24

Last week the Wooden Dialog Generator pretty much took over, to the extent that at times the chacters were emitting fully mature sequoias from their mouths. The lone highlight was when Chloe barged into the CTU men's room -- which was not secure -- and routed Morris from the toilet. (He washed his hands, but -- this bears repeating -- did not wipe.)

Other than that, the only actual action was the Mandatory Cliffhanger Moment at the End, when an evil plotter penetrated the White House Secret Underground Batcave Bunker -- which turned out to be every bit as difficult as checking into a Holiday Inn -- and set off a bomb that either did or did not kill President Gary Payton of Your World Champions For a Little While Longer Anyway Miami Heat. This means that as we begin tonight's episode, the acting president of the United States could be...

Anna Nicole Smith.

No, sorry, she is still deceased, as is Edgar. The acting president could be Vice President Powers Boothe. This blog sure hopes so.

Meanwhile Jack and disgraced former President Handbag are trying to locate the current Acting Evil Terrorist Mastermind Puppermaster, Gredenko, by going to talk to some other Russian mastermind puppetmaster, Markov, at the Russian consulate, where tonight, according to the previews, Jack, after an extremely passive week, will resume fighting terrorism via the time-tested technique of threatening to puncture or remove body parts.

NOTE TO WRITERS: There needs to be much more Jack in tonight's episode.

Meanwhile the Evil Terrorist Submastermind Fayed has got himself a drone, and you just know this drone will be launched with a suitnuke aboard and will drone through some tense episodes toward a vulnerable city, just like two years ago when the terrorists fired the World's Slowest Missile -- a JetBlue missile -- which took something like 17 hours to get from Iowa to Los Angeles.

There is still no sign whatsoever of the Sandra-and-Walid subplot, which more and more seems like a bad dream.

That is where we stand. I'll try to join you, but for now I leave you to your own devices.

UPDATE: This is more like it. Jack and Chloe, under the radar.

UPDATE: That is the creepiest bunker on Earth.

UPDATE: That Jack is such a scallywag, international-treatywise.

UPDATE: Powers Boothe IS the Godfather.

UPDATE: If somebody cut off my pinky, I would be pretty much lying on the floor going, "He cut off my pinky! HE CUT OFF MY PINKY!!" Which I suppose is a big reason why I am not the Russian consul.

UPDATE: Morris found a way around the algorithm and is picking up a digital shadow.

UPDATE: Nobody can wear a bluetooth phone thingie and not look stupid.

UPDATE: Things are looking up. Jack is in captivity, Powers Boothe is acting president, and the drones are set to launch. Take it, Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: And next week Mrs. Handbag is back!

Comments

[justaddin]

Silver Spoon to the rescue!

[WoosterGirl]

-perimeter-...

[WizzyPigabeth]

ooo martha and aaron next week!!!

and Rick Schroeder FINALLLY makes an appearance.

CUT THE CRAP HANDBAG hee hee hee

[slyeyes]

First Lady Ramparts!!! YAY!!! Is Aaron with her?

[baligurl]

Time to put away the Hot Damn. See y'all tomorrow!

[Sooska]

I liked the pile of bodies at the bottom of the stairs...

[elastic]

martha and aaron looked like they were sitting in a tree...bet they've been K I S S I N G...
i can't wait til next week.

i'm so glad aaron's gonna be back. i missed him.

[Wes S.]

...Something just occured to me: Fifteen minutes into last week's episode, Jack told some CTU flunky to take Marilyn and Anakin Bauer/ManKim back to CTU "for their safety." I don't recall seeing them actually make it there, do you?

[WizzyPigabeth]

yep aaron was on the couch by her.

[Gretchen]

G'night all. And Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrne Asada!!

[Sooska]

Wes S -they are in the bathroom

[JacksGirl]

Wes S - you're right. They didn't.

No doubt that subplot is hanging by its fingernails on a cliff somewhere...

[danceswithvowels]

Nothing like a cigar trimmer to take care of a pesky hangnail, Cliff.

