24

Last week, Jack, on the trail of the suitnukes, singlehandedly invaded the Russian consulate and used a cigar cutter to lop off the tip of the pinky of the Russian consul, Markov. This turned out to be a violation of both international law and U.S. Product Safety Commission guidelines, so the Russians have taken Jack into custody. Jack may have no choice but to kill them all, because there is little time to waste: Gredenko is in the desert with Fayed putting the nukes on the drones, and once those babies are launched, it will be a matter of only a couple of months before they reach their targets.

With President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat still suffering from a bad case of bomb-itis, Vice President Powers Boothe has taken command of the government and, as a precautionary counterterrorism measure, set fire to the U.S. Constitution. Meanwhile, disgraced ex-president Complete Handbag has reappeared in the plot, which is exciting because tonight we apparently are going to see the return of his lovely and talented former first lady. Also appearing tonight in the role of helping Jack kill Russian extras will be former child Ricky Schroeder.

Edgar is still dead.

UPDATE: Gap has an ad for the Boyfriend Trouser. The Boyfriend Trouser??

UPDATE: There must have been a big sale on blue lightbulbs.

UPDATE: Hi everybody at CTU! Here's a new character you never heard of! He's now in charge of everything!

UPDATE: They try to terminate Jack with one guy. Morons.

UPDATE: Bongos! That means excitement.

UPDATE: Jack is no longer dispensable. For now.

UPDATE: "There's not gonna be any red tape."

UPDATE: Yes! Call Martha!

UPDATE: Ricky is somehow unconvincing as Mr. Badass.

UPDATE: These dramatic bunker scenes have a way of zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Vice President Powers Boothe reminds me of an enormous iguana. In a good way.

UPDATE: They're loading the beverage carts onto the drones.

UPDATE: It take about 20 minutes to put together a siege.

UPDATE: Awww, Aaron and Martha.

UPDATE: "What would I do without that man's produce?" Is it hot in here?

UPDATE: OK, we need to speed this up a little. We need to bring back the bongos.

UPDATE: Jack found the two hot Russians. What a coincidence!

UPDATE: "Don't be scared, just because almost everybody I come into contact with winds up, at minimum, dead."

UPDATE: BONGOS! WE WANT THE BONGOS!

UPDATE: Seriously: We're supposed to believe that during a nuclear crisis, the only way the United States can communicate with Russia is for Martha to call the Russian premier's wife? OK, apparently we are.

UPDATE: I'm still troubled by the Boyfriend Trouser.

UPDATE: Martha, playing the Other Man card.

UPDATE: It is NOT safe to be any kind of president on this show.

UPDATE: I'm sorry, but you can't just bring in the ex-president and his ex-wife solely so you can spruce up two very dull episodes with one lousy stabbing that really has nothing to do with the plot and wasn't much of a surprise. No, wait, apparently you can.

UPDATE: Finally, we reach the shooting scene.

UPDATE: I think the Xerox machine may be critically wounded.

UPDATE: "This drone is ready to launch." Thanks, writers!

UPDATE: I mean, are they saying that the girl should wear the same trouser as her boyfriend? Why?

UPDATE: Next week, the drone goes up, and -- you will not believe this -- there's a leak at CTU!

UPDATE: Goodnight, all. Next up: The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Bryan]

First!

[bauerbabe]

Don't forget, last week's previews showed the return of Aaron Pierce along with First Cleavage.

[cooleyez229]

Let me hopefully be the third or fourth person to say that I look forward to the 2nd half of Jack's really bad day kicking off tonight. And also, I think South Park is gonna spoof 24 this Wednesday. I've heard of a clip showing Cartman interrogating Kyle, Bauer-style.

[FleaBailey]

Love the picture of Edgar.

[CJrun]

Ready!

[*snork* @ former child!]

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Locked and loaded... I'll post the summary after the show!

[Aaronak]

in before terrorists

[tallulah]

MARTHA AND AARON!!! MARTHA AND AARON!!! Thank you, show!

[slyeyes]

I read the synopsis too quickly and thought you said President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat still suffering from a bad case of bomb-t!ts.

I thought, "No, that's what the First Lady had last year."

This got stopped for comment spam. Was it t!ts? Penis we can say, but not t!ts??

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I, for one, can't wait.

And Mrs. tropichunt.com guy™ will actually watch the show soon as one of her favorite actors from another show that's going off the air soon will have a recurring role on "24".

We'll see how THAT goes.

Stand by for your "24" ticker...

[slyeyes]

* sigh*

Apparently so.

[Dr Alice]

I second Tallulah - to heck with the plot, let's see Martha and Aaron! Ms. Canisters flinging objects at her ex? I am so there!

