Here are the schematics of the plot perimeter:
The highlight of last week's episode was the heartwarming moment between Jack and his dad, Farmer Hoggett, when FH made Jack kneel down at gunpoint, but decided -- The old softy! --not to shoot Jack in the back of his head. That's how you show true affection Bauer-family style: by not killing a fellow Bauer. I'm assuming Jack and his dad will meet again before this season is up, and that their father-son reunion will make The Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like Teletubbies.
Anyway, at the very end of last week, Farmer Hoggett left a phone for Jack, with instructions to call a certain number, and when Jack did, the person at the other end, in a totally unexpected plot twisteroo, was...
Anna Nicole Smith.
No, sorry, she is still deceased, and so is Edgar. The shocking twisteroo person at the other end was Disgraced Former President Complete Handbag, whom we used to hate but who now looks pretty good compared with our current leader, President Gary Payton of Your World Champion For Now Miami Heat, whose strategy for dealing with nuclear terrorists is apparently to put the entire nation into a drooling stupor by talking in measured tones.
In subplot action, the Ally McBeal Weenie, who looked like he was going to join the plot -- which this blog wholeheartedly supports -- to whack President Payton and replace him with Vice President Powers Boothe, decided instead to rat out the plotters, so he was clubbed with a flashlight in the bunker by Colonel Mustard, who... no, wait, sorry, he was clubbed by his treacherous aide Reed, but, tragically, does not appear to have been killed.
In the Morris-and-Chloe subplot, Morris is still down on himself for programming the suitnukes after being used as a human do-it-yourself project by the evil terrorist submastermind Fayed. Chloe still loves Morris because he did not metabolize his alcohol. (Chloe can tell, just by looking at you, what you have metabolized.)
The Walid-and-Sandra subplot has completely disappeared, which is fine with me. If the writers try to bring it back, I think the other characters should say to them, "Get out of here! You never had anything to do with the plot anyway!"
Anyway, the big question tonight is: What will ex-president Handbag tell Jack about Gredenko, the evil terrorist mastermind for now? Can Jack find the remaining bombs before they go off? Most important of all, will there be any sightings of ex-president Handbag's First Lady?
We will just have to wait and see. And while we are waiting, let us not forget to metabolize.
UPDATE: It is SO hard to get good terrorist submastermind help these days.
UPDATE: The bunker has Ominous Muzak.
UPDATE: "He reminds me of you... neither one of you can act."
UPDATE: "Hi! We're here to kill the president!" "OK, then!"
UPDATE: Duct tape!
UPDATE: "We're not cold-blooded murderers." Who WRITES this stuff?
UPDATE: Victoria's Secret has reinvented the bra... again.
UPDATE: Morris specificed the wrong slot assignment for the SIP adapter! If I had a nickel for every time I did that...
UPDATE: If somebody had drilled two inches into my shoulder with a 3/8" bit, I would not swing my arms the way Morris does when he walks.
UPDATE: Too much talking.
UPDATE: A drone!
UPDATE: So, do we think the terrorists will put a suitnuke on the drone, and it will drone away for several tense episodes? Or what?
UPDATE: It takes THIRTY MINUTES to get a bomb ready?
UPDATE: There can be no question that the highlights of tonight's episode are being provided by Victoria's Secret.
UPDATE: "Don't be sarcastic! Your data merge is incomplete!"
UPDATE: The Morris subplot is getting so repetitive that they have to be setting us up for a shockeroo, right? Like he's a mole? Or he's the one who reinvented the bra?
UPDATE: They're clearing a ground corridor. That's like a perimeter, right?
UPDATE: YES! Chloe is NOT afraid to yank a man off the toilet.
UPDATE: Morris didn't wipe.
UPDATE: The old cough ruse.
UPDATE: Seriously, you put a three-inch piece of duct tape on my mouth, and I will have it off in seconds without using my hands.
UPDATE: OK, it just now occurred to the weenie to do that?
UPDATE: Summary: Not enough Jack. Way too much talking. One boom -- one lousy boom -- at the end. The clear action highlight was Chloe yanking Morris out of the toilet. And of course the reinvented bra, which seems to work well. We now await the amazing Steve, who should be writing the show, if you want this blog's opinion.