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February 28, 2007

PLEA FROM A DAD

Dear Dave Barry;

I need your help. I am quite sure that only you will know how to save me from my domestic problem.

The problem that I have stem from an event that occurred a couple of  years ago, when I allowed my wife and children to bring two small long-eared RODENTS into the house (for the purposes of this discussion, we can refer to these rodents as "bunnies"). Yes, these are close relatives to the rabbits that infest our neighborhood, eat our vegetable garden and flowers, and generally make a pest of themselves..As rodents, these are also of course close relatives to the mice that we trap in the basement and discard, or the rats that recently caused a New York restaurant to be condemned and closed down, and whose droppings can carry several deadly diseases including Bubonic Plague. I was assured that bunnies are inexpensive, easy to maintain, and not much trouble (which up to now has been true).

However, I have just been told that in order to maximize their long term health, they need surgery. But while regular surgery would be okay, they would be more comfortable with laser surgery. Of course, we don't want just any laser surgery for our RODENTS (oops, I mean bunnies), but we need the very finest laser surgeon (who I believe is to be flown in from Zurich in his private jet for the operation).

I have suggested that rather than pay $400 per bunny for surgery, if they die we can just buy another one for $25 at next year's local fair. My wife was of course horrified, and suggested that if I didn't want to pay for the best, then perhaps I should discuss this with my two young daughters and see what they think. In considering this, I can imagine years from now my daughter, talking to the prison psychologist, saying "well, all was well until I discovered that my dad was too cheap to pay for the best surgery for my dearest (bunny name deleted to protect the innocent), then I had to turn to a life of crime and depravity".

So, what am I to do? Should I pay for the surgery?

Thanks, Dad

(please withhold my name if you print this, since I don't like sleeping on the sofa).

I have no answer for this. But I do remember years ago when my son had gerbils, which were always escaping from the cage, and we'd frantically try to find them before God forbid they got caught in the traps that we set in the kitchen to kill the mice THAT LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THE GERBILS.

Comments

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Bye, bye Bunnies.

Hello Couch.

For the record, rabbits are not rodents, they are lagomorpha.

I blame global warming.

What, pray tell, is wrong with said bunnies that would require laser surgery?

It sounds like a scheme by evil bunny doctors....

I was! YAY!

FIRST time in forever!

Timing is everything.

For some reason, I am thinking that Red Green would have a more cost-effective do-it-yourself laser technique.

YFNRW beat me to it - Rabbits aren't rodents!

So tell your daughters you're taking the bunnies to get the surgery and just go buy two new ones that look the same.

This should help:

Hassenpfeffer

2 rabbits cut into serving pieces
3 T butter
1/2 tsp. salt
1 med. onion
4 whole cloves
12 whole black peppercorns
1 tsp. chopped parsley
1/2 tsp. thyme
1 bay leaf
1/4 C lemon juice
1 C port
2 1/2 C beef stock or bouillion



Serves 5

Stud the peeled onion with the whole cloves. Make a small bouquet garni by tying the peppercorns, parsley, thyme and bay leaf in a small cheesecloth pouch. Preheat oven to 350° F.

Sprinkle rabbit pieces with salt and pepper and sauté in the butter until brown on all sides. Place in a 3 quart casserole. Add salt, bouquet garni and studded onion, followed by the lemon juice, port and stock or boullion. Cover and bake for 1 1/2 hours. Ten minutes before it's done, remove the cheesecloth bag. The pan juices can be thickened to make a gravy.

Oh, no. *sobs*

How did YFNRW sneak in there?

for your continued well being, mental, emotional and physical, just pony up the bucks!

Call PETA and ask for a grant?
Ship the rodents there via USPS?

I think the poor dad needs a few of these.

Art, that was exactly what I was thinking!

I mean really...$400 for a rat? er...bunny?

and LOL @ Hammie's recipe

What the hell is "cheesecloth"? Does it taste like cheese? If so, who discovered this?
Does it look like cheese? If so, why?
Does it smell like cheese? If so, throw it out!

Just tell her they escaped from the Vet's office with their newfangled eyes.

Query: Does anyone ever push post and have a page come up that says "web page expired" and then you go back and your post is gone, gone, gone?

Thanks to Hammond Rye I can smell the Hassenpfeffer.