[Jessica R.]

Walid and first sis subplot was strangely, but thankfully, missing too.

[WoosterGirl]

G'night everyone. Looking forward to next week!

Carrrrrne asada.

[Sooska]

Nytol! It was great to be back....see ya at 6 pm!

[Jessica R.]

Well, I am turning in. and to all a goodnight.

[slyeyes]

Is there another program in an alternate universe for The Forgotten Subplots? Secretary of Defense Devane, Audrey, Sandra, Wahlid, Marilyn, Josh, etc. etc.

[WizzyPigabeth]

I am not complaining about the missing Audrey and missing Wallid/Sandra.

They can stay missing.

I hpe that hoggett gets a haircut before he returns.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I would like to say, by the way, that my hexes at the beginning of the show WORKED! The SpamBot did not get me once...I found the answer!!!! WOOHOO!

[bauerbabe]

"Walid and first sis subplot was strangely, but thankfully, missing too."

Before you are too thankful, remember the VP talked about suspending civil liberties in his address to the nation. Guess who'll be back next week? Yep! Ms. Palmer and Walid.

[WizzyPigabeth]

Did The Amazing Steve fall asleep?

:(

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Almost done!

[Ernie G]

I remember reading an interview of an author in which the author said that the hardest dialog to write is that of a character who is smarter than you are. Here we have the White House, which should be bristling with really smart people. So how do the writers deal with the problem? Make everybody sound dumber than a Yugo full of anvils.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Previously on “24”: We found out: Security guards like coloring books; Yellow and Red don't mix; President Logan doesn't look any tougher in plaid and a beard; Expensive special effects at the beginning of a series lead to inexpensive special effects in the middle of the series - we expect at this rate the final scenes of the show will involve popcorn poppers.

The following summary takes place between 5 pm and 6 pm:

5:00 pm – President Wayne is going into surgery for some Borg implants.

5:00 pm – President Logan seems to bet getting all Leo Buscaglia with Jack, trying to have a tender moment with Jack, but Jack's not buying it. Logan tries to explain being at his estate and being alone, and Jack doesn't seem very sympathetic since he his own “estate” was a Chinese prison cell.

5:01 pm – Jack's retro ringtone goes off on the JackPhone, and it is Bill calling. Bill tells Jack about the assassination attempt on President Wayne, and that they're pretty sure that if they do the paperwork right away, they can blame everything on Assad. Bill does his best McCoy impression and says, “He's dead, Jack”. Jack points out that this doesn't make any sense, since Assad was there to HELP the president, and Bill seems disturbed that the paperwork won't be nearly as easy Jack's way. Logan looks hopeful that maybe he'll get to be president again.

5:02 pm – In President Wayne's operating room, (which no presidential bunker should be without) it looks they're working on installing something on Wayne's neck. They also have a machine that goes “ping!”, so the situation is pretty dire. Reed watches through the operating room window while this is going on, and goes to make a phone call just as a secret service agent walks up and completely freaks him out. He tells Reed that they want Lennox in the room where the vice president is being briefed.

5:03 pm – Safely away in the vice presidential airplane, vice-president Noah is getting briefed about President Wayne's condition. He didn't suffer any head wounds, which everyone considers a miracle, so that rules out going on a reality TV show. Secretary of Defense Kanin seems really anxious to make Noah the president.

5:05 pm – Kanin talks to Reed, and is surprised he doesn't know where Lennox is. I think Kanin thinks Reed is a Lennox groupie. Kanin calls over an agent and tells him to sweep the bunker. After they're done sweeping, they should find Lennox. The agent makes a phone call using his sleeve, which we all know is an important secret agent device since they upgraded from those shoe phones in the 1960s. Reed takes this opportunity to run/walk away to his electrical closet.

