24

Last week the Wooden Dialog Generator pretty much took over, to the extent that at times the chacters were emitting fully mature sequoias from their mouths. The lone highlight was when Chloe barged into the CTU men's room -- which was not secure -- and routed Morris from the toilet. (He washed his hands, but -- this bears repeating -- did not wipe.)

Other than that, the only actual action was the Mandatory Cliffhanger Moment at the End, when an evil plotter penetrated the White House Secret Underground Batcave Bunker -- which turned out to be every bit as difficult as checking into a Holiday Inn -- and set off a bomb that either did or did not kill President Gary Payton of Your World Champions For a Little While Longer Anyway Miami Heat. This means that as we begin tonight's episode, the acting president of the United States could be...

Anna Nicole Smith.

No, sorry, she is still deceased, as is Edgar. The acting president could be Vice President Powers Boothe. This blog sure hopes so.

Meanwhile Jack and disgraced former President Handbag are trying to locate the current Acting Evil Terrorist Mastermind Puppermaster, Gredenko, by going to talk to some other Russian mastermind puppetmaster, Markov, at the Russian consulate, where tonight, according to the previews, Jack, after an extremely passive week, will resume fighting terrorism via the time-tested technique of threatening to puncture or remove body parts.

NOTE TO WRITERS: There needs to be much more Jack in tonight's episode.

Meanwhile the Evil Terrorist Submastermind Fayed has got himself a drone, and you just know this drone will be launched with a suitnuke aboard and will drone through some tense episodes toward a vulnerable city, just like two years ago when the terrorists fired the World's Slowest Missile -- a JetBlue missile -- which took something like 17 hours to get from Iowa to Los Angeles.

There is still no sign whatsoever of the Sandra-and-Walid subplot, which more and more seems like a bad dream.

That is where we stand. I'll try to join you, but for now I leave you to your own devices.

UPDATE: This is more like it. Jack and Chloe, under the radar.

UPDATE: That is the creepiest bunker on Earth.

UPDATE: That Jack is such a scallywag, international-treatywise.

UPDATE: Powers Boothe IS the Godfather.

UPDATE: If somebody cut off my pinky, I would be pretty much lying on the floor going, "He cut off my pinky! HE CUT OFF MY PINKY!!" Which I suppose is a big reason why I am not the Russian consul.

UPDATE: Morris found a way around the algorithm and is picking up a digital shadow.

UPDATE: Nobody can wear a bluetooth phone thingie and not look stupid.

UPDATE: Things are looking up. Jack is in captivity, Powers Boothe is acting president, and the drones are set to launch. Take it, Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: And next week Mrs. Handbag is back!

Comments

[baligurl]

Seriously, here in OK, we're 5 minutes behind everyone else on this blog!

[Razumihin]

Wouldn't the police be suspicious of her writing in big red letters "Jim dies!!!" all over her calendar?

[danceswithvowels]

Premonition. I have one. Something is gonna happen next. Pleeeeeeeeease.

[Renee (the First)]

And a cordial pfui to you, Gretchen! ;-)

[tw]

Ford (#1 of ??)

[slyeyes]

OK, having to feed the bot once per comment is bad enough, but now I'm having to do it two or three times before I can convince it I AM HUMAN!!!!

[Wes S.]

Official Car Commercial Count is now one.

...And that commercial sure doesn't make me want to run out and buy an Ford Edge...

[danceswithvowels]

fax.com/pause -- No kidding.

[Sooska]

Has the Wooden Dialogue Generator added the Raised Eyebrow of Obvious Foreshadowing or the Sideways Glance of Inclusive Insider Knowledge?

[Paul]

2 car ads...for those keeping score

[Ann]

sly, seems to me the bot would be a better measure of security than what they've been using at CTU lately...

[WoosterGirl]

Wow, judging by the fate of blondes on this show, the veep's asst. Teresa should be dead in 5 minutes.

[ArcticAl]

Double cross coming up by President hand bag!

[Renee (the First)]

Why am I the only one who never gets stopped by the bot? (Probably just jinxed myself. Knock on wood, cross fingers, spit three times and throw salt over shoulder.)

I should bottle my secret and sell it. Whatever it is.

[Gretchen]

There she is! Kari Matchett works for the Veep. Bet she gets to be a love interest!!

[Ann]

"Active Leads" would be a good name for a band.

[Razumihin]

"As soon as this plays out, I want him back on that ranch knocking back mai tais, dangit!"

[Flounder]

Nothing good ever comes of Jack being in a foreign consulate.

[baligurl]

Wow, Chloe was brilliant to go brunette this season!

[danceswithvowels]

Handbag's trying to help. He's throwing himself on bad dialogue grenades.

[Wes S.]

The spambot acts like something Nina Myers would have come up with...It's THAT evil.

...I just had to criticize it...now I have to resubmit this post. Dammit.

[Unrealious]

Foolish, Jack, foolish.

[Layzeeboy]

How many times do you think "Stage direction: Stare at each other" appears in the script?

[slyeyes]

What did that mean, the hand over the watch maneuver?

[Jeff]

The Vice President doesn't know who Jack Bauer is?? Didn't Wayne ever tell him the night he almost got killed?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

It's Jack's Finger Cutter!

[Razumihin]

Cigar cutter FORESHADOWING

[ArcticAl]

Why do they keep putting the camera so that President Handbag's head is in the way?

[JacksGirl]

ooh ooh cigar cutter

digit lopping coming up soon

[Sooska]

And now Handbag is wearing a brown suit. That is so not cool or patriotic.

[Gretchen]

I think President Handbag is sending signals through odd hand gestures and head movements. What do others think?

[Jessica R.]