My grandfather used to get "pet" bunnies for us grandkids at Easter. They lived in a hutch down near the stand of apple trees. They were fun and, naturally, did what bunnies do best. Alas, Granny neglected to tell us what was in her meat pies. C'est la vie. Not in prison yet . . . although if it does happen, it is more likely to be because of white collar crime. That's not so bad.

Thanks Hammond,
I was just looking for the recipe. You know, a microwave is kinda like a laser, but the results taste a lot better.

Find out if this Swiss "doctor" offers a deal whereby if the bunnies expire while under the laser, he ponies up the $25 for a replacement. Or at leasts deducts that amount from his fee.

An alternate plan is a variation of the old "Sending rover to live on a farm someplace" ploy. Since, as you say, similar rabbits infest the neighborhood, you could tell the kids that the overpriced foreign vet has suggested releasing them back into the wild to be with their friends and relatives where they can live happily ever after. Except for the part about getting run over by cars.

Mr. C:
Cheesecloth was actually used in ancient times to make cheese. (By "ancient times", I mean, "before I was born in 1981".)
You put the curds in the cheesecloth, hang it up, and the milk strains out of the cheese as it cultures.
I hear that in Britain it's sometimes called "butter muslin", which sounds rather naughty.

Didn't Sophie have a song about this?

Life travels in a cycle, yes it does

Get a house cat and stop worying.

Just tell the girls that if, in the first place, mom had bought good quality rabbits this would not have happened. First rule of good parenting: assign blame to spouse.

the milk strains out of the cheese as it cultures

milk, meaning whey

Ah. Well, I did ask.

I was a Veterinary Tech for 6 months, so naturally I am the world's leading authority on laser bunny surgery.
First, you want to ask this so-called "Veterinarian" a few ice-breaker questions, such as:

1. Are you a glorified farmer with a white coat preying on the sentimentality of my children to screw me for all I'm worth?
2. You are? Well, if I don't buy into your so-called "laser surgery" will my daughters promptly run out and have unprotected sex with a biker gang as retribution?
3. I see. Do you take Visa?

I know it will seem harsh to take this "hardball" approach, but believe me, while you're slowly developing scoliosis on the couch and your daughters are eloping with Hacksaw and Sludge and your wife is sleeping with her divorce lawyer, you'll remember these words of wisdom: "The happiness of children is one of the most life-affirming something something pass daddy the bourbon."

I think that's what the whole Iraq thing is about. Civil war between the Kurds and the Whey. That's what I gather from watching CNN anyhow.

Major *snork* @ Fed.

Mr C - it has probably been shortened from its original name of cheese straining-the-whey-while-it-cultures cloth.

Oops...
I got 2 out of 3 links correct.

let the rabbits croak and send $800 to the orphans in cambodia. or thailand. or brazil.

not funny, just sayin'.

*passes Fed Duck some bourbon, while snorking*

If I recall correctly, female bunnies have a greatly reduced lifespan if they are not allowed to breed. Surgical removal of their reproductive organs gives them a longer lifespan.

Someone called me at 11:00 last night and I have no earthly clue what I said to him or he to me, but I know about this kind of crap. What the h3ll is wrong with me?

As Chuck Norris once said in Invasion U.S.A., "It's Time To Die!"

$400 for two bunnies. I would pay it for my dogs, in fact much more than that if necessary, no question about it, but then again dogs are real pets.

wickedwitch speakum truth, Dad. Find a way, up to and including selling one of your own internal organs, to pay for the surgeries. As a still married (by the grace of Ned) father of daughters, I can't imagine any other scenario under which your life will continue to be worth living.

Volunteer to take bunnies to doc - by yourself. Explain that even the best doctors make mistakes and there is risk with any operation. Purchase $25 bunnies.

We had tons o' bunnies when I was little. We started off with two girl bunnies. Two baby girl bunnies. How, you might ask, did we get 30-some-odd wabbits? Our neighbor moved away and gave us her large (musta been a mutant) boy bunny, because she couldn't take him with her.

Wabbits are tasty, but I never quite got to the point where I could help dad thin the herd, so to speak.

tHY: for milk insert whey; ergo, before straining through cheesecloth you have 'curds and whey' a la Miss Muffet.