5:07 pm – The guy who screwed up and mixed the red markers and yellow markers instead of using the blue and green markers (which are much less prone to leaking) starts to argue with Reed because he's seen the first half of the show and he REALLY wants to kill Lennox. Reed wants to be all high and mighty by saying that technically, they're not murderers. They didn't kill Wayne, only gave him a flesh wound, and Reed thinks he even heard him say that he'd like to go for a walk.

5:08 pm – Reed talks to Lennox. Reed tries to guilt Lennox into believing that Wayne was about to do the equivalent of sending the terrorists flowers. The only other option was to go with Lennox plan, which still involved flowers, but also many explosives and internment camps. Reed seems convinced that doing all this will prevent the nuclear weapons going off, which is typical Washington logic.

5:10 pm – Reed, Lennox and the incapable Red and Yellow Marker guy all walk out into the hallway, Reeds plan in place. All they have to do is tell the Secret Service agents that see them in the hallway everything is A-OK. Lennox decides that he'd end up with more screen time by telling the agents that Reed and Red and Yellow Marker guy were the ones that tried to kill Wayne! Reed looks a bit angry by this turn of events.

Commercial

5:16 pm – A woman named Lisa brings VP Noah a bunch of flashes that she wants him to look at. He tells her that he has no time to pick out camera equipment, because he's about to be crowned king of the United States. He does want to talk to CTU though.

5:17 pm – Bill gets a call from VP Noah. Noah says that he heard that the White House flashed President Logan, which he considers highly unpresidential. Bill tells VP Noah, that Logan can meet with the consul, and that Jack is going to keep Logan on a short leash with very small collar so he won't try and get away. Noah says that as soon as everything finishes up, he wants Logan sent back to his house, and to have Logan put under house arrest Noah hangs up before Bill can ask how to arrest a house.

5:18 pm – Outside the Russian consulate, Jack and Logan get out of the limo. Logan informs Jack that he wants to see Markov alone, since Markov owes him money. Jack looks pretty nervous about being in a consulate, which is probably justified considering what happened the last time Jack was in a consulate. Jack finally agrees to wait outside, but tells Logan that if he tries to escape through the bathroom window, he'll know about it.

5:19 pm – Logan goes into to meet to with Markov. Markov doesn't seem the least bit surprised to see Logan out of house arrest. Logan explains about the suitcase nuke saying that they're pretty sure that Gredenko is behind it all, since they know he's creeping around. Markov offers Logan a cigar. Logan says that he accidentally lit himself on fire once, and since he put it out, he doesn't smoke anymore. Logan really presses the issue, and Markov admits that he and Gredenko were close (not that there's anything wrong with that). Turns out that Logan has some incriminating phone conversations of Markov, and he'd be more than willing to send them to the Russian president. Markov still doesn't give up, and Logan relents in his questioning.

5:23 pm – Logan tells Jack that since he's an expert liar, he recognized that Markov has been lying about knowing Gredenko's whereabouts.

5:23 pm – Sure enough, Markov makes a call to Gredenko. Markov tells him that the United States knows about him. Gredenko is mad about this, since Russia just exposed itself to everyone.

5:24 pm – Jack tells the driver to go through the gates out of the consulate, and pull over right away, since he hasn't been to a bathroom in over twelve hours. Jack calls Chloe and tells her to pull the old “power outage at the Russian consulate trick”. Logan points out that consulates have not been a good thing for Jack.

Commercial

5:29 pm – Madam Haig does some product placement by showing her Sprint phone showing a little teeny tiny picture of a news guy talking about the special effect that went off earlier that day. She gets a phone call from Bill. After hearing what happened to President Wayne, she's pretty sure that her resignation paperwork might have gotten blown up too, so she's going to head back to the secret presidential bunker.

5:30 pm – Noah is really anxious to enact “The Lennox Plan”, as he gets on an elevator with his assistant Lisa. Lisa isn't sure they should be considering installing air conditioners with everything that has happened today. Noah tells her “The OTHER Lennox” plan, the plan that Wayne DIDN'T want to use.

