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February 15, 2007


The mood here at Miami International Airport Substitute is getting very, very ugly. People have gathered around the very few employees of the airline (code name "US Snairways") and are making angry statements about the fact that nobody seems to have a plan. The pilot of the broken plane is saying "You SHOULD complain! I WANT you to complain! Maybe then things will improve!"

But I don't think they will improve today.

UPDATE: OK, I am theoretically on a new flight. We shall see. But what I don't get is why, when there's a problem like this, they don't tell us what's going on. Like, you know, get on the p.a. system and tell us where we should line up, what flights are available, stuff like that. Because the way it works now is, we all stand like cattle in these reeeeeeeeeeeallllly long lines, wondering what's happening, and the airline person at the counter has to re-explain everything to everybody, and meanwhile tensions mount and tempers flare and rumors go up and down the lines. ("I hear there's a flight at gate H-12!" "A flight to where?" "I don't know, but I hear it has seats available!" "Should we go there?" "Maybe you should go there and I'll stay in this line." "Moo." "Mooooooooooo." etc.)


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Should we mail them some plastic baggies?


I suggest you turn around and go home.

You can complain or you can sacrifice a chicken. Both are equally ineffective when dealing with airlines. I suggest drinking heavily.

There's yer problem. US Snair is still running its planes on DOS 3.3. And the autopilot on its planes is a blow-up doll, with the air valve located in a very ... inconvenient... place.

Count your blessings that you aren't sitting on the plane still! If I were stuck sitting on a plane for 9 hours....OY!

*SNORK* at DPC for the Airplane! reference....

Dave, with all things considered...it could be much worse. You could be stuck for hours on a runway like people in NY yesterday.

BTW, I think I had the same pilot that you did...and likely the same airplane...'cos I've heard that same reboot the plane sequence before on USeless Airways...

Okay "reboot the plane" does not inspire confidence in flying for me.

Dave, do you have any influential friends in Congress who are familiar with Miami and who might be able to help you out here?

atleast you arent on the plane for 8 hours with no food or heat

With virtually no heinzin' ... some of y'all might have a vague (tho passing) interest in my "flight-delay adventures" in Denver yesterday ... posted on ... um ... some other thread ... I fergit which ...

Whut else is new?

(Mine ended with a "mere" eight hours in Denver, one plane switch and rerouting to three different departure gates ... and a 17-hour day ...)

I find it hard to be sympathetic at the moment. Currently the temperature at my house is 44 degrees - on the INSIDE. BG&E has apparently decided to respond to a huge power outtage by sending all their workers on vacation. I drove around for a while and couldn;t find any trucks.

So enjoy your nice, heated airport line.

Go home Dave! Right now§ Walk if you have to -- sounds like you'd get home faster walking than you will to wherever it is you were trying to fly to.

And more bon courage.

Between broken planes, security checks, and ziplock backs, I think it's a good idea that I never, never, never, never ever fly again, no matter how many tranks I can get my hands on.

*sends Dave a case of Cheez-Its® & beer*

Dave, if you're in the mood for a little revenge go to baggage claim and start crying loudly 'but Fluffy was alive when we left!'

*shoots AmerInParis with an elephant tranquilizer dart*

*what the hell, shoots Dave too*

So where is Dave headed? My vote goes to:
A visit to his Tancredo Pumping Station.

Have they never heard of duct tape? That's probably all the plane needs....

Tancredo Lift Station

*adds bubblegum and paperclips to airplane repair kit*

This is your pilot ... speaking.....

AmerinParie (and Dave, for that matter) - this is what Xanax was made for.

Amer - on a serious note: American Airlines used to have a Fearless Flyer program that was designed to help those of us who really hate to fly. It didn't cure me completely (hence the Xanax), but after I took the course I stopped trying to hold the plane up by gripping the armrests throughout the entire flight. If they still offer it, I highly recommend it.

Dave's standing in line? I would have thought that a powerful member of the media such as he would have been whisked to the airlines private club.

It does not matter if you are booked on a new flight. Your luggage will still be going to Abu Dhabi. Without you. Unless your destination actually IS Abu Dhabi. In that case, your luggage is headed for Denver.

