24

Here is where we stand:

Jack's brother, Baldy, is gone, having been lovingly whacked last week by Jack's father, Farmer Hoggett, but not before being lovingly tortured by Jack. (There is a lot of love in the Bauer family.) Jack's dad is definitely a bad guy, but Jack does not know this, being apparently unaware of the fact that his dad has been a bad guy in pretty much every movie he was ever in except Babe.

Jack now has to find Morris, who was captured by McCarthy last week for delivery to Evil Terrorist Mastermind For Now Fayed, who will coerce Morris -- possibly by threatening to bring Audrey back into the plot -- into programming the triggers for the remaining suitcase nuclear bombs, which apparently run Windows Vista because nobody knows how to program them. We know from last week's previews that Jack will wind up trying to deactivate one of the suitcase nukes tonight, but we don't know whether he will succeed, or be blown into tiny nuclear smithereens, which will then reassemble themselves and call Chloe, because there is no way you are taking out Jack Bauer with a mere nuclear blast.

Meanwhile President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat and his aides and generals and random cabinet extras continue to engage in important yet meaningful wooden dialogue concerning the constitutional ramificationzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Whoops, sorry. We have also learned that the vice president, who is in cahoots with the Ally McBeal Weenie, is Deadwood Mayor Powers Boothe, which should be interesting because on Deadwood he cannot sneeze without dropping -- speaking of suitcase nukes -- the F-bomb.

The Walid-and-Sandra subplot continues to stagger lifelessly forward. Speaking of lifeless: Edgar and Kumar are still dead.

We are hoping for some major action in tonight's special two-episode presentation. Yes, the show has been hideously boring a little slow lately, but we're confident that the writers have been laying the foundation for something very special. So get ready.

UPDATE: If the Anna Nicole Smith story makes an appearance in tonight's episodes, I am going to shoot my cable box.

UPDATE: Taser Bill, Chloe, if you have to.

UPDATE: Jack expects to have a visual soon.

UPDATE: Jack has a visual.

UPDATE: This is pretty much how everybody drives in Miami, except there are more guns involved.

UPDATE: McCarthy's girlfriend holds the gun like, "Whatever."

UPDATE: I really hate Milo's little moustache.

UPDATE: So just to make sure I have this right: CTU had the car under observation from a helicopter AND a satellite, in broad daylight, and they lost it.. WHOA! THE GIRLFRIEND!

UPDATE: I for one never really understood who McCarthy was, so I am not that sorry about his sudden passing.

UPDATE: I don't think that the rugged working guys in truck commercials ever actually work. I think they  just get in their trucks and go, "Let's drive through some mud."

UPDATE: Which one was Assad again? The good terrorist mastermind, right?

UPDATE: Weenie Boy is pissed.

UPDATE: He's going to feel Weenie Boy out. Heheheheh.

UPDATE: This is some very bad acting by Mrs. Bauer.

UPDATE: Jack is upset because somebody shot McCarthy before Jack could.

UPDATE: I think the girlfriend is history.

UPDATE: Hitting Morris! Those terrorist bastards.

UPDATE: Hard to see Morris doing much programming if his body is a sack full of chicklet-sized bone fragments.

UPDATE: A loop matrix!

UPDATE: PERIMETER

UPDATE: Not one more nuke. Wow. He is a strict president.

UPDATE: "Agent Turner, what's the status of your perimeter?" "It's in place." Wow!

UPDATE: They're freshening Morris up.

UPDATE: A drill. Whoa.

UPDATE: I am afraid to look in the comments, because I am quite certain somebody has made a "fire drill" joke.

UPDATE: "At this point it's only a question of time." Yep, that's how terrorist masterminds talk to their minions, all right.

UPDATE: YESSSSSSSSSSS shooting.

UPDATE: If that suitcase nuke is anything like the computer system at the Miami Herald, Jack will need a password to disarm it, and he will have to change that password every 90 days or ELSE.

UPDATE: So far this is an excellent episode -- Jack, Chloe, perimeter, shooting... a freaking drill.

UPDATE: Two metal plates slowly converging. How... photogenic.