5:31 pm – Noah meets with Kanin, who was just waiting in the hall when the elevator doors open flanked by two army guys in camouflage. No one seems to think that this is the slightest bit odd. Noah wants to know about Wayne's condition. Kanin tells him that he thinks its Humectress, at least it used to be, since he doesn't have hair anymore. Kanin says, that's not important now, since it's too soon to find out what will happen to Wayne since he just blew up and they only now have him stabilized. Kanin mentions that Lennox remanded himself into custody. Noah gets a look on his face, thinking that this is a revolting development.

5:32 pm – Lennox is giving a statement to a secret service agent, regaling him with tales of his expert pole-dancing and his fancy footwork that sets pipe alarms off. Noah walks into the room, and tells everyone that he wants to talk to Lennox alone. Noah tries really hard to implicate Assad in the bombing, but it doesn't make any sense to Lennox. Noah tries to find out what Lennox knows about “The Others” involved in the attack, and Lennox tells him that's the wrong show, this is still “24”. Noah keeps saying that Assad was probably involved, and Lennox bursts out with a phrase that I think he's been waiting to say since the show started: “That makes no sense whatsoever!” Lennox puts two and two together, and finally figures out that Noah wants to implement “The Lennox Plan”, but still isn't sure about blaming Assad. Noah gives Lennox an ultimatum: Either he can stick with the “Assad is innocent” story, or he can be cleared of all charges and go along with “The Lennox Plan”. Lennox asks for door number 3, but Noah ignores him and leaves. After he leaves the room, VP Noah, who by now I think we can all agree is even scarier than VP Scary from last year, tells an agent that he wants to see Lennox's statement before it goes to the Attorney General.

5:35 pm – Jack proves his versatility by climbing over a wall in coat and tie without getting it dirty, AND that he can speak Russian in a non-alarming “I'm not American” accent when a Russian agent sees him. Jack is able to divert the agent by telling him that he was ordered to count babushkas in the backyard. Chloe calls Jack that he has sixty seconds from the time things get turned off until the power gets turned back on.

5:36 pm – The Russian agents instead seem completely freaked out about the whole electricity thing, not understanding how things like “power outages” can happen in the US, since they thought that was just a Russian problem. While they're distracted Jack sneaks into Markov's office, proudly holding his gun out in front of him. Markov says, “What is this?” Jack points out that it's a gun, and that he's pretty sure they have those in Russia too. What he really wants to talk about is Gredenko.

5:37 pm – The power goes back on long enough for Markov to hit his Big Red Easy Button, but it only goes off for a very short time. The Russian agents knock on the door, and Jack knocks Markov out with one punch! (Go Jack!) Jack tells the agents that if they come through the door, he'll kill Markov. Jack calls Bill and tells him that he's in another consulate again, and he's doing illegal stuff AGAIN. Bill looks pretty disappointed Jack didn't learn his Chinese consulate lesson. Jack says that he just wants the White House advised of what's going on, and that he's NOT showing off for VP Noah by doing something like this. He's just trying to get information from Markov about Gredenko.

Commercial

5:43 pm – VP Noah walks around the president's desk while listening some really bad “I'm about to become president” music. Lisa walks in and tells him the press conference is going to start in about 10 minutes. She says they've checked and nobody with explosive magic markers has entered the building since the last guy, so she thinks things will be OK. Lisa says that Madam Haig is going to try and come back and pretend that whole “resignation” thing didn't happen, and that Haig was against the Lennox plan.

5:45 pm – Bill calls VP Noah to tell him that Jack decided to hold Markov hostage, since things have been REALLY boring for the last couple of hours. President Suvarov calls Lisa on her phone (which begs the question of how he has HER number), and Noah takes the call. Suvarov is very mad, wants Jack to stop what he's doing, and threatens to use “forceful diplomatic measures”, which is so funny that even Noah has to smile at that. Suvarov wants everything to go through “proper diplomatic channels”, after Jack surrenders.