Speaking as the sister of one who paid $2,000 a day to keep her cat on a ventilator after it was run over by a car, and as the woman who paid $500 for dental surgery for her own cat, just fork over the cash. It's easier

Oops; whey to go CJ, LTTG while talking on the phone!

"Sorry girls, the bunnies died."

That's ok dad, we know you tried.

"And by the way dad, when did you get those new gloves?"

Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit!

Ok... have to do this:
Duck season!

Nurse Tammy:

Wabbit Season!!

If you can afford the surgery, do it. The money in that case is spent on the daughters' happiness, not the bunnies. If you have to chose between surgery for the bunnies and food for the daughters, then Hassenpfeffer for dinner.

Start a syndicated humor column. Pay for the surgery with the money you make. Send the rest to charity. I believe it's been done before with great success.

Dear "Dad",

I suggest that the cost of the surgery is more than offset by the peace and harmony that it would bring to your household, if, indeed, that is a goal of yours.

But there are alternatives which will also bring about peace and harmony in the household, and they cost a lot less.

For instance, you could buy two new bunnies and introduce them to your daughters. The new bunnies, like a new toy, will be all that the daughters have on their mind for days and days. You can even say things like, "Aren't these new, healthy bunnies so much better than those old worn out ones? Don't you think we should send the old ones to a new home? Give them to someone who doesn't have any bunnies? Or, if you want, I'll take the new, exciting, fun, pretty bunnies and give them away. It's your choice, really."

Of course, if you daughters are older than I'm imagining, then you can just volunteer them to pay for the surgery with the jobs you are going to insist they get.

Hope that helps.

snork @ Imposter Baron up there

And what is the difference again between lagomorpha and rodentia? Anyone? Beuller?

To Baron and Fed: I'm the proud parent of a four month old little boy, and am really glad I turn to this blog for all of my parenting advice.

By the way, if anyone tells you that being a new parent at 44 years old is no more difficult than at 24 years old, please feel free to give them a swift kick in the Roscoes.

I think this "surgery" is probably just to get them "fixed" since he doesn't say anything is wrong with them and that is supposed to nearly double their life expectancy (obviously elevating the chance they will need some real procedures eventually). I say let them live their bunny lives and do what bunnies are wont to do, and the will replace themselves.

Gad - they replace themselves and quite a few others. He shoulda known there would be expenses like this, but...it's kinda like marriage - if you think the RING is expensive, you ain't seen nuthin' yet...

Lab, Two things:

1] Good solutions. If he just pays for the surgery, he's a manipulated idiot.

2] Without researching and at great distance from comparative vertebrate anatomy, my recollection is that the difference is primarily in the teeth.

3] Booger!

CJ, thanks. And yes, teeth, and location of the scrotum. Also, in our society, it's ok to eat rabbits. Rodents, notsomuch. Genetically, rabbits are basically the same as rodents.

18 years from now, Dad, talking to Daughters: College? College?!? Well, girls, remember when your bunnies needed surgery and you cried until I agreed to do it? We call that the School of Hard Knocks. Now, go get a job!

i dunno. ya cant just kill them.

Lab:

Their teeth- the distinction is based on the second small peg-like upper incisors that sit behind the primary incisors in all lagomorphs. (Rodents have only a single upper incisor).

"The happiness of children is one of the most life-affirming something something pass daddy the bourbon."

I'm going to enbroider that on a pillow; substituting "mommy" for "daddy".

I agree they should be spayed. I did NOT have my two guinea pigs spayed, and they both died of ovarian cancer, which was really awful. My current bun-bun is spayed and healthy.

A number of years ago, a friend accidentally ran over a cat while backing out of the driveway. She didn't know who owned the cat, just that she nearly killed it. She scooped it off the driveway and took it to the vet.

On the way, she called her husband and, sobbing, told him what had happened. His reponse, "Vet? We don't have a hammer to finish off what you started?"

The vet told her there was nothing that could be done and the cat would have to be euthanized. Total bill $150.00.

They never did find out whose cat it was.

Her husband's response, "Seriously, next time, use the hammer."

He broke his leg the next week and she asked if he'd prefer the hammer over the ER.

My mom used to have one of the meanest rabbits ever to hop the face of the earth. I used to refer to it as "Pebbles The Slasher Rabbit" (they have razor sharp teeth, perfect for slashing your hand or finger in a fit of rage). But I am not one to judge. My veterinarian just got two car payments paid to try to keep my Piggywoo alive.