[CJrun]

We can say pen!s?

[tomservo]

This is going to more eventful than the last two seasons combined...what with all the gun shootin and rip snortin terrorist action!

[Suzy Q]

Am I posting?

If so, sssshhhhhh....don't let the bot know.

[tallulah]

"gun shootin and rip snortin terrorist action!"

Don't forget peanut tossing!

[Jessica R.]

Oh, Dave, we scroll over all links first! You are not gonna get me with that one!

[Suzy Q]

Eek! I'm alive!

24 countdown checklist, verrrry quietly:

Wine: check. red.

Dinner: marinated minute steak and green beans. eaten.

Blogpeeps: surrounded. more coming.

Blogbar: open?

Bring on the Ramparts of Justice!

*smooches to TCH guy* I'm back!

[ArcticAl]

So nay bets on how long it take sJack to escape from the Russians? My money is on 20 minutes.

[Jeff Meyerson]

After the last 3 weeks of snoozing we need all the action we can get...yes, I'm talking Mrs. Handbag & Aaron the Stud!!

And maybe RIcky can help Jack escape the consulate du jour.

Good news: Sondra & Walid are still MIA.

Bad news: TV Guide insists Awwdrey will return.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[Suzy Q]

Jeff, I've been sayin' all season that she'd be back. It's just a matter of time.

[Wes S.]

Maybe with Aaron back on the show, the pace - and the killcount - will pick up. I hope.

[homeybeef]

holy crap I'm actualy here! oh how I have missed you people. In other news, I gots me a JackSack!

[CJrun]

Congrats Suzy! [shhhh]

[Wes S.]

Postscript to my last post: And if we're really lucky, Awwwdrey will be added to the newly-increased killcount totals.

[Eleanor]

Left Coast czeching in before the show.

The woman who plays Buchanan's wife played the same character in Syriana, but with a better supporting cast.

See y'all tomorrow.

*zips out™*

[Jessica R.]

This stupid virus is hangin' on - eyes burning, can't keep them open. I think that I will watch without blogging tonight. I love doing both, but don't feel up to it. Night night! Catch you all at breakfast.

[everysandwich]

Aaron and Martha, and no Audrey. Maybe we can lower the melodrama alert level to tangerine. I'm a little disappointed we haven't seen more annoyance from Gary Payton's sister. And where's the traditional CTU mole?

[Steve the LLamabutcher]

Here's the question for you all:

Jack Bauer versus 300 Spartans versus one million Persians.

Does Jack order the greek salad or the taco platter afterwards?

[homeybeef]

Ricky Schroeder=mole? answer-double yes

[Layzeeboy]

Bauer Power Hour...YAY!!!

[danceswithvowels]

Hi, everybody! Are all viewers ready to be advised?

[Josh Ondich]

Jack Bauer Power Hour Forever. JBPH!

[Suzy Q]

Viewer discreeeeeeetion! Yeah!

[slyeyes]

NOt yet, even though we just saw a very large show squish a very small man.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
HOUSE!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("We need to up our sponsor payments to Fox 'cos we're not getting enough coverage on the show!") and ChloeSack™ ("These ramparts are protected! Believe it or I'll taser you!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "extra-supreme-special-including-the-veggies-NBC-sweeps-period-style" intro to "24" is dedicated (again again again again) to blogit "Suzy Q", for no understood reason whatsoever...even tho' she's forgotten about us...(WAAHHHH!!!!)...but claims she's back.

[danceswithvowels]

6 tumors will disappear if Jack wants them gone.

[Suzy Q]

CJ: Aside from sacrificing 2 or 3 young children and about a dozen canaries, I have no idea what I did to get back into the good graces of the bot. ;)

[slyeyes]

"show" up there^^ = "shoe"

[Sooska]

BOMB! is correct.so far. perhaps tonight we'll see some actual fireworks..or pyrotechnics or even a thigh shot. I could ask the Wooden Dialogue Generator for a miracle and a better Russian accent. Hi Ann!

[danceswithvowels]

I do love Gredenko's sat-phone. It does look like a large handbaggun.

[Suzy Q]

Sad Chloe! Let me dry your tears!

[Josh Ondich]

Handbag returns to CTU

[Layzeeboy]

Tonight's over/under on car ads: 6

[CJrun]

Oh great, the Nightlight Savings Time begins; it will be dark for the rest of the season!

[Eponder]

6 to 7, what do you think the odds are that someone's going to be eating dinner.

I'm also feeling ambivalent!

[Sooska]

Chloe I just don't care OK?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Aww, c'mon Chloe...just taser him and be done with his stupid questions...

