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February 26, 2007

THE BLOG HAS LEARNED 16 THINGS IN 50 YEARS

We are excited to learn that this is partly true!

(Thanks to many people, but first, Drew Harchick)

ADDENDUM: The s.b. is hoping the final sentence will be deleted; afawk, no one has permission to post that.

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I love Snopes.

Dave wrote a book?!

Snopes is the arbiter of all that is.

3, 10, and 12 I seem to remember from columns. Some of the others I'm not so sure.

Even if it\\\'s partly true...my favorite is #16. Just cuz I love wine and well...I can stomp.

that was not written by dave, tho, siouxie ;)

Yea, I couldn't see The Dave saying gossip was distructive!

POWER yes! Distructive NO!

... hey! Ya hear about ...

Sioux - I love #13, cuz it's the reason I found the blog. :)

And #8 hits pretty close to home too. :(

But 13>8 = The Blog! (and wacky math) 8-b

hmmm judi? did you or Mrs. Blog write it?? lol

I like the \\\"Friends love you anyways\\\". Kinda like a favorite of mine...\\\"A true friend will help you hide the body\\\".

"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

That is one of my favorite Dave quotes. You can tell a lot about a person about how they treat people that can't benefit them in any way.

Oh, dead give away that it wasn't true.

We all know there isn't any #3!

... well, ok, maybe in this instance.

i'm always nice to waiters or waitresses, but that definitely benefits me. i mean, if you're not nice to the waiter or waitress, you never know.....

judi, I agree. I\'m even apologetic if I have to send something BACK. I\'m afraid of what they\'d do.

*shudders*

FIRST clue - Dave NEVER has a three.

judi used to be a waiter .... err! NO! waitress!

yea, that's it!

Kibby, we aren't allowed to use waiter and waitress anymore. Those words are sexist. The gender-neutral, PC term is "server." Management at some restaurants is instructed very clearly on this. I assume because of occasional ambiguity (NTTAWWT) and lawsuits.

Servers and Severesses?

*gets confused*

SEXEST!? lawsuits?

'occasional ambiguity'?

*feels he/she/it should disconnect brain because thinking is no longer required*

Resistance is futile....

...Matt

Well this huperson will not tolerate being called anything but a woperson, that is for sure.

Do we call that little thing that makes a young woperson a virgin the hyperson? Just asking.

Mebbe Dave started out with 25 but can only remember 16 now. Bein' over 50 and all.

*turns 50 this June*

When I am not blogging, I am a business analyst for an amazing huge bank (Our motto: Resistance is futile. We will add you uniqueness to our collective). Anyhow, whenever I have to send out an e-mail, to avoid sexist griping, I use the term "critter." Works wonders.

Matt - 'some pig.'

*adds an -ly to amazing*

1. the bot is good.
2. don't insult the bot.
3. the bot makes everybody happy
4. don't write snippy emails to the fine hard working people at sixapart.
5. don't write smack that insinuates that you are more intelligent than the bot, or sixapart.
6. sixapart is an altruistic organization of selfless, good-looking people.
7. we would be lost without sixapart
8. the bot has, in no way, ever engaged in acts of oral gratification with a goat.
9. the bot, being a non-personal entity that exists solely in cyber-space, has no odor.
10. the fine people at sixapart, although corporeal beings in three dimensions, are far away, so i cannot fairly comment on their bodily hygiene.
11. seconds, minutes or hours, it doesn't matter how long your comment takes to appear on the blog.
12. sixapart needs that time to make sure that i am not a bot myself, trying to engage in acts of gratification with thier bot.
13. blogging is not a right, it is a privelege which sixapart can take away at any time.
14. it is good that sixapart has this power
15. i didn't want to comment anyway
16. that was not sarcasm, really please don't blackl

It took me 46 years to learn that I'm absolutely clueless.

"I like the "Friends love you anyways". Kinda like a favorite of mine..."A true friend will help you hide the body"."
My favorite version of that is "A friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell laughing and saying,'That was so cool.'"
As a gentleperson, I covered your \\\\\s.

btw - I had fun blogging the oscars last night. Thanks, everybody.

Oink, oink, snort.

Thank you Patrick. Much appreciated.

Oink, oink, snort.

judi - I agree completely; I didn't mean that the wait staff doesn't benefit anyone - they sure do.

What I was trying to say was that in addition to what Dave said, there's a corollary:

There are some people out there that treat other people badly just because they think some people are "beneath" them, or don't see how being nice to other people will help themselves in any way.

Dave, of course, put it much more concisely.

Annie, that was really fun. Even though I joined in at the end. What can we live-blog next???

mud, I take it you\'re not banned anymore??

Hmmm...well lookie here. Neither am I anymore!

*takes back all the nasty things every said about the bot and typepoop and the wonderful people that work there*

la la la no more \'s (sorry Hammie)

snork @ mud's list. If you delete #3 it makes much more sense. just sayin'.

