24

Last week the Wooden Dialog Generator pretty much took over, to the extent that at times the chacters were emitting fully mature sequoias from their mouths. The lone highlight was when Chloe barged into the CTU men's room -- which was not secure -- and routed Morris from the toilet. (He washed his hands, but -- this bears repeating -- did not wipe.)

Other than that, the only actual action was the Mandatory Cliffhanger Moment at the End, when an evil plotter penetrated the White House Secret Underground Batcave Bunker -- which turned out to be every bit as difficult as checking into a Holiday Inn -- and set off a bomb that either did or did not kill President Gary Payton of Your World Champions For a Little While Longer Anyway Miami Heat. This means that as we begin tonight's episode, the acting president of the United States could be...

Anna Nicole Smith.

No, sorry, she is still deceased, as is Edgar. The acting president could be Vice President Powers Boothe. This blog sure hopes so.

Meanwhile Jack and disgraced former President Handbag are trying to locate the current Acting Evil Terrorist Mastermind Puppermaster, Gredenko, by going to talk to some other Russian mastermind puppetmaster, Markov, at the Russian consulate, where tonight, according to the previews, Jack, after an extremely passive week, will resume fighting terrorism via the time-tested technique of threatening to puncture or remove body parts.

NOTE TO WRITERS: There needs to be much more Jack in tonight's episode.

Meanwhile the Evil Terrorist Submastermind Fayed has got himself a drone, and you just know this drone will be launched with a suitnuke aboard and will drone through some tense episodes toward a vulnerable city, just like two years ago when the terrorists fired the World's Slowest Missile -- a JetBlue missile -- which took something like 17 hours to get from Iowa to Los Angeles.

There is still no sign whatsoever of the Sandra-and-Walid subplot, which more and more seems like a bad dream.

That is where we stand. I'll try to join you, but for now I leave you to your own devices.

UPDATE: This is more like it. Jack and Chloe, under the radar.

UPDATE: That is the creepiest bunker on Earth.

UPDATE: That Jack is such a scallywag, international-treatywise.

UPDATE: Powers Boothe IS the Godfather.

UPDATE: If somebody cut off my pinky, I would be pretty much lying on the floor going, "He cut off my pinky! HE CUT OFF MY PINKY!!" Which I suppose is a big reason why I am not the Russian consul.

UPDATE: Morris found a way around the algorithm and is picking up a digital shadow.

UPDATE: Nobody can wear a bluetooth phone thingie and not look stupid.

UPDATE: Things are looking up. Jack is in captivity, Powers Boothe is acting president, and the drones are set to launch. Take it, Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: And next week Mrs. Handbag is back!

Comments

[WoosterGirl]

FIRST!

[WoosterGirl]

OK, that's done.

Now to read what Dave wrote.

[Noob]

I don't watch the show (who needs to when you have the Blog), but I have to wonder if at the end of the entire series (not just this season), Jack will wake up and learn that it has all been a dream. A la Dallas. Considering how it's going, not a bad save, IMHO!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Noob - I keep hoping I'll wake up and find out '24' was just a dream.

[Dr Alice]

Oh, Dave, doesn't even the Handbag deserve better than a Manilow link? That's too cruel!

[Ford79]

Ten things I’ve learned from 24 this season
(a.k.a. random neural firings)

1. If you have a power tool wound to your shoulder, being pulled off the toilet is good therapy.
2. If the above occurs, don't forget to flush.
3. Brothers suck. (I never learned this one on my own, although my sisters sure did.)
4. You can never have too many nuclear bomb programmers. Or TAC teams.
5. You can get from any point in L.A. to any other point in zero time if your father invented warp drive.
6. You can drink as much single-malt whiskey as you want as long as you don't metabolize.
7. Always use solid explosives for assassinations.
8. Don’t leave your truth serum lying around where just anyone can find it.
9. If you eat a terrorist for breakfast, you will barf before lunch. (Thanks to The Amazing Steve for the image.)
10. Some blondes really are too stupid to live. ("Tell you what, forget the 7 mil; I think I'll just be on my way.")

[FunKneeBone06]

I'll be back later to read the comments if this episode doesn't put me to sleep....

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Spambot...I put a hex on you....Spambot...I put a hex on you! SPAMBOT! I PUT A HEX ON YOU!

There, that should do it. We should all be safe now. I think.

[tw]

With all due respect, Dave, I think the highlight of last week's show was that Victoria's Secret created a revolutionary bra.