[Suzy Q]

THC guy: I NEVER forgot you guys! I was lurking, the whole time.

Smack the handbag, Chloe! You know you want to....

[Ann]

Hi Mom. I'm feeling ambivalent tonight. Or maybe not. Or maybe so. Just like Chloe! I think.

[ArcticAl]

I'm just Chloe O'Brien?

Talk about the understatement of the year!

She's freakin wonder woman!

[slyeyes]

Siege profile?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Why does Doyle look a lot like Luke Skywalker?

[danceswithvowels]

Tancredo's from Denver.

[Suzy Q]

Why is Jaws in a sling? I missed something?

Oooo...testosterone between Jaws and Little Ricky!

[Ann]

Are we supposed to care about what happened in Denver? 'Cause I don't.

[slyeyes]

PISSING CONTEST!!!!

Drinks --- on second thought, never mind.

[Suzy Q]

Ok, NOW who's dead?

[homeybeef]

looks ike I'm gonna be a bit behind tonight as the girlfriend cant get off the phone no matter how hard she says bye. We'll watch the DVR recording and try to catch up. Wow she's getting angry. Pray for me

[Ann]

Another Russian Consolate scene, and I am STILL waiting for Boris and Natasha.

[CJrun]

Thigh!!!

[slyeyes]

Smile. You're on Comrad Camera.

[danceswithvowels]

20 minutes may be too generous.

[ArcticAl]

Well I lost my own bet. Jack's out in under 5 minutes.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

That LOOKED like a thigh shot...these Russian guys have glass jaws..er...legs...

[Crabby Appleton]

I read where Morris is 61 years old in real life. I was surprised as I would take Chloe, his ex wife, as much, much younger. Wait, am I mixing up real life with pretend?

[Jeannie]

Go Jack!

[glow]

Ooooh got here just in time to see Jack being ambivalent too!

[Waffles]

Yeah Jack, a bullet! An entire bullet! That never happens anymore.

We might have to make bullets buzzwords.

[Sooska]

Jack can still do it with both hands tied behind...OH never mind

[abilicious]

He's Jack Bauer, you stupid Russian moron - you can't just kill him!

[Josh Ondich]

Denver is third priority behind resucing Jack Bauer. Bauer can rescue himself and 1000 times before.

[danceswithvowels]

perimetr!

[Wes S.]

"I'm terminating the American, but I'm just taking time out to make this totally useless phone call to you so Jack has time to recover, disarm and kill me instead. That way, the plot will start up again because, frankly, the Ricky Schroeder/Milo bitchslap contest was dragging on too much. Is that OK, comrade?"

[homeybeef]

screw it I'm watching. Metal Gear Bauer!

[Aaronak]

RUSSIAN PERIMETER!

[Cheesewiz]

The Rooskies are running around like lost dashounds.

[Suzy Q]

The OLD KGB would never have let this happen.

[Sooska]

did I hear perimeter?

[glow]

Jack on an ordinary phone???! Wow, don't you have to dial #9 to go outside?

[Crabby Appleton]

Yakoff Smirnoff has left the cast.

[Ann]

homey: tell her to just say "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!" then hang up and unplug the phone!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Shut down DSL? Luckily Jack has cable-modem access.

[Eponder]

24 has made another run to Accents R Us

[slyeyes]

What phone is still ringing?

[Waffles]

Dont turn off the lights, Jack is most powerful in the dark! That is when he feeds!

[Layzeeboy]

The number you have reached is not in service...

[glow]

Jack, you're favoring the WRONG shoulder.

[Razumihin]

"No longer dispensible."

That implies he was at some point? o_O

[Suzy Q]

Press 1 for English, 2 for Russian...

[Cheesewiz]

Do not trust the Complete Handbag

[Razumihin]

Wow. In this light, Logan looks just like Gredenko . . . hmmmmm

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Institutionalized = special position to help us. Oooookay.

[danceswithvowels]

Walking the Markov chain takes too long. We need a cleavageer to cut the Gordian knot.

[Cheesewiz]

Make sure you bring Valium by the bucket.

[abilicious]

Man, for once I'm not drinking while watching, and finally we have an episode with plenty of drinking cues - perimeters! thigh shots! "we don't have time"! Next commercial break, I am making a drink.

[homeybeef]

he misses the awkwardness

[Razumihin]

*MARTHA* can be difficult???

[Suzy Q]

Handbag: Ok, I offer to have my wife service Sakarov, if it's that important.

Buchanan: Only if I can watch!

[mellio]

ok, if the Russians set up a perimeter, and they blow it--how many times do you have to drink?