5:46 pm – Jack surrenders one of his punches right into Markov's nose, and yells a lot. Markov makes the mistake of telling Jack that he hasn't spoken with Gredenko since Gredenko arrived in the US, and Jack never said a thing about Gredenko being in the US. Jack threatens Markov with a cigar cutter, and when Markov doesn't say anything, Jack starts playing a really gruesome game of “This Little Piggy”.

5:47 pm - Outside of Markov's office, the Russian agents watch “24” on a Dell PDA, and it happens to be the very same show they're in right now! This kind of freaks them out a little, but they plan on breaking down the door soon.

5:48 pm – Jack tells Markov that Markov has to give him the information he wants, or Jack will shoot him, make sure Gredenko finds out, and then he'll make sure that Paris Hilton will be exported to Russia. This proves too much for Markov, who finally says that Gredenko is in the Mojave Desert, in the Shadow Valley. Markov tells him that Gredenko is there sending off nuclear-weapon-equipped drones, which really makes Jack mad. He punches Markov again, and goes to leave.

5:49 pm – Tactical error on Jack's part: Never try and exit through the front door. The door to Markov's office blows up, knocking Jack backwards. Russian agents are all over the place! Markov gets up, gets a tissue for this finger, and punches Jack! They grab Jack and take him away!

Commercial

5:54 pm – Noah is making a speech on TV. He says he regrets to inform everyone that he's now in charge. Noah says that he's been really anxious to implement all kinds of repressive stuff.

5:54 pm – Nadia goes to talk to Chloe and Morris, and Morris thinks he can get messages that Jack might have been trying to send out of the consulate through a Windows PC that doesn't have Service Pack 2 on it yet. Morris, who happens to read Russian, finds information that an American Agent is in custody and that they take this threat very seriously since he threatened them with Paris Hilton. Nadia tells Bill about Jack being held prisoner, which is exactly where Jack was 12 hours ago. Bill takes a play from the Jack Bauer Plan Of Action Playbook and orders special ops to draw up plans to take over the Russian consulate to get Jack back!

5:56 pm – A Russian agent comes into the room to watch Jack, and Jack tries to convince him that Markov is in on the whole Gredenko plot. The agent can't believe Markov is involved, is about to leave, and Jack finally tells him, “I know you believe me”. This stops the agent cold, and he says “Was it in my eyes?” Jack ignores this, and asks for the agent's help. Jack wants him to call CTU at 310-597-3781, make a vote for “Jack Bauer” on American Idol, and tell Bill Buchanan about Gredenko in the Shadow Valley.

5:59 pm – The Friendly Russian agent leaves to go to another room and calls CTU. One of the other agents comes into the room and shoots Friendly! The other agent turns off the phone! He just left Bill hanging there!

6:00 pm – Time's up!

NEXT TIME ON “24”: JACK SHOOTS PEOPLE! MARTHA LOGAN SITS ON A COUCH WITH SECRET AGENT AARON YELLING AT PRESIDENT LOGAN! NOAH THREATENS TO BLOW STUFF UP! BILL CALLS FOR THE CONSULATE TO BE STORMED!

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Rats! I put everyone to sleep!

[ArcticAl]

No I'm awake Steve. Great job as usual.

[Nurse Tammy]

No Steve, I think most of the complaints stated the episode did that...

[ArcticAl]

I'm just a slow reader at this time of the night.

[ArcticAl]

That and flipping back and forth to the blogits board.

[danceswithvowels]

*Snork* at Lennox Plan! I'll bet VP/AlmostP Noah is evil enough that he'd try that on the Carrier group in the Middle East.

[Val]

Major *snorks* on:

"The agent makes a phone call using his sleeve, which we all know is an important secret agent device since they upgraded from those shoe phones in the 1960s."

"Logan says that he accidentally lit himself on fire once, and since he put it out, he doesn't smoke anymore."

"Noah is making a speech on TV. He says he regrets to inform everyone that he's now in charge."

[SallyRogers]

Hello from the Left Coast....

Thanks for the wrap-up, Steve! I feel prepared to take on the onerous burden of watching another hour of shark-jumped plot.