Sly, depending on which of my marriages I was in, I may have responded "hammer" at that point.

To 'do in' bunnies (which clearly need doin in) you must use the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch. Brother Maynard, consult the book of Armaments.

Federal Duck and slyeyes are cracking me up! Hilarious!

Talking about mean rabbits how about this feller

Can't you just stick new batteries into your rabbits? Works for me.

And what is the difference again between lagomorpha and rodentia? Anyone? Beuller?

From Wikipedia:
"they have four incisors in the upper jaw (not two as in rodents);
the male's scrotum is in front of the penis;
the penis has no bone (baculum) unlike the rodent penis"

So two extra teeth, but no Oosik

DPC, you should probably lay off Holy Grail for a while. It's affecting your brain. Watch something completely different like Life of Bryan.

Awww crap, Edgar! and I was just gonna reply:

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three."

Alrighty then...

*Always look on the bright side of life...*

*whisling*

I say it's duck season, and I say FIRE!

Should we shoot it now or wait till we get home?

AT this point in the marriage, I don't think you want to hear the phrase, "The rabbit died."

*takes Edgar's advice*

♪♫♪
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate
♪♫♪

Uh-Oh.
Honey!! The rabbit died.

Pay the money, get it fixed, then a week later the damn thing will run around its cage in a panic attack and give itself a heart attack. BTDT. Bury it deep enough that the local dogs don't find it. BTDT, too.

After all, they breed like rabbits.

Unfortunately, when you take on pets, you take on the responsibility of taking care of them. My best advice: check out Care Credit. I did this when my cat got sick and I had to pay for a bunch of tests (he was ultimately diagnosed with lymphoma...RIP Mr. Moo). Having Care Credit helped.

my choice would be to get the rabbits whatever surgery they need for maximum longterm health which means the kids go to college and you get to keep two bunnies you don't want, but skip the more comfortable laser surgery and go the traditional route. the bonus is you now have an excuse to never allow them to get another pet!

I will just say that if my dad had done something underhanded to my pets rather than fork over the cash, and I found out about it, it would be VERY difficult for me to forgive him. The subject would not die, believe me. Like it or not, the kids love the rabbits, and you love the kids, so pay for the surgery. I don't see why it needs to be laser surgery, though, if it's to "fix" them.

Chicken for dinner....bunnies for dinner, like the kids would know the difference.

SNORK @ slyeyes!
*and waves hi*

I have a 140 pound, slobbering st bernard/shepherd mix puppy whose sole day job is to terrorize all the widdle bunnies who think they can run free on HER property. bring the bunnies over and she'll do the surgery for free.....

**oops, did I just type that out loud???**

Major snorks @ Federal Duck from way up there.

*sends the bourbon*

Get them shirts to console them.

(I went to this exhibit yesterday--not entirely of my own volition--and almost got one of these shirts, in adult sizes, of course. )

I used to laugh at people who spent a fortune on vet bills until my cat had a sudden emergency and I was at the animal hospital, willing to do whatever it took to bring my cat home. Many years later he is still with us and allowing us to continue serving his whims. Although I must admit that his standing has slipped following the birth of our first child.

You may have heard this one before -
A guy comes home to find his dog chewing on the neighbor kid's pet bunny. Horrified, he takes the lifeless bunny, cleans it up and sneaks it back into its cage next door, so it looks like it died from natural causes.
The next day he sees the neighbor kid crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"My bunny died," sniffs the kid.
"That's terrible!" the guy pretends to be shocked.
"That's not the worst part," says the kid. "Some sicko dug him up and put him back in his cage!"

/serious on

Dear Dad,

In 1967, I wheedled my parents into letting me join the local 4-H rabbit club, learn how to care for and properly handle the critters, and eventually buy a rabbit from one of the other members (whose father was an experienced rabbit breeder). Owing to family allergies, the rabbit was going to have to live outdoors in a locked hutch next to the house, within a securely fenced yard. (At that time, everyone's rabbits lived outdoors.)

My Dad used the Cooperative Extension Service's plans to build a dandy self-cleaning hutch, truly a Cadillac compared to the flimsey ones so often foisted off on the public nowadays. The lumber (let alone hardware cloth, chicken wire, fittings, and paint) cost way more than the rabbit ($8). Heck, the 3 heavy feed and water crocks cost about as much as the rabbit. 25 lbs. of rabbit pellets (alfalfa with some corn) cost as much as the rabbit, but lasted a long time. My point is that the rabbit is the least expensive part of the equation.

