24

Last week the Wooden Dialog Generator pretty much took over, to the extent that at times the chacters were emitting fully mature sequoias from their mouths. The lone highlight was when Chloe barged into the CTU men's room -- which was not secure -- and routed Morris from the toilet. (He washed his hands, but -- this bears repeating -- did not wipe.)

Other than that, the only actual action was the Mandatory Cliffhanger Moment at the End, when an evil plotter penetrated the White House Secret Underground Batcave Bunker -- which turned out to be every bit as difficult as checking into a Holiday Inn -- and set off a bomb that either did or did not kill President Gary Payton of Your World Champions For a Little While Longer Anyway Miami Heat. This means that as we begin tonight's episode, the acting president of the United States could be...

Anna Nicole Smith.

No, sorry, she is still deceased, as is Edgar. The acting president could be Vice President Powers Boothe. This blog sure hopes so.

Meanwhile Jack and disgraced former President Handbag are trying to locate the current Acting Evil Terrorist Mastermind Puppermaster, Gredenko, by going to talk to some other Russian mastermind puppetmaster, Markov, at the Russian consulate, where tonight, according to the previews, Jack, after an extremely passive week, will resume fighting terrorism via the time-tested technique of threatening to puncture or remove body parts.

NOTE TO WRITERS: There needs to be much more Jack in tonight's episode.

Meanwhile the Evil Terrorist Submastermind Fayed has got himself a drone, and you just know this drone will be launched with a suitnuke aboard and will drone through some tense episodes toward a vulnerable city, just like two years ago when the terrorists fired the World's Slowest Missile -- a JetBlue missile -- which took something like 17 hours to get from Iowa to Los Angeles.

There is still no sign whatsoever of the Sandra-and-Walid subplot, which more and more seems like a bad dream.

That is where we stand. I'll try to join you, but for now I leave you to your own devices.

UPDATE: This is more like it. Jack and Chloe, under the radar.

UPDATE: That is the creepiest bunker on Earth.

UPDATE: That Jack is such a scallywag, international-treatywise.

UPDATE: Powers Boothe IS the Godfather.

UPDATE: If somebody cut off my pinky, I would be pretty much lying on the floor going, "He cut off my pinky! HE CUT OFF MY PINKY!!" Which I suppose is a big reason why I am not the Russian consul.

UPDATE: Morris found a way around the algorithm and is picking up a digital shadow.

UPDATE: Nobody can wear a bluetooth phone thingie and not look stupid.

UPDATE: Things are looking up. Jack is in captivity, Powers Boothe is acting president, and the drones are set to launch. Take it, Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: And next week Mrs. Handbag is back!

Comments

[WA2CHI]

thats a great [blood] splatter resistant suit!

[WFNY]

Answer Jack or lose a finger!

[Jessica R.]

OH it was just a half a pinkie finger you little cry baby.

[Layzeeboy]

Guess he can't point to where Gredenko is

[Sooska]

drones? well it's about time they write themselves into the show..KABLOOEY!

[Razumihin]

Jack, no offense, but DUH.

[slyeyes]

What did he say? Drums? I can't understand what they are saying.

Well, that went badly.

[WoosterGirl]

Jack down! I repeat, Jack's down!

Set up a perimeter, quick!!

[Wes S.]

According to my Oxford Russian-English dictionary, the Russian word for "perimeter" is...perimeter.

Actually, "perimetr."

They also call it a "vneshnyaya granitsa," which means the same thing ("outside border").

[WizzyPigabeth]

once again, jack is caught.

dang.

[jodi-o]

Wouldn't you be leaving the country if you were a diplomat if you knew atom bombs were being sent by drones?

[glow]

Well, here's to gulag time, y'all.

[baligurl]

Couldn't agree more, elastic!

[Ann]

When are Boris and Natasha going to show up?

[danceswithvowels]

Jack meets the kablooey. That's going to make him mad.

[mm]

not smart on jack's part..

[ChuckE]

It's about 12 hours too soon for Jack to be catching another transoceanic barge, so I'm assuming there's some more mayhem in Act 5.

[HoosBert]

"Now that I've tortured the consul, they'll definitely let me just walk out of here." Way to try to walk out the front door, Jack.

[WFNY]

Remember.....contents of that McDonald's coffee cup are HOT.

[Sooska]

How about Moose and Squirrel?

[WizzyPigabeth]

once again, jack is caught.

dang.

[Wes S.]

...Anybody else want to see "300?" It looks cool as hell...

[glow]

maybe he'll eat their necks out. That was the bestest moment of the day so far.

[Ann]

jodi-o: Maybe he thought they were dropping Adam-bombs. "Look - Adam Ant!" "Over there - Adam Arkin!"

[Gretchen]

My local news just said "what's wrong with Dick Cheney now?" NOW????? Where have you people BEEN???!!!???

[danceswithvowels]

So if Jack goes to Gorky Park, will he learn Hindi?

[insomniac]

spoiler : the spartans all get killed.

[Razumihin]

Of all the people to clone, WHY the US Cellular lady? Gross!

[Jessica R.]

Oooops...Jack is being led away to a slow boat to Russia, and I am in the bot's doghouse. Apparently, I have exceeded my posting limits for this evening.

[WoosterGirl]

Acura TL. How many car ads is this?

[Layzeeboy]

Six!! Yes, I took the over!!

[Sooska]

Ann-it's nuclear bums

[Wes S.]

And Toyota Tundra makes five; "Drive" makes six car commercials.

[Gretchen]

Technically, I think he's the Consul General. That's the dude in command there.