I tuned in two minutes ago, and I am asleep already!

[WoosterGirl]

Handbag just mentioned the Boring Canisters of Doom.

*yawn*

[Layzeeboy]

Was that my horizontal hold going screwy on my TV??

[ArcticAl]

So handbag was the good cop. Now its time for the bad cop - Jack!

[HoosBert]

Oooooh... the Russian consulate guy is Creepy-Steward-of-Gondor Denethor.

[monkey]

handbag is toast

[Razumihin]

This guy looks like the Russian Bilbo Baggins.

[slyeyes]

Did they get kindergardners to do the camera work?

[tw]

The Russian counsul looks like he just smelled a skunk (or did Handbag do something?).

[Sioux City]

Does "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire" know "24" stole its soundtrack?

[Unrealious]

now give me asylum

[JacksGirl]

The WDG is working overtime.

[WoosterGirl]

My 13 y.o. Spawn just said that the Russian Consulate baddie was a lead baddie in Lord of the Rings.

[jodi-o]

Could president handbag have an ulterior motive? Could he be extra bad this year? He does have a beard and in Fox's world-view that is usually a sign of a bad guy.

[danceswithvowels]

He said "cut off."

[baligurl]

The cigar cutter thing was in Mission Impossible 2...no wonder we're all nervous! If it had been in MI 3, no one would ever have seen it!

[Gretchen]

That suit makes Jack look REALLY fat.

[Josh Ondich]

Former Prez Charles Logan finally grew balls and stood up to the Russian Ambassador.

[Razumihin]

No, HoosBert's right. Denethor.

Cool. Maybe he'll burst into flames and jump off something tall.

[Ann]

*snork* at baligurl

[ArcticAl]

Does Jack never learn?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

President Handbag, Human Lie Detector.

[WoosterGirl]

Oh, for the love of Mike. Enough expository crapola!

Violence! Please! Violence!

[glow]

If I were the ambassador for any country, I would be GLAD to be recalled right now, what with three or four nukular bombs about to go off any time.

[Unrealious]

Finger snapin' time

[Razumihin]

Gredenko is Boris the Blade, though.

[slyeyes]

One liar knows when another liar is lying.

[Sooska]

The DWP server.. Under the radar..OH Jack I love it when you talk dirty!

[jodi-o]

See-Gredenko is bad, he has a beard, ergo president handbang is ....

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Aww, c'mon. Jack's an expert at these types of things.

[Ann]

I love Chloe. There's no "You need me to what the WHO?" or "There's no WAY I can do that!" Just..."OK, for how long?"

[tw]

Dodge (#2 of ??)

[Eponder]

Jack and Chloe are doing it under the radar again!!

[KOW]

No one creates an international incident quite like Jack.

[Gretchen]

I'm not taking tactical advice from a guy who looked like Grizzly Adams when I found thim. Did I just date myself?

And WHERE are my lions????

[Jazzzz]

the computer monitor clashes with the decor

[danceswithvowels]

Dodge Avenger wants to be Smork On The Water.

[Wes S.]

Car commercial number three...The new Dodge Avenger isn't nearly as good looking as the original, IMHO.

[WoosterGirl]

Oooo! New House!

[Razumihin]

Maybe "House" will feature some explosions . . .

[WoosterGirl]

Just for Gretchen:

Carrrrrrne Asada.

[Layzeeboy]

Toyota makes 4

[Wes S.]

...Aaaaand car commercial number four. Bleh.

[Sooska]

so Tundra truck owners all have mustaches like walruses?

[Gretchen]

Thanks, WoosterGirl, I needed that!

[Razumihin]

Don't tell Morris; I just saw a commercial for a hardware store . . .

[danceswithvowels]

Valencia remains nuked at this hour.

[Ann]

CTU uses Sprint phones? How on earth do they get any reception?

[slyeyes]

Toyota? We're having a Cas!no Queen commercial.

[JacksGirl]

Ah, they finally bring back the nuclear blast.

[Wes S.]

Karen's at the airport waiting for her plane...and didn't they shut down commercial air traffic right after the Valencia nuking???

[Layzeeboy]

She must be on JetBlue

[ArcticAl]

So Karen didn't fly back to LA but has been sitting around in the departure lounge with the rest of us smucks.

[Flounder]

She can withdraw her resignation. How convenient.

[tw]

You can withdraw a resignation in the government?

[baligurl]

Sooska, my MIL is one, and yeah.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

White House/bunker...what's the difference?

[danceswithvowels]

This is getting serious. Work up a distribution list.

[Razumihin]

Shouldn't Shawshank Warden be hosing him down, delousing him, and handing him a Bible right about now?

[WoosterGirl]

Dead blonde alert! Dead blonde alert!

Which WBAGNFARB.

[Ann]

*snork* @ baligurl again!

[Jessica R.]

Welcome back, Dave! Good to see ya'. All my youngin's and hubby too are tucked in for the evening.

[Razumihin]

"No, you don't understand! I was being a weasel for GOOD purposes, this time!"

[baligurl]

Ann...her name is...Ann...

[WizzyPigabeth]

I SO can not believe that they said that nonsense "We're not murderers" crap again.

I am proud of Weenie, temporarily though.

I still hope he dies, or at least, loses his voice.

The VP seems promising though.

[jodi-o]

Have we been able to drink at ALL tonight. WDG is not working to capacity. Is Tom toast??

[Sooska]

baligirl I guess they do market research for a reason..does The Stash watch 24? and so Veep Jim Jones is a Kool Aid drinker re the Muslims?

[ArcticAl]

So the VP is trying to find out how much Lennox knows! He's involved.

[ChuckE]

"Ferret out"...a fitting job for a human ferret.