As for this week, I'm setting the Over/Under for automotive ads at 5.

[Sooska]

This is a bot test now that I have gotten TypePad to unblock my IP address, thanks to Judi and some Help desk guy named Dave?! I thought Batcave was two words: Bat Cave, and President Handbag-did we ever clarify if he was a Prada, Gucci, Coach, or a knock off such as a Dick's Sporting Goods shopping bag?

[Wes S.]

"Over-under for automotive ads at 5" Would that include previews of that Dodge Hemi Charger commercial otherwise known as "Drive?"

...Audience disbelief suspension system lubed, serviced and ready. Let's hope we have some actual ACTION this week to try it out on...and no spambot to get into the way.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Let's hope there a few less perimeters and a few more explosions tonight...

Summary after the show..... See you afterwards!

[WoosterGirl]

I'm watching the tail end of "Prison Break."

Isn't that blonde also on "Brothers and Sisters" on a rival network?

[WoosterGirl]

Yep. It's her. Sorry for the distraction. As you were.

[Layzeeboy]

I'm all aflutter while waiting for 24. A lady on Deal or No Deal is going for 750,000

[elastic]

i don't know anything about prison break because i don't watch it, but i do know that it had better end soon...i'm having serious Jack withdrawal since i hardly got to see him at all last week.

bring on the jack!

[Ann]

Welcome back, Mom! Handbag's absolutely a knockoff of a brand from 1972 (*cough*).

[slyeyes]

*snork*

[elastic]

in commercial land, it looks like Victoria's Secret has indeed recreated the bra again...what could have possibly changed from last week?

[Layzeeboy]

OMG she took the deal at 402,000 and had 400 in her case. YES!!!

[Sooska]

Thank you Ann for that welcome note. Do you mean Richard Milhouse Nixon?

[Gretchen]

I was horribly sick last week and had to sleep through 24, but I'm back tonight with my bloglit friends *waves wildly*. Yay. And.... carrrrrrrrne asada.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

KILL THE SPAMBOT!
KILL THE SPAMBOT!
KILL THE SPAMBOT!
KILL THE SPAMB...oops, wrong show.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ (I miss you!) and ChloeSack™ (She has a pair of 'em!)

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "extra super-sized special" intro to "24" is dedicated (again again) to blogit "Suzy Q", even though she blurks now during "24", despite me having hexed the SpamBot.

[Jazzzz]

pre-emptive *snorks*

[JacksGirl]

Oh boy oh boy

[WoosterGirl]

THG, you're ON!

[slyeyes]

My discretions has just been advised. Of what, I don't know.

[Wes S.]

I hope they actually need the "viewer discretion is advised" this week...

[jodi-o]

That 'viewer discretion is advised' sounded particularly evil tonight, maybe action is in the picture.

[Layzeeboy]

Did Jack say he has a "league"?

[Razumihin]

If Logan's beard gets any longer, he'll be a shopping mall Santa.

[JacksGirl]

"I don't trust you" - should that be a new drinking cue?

[Sooska]

Did he say nukes "loose" in our country?

[WoosterGirl]

The president says "nuclear."

Dang liberal!

[slyeyes]

Was Gredenko's phone shaped like a gun?

[WoosterGirl]

JacksGirl - either that, or "trust me."

[JacksGirl]

Maybe the "viewer discretion is advised" is to warn us about being bored?

[Sooska]

President Brother acts dead better than alive.

[Gretchen]

There's a guy on the show named James Morrison? That's a curse!

[danceswithvowels]

President GoodHands' brother has on a blue shirt! With blood on it.

[WoosterGirl]

JacksGirl - either that, or "trust me."

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Know what his role is...he knows he's a handbag?

[Razumihin]

Something very wrong about ex-president evil doer still wearing flag pin . . .

[Wes S.]

It only took about three minutes of episode time to get President Allstate Junior stabilized and transported to the hospital. Jack obviously isn't the only one with access to "Daddy's" warp drive system...

[WoosterGirl]

Stoopid bot.

[Layzeeboy]

Glad to see Jack's wearing his iPod.

[JacksGirl]

Thanks, WoosterGirl! *hic*

[Beppie]

I feel the need to announce, I am metabolizing!

[slyeyes]

Do actors get paid at the same rate when their character is in a coma?

[danceswithvowels]

Oooh, dramatic convoy! Now with more Wooden Dialogue!

[WoosterGirl]

Jack looks pudgy this ep.