[danceswithvowels]

Boston Market advert is hot.

[ChuckE]

"My fellow Americans...this just ain't our day."

[baligurl]

Dammit, Jack!

[Josh Ondich]

It is police state time.

[Sooska]

Jessica R - you'll have to send your IP address to TypeKey so they can get you out the Chinese gulag

[Razumihin]

So, is Logan also in "stable" condition, with that whole ranch thing? Rimshot.

[WoosterGirl]

"Suspend certain civil liberties."

Echo of the times!

[WizzyPigabeth]

the vp is trying to bore us like wayne.

ooo, morris has digital shadows.

[Steve-O]

Hmmm...I wonder what the Russian jails are like this time of year?

[danceswithvowels]

Morris has a shadow!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

The Russians don't have a shield...

[slyeyes]

They've never been able to crack the code....but he just happens to know the way around it????

[Gretchen]

Where do these Presidents find their Vice Presidents? Hawks R Us? Their campaigns must have been interesting -- like the Patty Duke Show opening. "But they're cousins, identical cousins all the same..." Weird.

[HoosBert]

apparently Morris knows Russian, too.

[Razumihin]

Been a lot of "watching other people watch TV" this season.

[Wes S.]

"Amerikanskiy agent"...Hey, Morris can read Russian, too...

Pretty well-trained for a shoe salesman, huh?

[ArcticAl]

Yah Bill! Send in the calvary! Who is the Russian agent who looks like Donald Trump?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Bill's got bawls!

[slyeyes]

Jack hasn't even been free for an entire day. He just can't catch a break can he?

[Razumihin]

"I'm not allowed to talk to you. Even though I am clearly doing so."

[Josh Ondich]

"Suspend certain civil liberties"
Lennox's dream come true

[danceswithvowels]

Yay, Buchanan! Going for the consulate! But look out, Trump's working there. He'll fire you!

[Gretchen]

Arctic Al called it. That guy TOTALLY looks like Trump!!!

[Wes S.]

Is the FSB guy guarding Jack the Russian Aaron?

[baligurl]

SNORK at ArcticAl!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

The Russians don't wear as nice bluetooth headset thingies...

[Sooska]

doesn't that guy Jack is with look like The Donald (better hair)?

[WoosterGirl]

ArcticAl, this guy's hair is better.

[Ann]

Get me Victor Petrenko!

[JacksGirl]

I've heard these phone numbers are real - someone call!

[Eponder]

*GASP* Foreign people speaking to each other in their own language!!

[Razumihin]

More like "Foreshadow" Valley.

[Josh Ondich]

"Suspend certain civil liberties"
Lennox's dream come true

[OhioNora]

The Donald, maybe, but definitely with better hair!

[WoosterGirl]

Ooooh, Sooska, simulpost on same topic!

Too bad it had to be the Donald.

[Cheesewiz]

Jack just buried the needle on the naive-0-meter.

[Gretchen]

Ok - the guy looks like the love child of Donald Trump and Oliver Platt.

[ArcticAl]

So Donald Trumpski got fired!

[Sooska]

OOPs sorry artic al - the poster took too long! you get it...

[Jessica R.]

Sooska, it's not the completely locked out problem; just the one where you type the wiggly letters.
It will clear after I sign out.

[insomniac]

channeling yacov smirnov:
"in russia bluetooth headset thingie wears you!

[glow]

Can't the Russian guy just call Bill Buchanan while he's with JACK?

[Razumihin]

That one nurse totally looked like she was about to wrap Wayne in cellophane.

[Layzeeboy]

Trump's been fired

[Ann]

Wow, that hit was exactly the way the Russians do things in spy movies...at least they're consistent.

[danceswithvowels]

The Russian agents are neat with their spent casings.

[WizzyPigabeth]

why do all those Russians have bizarre looking lips?

[slyeyes]

Trump just got fired!

And how did he know CTU's phone number?

[tw]

That's it? One pinky and one dead Russian! That's it???

[Wes S.]

...Guess Mr. Russian Agent didn't get the chance to be this season's Aaron, after all...

...And the drone subplot drones on...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oops! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shoot you, but you were talking awful loudly on your cell phone...and that's just rude.

[baligurl]

I thought the Trump look-alike looked like Checkov, from Star Trek. Just sayin'...

[tw]

There's the lions!

[WoosterGirl]

GRETCHEEEEN!

Carrrrrrne Asada!!!

[Gretchen]

My lions!!! But it's not the GOOD ad.

[danceswithvowels]

Carrrrrne, WG!

[Sooska]

Jessica R-thats what it did for me then 2 weeks ago bye bye.

Let's see now...So now we know PeeWee Herman is a bad guy and The Donald just got his toupe blown off. Is that ALL we learned? No Wait-there are DRONES...everyone in the show is a drone!

[Jessica R.]

Our news tease was about a guy who crashed his car into his in-laws' house. "The police say he did it on purpose."

[Ann]

Ramparts!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

RAMPARTS! RAMPARTS! FIRST CLEAVAGE! RAMPARTS!!!!!

[OhioNora]

Ricky and First Cleavage!!

[Wes S.]

Hey, it's Aaron and First Lady Ramparts!
And Jack escapes!

[slyeyes]

Who picked up the phone?

[WoosterGirl]

Next week: Jack takes down the entire Russian embassy with one oerimeter!

And the First Ramparts return!!

[glow]

OMG! Madame cannisters with her sekret lover next week! OMG!

[Gretchen]

Ricky Schroeder, First Lady Ramparts and Aaron! Next Monday is definitely must-see TV.