Last week the terrorists, after much delay during which the plot got padded almost beyond recognition, finally launched a drone carrying a nuclear bomb. Needless to say they launched it from the Los Angeles area, because that is where everything happens. You might think that CTU, which is also located in Los Angeles and has satellites that can detect and track pretty much all earthly movement down to the level of individual gnats, would have detected the launch and sent somebody -- at minimum, California state troopers -- to the site to, you know, apprehend the perpetrators, maybe ticket them for drone-launching without a permit. But no. Not only did CTU not send anybody to the launch site, but it also somehow lost track of the drone.
Seriously: Has there ever been a less-competent federal agency than CTU? And yes, we are including FEMA in that statement.
Fortunately the terrorists this year also suffer from Tiny Brain Syndrome, so they decided to locate the guy who was piloting the drone three blocks from CTU headquarters. Yes! We are still trying to imagine the meeting during which the writers conceived of that. So our boy Jack Bauer, despite floating rib fragments, was able to terminate the drone pilot with extreme killitude, take over the joystick, and, using what appeared to be Microsoft Brand Flight Simulator, land the drone (Why not?) on the deck of an aircraft carrier in San Francisco.
Vice President Powers Boothe, it goes without saying, decided to retaliate by launching a nuclear strike against... OK, we are not sure where. But we're going to launch a nuclear strike against somebody, unless Jack can do something. We don't really care: We're just grateful for Vice President Powers Boothe, who is (a) acting as president, and (b) a complete raving loon, which means he is our best current hope for the plot, unless the terrorists can pull it together.
That is where we stand. I am again on childcare duty tonight, but I will make every effort to be here, ready for action.
UPDATE: Wow. That one guy on Prison Break finally killed that other guy.
UPDATE: No, wait, he just impaled him. False alarm! Sorry.
UPDATE: Fresh plasma! The best kind.
UPDATE: How come they call Fayed's country "Fayed's country?" Is that its name?
UPDATE: I got a phone call, if you can imagine. What happened? Why did Fayed choke Gredenko? Who are these people? Why does this person not eat red food? WHAT IS HAPPENING?
UPDATE: Ah! Mark Hauser. I knew it.
UPDATE: Jack's going back Into the Field. Good.
UPDATE: The Old Navy Shorts are WAYYYYYYYYYYy better than the Boyfriend Trouser.
UPDATE: How will they be able to tell when he's out of the coma?
UPDATE: So our missiles are so lame that we can't hit the Middle East without moving the submarine right up next to it?
UPDATE: Blah blah blah. Let's get back to Jack, in the Field.
UPDATE: Thigh shot! It's been too long.
UPDATE: "I'm gonna talk to him first." Heheheheh.
UPDATE: A nuclear power plant! NOW we are getting somewhere.
UPDATE: You'll be fine, Brady. Nobody ever gets hurt with Jack Bauer around.
UPDATE: Did you ever just really need some protocols?
UPDATE: Has there ever been a more dysfunctional workplace than CTU?
UPDATE: Who the hell is Johnson?
UPDATE: The Victoria's Secret bra seriously beats the Old Navy Shorts.
UPDATE: Assault Vectors! Those will be useful.
UPDATE: It's like "The Young and the Restless," but with worse writing.
UPDATE: This is President Payton's best acting by far.
UPDATE: "I need to put it in your ear." Har.
UPDATE: "Remember the position we talked about?" Har.
UPDATE: They're certainly doing all they can to protect Brady, other than not sending him out alone to meet with nuclear terrorists.
UPDATE: UH-oh: The Boyfriend Trouser ad. Where's the tranquilizer dart when you need it?
UPDATE: Wait... is this going to be just talking???
UPDATE: President Payton! He's BACK!
UPDATE: I hope he goes back into a coma soon, because Vice President Homicidal Lunatic is WAY more fun.
UPDATE: Coup! All right!
UPDATE: Next week, shooting, and Jack is PINNED DOWN. Take it, Amazing Steve.