NEWS MAKING THE NEWS

This blog has been busy drinking providing in-depth coverage of the Super Bowl, and thus has fallen behind on some of the major news events that many people with way too much spare time alert correspondents have been sending in links for, such as:

-- The terrorist eagle that cut off the electricity with a deer head;

-- The detouring moose, which would be a good name for a rock band; and of course

-- The Porn and Pancakes Church Breakfast.

But the big news is that a mathematician, using mathematics, has calculated -- women of the female gender, take note -- that is it mathematically inefficient to always be leaving the toilet seat down.

Comments

[Nurse Tammy]

Hi, Punkin. How'd the interview go? And did you have to whack Hammie with the towel? He has this thing about blogettes and showers.

[crossgirl]

just remember ch, when my sons are thus engaged, they are thinking about >i>someone's daughter.

[Siouxie]

arrrgggggggghhhhhh no no no no cg!!! not MY babies!!!

BRAIN BLEACH!!! PRONTO!!!

[crossgirl]

oops. i'm all flustered now.
correction: someone's (pointedly for mr. ch father of daughters)

[crossgirl]

sorry, siouxie.

[Nurse Tammy]

Crossgirl, Siouxie... it it not considered polite to put out a contract on CH. The least you could do is maim him yourselves!

[ubetcha]

There's only one obvious solution. Guys should sit down to pee. Not only is the seat position problem solved, but we wouldn't have to wash the rugs and the baseboards every week. Both my husbands came trained that way and it was wonderful! Now, not so much.

You may stand up outdoors only. Especially during halftime on Sunday.

[fivver]

*refuses to respond to cg with comment about how in Alabama the person having the fantasy and the object of the fantasy have the same parents*

[Nurse Tammy]

*doesn't point out to fivver that WV is the same way*

[mudstuffin]

true enough i did some one-handed reading ("some" meaning enough for a phd)when i was younger, and true, i got away with it. however i will be on my son like a hawk from now until he moves out - no porn allowed. he'll have to take care of things the old-fashioned way. i have daughters too.

[Edgar Greenberg]

Ubetcha, makes it kind of hard to use the urinal.

[nevadamum]

toilet spray aerosol effect

1: seat and lid both down,
2: toothbrush in medicine cabinet.

(is hoping html tags work on this thing)

[Siouxie]

uncle/daddy

[Brainy Jello]

(from clear up at 09:16 AM)

Leetie - Regarding the convenience of sitting - You still have to pull your pants all the way down. Several steps eliminated by using a zipper.

*adds a reminder of the sanitation factor in 'standing vs sitting' debate if subject is in a public facility.*

[crossgirl]

is so very glad to not have daughters!

[Baron vonKlyff]

I am so glad that finace vonKlyff is well trained. She knows that we leave the seat in the position it last was used (up or down), and then look to see where it is when we get ready to eliminate Tancaredo.

[Layzeeboy]

fivver, I only walk erect when entering the BR...not when exiting.

[Brainy Jello]

nevadamum -

Bad news: You're absolutely right about that.
Good news: Living with it apparently does not hurt us.

[Gadfly]

Bottom Line,......
look before you bleep

[Layzeeboy]

Holy tancredo, my secret bot code began 666...

I'll stop now.

[Baron vonKlyff]

*steps back to remove the second 'a' from the last bodily function*

[Clean Hands]

Y'know, it was bad enough for me when the gals showing up in Playboy started being younger than me. Now that they're the same age as my eldest, I've had to stop subscribing.

On the bright side, my preferences run more to the written word form, so nya-nya.

[Gadfly]

*vows to use more discretion when typing*

[casey]

Congrats Punkin. Brain injuries have a special place in my heart. Luckily, the injured people I work with are not to the poit of being hospitalized, but a lot of them do require neurophsych evals and continuing therapy. My father worked with handicapped children for over 20 years so comobined with the work I do now and the exposure I had to handicaps while I was growing up, they just hold a special place in my heart. I admire you and your work and I believe families and patients are better for having you.

[Siouxie]

CH, you mean you prefer the "articles" now???

[casey]

Clean Hanz, my strawberry flavored massage oil is warmed and waiting....

[fivver]

CH - I had the same problem w Playboy when a friend of mine that I've known since her daughter was five posed for the mag. That was it for me. The daughter's son graduates from high school this year. I haven't gotten any older dammit, how did they?!

