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February 26, 2007

A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE WILL SOON BE ON ITS WAY TO THIS WOMAN

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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That\'ll teach \'em!

Bernadette Headd? I wonder if she has really big ears?

"the court sentences you to a year's probation, revocation of your gun license and a $10,000 fine. it also recommends you switch to de-caf."

she needs those yosemite sam mud flaps that say "back off".

I don't understand what she did wrong. I do this all the time...

Guess she doesn't have any middle fingers.

Some states take the fun out of everything.

So are Yosemite Sam "Back Off!" mudflaps going to be banned next?

instead of shooting at the tailgater, i usually just tap the breaks the first time. if that doesn't work, i slam on the breaks and then take off. if that doesn't work, then i open fire. you have to warn people a couple of times before you attempt to kill their car.

CG, we must be channelling the same Looney Tune... ;-)

Ok, I say a collection should be taken up for her defense. I've had two cars totaled by tailgaters, and the second one knocked me into crossways traffic and put me in physical therapy for 3 months. I start to get twitchy around tailgaters now.

I'm from prime hunting territory in SC, so ya'll can speculate on the status of my gun cabinet. If she gets off I would really appreciate my lawyer having a precedent to refer back too.

I also have some designs Q would be proud of that I would love to see legalized.

Headd changed lanes and fired one round from a 9 mm handgun, police said. The driver followed her and...

Isn't following her what got him in trouble in the first place?

Speaking of shooting things, anyone heard from blurk?

And this is a problem?

ww, when I had driver ed back in the Lower Devonian, we were told it was safer to slow down rather than hit the brakes suddenly... otherwise there's the risk of getting rear-ended. And that was long before mobile phones came on the scene to distract drivers.

(I owe a lot of my defensive driving skills to the terror that was instilled via such educational films as "Mechanized Death." That one made me want to never get a license, but I got over it...)

I do like the fact that you warn tailgaters before firing the first shot across the bow. ;-)

Jersey girl-only if Yosemite Sam is naked.

*snork at artchick*

Touche!

Actually I let tail gaters pass me, they are then in my sights and I can take them out with my Sparrow Missles or my cannon.

Works every time, trust me.

ex-Matt, nope. He\'s been MIA for a while now. I\'ve emailed him ...no response. Who knows...do miss him too.

fkaM, years ago I found a handy "Laser Cannon" (or was it "Death Ray"??) switch to install on my dashboard. Alas, I couldn't find a supplier for the artillery. I always thought a remote-control tail gun would be a fine way to deal with tailgaters. Messy though... unless they just get vaporized.

I usually like to piss \'em off by going reeeeeaaallllyyyyy slow. I would prefer to shoot though. Is there anywhere that\'s legal??

...was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, discharge of a firearm from a vehicle and use of a firearm during a felony.

AAAh, what was the "felony" she committed? Lane changing? Assault with a deadly weapon? (da) Discharge of a firearm from a vehicle? (again, da) Seems to me that the other 2 couldn't have happened without the firearm.

Sorta get this feeling they're charging her with anything that might stick. And if she gets off on accounts 1 & 2, 3 doesn't have a chance.

pssst, where's the evidence? Spent casing in the car?

*loads Heuy the Howitzer into his trunk*

Oh. I wondered how that worked. Note to self...when pursued by a close tailgaiter, change lanes first, then shoot.

Thanks Jersey.

It is quite an investment to have the missles and the cannons and all installed, but the satisfaction of becoming a "Road Ace" can't be replaced.

Siouxie,

As long as there are no witnesses who can take your licence plate number. If so, investing in a rotating licence plate would be an option.

I've also considered placing a mirror or highbeam that I could aim right at the driver. Jacked up SUVs riding my butt shine their lights right in my face.

A brief qualifier, there are SUV drivers that routinely have their lights properly aligned. At least, I've heard rumors there are. I have friends that claim to have been abducted by aliens too, but I'll believe it when the probe is violating me personally.

Beppie,

There is nothing more satifiying with a tailgater than a fire and forget.

You can send them a streaking "(really bad word)you" message and go off and have a sandwich or a manicure or something.

But did she use her turn signal when she changed lanes?

...Matt

A hammer coming out of the trunk that smashes their lights might work as well.

A gun-totin’ Bernadette Headd
Tried to fill a guy’s car full of leadd.
And what was the reason
To declare open season?
With tailgaters up she was fedd.