UPDATE: Has any CTU perimeter ever caught anybody?

UPDATE: DIP switches? Like a 1987 MODEM???

UPDATE: Geez, this is a lot of suspense, wondering whether Jack will succeed.

UPDATE: I just realized that the entire first hour was Walid-and-Sandra free.

UPDATE: I think they're showing the wrong "Previously on 24."

UPDATE: No, wait, they're not.

UPDATE: Wait a minute. Less than 15 minutes ago Fayed was in a sewer. How'd he get in a helicopter?

UPDATE: Wait: Who's the bearded dude? Is he another mastermind?

UPDATE: Is the bearded dude Gredenko? And if so, do terrorist masterminds ever go to any city besides Los Angeles?

UPDATE: I want an antiterrorist vest like Jack's, to wear to, like, the supermarket.

UPDATE: A nice father-son chat over the corpse of the son/brother.

UPDATE: They're monitoring chatter.

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Preident Payton and Vice President Boothe apparently both ingested horse tranquilizers.

UPDATE: I can barely hear the actors over the roar of the dialogue generator.

UPDATE: Whoever is supposed to change light bulbs in the White House bunker clearly has fallen down on the job.

UPDATE: I miss the power drill.

UPDATE: Mrs. Baldy is hot, but she cannot act her way out of a paper bag.

UPDATE: Power-drill him, Chloe!

UPDATE: Graeme's body is still warm, and Marilyin is hitting on Jack.

UPDATE: A hotel! With Farmer Hoggett! Sounds like fun.

UPDATE: Wait a minute... so Fayed is NOT an Arab?

UPDATE: Do we think Marilyn will get shot in a shootout and reveal to Jack just before expiring that Farmer Hoggett is evil? Just a thought.

UPDATE: Chloe was reconfiguring the uplink and just then Morris walked in. If that is not romance, I don't know what romance is.

UPDATE: Young Josh is every bit as bad an actor as his mom is.

UPDATE: Finally, a bomb. Not nuclear, but still.

UPDATE: Those are the worst machine-gun shooters in world history.

UPDATE: OK, the first hour was excellent. The second hour was 57 minutes of sludge and three minutes of OK.

UPDATE: Next week Jack chokes Marilyn!

FINAL NEXT-MORNING UPDATE: As always, there is an excellent summary -- two, actually -- by the Amazing Steve™ in the comments section.

Comments

[Kathryn]

FIRST!

[Kathryn]

Wow. I've always wanted to do that...

[baligurl]

Nice, Kathryn! Now, we're just waiting to riff on Jack...that just sounds naughty.

[Philintexas]

And now you've done it...heady feeling eh?

[Eleanor]

Congrats, Kathryn. You are now an official member of the FIRST Club, a very elite group - welcome.

I only czech in here before the show starts in the real world because I live on the Left Coast and do not get to watch til the rest of the world has gone to bed.

So, have fun everyone, and save a space for me in the morning. :)

*zips out*

[Suzy Q]

24 countdown checklist:

Wine: Check, in the biggest wineglass I have since, hey, it's a double-header tonight!

Dinner: Check. Tonight we had mozzarella and roasted garlic stuffed fresh tortelloni with a lovely marinara sauce.

Bloglits?: Gathering, I hope.

Suspension of disbelief? Check!

I'm ready to ruuumble, so Bring It On!

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

I'll be posting a summary after both hours are over, as usual!

[bauerbabe]

"hideously boring"--Boy, that's for sure. I've been watching seasons 1-5 the past week and have so enjoyed the fast pace and multiple subplots. I'm hoping against hope that tonight will bring a welcome relief from the boredom.

Jack was great last week but the other characters were so very lame. One guy (even Jack) can't carry the whole show by himself.

[Kathryn]

Thank you, thank you!

I tend to be more of a blurker, but I just sat down to catch up on the blog, and just couldn't help myself!

[Ann]

Steve, I'm pretty sure you could give us a summary right now and it'll be waaaay better than what we'll have to sit through.

[bookworm]

Ready to suspend reality!