[Clean Hands]

Always did, Siouxie. :-D

[Gadfly]

Did i miss the Bagels and Ben-Wah balls series

[fivver]

Clarifies that it was the daughter that posed...

[Clean Hands]

casey, you prefer deep-tissue, or a more skin-focused treatment?

[fivver]

Clarifies that it was the daughter that posed...

[Siouxie]

Nope, Gadfly..here's some Pastries and Pasties.

[Baron vonKlyff]

Regarding the article with all the detouring meese, I was wondering if the author was any relation to a certain Denverite, Darren. In a paragraph about half way down the article, he states:

Without or without the big snow, food will become increasingly scarce over the next few months.

So, WITH the big snow there will be more food?

And in the same paragraph, as a matter of fact, the very next sentence, he also states:

But experts say more storms in this heavy snow season could keep moose reaching all available food

So, apparently more storms will aid in reaching food???

I know it's Podunk, Alaska, but they really should teach their 'journalists' to write.

/rant

[Baron vonKlyff]

*Embarrassed, sneaks back to remove a comma after the 'fact.'*

[Nurse Tammy]

And here's the tea and tassels to go with the pastries and pasties...

[Baron vonKlyff]

Although, the alliteration is a little weak, I like the English Breakfast, Knockers and Kippers.

[Meanie the Blue]

Bangers & Bangers

[Baron vonKlyff]

MtB,

bangers and bangers would definitely go well with knockers and kippers.

[Father Wang]

"Here at the Our Lady of Eternal Undulation we accept all beliefs, types, tastes, and combinations. Come alone, come as a family*, just come as you are!"

*Void where prohibited by law.

[Nurse Tammy]

*wonders if it would be in poor taste, continues anyway*

Cootch and coffeecake? Omelet and oosik?

[Meanie the Blue]

We went to the Church of England right at the same time, Baron. Spooky.

[Nurse Tammy]

So....... Where'd that handbasket go again?

[Meanie the Blue]

Baron - we joined the Church of England right at the same moment. Spooky.

[Meanie the Blue]

WTF? First post was a no-show, then it snuck in above NT where it wasn't before I posted it again.

Repent?

[Nurse Tammy]

Yeah, Meanie, that was pretty weird.

[Meanie the Blue]

The Apocalypse?

[Nurse Tammy]

Yep. The apocalypse was just triggered by the triple-decker Meanie/Tammy sandwich.

[Siouxie]

Hashbrowns and Hootchies

any room in that handbasket???

[fivver]

My dp was strange too. I hit post, got 'server not found' screen. Reentered it and boom, both show up.

[Bangi]

pink !
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=35219&in_page_id=2

[Clean Hands]

Just came across this, and thought that it embodied (har!) my approach pretty nicely. :-D

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!'"

[Meanie the Blue]

Whoa, I've made the earth move, but I've never made it actually end.......

[adam]

Porn and pancakes hmmmmm.... u can pretty much mix and match those and still have a nice combo. Kind of brings new meaning though to the pancake sausage thingy

[Siouxie]

I love that saying, CH!

[Meanie the Blue]

Got carrots?

(Hi, Bangi-lady! Still sizzlin'?)

[Nurse Tammy]

Hope it was worth it, Meanie. ;)

*starts handing out deluxe handbaskets from personal collection*

[Clean Hands]

Of course, I don't intend to do that for another eighty years or so... so I need to take some care of it now to ensure that it doesn't wear out before I do.

[Clean Hands]

Hey! If you're a single guy, have I got a dating service for you! Russian poker game.

(Let's see how hard the bot slams me to the mat for this post...)

[Layzeeboy]

Just stay away from the drippy eggs.

[Layzeeboy]

And the Eggs Bentadick.

[Noob]

I woulda divorced him, too, CH. But one wonders if she and her new hubby weren't already...um....yeah.

[Meanie the Blue]

Russian Hold'Er.

[Baron vonKlyff]

My dp was strange too. I hit post, got 'server not found' screen. Reentered it and boom, both show up. - fivver

That happened to me last week. It then would not let me post at all for three days... at least from this computer. I had to contact the TypePad gods to get them to greenlist my IP address.

I have not even been harassed by the bot since then.