They're just getting their ducks in a row so that they have an excuse when they explain why your luggage is in Kuala Lumpur while you were on a domestic flight.

Yes fivver.

Dave, don't they know who you are? You should always carry one of your books that has your photo on the back and then you could just point to it and then to your face and not say a word, and I'm sure the Red Sea (or it's airport equivalent) would part for you! :)

*very pleased with herself for having such a helpful hint*

*snork* @ fivver.

That's just cold. But then, so's Fluffy. (And Bill. Sorry, Bill.)

I was flying out of National Airport in D.C. last week on a similarly named airline. The plane we were supposed to get on was late coming in, and once it landed it was swarmed by police and paramedics.

After an even longer delay the passengers staggered off, followed by an obviously suffering woman who was then propped up in a wheelchair right next to the jet way door with paramedics hooking up IVs. Then the ever thoughtful gate agent – STANDING NEXT TO THE WOMAN – gets on the PA system and announces to the crowd of several hundred that a passenger had experienced some distress during the flight and it would take the maintenance crews a while to clean the plane.

When they finally wheeled the poor lady off she had to cover her face with a blanket to hide her embarrassment.

But at least the plane smelled nice when we finally got aboard.

Moral of the story: Wait to barf until you are in range of the gate agent.

Dave, have you set up a perimeter yet? Then you can get a visual on the plane!

I resemble this discussion.

Advice for Dave:

Deep breaths, think of all of the other people who are inconvenienced, and ask yourself "WWJBD?"*

This poster takes no responsibility for any thigh-injuries that result from taking this advice.

(What Would Jack Bauer Do?)

Slowlayne - or, barf ON the gate agent, if possible.

I've actually been in lines where people start mooing, and it spreads like wildfire through the entire queue. Hillarious! (And not just because I started it.)

Dave, tell the pilot to install Mac OSX Jaguar...and then you will be right as rain.

dont forget the Tancredo (virus) protection

Chaz, the problem with that is that then, when they need to work on the engines, the cowlings will be locked shut. With a cute little frowny face on them.

Mac OSes make me want to throw things. (Like the Mac, for starters.)

Still stuck here in California. Younited claims they can't get me into the Scranton International Airport, Hair Care & Tire Center until tomorrow. (Apologies to Ron White). Two trips to the San Jose airport and re-checking into the hotel twice. And the worst part is that its 70 degrees here and 7 at home with two feet of snow. Wait a minute...that's not the worst part.

Of course, Every OS Sucks.

fivver -- when I found myself standing in line to board a plane with all of the members of the RBRs except Dave (who told me the night before that he was flying to L.A. on another airline), I had a similar thought: OK, Dave's scoring some celebrity treatment. Or maybe trying to use up some flier miles.

(In L.A., the non-Dave RBRs had to wait for Ted to pick them up. I like to think Dave was whisked from LAX to Craig Ferguson's studio in a stretch Hummer.)

*wakes up*
Did someone say "Airplane!"??????

Dave, I work, um, somewhere. Your pilot, Victor can't get a vector and your co-pilot Clarence can't get clearance. Victor is on line 5 with Hamm and has the Mayo on hold. When he gets off we'll ask him to clean off the windshield since something happened to the guy who was doing it.

Hope you are fending off the flower people!

And if you get an inflight meal, DONT EAT THE FISH!

qsman - The windshield? What is it?

It's a large plate of glass in the front, but that's not important right now

qsman - do you speak Jive?

I will be very disturbed on Dave's behalf if their computer is named HAL.

Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.

Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

DPC - what can you make out of this??

For some reason, this reminds me of Sandra Boyton's song from her great kids' CD, Philadelphia Chickens:

Cows, we're remarkable cows.
And where ever we go, it's a fabulous show,
Oh, you know we are cows.
That's right, we're cows.....

well the reason the plane needs to be rebooted is, ofcourse, it windows....

Okay, I had to take a plane to Nashville last week for the Pumper Show, where one finds portable toilets and other sewer-related products for as far as the eye could see.

Just my luck, there were no flight delays whatsoever.

I think the pilot probably encountered the blogbot when he tried to fire up the turbothrusters and couldn't see the stoopid secret code.

OK, boys, let's take some pictures.

I always mooooooo when we're stuck in a huge crowd and no one knows where the hell they're going...

