate the guy who was piloting the drone three blocks from CTU headquarters. Yes! We are still trying to imagine the meeting during which the writers conceived of that. So our boy Jack Bauer, despite floating rib fragments, was able  to terminate the drone pilot with extreme killitude, take over the joystick, and, using what appeared to be Microsoft Brand Flight Simulator, land the drone (Why not?) on the deck of an aircraft carrier in San Francisco.

Vice President Powers Boothe, it goes without saying, decided to retaliate by launching a nuclear strike against... OK, we are not sure where. But we're going to launch a nuclear strike against somebody, unless Jack can do something. We don't really care: We're just grateful for Vice President Powers Boothe, who is (a) acting as president, and (b) a complete raving loon, which means he is our best current hope for the plot, unless the terrorists can pull it together.

In other news: Jack found out that Audrey died in China, but we don't believe Audrey can be killed that easily. Edgar, on the other hand, is still dead.

That is where we stand. I am again on childcare duty tonight, but I will make every effort to be here, ready for action.

UPDATE: Wow. That one guy on Prison Break finally killed that other guy.

UPDATE: No, wait, he just impaled him. False alarm! Sorry.

UPDATE: Fresh plasma! The best kind.

UPDATE: How come they call Fayed's country "Fayed's country?" Is that its name?

UPDATE: I got a phone call, if you can imagine. What happened? Why did Fayed choke Gredenko? Who are these people? Why does this person not eat red food? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

UPDATE: Ah! Mark Hauser. I knew it.

UPDATE: Jack's going back Into the Field. Good.

UPDATE: The Old Navy Shorts are WAYYYYYYYYYYy better than the Boyfriend Trouser.

UPDATE: How will they be able to tell when he's out of the coma?

UPDATE: So our missiles are so lame that we can't hit the Middle East without moving the submarine right up next to it?

UPDATE: Blah blah blah. Let's get back to Jack, in the Field.

UPDATE: Thigh shot! It's been too long.

UPDATE: "I'm gonna talk to him first." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: A nuclear power plant! NOW we are getting somewhere.

UPDATE: You'll be fine, Brady. Nobody ever gets hurt with Jack Bauer around.

UPDATE: Did you ever just really need some protocols?

UPDATE: Has there ever been a more dysfunctional workplace than CTU?

UPDATE: Who the hell is Johnson?

UPDATE: The Victoria's Secret bra seriously beats the Old Navy Shorts.

UPDATE: Assault Vectors! Those will be useful.

UPDATE: It's like "The Young and the Restless," but with worse writing.

UPDATE: This is President Payton's best acting by far.

UPDATE: "I need to put it in your ear." Har.

UPDATE: "Remember the position we talked about?" Har.

UPDATE: They're certainly doing all they can to protect Brady, other than not sending him out alone to meet with nuclear terrorists.

UPDATE: UH-oh: The Boyfriend Trouser ad. Where's the tranquilizer dart when you need it?

UODATE: Interrogation!

UPDATE: Wait... is this going to be just talking???

UPDATE: President Payton! He's BACK!

UPDATE: I hope he goes back into a coma soon, because Vice President Homicidal Lunatic is WAY more fun.

UPDATE: Coup! All right!

UPDATE: Next week, shooting, and Jack is PINNED DOWN. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

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In before terrorists.

*Wraps thighs in Kevlar™, hunkers down...*

Glad to see that Frau Blucher is gainfully employed in the food service industry. A pint of your cheapest, there, fraulein!

Over/Under on the number of Boyfriend Trouser ads tonight: 1.5

a friend of mine is just calling the country to be nuked "Brownistan"

A kneedful precaution, Punkin.

That's good, but I thought the target was "Yourcountry." As in: "Ambassador, we are going to drop a nuke on the northern border of Yourcountry."

and yes, I am posting from class right now and will not be joining the fun tonight. On a related note, name something you would like to see a snowman do

Did Dave use the picture of Saturn to represent Edgar because he figured that no one would be able to recognize Uranus?

Flex his knees.

Left Coast pre-show czech in.

I have high hopes for tonight, now that Ricky seems to be in charge!

Hasta tomorrow. :)

I'm here. But could someone hold my wine for me while I go switch laundry?