[Ann]

How come Logan looks worse than Jack when Jack's the one who's just been tortured for 2 straight years? I'm sure Logan's Martha Stewart-esque "house arrest" has been real tough on him (note: SARCASM), but still....

[elastic]

Bill-"the secret service thinks it was a Sharpie bomb"

[Razumihin]

Oh shove it, Logan. You were "locked in" on a spacious ranch with horses.

[JacksGirl]

Wait, who's dead? Please say it wasn't Hot Assad...

[Noob]

LOL sly @ 9:04

[Gretchen]

I know Kari Matchett - she's Timothy Hutton's girlfriend (or at least she was on Nero Wolfe with him). When did President Handbag turn into an existential hippy?

[Beppie]

And Jack *always* has time for a good shave.

[WoosterGirl]

JG, yes, it's Hot Assad.

No more eye candy.

[Renee (the First)]

Welcome back, Gretchen!

[Layzeeboy]

Telebriefed? Does that mean his briefs are expanding?

[Ann]

I miss Secretary Devane.

[Razumihin]

Ack! Shawshank Redemption warden!

[WoosterGirl]

Ooh, veep Powers Boothe is now running the syndicate.

I like him. He reminds me of Marwan.

[Beppie]

Oh, he'll get the briefing all right. The FULL briefing

[danceswithvowels]

Can Lennox do a full security briefing through duct tape?

[Wes S.]

Reed seems ready to fold up like a wet sheet...

[JacksGirl]

Okay...I like the guy talking to Chad Lowe...

"You work for the guy...and you don't know where he is?!"

[WoosterGirl]

Layzeeboy, *snork*

[Gretchen]

We have a black president and all of his staff is white? The guy deserves to die. And these are REALLY white guys. Lennox, Reid. None of them are even Jewish.

[Beppie]

Running like a little girl there, Mr. Lowe...

[Razumihin]

The weasely guy no one likes is missing. Crisis!

[elastic]

Shawshank Warden says- "Sweep the bunker, find Lennox...don't forget to check behind the poster of the hot chick for crying out loud. i've been fooled by that once before already"

[Flounder]

Didn't they say all of this last week? This may actually be a clip from last week spliced into this week's episode?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

There's such a fine line between assassination and murder...almost sounds like Miami politics!

[JacksGirl]

Thanks again, WoosterGirl

[WoosterGirl]

Is "longing" the opposite of "briefing"?

[Gretchen]

Hi, Renee! (the first) Thanks! *raises cocktail in a toast*

[slyeyes]

You'll have to kill me, too.

How STOOOOPID are you!?!?!?

[Beppie]

I'm sorry, but only Jack can be reasoned with. Only if he is in the mood.

[danceswithvowels]

We're not murderers. (Except for the unfortunate dialogue.)

[Renee (the First)]

Archie Goodwin's series of girlfriends is on?? I may just have to turn this show on!

[Ann]

C'mon, Lennox, you know the penalty for naivete is death!!

[Razumihin]

"Shouldn't we kill the guy who knows about the conspiracy?"

"Nah. I'm sure he'll keep quiet."

[slyeyes]

i'm getting sleepy.....very very sleepy..........

[baligurl]

Geez, why are we 5 minutes behind the rest of the world?? I'd get 5 years, but minutes???

[WoosterGirl]

"A guilty conscience is a fair price to pay for the survival of this country"????

Who the hey writes this shite?

[JacksGirl]

do you think stuff like this goes on in the actual White House?

[Flounder]

Go weasel!!!

[Razumihin]

"What exactly were you three doing in the boiler room?"

".....nothing...."

[Gretchen]

Whoa - dude! He grew some. (And I'm glad to see another Nero Wolfe fan in the group!!)

[Sooska]

OOO Weasel the Biscuit is a Snitch! and a Golden one at that!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hmm...he's no weenie...I think...I'm patient, tho, so I think he'll still turn out to be a weenie...

[danceswithvowels]

Lennox found a pair in the bunker!

[Ann]

Oooh, Weaseling for Good!!

[Layzeeboy]

Ballsy move there, Lennox

[glow]

Wow, these are the stupeedest assassins ever written.

[CJrun]

Don't arrest them!!! Shoot them in the thighs!!!

[Wes S.]

Sigh. Looks like the Wooden Dialogue Generator is running full throttle tonight...

[slyeyes]

Lennox manned up!!

Who knew?!!?