Scooter,

Michigan may have a few drivers who do use their turn signals. If she were from say, Oklahoma or Texas or FL, this is considered an option, unless they are driving over your body as they change lanes.

Weld together 2 one-penny nails at the center, bend at 90 deg to each other and cut off the heads.

Toss and they'll constantly come up "points up".

A hand full is effective for slowing down traffic behind you.

I think those are similar to coltrops. Most martial arts stores used to carry them. Not sure about now though.

Kibby, Great idea! (Taking rapid notes, pennies,(check) heavy duty cutters,(check) kid's penny jar (check)

A grenade works better. It kills the car completely and there is nobody to follow you around and get the police.

Mikey, I prefer to have the tail-mounted hardware so I don't have to dodge debris. No sense getting a flat... A vaporizer ray takes care of the debris field and keeps the road clear for following traffic.

*snork at Ford79*

Bravo, Ford.

fkaM, I've thought about the mirror gizmo, too. Oh, for the days of properly adjusted old-fashioned non-retina-searing headlights... Hmmm, musta had too much coffee. I'm getting a bit profligate with hyphens...

Glad I can help Mickey. I see my job here is about done.

Hypen profligation is against the law in many states.

Good thing you have an alias, JerseyGirl.

Mickey, I\'ll try to remember that!

*note to self: get rid of witnesses*

Why jeopardize your concealed-carry license when you can shoot tailgaters in the face with one of these?

As the great chef Elzar would say...

BAM!

I remember an old episode of Red Green where they outfitted their car for tailgaters. They installed several devices:

1. Cans of Spray Paint set to turn a tailgater technicolor
2. electric nail gun aimed at the tailgater's radiator
3. Spring launched trunk and manequin launcher

There were other things too, but those were the ones that stood out to me.

*replace first 'launched' with loaded*

All she did was what we all dream about. Tailgaters and people who cut you off. Both are Evil.

On another note, speaking of MIA's, has Wyo been around lately?

I don't tailgate. Don't need to because I'm in front of you! But I really try to avoid driving around people who drive by looking in their rear view mirror or can't see forward beyond their dashboard.

Recently, I was stopped at a light. Four lanes in each direction (left turn only, two straight through, and right turn only.) When the light turned green for us, the driver in the second car back in the left turn only lane went across the two through lanes to take the right turn - and not a turn signal in sight! The only thing in her favor was that she wasn't putting on her makeup while talking on her cell phone.

*need a gumball, now, darn it*

*lobs gumball at Rusty using automatic launcher*

Ooowwwww! Right in the thigh! Good thing it wasn't a cup of ice!

When I get a tailgater, I just ease off the gas till he/she gets pissed off and goes around me. Or tries to. Then I speed up again. *evil grin*

Otis, I'd prefer to pack a spice weasel myself. ;-)

OK, true story.
a friend had a 67 cutlass with HUGE taillights, she was on the freeway at a time when it wasn't busy(decades ago).
a tiny expensive sports car came up so close she could only see its windshield. there was nobody in the left lane and nobody behind him, but the idiot would not go around. so she put on her headlights while still going 55.she looked in her rear-view mirror to see a huge cloud of brake smoke and the guy parked sideways on the freeway. I'm sure he learned not to tailgate big American hunks of metal and how to get waste off his front seat.

OK, true story.
a friend had a 67 cutlass with HUGE taillights, she was on the freeway at a time when it wasn't busy(decades ago).
a tiny expensive sports car came up so close she could only see its windshield. there was nobody in the left lane and nobody behind him, but the idiot would not go around. so she put on her headlights while still going 55.she looked in her rear-view mirror to see a huge cloud of brake smoke and the guy parked sideways on the freeway. I'm sure he learned not to tailgate big American hunks of metal and how to get waste off his front seat.

bad bot, no biscuit!

I hate tailgaters! Shooting at their car does sound like such a *nice* option!

There's a stretch of road that I have to drive most days where everyone (including me) tends to go about 5 miles over the limit (35-40 mpr). It's that kind of road. But there are some people who obviously want to get a ticket and go about 10 miles an hour or so over (every so often there's a police car parked, waiting for these people) and they seem to want to get as close to my bumper as possible. It's nerve-wracking.

I keep thinking that maybe I should get a bumper sticker saying "Tail gateing kills! (At least if you do it to me)".

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