*takes back that extra 'y'*

I will wait patiently. The bot will have you yet, Siouxie.

steve: of course ;) i was just ex-PANdin' on a theme ;)

Waay back in high school, I dated a guy who worked part-time as a waiter at Denny's. He informed me that some of the long-time wait-staff and cooks occasionally spit in the food of difficult customers. Since then I've always been really nice to waiters and I've steered clear of Denny's.

Hammie, the bot can have me anytime! I LOVE the bot. The bot is sexy. I want to be its bot-baby-mommy. Bot? will you marry me???

Nice try, Siouxie...

marfie, I've heard that too...not necessarily @ Denny's but in general. I'm really really nice to servers. AND tip very well.

Geez, TypePad just cleared my record last night and the 'bot is already back on my @$$.

A bit much, marfie??


*smoooochies to the bot*

come on...play nice

I worked my way through college at restaurants and tutoring at the campus learning center, and once I was priveleged to have been the right hand of Karma. While I never would have messed with someone's food, under certain situations, life makes it clear that someone is fair game.

Having just been complimented on the service I provided, he informed me (in front of his date no less), that he couldn't afford to tip as he was a poor college student.

Less than a week later, he wanders into the learning center needing help preparing for an organic chemistry test. Guess who the only tutor for organic chemistry was? I may have been distracted from my work, since I was tired from picking up an extra shift, to cover the lousy night I had when he was in, and in retrospect, some of the information I gave him may not have been entirely accurate.

At least, thats what I'm assuming since he was taking the same class again the next semester.

Do you think if we started sacrificing small animals to the bot, say...I don't know, maybe squirrels...that it might be pacified? I'm back to getting captcha after every post.

marfie, I'm trying to wait a min or two between posts. That's the only way I get the bot (whom I adore and want to have wild and crazy bot-s3x with) off MY @ss.

probably dumb question, but what the heck is "the s.b." ??

Hellooooo there bot-sie. I have a very cute router that I'd looove to set you up with...

ygg, the s.b. would be judi (stealth blogette)

When did we stop sacrificing small animals? Did I miss a memo?

and here I was trying to think of an "s" word that meant "chief cook and bottle-washer"...

Or "president"

Rest easy, Ham - we've been sacrificing animals all along, mostly to the Mighty Walter. I'm just suggesting that the 'bot might be a rodent at heart and therefore could use a little squirrel-loving from us.

I'm not stopping anything! I'm using every means possible to keep Mr. Bot a happy camper.

*zips in*

I really have nothing to say, but I've enjoyed reading everyone's posts and I just want to hang with the cool kids. :)

And I've heard the "spitting" thing and worse, from a server in a very upscale restaurant.

Oooh, I guess I did have something to say - yay me. :)

*changes into sexy fem-bot outfit*

see??

bot just fried a circuit, methinks

I'm hoping, Tammy *wink* *wink*

*waves hi to N.T.*

Czech your e-mail as soon as I write it. :)

Well this huperson will not tolerate being called anything but a woperson, that is for sure.

Do we call that little thing that makes a young woperson a virgin the hyperson? Just asking.

Posted by: Mikey123 | 12:22 PM on February 26, 2007

That exercise in PCness reminds me of the time I wuz told that my job (at that moment) was no longer referred to a "mailman" ... I wuz, henceforth, to be knowed as a "personperson" ... ISIANMTU!

16 Things I've Learned From Dave Barry:

16. Always have an Emergency Back-Up Dog, in case of, you know, emergencies.

15. If the Good Lord didn't want us to watch sports, He wouldn't have made beer taste so damn good.

14. Never tell doctors what you *think* is wrong with you, such as self-diagnosing a rabid dog clamped to your leg. This will only anger them and they will send you for "tests"

13. A man will not realize he is in a relationship until such time as he is no longer in one.

12. Age is relative, prostates are absolute.

11. The lameness of a musical act is inversely proportional to the amount of hate-mail you will receive for insulting it in a column.

10. The American economy is supported solely by Toys "R" Us.

9. When faced with a natural disaster, such as a hurricane or God forbid Britney Spears, you must immediately buy 80 cubic hectares of plywood.

8. Scratching privates = deep thought.

7. A group of bored office workers gathered from across the world, many of them adult professionals, can turn any topic, including the U.S. Tax Code, into something smutty.

6. You don't need one new tire, buddy. You need four new tires. At least.

5. A walrus penis-bone will always be funny, no matter what.

4. Jack Bauer can slam a revolving door.

3. You are not paranoid. The squirrels really are out to get you.

2. Today's music really does suck. Really. They've done studies.

1. Lighten up, man. You only get one spin so it may as well be funny.

WTG, FED!!!

Was it Dave or Scott Adams or someone else who said something like, "Corporations have meetings because they cannot physically masturbate"?

Help, anyone?

I found it listed as: "Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate."

Dave Barry

It's linked here ... but judi can prolly locate it for you more effectively ...

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