[Just Ducky]

Too many snorks to count, Amazing Steve! Great job!

[judi]

so you're telling me that steve's wrap-ups are what REALLY HAPPENED?!

[Annie Where-but-here]

judi - yes, I will tell you that. If only to protect you from the real script that is limper than a German ostrich after a fireworks display.

Yay, Steve. Each week you give me an hour of my life back. Next week is a very special episode - Daylight Savings- aka '23.' It will feature an evil subplot designed to get people to sleep through '24.' Sponsored by American Plot Recycling - "If they bought it the first time, they'll buy it the seventh time."

[mm]

excellent wrap-up Steve. Much better than the show. Had all those snarky comments I wish I had thought of...

[mustang sally]

Steve,
I love you!

Thanks for yet ANOTHER GREAT summary.
Just finished watching/reading here in lil' ol' Washington( State).

"See" you all next week!.

[Dustin]

Did anyone make a "Where's Lennox" drinking game? I think everyone who knew he existed asked about him. Poor Reed.

[mustang sally]

Oh, and since I will be sleeping when all you bloggits wake up tomorrow morning, please save me a cup of coffee. Double tall ....... from the land of Starbucks.

[Margaret]

Way fun Steve! Thanks!

My favorite parts of your recap was the special effects comment and the Lost/24 line.

Can't wait til next week!

[Insignificant Detail Guy]

Is the VP's assistant, Lisa, the same actress that was the Defense Lawyer on the most recent (but hopefully not last) episode of Studio 60?

[Riteaidbob]

LAST!

[Nurse Tammy]

nope!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Morning, Blogits!

24 put me to sleep last night. I has dreams of finger cutting...aaaahhh...sweet dreams...

[Siouxie]

Steve, that was awesome!! love the "machine that goes 'ping'" LOL among many others.

[Meanie the Blue]

Amazing Steve, his words are bound
To save plots from ennui....
The writers are lost and can't be found,
Are blind and still don't see.

T'was Steve that taught...
Bloglits to cheer.
And Steve, their fears relieved.
How precious did that Steve make clear...
the hour he reconceived.

Through many handbags, terrorists and dorks...
Jack has had to survive
T'was Steve that made us snork thus far...
While keeping Jack alive.

The Blog has promised good to all...
His word our hope secures.
He will upon the amazing one call...
As long as 24 endures.

When we've been here ten thousand Mondays...
Dialogue petrified, brains stunned.
We've no less days to sing Steve's praise...
Than when we've first begun.

Amazing Steve, his words are bound
To save plots from anomie....
The writers are lost and can't be found,
Are blind and still don't see.

[Barøn vønKlyff]

Major snorks @ the machine that goes 'ping.'

And also President Wayne's flesh wound!

Shades of Python Abound.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Why is it that the Vice Presidents are always so evil? I mean, in real life... never mind.

Great job as always, Steve, and much more entertaining than the Bunker Snoozefest.

*snork* for Jack wants him to call CTU at 310-597-3781, make a vote for “Jack Bauer” on American Idol as well as "The Others" line.

Insignificant Detail Guy: yes, Lisa was the Annoying Smirking Lawyer on Studio 60, as well as the doctor on last season's Invasion (I think it was called).

[JunebugJinny]

They killed Hot Assad. Oh, 24. How you have disappointed me. Yet again.

[Bob Fritz]

I just KNEW it!! I thought I recognized the shooter at the Russian Consulate --- Boris Lee Krutonog, a.k.a. Red October crew member Victor Slavin! Turns out that the entire crew of Red October has evidently been re-assigned to this location, so get ready for Scott Glenn (a.k.a. CDR Bart Mancuso) and Courtney Vance (a.k.a. "Jonesy") to be seen in upcoming episodes as the USS Dallas makes a run for the coastline and knocks out those drones with a Tomahawk. Better yet, Fred Thompson (a.k.a. RADM Joshua Painter) will be seen in a future episode as the Speaker of the House, next in line to the presidency! But God help us if Alec Baldwin tries to unseat Jack Bauer by channeling Jack Ryan.