[Nurse Tammy]

CH, that guy's ex-wife is more understanding than I would be! At best, he would be singing falsetto before I buried him alive in a nest of fire ants. And I'm in a good mood right now.

[Siouxie]

CH, I love happy endings!!

[Baron vonKlyff]

*double snork* @ Layzeeboy

drippy eggs bentadick

*snork* again.

[Nurse Tammy]

Siouxie, how dirty is it that we keep having simuls after we decided we were sisters?

[Cheesewiz]

so if we further factor the Dutch outside standing urinal (DOSU)as reducing both the amount of times the toilet seat would have to be touched AND the nagging all around we wind up with...couples finding other stuff to argue about.

Not that we are cynics here in barryworld.

[Clean Hands]

Aw, come on, NT, it's just a little card game. :-D

[Nurse Tammy]

Cynics? Us? I am shocked. Shocked.

*attempts look of righteous idignation/wide-eyed innocence*

*fails*

[Baron vonKlyff]

Personally, with all the nagging going on around here, I think the husband bet and lost on purpose. He just feigned joking.

[DavetheRed]

Link for Bangi

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

So when is the Cynic Pride parade?

[Gadfly]

hehe, you guys said dp

[Nurse Tammy]

Make that "indignation". Sheesh. I really ought to stop goofing around and go get some sleep. (I almost said "go to bed", but realized how that would be taken at present. Aw, who am I kidding? It'd be taken that way all the time here.)

[Clean Hands]

Problem with a Cynic Pride Parade, DP Chris, will be getting people to show up for it.

"You're going to get a bunch of cynics to show up and demonstrate in support of cynicism? Yeah, right."

[Siouxie]

Tammy, nothing wrong with that right???

sorry...but due to tax season time restraints, I'll be in and out and in and out...

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

OT
Mozart Update:
He got a Happy Ending.
/OT

[Clean Hands]

This begs the question: what is the evolutionary reason for iguanas ("iguanae?") to have a spare????

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Siouzie??!!??
Steak and Eggs and Strap-ons?

[Siouxie]

YAY for Mozart!! I just hope he doesn't have that little problem again...he can't afford to lose another penis.

[mudstuffin]

OT:

remeber how i've been bitching about freezing my a55 off the last week or so? well, a co-worker just stopped by my office, commented on how cold it was, then noticed that there was a piece of cardboard shoved inside the supply diffuser in my ceiling. i blame the squirrel.

[Siouxie]

um...not for me, Chris...thank you ;-)

nttawwt, of course.

[mudstuffin]

oh, and good for mozart. his stitches must have healed up fast.

[Baron vonKlyff]

Science Note:
Reptiles have what are called hemipenes... dual penises for sex. The first to make it to the 'target' initiates penetration, while the second (less accurate) penis acts as a clasper... sort of a prehensile appendage to prevent 'slippage.'
/Science Note>

[Siouxie]

mud, I thought you were blaming the queen of narnia?? guess that was at home then.

[Clean Hands]

Actually, I find myself wondering the same thing about bazoombages (the fact that they typically come in pairs). Why?

[Nurse Tammy]

G'night, everybody.

*preemptive snork @ everyone for the humor I shall be sleeping through*

[Clean Hands]

Thank you, Baron, very informative. Now, as for the spare bazoombage? Is one more accurate than the other?

[Siouxie]

Dr. vonKlyff, very interesting.

I guess that's why God gave us hands?

[Baron vonKlyff]

Well, with bazoombages, if there weren't two, there might be balance issues. Just sayin'.

[Siouxie]

CH, Punking would be falling over all the time!!

[Baron vonKlyff]

I guess that's why God gave us hands?

Yeah... got to have something to use the handcuffs on.

[Punkin Poo]

CH - We are given the number of bazoombages which will feed the usual or max # of offspring a typical human would have. In our case, twins would be considered the max one might have by natural means. Cats have more because they have more babies.

K?

[Siouxie]

*grabs the extra 'g' up there*

[Baron vonKlyff]

Especially when I get a psychic simul with Siouxie. How's that for some good alliteration?

[Siouxie]

Baron, I meant hands used as claspers...and to prevent slippage???

[mudstuffin]

siouxie: yes, i still live in narnia.

[Punkin Poo]

I am quite tippy, Siouxie....but God also blessed me with large feet, so I only wobble - I'm like a Weeble.