In return, my family and I enjoyed Hans's company for nearly 7 years. And we had the greenest grass in the neighborhood. Bunny bullets are terrific fertilizer and do not need to be composted. ;-)

It sounds as if things have changed a lot in 40 years. The idea of forking over $400 apiece to neuter/spay rabbits appalls me. The laser business is particularly suspect. Do some research and make sure you're not being taken for a ride. Contact your county ag agent in charge of 4-H or state Cooperative Extension Service for info on vets in your area who treat rabbits, or look here.

However, I take issue with the ages the latter recommends for spaying/neutering. Depending on the breed, rabbits can be sexually mature at 2 months (weaning time); that was the case with the Dutch that I used to raise. Might be even earlier with some of the new microbreeds that have been developed in recent years.

Speaking of weaning, you darn well have to get the little guys away from Mom and their sisters to avoid the inevitable.

One other statement that strikes me as odd: spaying/neutering makes rabbits less prone to chewing. Uhhh, I don't think so. Rabbits' teeth grow continuously throughout their lives. They have to keep them worn down. Hence the constant chewing. Provide them with wood to chew on... If their teeth get too long, they can't chew their food properly... and they need a trip to the vet.

Once in a blue moon I go to pet supply stores to get stuff for Fred the Companion Reptile, and crack up when I see some of the stuff that is sold as rabbit "food." Egads... yogurt-covered bunny treats?!? Hogwash... One of the best foods you can feed your rabbit is the despised but highly nutritious dandelion. They're loaded with minerals and Vitamin C, as I recall. As long as you don't poison your lawn, you can dig up the dandelions root and all and feed the rabbits as much as they'll eat. Won't give them the runs like lettuce does, or gas like cabbage and all its relatives do. Brassicas (and soybeans) also contain goitrogens that inhibit the uptake of iodine, which can be a problem for humans; I don't know if that's the case with rabbits... I remember my 4-H leader warning us not to feed cabbage, etc., because rabbits cannot pass gas. Yep, you read it here first.

Do your children and their rabbits a favor and at least check out 4-H in your area. I met a lot of good folks... kids and adults alike. I learned a lot of practical things about rabbits... got to show my rabbits at the county fair, and even won a ribbon in the rabbit handling contest. Also learned to square dance in another club...

Good luck. ;-)

/serious off

When I was in high school, I had gerbils who, like Dave's son's rodents were always getting loose. One night one of them got out of the cage in my upstairs bedroom, made its way down a long flight of stairs, found it's way into my mom's bathroom, and proceeded to fall into my mom's sunken tub where it was discovered by the next person to make a nocturnal potty trip, mistaken for a mouse and unceremoniously flushed down the terlet. Life lessons, life lessons....

To one DAD from another .... what kind of $400 surgery does a $25 rabbit (rodent) need anyways? My suggestion is to take the beasts to get the surgery ... and on the way to the VET's office .. stop at the animal shelter and drop off the rodents with a cash donation. Then with your best acting face, come home with the bad news that the bunnies DIDN'T MAKE IT THROUGH THE OPERATION! Then go buy a dog or a cat .... DON'T GO BACK TO THE ANIMAL SHELTER TO ADOPT ... the rodents could still be there awaiting a new family ( fools )to adopt them!

So, Dad has a couple of bunnies that need laser surgery and the doctor is from Zürich. He wants his name withheld because "he doesn't like sleeping on the sofa". I submit that his family will easily recognize this conundrum and he really doesn't want to be laughed off this blog. (And you have to be pretty bad off to get laughed off this blog!)
How can you justify spending $800 for the soup d'jour when they don't even cook it for you???