[Suzy Q]

Yay for the return of First Lady Ramparts!

[otis wildflower]

I miss Kumar.

And would it have been so hard for Aaronski to have called CTU with Jack in the room? I mean, it's hardly likely that he'd attack you for doing the exact thing he asked you to do.. But wait, that would be logical, and OMG OMG MY HEAD THE PAIN ITS GONNA ASSPLODE AIIIIaodf940a;dlks;af;ioo

[Jemmy]

I completely forgot that yesterday was Monday. OK, time to give up on 24.

[Val]

The "310" number is still some lady saying something in Spanish. I only understand "por favor". Maybe she's asking "please shoot me". Who knows.

[Eleanor]

*zips in™*

Excellent, and gold stars to all from the Left Coast!

I must have dozed off at the very end because I didn't see Rick (don't call me Ricky) Schroeder in the previews. That's the only reason I started watching the actual show because really, reading it here is waaaay better!

[Tori Lennox]

I was so proud of my brother Tom for turning himself in last night. I didn't think the little weasel had it in him. Not that it seems to have done much good since nobody seems to believe him about Assad's lack of involvement.

[Jeff Meyerson]

otis w.: we said the same thing. Why didn't he call in the room where Jack was tied up?

And no one has yet answered this: how could Assad fly from L.A. to Washington, drive to the bunker, meet with President Wayne, write the speech and get blown up by the bomb, yet Karen Hayes is still sitting in D.C. waiting for her flight?

[captain flummox]

It's easy to lose sight of the positive things in times of international crisis and broad destruction, so I'd like to point out that we've still not seen Audrey.

[Justin]

Great job Steve - second week in a row with a clever Monty Python and The Holy Grail reference. Next week's challenge: somehow, you need to try to work in something about the French guards at the castle in England. That, or the women at Castle Anthrax. Your choice.

[Cecil Rose]

>And WHERE are my lions????

>Gretchen

Ah, another "Rome" fan.

[Suzy Q]

captain flummox makes a good point. So far, this season has been Awdrey-free. You just know it can't last.

[homeybeef]

I am on spring break next week so I look forward to joing you all here for a very special russia invading episode of 24

[danceswithvowels]

Amazing phrasing, Meanie! The writers are going to have to apply many John-Newtons of Wilber-Force to resurrect 24.

[Dr. Rickenstein]

Consider this for the ultimate plot twisteroo. The evil mastermind to be revealed in hour 20 is none other than.....Awdrey! Longing for her Whacky Jacky, she devised the whole thing as a means to get him out of China. Sounds far-fetched but considering these writers....
(putting syringe full of Grahme sleep aid in arm realizing a show writer just read that and ran back to Surnow with the BIG CLOSE they were looking for)

[Cat R.]

Another "SNORK" for the "ping" line!

Steve, your recaps are hilarious. I gave the "real" 24 one shot last week and live-blogged during commercials. The live-blogging was fun and exhausting, but the show was...well....

Your recaps, however, are hilarious -- have I mentioned that?

[DeskDiva, finally logging in]

Collected 24 commentary since my ethernet crapped out on me.

Ford: *snork* @

1. If you have a power tool wound to your shoulder, being pulled off the toilet is good therapy.
2. If the above occurs, don't forget to flush.

By the way, Ford, that should have been a top 11 list because, and I must stress this point, there is no three!

Layzee: Expanding briefs. Nice. PS – WBAGNFA Law Firm

Sooska: *snorks* @ “Golden Snitch”, REoOF, SGoIIK & Go for the GOLD!

Sly: The hand over the watch thing – that was a house arrest bracelet.

Gretchen: I’ve heard it’s possible to date yourself, but you have to go through match.com. Also, I cracked at the Russians speaking English bit, yet they have Jack speaking Russian to them….? Hmmm… Frankenbauer has a nice ring to it, so long as he wears the fishnet and the black leather teddy…. (Tim Curry is short, too.)