Be right back!

I would like to see a snowman do the down dog yoga pose.

I am on kid duty tonight, too. Hubby is still at work hooking up fiber optic cables so everyone can have electricity and cell phones and whatever. I have three kids in bed and one more to chase to his room! I will be back, watching tv, blogging, and folding laundry (that should keep me awake) I sure hope for some action on this "action" series tonight. We have enough lumber to rebuild the World Trade Center already!

Hola, compadres!

Tonight, there will be no 24 countdown checklist. That's right: NO checklist!

I know, try to contain your disappointment at not knowing what I made for dinner.

Anyway, bring it ON for me, THC guy! You just know I'm waiting for you...

*takes a healthy slug of sly's wine, puts it back, turns away, whistling*

Jessica - how do you blog and fold laundry? I have a hard enough time blogging and eating! And that doesn't require standing up!

Well, I'm armed with sloppy joes and 7-Up! Woohoo! Fine dining tonight!

We've got a nuclear strike on Los Angeles, an attempted nuclear strike on San Francisco, a comatose President, and a lunatic Vice President. It's clearly time to call in The Governator.

I can't watch if I don't know what you're eating, Suz! What's up with that?

Locked and loaded (or will be soon).

A snowman should melt, leaving a hidden treasure of icy cold beers for the first day of Spring!

If Audrey has to come back, can she be in league with Daddy/Farmer Hoggett? Or can she at least be in a Chinese prison camp too? Even a Russian one would be good.

Wait a minute, though--if she's in a Chinese camp, Jack will swim out there to rescue her, despite the floating rib fragments.

So is President-in-a-Coma going to recover from his cardiac arrest tonight? I suspect he will, but not until hour 23.

I could, technically, watch. But my flatmate (the one who converts the bathroom into a personal office) has decided to use the TV for some very grisly video games. Hey! I might see more shooting than you guys do!

Homey,

Hum
Become Fire Chief
Do my taxes
Ride a bicycle
Stay away from Chicago until next Christmas

Hi, Gretchen! Ok, just for you: it was lime-chipotle marinated boneless chicken breast and sauteed French green beans with carrots. It was yummy.

I wonder which will club us over the head the hardest tonight, the Random Plot Generator or the Wooden Dialogue Generator?

*Walks in from a week-long party celebrating Audrey's death*

Ah, life is good. I hope "24" tonight is too.

Viewer expression is despised.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
GATORS IN THE FINAL FOUR, BABY!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("It'll be colored orange and blue this year!") and ChloeSack™ ("One side will be blue, the other will be orange!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "We're too stooooooopid to keep Awwdrey dead" intro to "24" is dedicated to blogit "Suzy Q". Wait...who? Yeah, even WE'VE forgotten...

Actually, let's NOT bring back Awwwdrey, please. A Chinese prison camp sounds like a good place to leave her for a couple of seasons or so...

...It's bad enough that they decided to bring back Sista Allstate this week and revive that whole Sista/Walid plotline. I may have to quit toasting the perimeters and "Dammits" with booze and switch to Pepto-Bismol instead...

"Viewer discretion advised." Do they really mean it this time?

I just had a disturbing thought. Audrey might be part flatworm.... That means there could be TWO of her now.

That's too awful to think about.

See you all after I get the summary posted after the show!

Oh YES! Viewer Discretion!!!!!

Suzy Q - thanks, I feel better now. But what kind of wine?

Floating rib fragments would be very handy for a long swim....

Suzy,

The main action is currently taking place in the bunker, and inside CTU. The Wooden Dialogue Generator is going to be working so hard, Jack Bauer might get a splinter floating with all those rib fragments.

Thank you, THC guy. :)


Ok, what's this? A recap? NOTHING happened!

Rumor has it they're going to wake the writers..I mean the president from his coma

Dave, I love the new glasses. I'll have a beer, thanks!

Terrorists use Microsoft Flight Simulator. I see no smile on Bill Gates now.

Next week's action takes place between 9pm and 10pm...guess they'll be watching 24..

I have the same cell phone as Big Pimp Bill Buchanan, but it doesn't make that cool noise when I flip it open. I want a refund.