Sorry. I don't find this thing the least bit funny and am very disappointed that Dave thought it was worth printing. So far, more than one person has pointed out that rabbits are not rodents. They are also very complex and intelligent animals. They have unique personalities. They can be litterbox trained. Like cats and dogs, they love to play with toys. And they are very loving animals. That is, if the people that own them actually care about them, rather than regard them as a annoyance. Yeah, okay, those on the "let the rodents die!" bandwagon have either stopped reading this or are presently rolling their eyes. Don't believe me? Check out the info at www.rabbit.org. Trust me, if this guy was writing in about a cat or dog, he'd get blasted. But since rabbits are still regarded as dumb animals, it's funny. Sorry, it's not. And no, I'm no PETA member, animal activist, or what have you. I am, however, the owner a 3 wonderful and loving house rabbits (due to my allergies to cats and dogs) and have spent mucho $$$ on all of them. Why? Because, believe it or not, they ARE capable of returning the love you give them. That is, if you ever give it a try.
Dave, you almost never fail to make me laugh. But this time, you really made me angry.

Seriously. They are rabbits. It is not reasonable to spend this kind of money on rabbits unless you are debt free. If your children do not have rabbits, they will still be able to go to school. If your children do not have shoes and a coat, they will not be able to go to school. The fact that this is an issue at all is ridiculous. Wife and children wanted rabbits, wife and children get job (paper route?) to pay for rabbits. Will the rabbits perish immediately without the surgery? If not, no surgery. There are many ways to look at this. I have cats. I love animals. I grew up with Guinea Pigs, gerbils, hamsters, fish and a dog and have had several of these in addition to cats as a parent. They are still animals. If your home is on fire, will you rescue your children or your bunnies. Let's get our priorities straight. They are rabbits. RABBITS!!! If you agreed to get them, then basic care is required. But, extra stuff is never a requirement. If it is truly to steralize them and they do not need to be steralized to prevent an explosion in population in your home, then do not do it and waste your money.

Yeah, let's get our priorities straight, shall we, "lastrohm"? Rabbits are smart, caring, loving, playful animals that can learn tricks, even respond to their names. They are not disposable items. Yes, $400 is expensive to have them fixed. Ever think of trying ANOTHER vet? Again, look at www.rabbit.org for a list of rabbit-savvy vets in your area. And why should you get your rabbit "fixed"? First off, un-spayed females have a greater than 50% chance of developing reproductive cancer by the age of 5 years. Cancer! Isn't that FUNNY???!!!! Isn't it fun to watch an animal writhe in pain when you were too ^$#@$# cheap to have prevented it's slow, awful death?! WHATTA HOOT! Why have a male bunny fixed, besides the obvious? Because it calms them down, makes them less territorial, and thus more loving, interactive (with humans), and tidier (if you ever trained them to use a letterbox).
Should one save their rabbits instead of their children. No, of course not. BUT HIS HOUSE ISN'T ON FIRE!!!!!! His rabbits need medical attention!!! Would you weigh the price of your kid's surgery over how much you liked the kid in the first place? Or how sick the kid is in the first place? "Hmmm... Can Bobby go another year or two without that operation?" When you adopt a pet, an animal, a living creature capable of returning love, you have responsibilities, including taking care of their health. That what's included in "basic care"! Otherwise, stay outta the pet-owning world.

*sigh*
*clicks heels together*
*chants*

humor blog, humor blog, humor blog!

I agree, Bugs. However, someone writing in to seek approval to let their pets die doesn't particularly strike me as funny. I felt it was pretty irresponsible to post something like that letter, humorous or not.

*sigh*
*click heels together*

get rid of stupid pet owners, get rid of stupid pet owners, get rid of stupid pet owners...

Your post would be a lot funnier if it wasn't both stupid and lacking in even the most minimal sensitivity. Rabbits are not rodents, not related to mice or rats, and clearly a lot smarter than you (which isn't saying much). Are you *trying* to teach your daughters to be uncaring, insensensitive, and irresponsible people?

You know what would be really funny? A column where a guy talks about drowning a sack full of puppies.

Oh, that wouldn't be funny? So why is a column about a guy letting a pet rabbit die funny?

Wake up, Dave. Rabbits are pets. Pets are not disposable. I think this guy's family should consider how much HE'S worth next time a doctor's visit looms. They'd be better off without him.

Invite a friend who has a big dog over to play with the bunnies, problem solved.

Oh, MD, you're such a nut!

BTW, your sentence should read: "Invite a friend who has a big dog over to play with the bunnies.[Period, not comma] Problem solved."

You might want to brush up on your punctuation use before doing that book report on "The Red Badge of Courage" for 3rd period English. Otherwise, the teacher might not let you go on that field trip to the aquarium.

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