Wes: Nice catch on the airport thing. I keep forgetting about that. *doublesnorkshot* @ Anakin Bauer.

Wooster: *snork* @ Dead Blonde Alert band.

WizPig: I thought I was listening to last week’s show when they started in on the “we are not murderers” crap. As for Jack learning Russian in a Chinese prison… he probably took the same correspondence course that most Americans take.

Josh: Mmmm…grilled Lennox. Should we drink red or white with that? Also, Framed Assad and the Furious VPs WBAGNFA Old School Rap Group.

WA2CHI: *snork* at Jack 6.0 with Russian Expansion Pack.

THCG: Andy, I don’t care how much I like you – NEVER compare Jack to Britney!! That is wrong and punishable by hot tar and flogging, or whatever else NT comes up with later. Also, it’s not “doomed,” it’s “dommed.” Ask Siouxie (or maybe it was Suzy Q?). “Perimeter” in Russian is “периметр.” *snork* at the loud cell phone shot.

dances and sly: *snorkingsnorking* at Nnnnnnnasonex and the Spanish bees. WBAGNFA flamenco dance group.

Ann: *painful snorking* @ Adam-bombs…. *mentally includes Adam Rich, probably the biggest bomb of them all*

Raz: I cannot in good conscience snork you for the stable/ranch comment. That is all.

Ernie: *SNORK!* BTW – Ernie and his Yugo full of Anvils WBAGNFA Children’s book….

Amazing: **SNORKSNORKSNORK!!!** at your opening paragraph and everything else, I’m sure. OK, yeah – Borg implants, shoe phones, American coronation, the Lennox A/C plan, Humectress, The Others, the Big Red Easy Button, (also nice allusion to The Neverending Story and Spaceballs), and American Idol

Awhere: Nice ostrich tie-in…. Also *snork* @ Very Special Episode commentary.

PS – They wrote Jack just a little wrong tonight. I blame the writers completely. They have Jack trying to just walk out the door and then nearly pass out after one little gut-punch, yet he cuts the finger off the Consul, who merely grunts in anguish…. These writers must be stopped!!

Morris sees his shadow – must mean 6 more weeks of bad weather writing!

Me and my shadow
Working down at CTU
Me and my shadow
We never have to sell another shoe

And yet we’re filled with fear
We hide away
When Chloe’s near

Just me and my shadow
All alone and feeling way too sorry for myself for a guy who gave suitnukes to the bad guys today and fell off the wagon even if he did get his shoulder drilled!!! So there.

Recap of my personal drinking points:

1. “Perimeter” (said by anyone)
2. “Trust me” (said by Jack)
3. There is no three
4. “Nukular” (said by Jack)
5. Any 24 phone number, e.g., 310-597-3781 (chug cue)
6. The moments viewer discretion is really advised
7 “I’ve got a situation” (said by Jack)
8. “Chloe, I need your help” (or any variation of the phrase, said by Jack)
9. “He was acting on his own authority” (stated by anyone about Jack)
10. “Schematics”; “socket”; “port”; “switch”; and “slot” (said by anyone)
11. “It’s complicated” (said by anyone)

[WoosterGirl]

Steve,

Ab-so-LUTE-lee *snork!!!*alicious recap!

Loved the Python and Borg references! (especially the machine that goes "ping"!)

The bloglits make Monday eves fun, and you make my whole Tuesday!!!

Thanks again!

[WoosterGirl]

DeskDiva, thanks for the snork, and for the list of drinking cues. I was starting to lose count last week, mainly cuz there were so many cues and I was metabolizing at an unprecedented rate.

We need to print those out for next week!

[#500]

Looks like I am number 500

[Son of Chloe]

What I want to know is who really invented the bra in their spare time? Logan, Mrs Logan, Karen Hayes, or Morris?

[.]

.

[denise]

They've made Powers Boothe look just like Bob Dole.