This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl...

*puts it on my head*

*Slow-waves to Slowlayne*

A traveler who'd hurled on the Airways
Found out just how brutal were their ways
An agent sans brain
She could barely restrain
From tossing the clown down the stairways

I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue.

Hmmm someone's seen "Airplane" WAAAAAY too many times.

"Surely, there must be something you can do."

"Don't call me Shirley."

Don't call me Shirley.

You can never see "Airplane" too many times, and please don't call me Shirley.

Holy psychic simul, DPC!

(for a minute I was about the curse the bot, thinking it had caused my post to multiplicate or something)

How am I the only one to reference this new act of Squirrel Terrorism?


For NT, DPC, and BVK:


Where did it happen?

Over Macho Grande...

I will never be over Macho Grande

Baron, I agree ;-)

Still one of my favs ..right up there with Young Frankenstein & Blazing Saddles.

Siouxie, do you like movies about gladiators?

I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it?

Of the three movies, my favorite line has to be from Blazing Saddles:

As chairman of the welcoming committee, it's a pleasure to present a Laurel and Hardy handshake to our new..... ni##*r.

Politically incorrect, true, but laugh out loud funny.

Baron, I DO!
Joey? ever seen a grown man nekkid?

LOL I love all three!

There is no such thing Siouxie. In fact I think I will watch it tonight after playing Lost Planet and before CSI.

"Pardon me, While I whip this out."
(Woman screams and Faints)

CH ... that's a GREAT video (OS SUX) ... except for the visual quality, of course, but I'm willin' to forgive that ...

Have y'all tried Xanax™ fer that major case of OS envy you've got? (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's a JOKE! Relax. Deep Breathely ...)

I say hey sky, s'other say I won say I pray to J I get
the same ol' same ol.



No, thanks. Twelve is my limit on schnitzengruben.

Oh, baby, you're so talented... and they are so dumb.

I'm suprised no one has been introduced to each other:

Siouxie, meet fivver, fivver this is Siouxe, DPC,DPC this is Siouxie,fivver, and this is Nurse Tammy, Nurse tammy, Siouxie, DPC, fivver, Dave, meet Siouxie, DPC, fivver, Nurse Tammy

*handshaking all around*

Traveling on a bus with a bunch of creepy nasty rednecks actually seems sensible right now.

Mongo only pawn... in game of life.

And faster.

Wait. Where are you going? I was going to make Espresso.

What a nithe guy!

Hello, boys .... I missed you!!

vuud you guys like some varm milk?

some Ovaltine?

A riot is an ungly thing... undt, I tink, that it is chust about time ve had vun.

Frau Blucher *horses neigh*

I was on a plane trying to take off from Minneapolis to Memphis when a lightening storm hit. We sat on the tarmac for 1-1/2 hours. Luckily it was a large plane and was not a full flight, so we commandeered seats and took naps.
When we got to Memphis our connecting flight to Pensacola had left. My friend, who is a minister, talked nicely to the ticketing people and got us on a flight and scored vouchers for food and drinks while waiting for the flight. The guy in front of us just yelled at them and got nothing but a flight out the next day.
So we board the flight and half way to Pensacola they announce something is wrong with the plane and we have to turn around. I guess Pensacola did not have parts, but since we were the same distance from each airport, why not just keep going?
end of rant (I think).

Tafetta, darling!

What Knockers!

Oooooh. Szank you, Doktor.

*singing* Oh, mystery of life, at last I've found you

- Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?
- Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.

We've got to protect our phony-baloney jobs, Gentlemen. We must do something about this immediately!


Yes no no no no no no YES

No! That's just what they're expecing us to do.....

We need a Miracle.

Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
And you won't be angry?
I will NOT be angry.
Abby someone.
Abby someone. Abby who?
Abby Normal.
Abby Normal?
I'm almost sure that was the name.
Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
[shakes and grabs him]

*SNORKS* to all!

Putting on the Ritz!

Gotta go now, all. (My car is parked in the white zone). Layta!

insert link here ---> http://www.gocomics.com/citizendog/1998/11/26/

"I didn't get a harrumph out of this guy!"


"You better watch your ass."

Whut in the Wide World 'a' Sports is a-goin' on here?

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