Diplomat Jack

Y'know, it's interesting how quickly the nukular strike news leaks out of the Oval Office...er..bunker...

Damned subcontractors!

Jack, Jack - I found Grenenko! He's right there!

Oh, nevermind. TV never listens to me.

An hour isn't enough time to fine Gradinko. I think we figured that out during the past few hour episodes.

Jack's so fuuuny: "That doesn't give us enough time!"
Tee, hee.

Gredenko vs. Fayed.

FIGHT!

Jack, Jack - I found Gredenko! He's right there!

Oh, nevermind. TV never listens to me.

Terrorist Cage Match!

Brokeback Terrorist?

It always saves time if the bad guys just kill each other first.

He's the only one that can deliver the locations that he wants? What, like, San Francisco was out of his reach?

Gredenko can deliver targets? I thought they stood still like most snowmen.

Gredenko: "Even if you're right, we're safe here...because I had the foresight to set up our Official Evil Terrorist HQ more than three blocks from CTU.

We're a whole FIVE blocks away. They'll never find us here..."

Note to self: DO NOT play poker with Grendanko or Fayed.

Who IS that guy?j Why are the terrorists working with a college student?

Gretchen,
I am a great multi-tasker. I've got one load left. Nothing happens in this show till the last ten minutes anyway.

Wait, is this turning into a cooking show now? What'd he put in that chicken?

24 meets Rainman, apparently...

I don't eat red food?

An autistic terrorist? This should be fun.

It's Rainman!

Access files? Definitely missing Wapner.

Who's this Rain Man guy?

Wow, that was touching.

WHAT is this subplot? Rainman?

Rain Man 24? WAAAAYYYYY too many plots in this show.

Oh so many politically incorrect jokes just came to mind...I will be kind because they made his brother look like a decent guy.

Laugh out loud at all the Rainman references.

Dave, we don't know any more than you do. Well, I don't at least.

Maybe Chloe is the mole

Doesn't Milo have anything better to do than watch bondage videos at work...?

(Yeah, I know it's Nadia, but still...)

set 'rainman' up with chloe!

Some people don't eat red food, some people don't listen to weak dialogue.

Well too bad, we all must sacrifice for the good of the show.

Well, if anyone can bring the Great Country Of America down, it's a single retard.

Oh, I get it . . . he was "stripping data" from the drone's "hard drive" . . .

Holy hell, I think we're all psychic. We ALL had a comment at 8:07 re: Rain Man!

Oh wonderful, Howard Gordon wrote this episode. Which pretty much means guaranteed sucking, and cranking up the Wooden Dialogue Generator.

OK, when are we gonna find out about freaking DENVER?!?!?!

a little blackmail on the side with Ricky eh!

Never mind

Wait, the mole in CTU was nobody?

C'mon guys, we got to go a few miles away. There's more terrorists to shoot...

*snork* (our first of the night?) at Wes for the bondage video comment.

Don't you just love when the blog goes crazy? I do. Wonder if there will be any lions tonight....or will the lion sleep tonight?

Can anyone explain why Ricky is on 24?!

Anyone? Anyone?

"i need a team of targets men to come with me"

I think the mole is Luke Skywalker.....there wasn't a leak at CTU until he came on the scene three episodes ago.

So - in a burst of creativity from the writers - it turns out there's not a leak at CTU headquarters, but they're going to act like there's one anyway! Crazy!

Is this show written in Miami? Somewhere near the Wierdness magnet?

*snork*@ Steve-O!

Leg bazooka? Jack needs a ribcage bazooka!

Gretchen...the lion will be shot in the thigh.

TW - Luke Skywalker?

I hate the UPS Whiteboard commercials.

OK, I was sure the leak was Milo and since he had loaned his logon info to Nadia, it looked like she was the leak.

But it wasn't Milo, it was a module.

And I totally don't understand that

Gretchen - Don't you think Ricky looks like Luke Skywalker? Especially in all-Jedi black???

MJ, he was out of work and needed some "exposure".

Dammmm bot is all over me tonight!! farging bastige.

The most interesting thing about this scene is the scrambled alphabet wallpaper.

Nice...Audrey goes away, and Sandra Palmer returns. They thought they could fool us?

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