So what city is the next to blow up? How long before we find out if Milo really is the mole? And whether Assad or Walid or Sandra is really behind it all? Will Assad make it alive to DC and will he hold the annoying Ally McBeal lawyer hostage when he gets there (oh please)? And when does Jack let it slip that Kim has a younger brother (named Babe)?

*Gathers blanket, cats, husband and beverage and moseys to the sofa*

[Suzy Q]

Shoot yourself in the thigh immediately, bauerbabe! Jack CAN TOO carry the whole show himself!

[baligurl]

I'm sure the bot will get me, so let me curse it early...NOW!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Suzy? No comment about my intro in your warmups?

*sniff*

[Just Ducky]

Congratulations, Kathryn! Y'all have fun tonight--I'll check in later, after I've watched the show and Amazing Steve has worked his magic!

[baligurl]

Yikes, tropic, you're everywhere, huh?

[Suzy Q]

Ahhh! I forgot my MAN, the One Whose Intro I Wait Breathlessly and Wetly For!

Oh yeah, do it to me, tropichuntguy!

[Wes S.]

"Jack's brother, Baldy, is gone, having been lovingly whacked last week by Jack's father, Farmer Hoggett, but not before being lovingly tortured by Jack. (There is a lot of love in the Bauer family.) Jack's dad is definitely a bad guy..."

...and it's looking more and more likely that Kim was actually the normal Bauer. Or at least the least dysfunctional.

Meanwhile, at Casa del Wes:

Take-out Chinese Mongolian Beef? Check.

Full glass of iced tea? Check.

Disbelief suspension apparatus on line and ready? Check. I think. It's been under a lot of strain lately...

[Just Ducky]

*flaps back for a moment*
*waves to Suzy Q*
*wishes she could go to Suzy Q's for dinner*
*flaps away*

[Steve the LLamabutcher]

$5 turns out Jack's dad rode a tank in a general's rank.

[Suzy Q]

Ok, I'm gonna cop-opt jack and just say: Perimeter! so's everyone can have a drink to start off.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ (FIELD GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLL!!!) and ChloeSack™ (TOOOOOOOOOOCCCHHHHDOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!)

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "extra special" intro to "24" is dedicated (again) to blogit "Suzy Q", for no real good reason whatsoever...even tho' she's forgotten about me right before Valentine's Day...(*sniff*)

[Suzy Q]

Viewer Discreeeeetion!!!

[danceswithvowels]

Viewer discretion!

[slyeyes]

On which side of the pond are you, TCG?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

baligurl: I'm back from the Netherlands now. :)

[Suzy Q]

*pant, pant, pant*

THANK YOU, THC guy! Once again, you got me right off...to a good start.

*waves to JD and slyeyes*

[Punkin Poo]

My computer is waaaaaaay far away from my TV. Also, I am too lazy to get up off my sofa every 15 seconds to make a mildly pithy remark.
ALSO, the 5 yr old wants to watch Sprout.

My solution:

Watch Sprout.

With Nanny's "special grape juice" that helps her sing along with such hits as "Sagwa, you're my best friend"...

Have a great grown-up night, y'all!

[Suzy Q]

Dontchew be tellin' Chloe how to operate her computer, Jaws!

[slyeyes]

I bet CTU uses Windows Vista.

[CJrun]

Milo replaces Chloe! It is to laugh!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Chloe, losing it? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! We're doomed!!!!

[Glow]

So is Morris the cat going to break? Is Jack going to suspect his father? Is Fayed going to escape another bomb? Will Jack\'s new girlfriend blame Jack for the death of her husband? Is Chloe going to get kickass again?

[slyeyes]

They should rely on those Los Angeles news helicopters to find Morris; they're good at tracking car chases.

[WizzyPigabeth]

MILO IS THE MOLE He just got Chloe out of the way!

[Suzy Q]

I hope Milo isn't too attached to his balls...cuz Chloe's gonna eat them for lunch.

[Glow]

Ooooh blonde girlfriend is really Danica in disguise!

[Suzy Q]

They drive like normal Miami people.

[Ormazd]

Don't scratch the Maserati!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I hope Morris has his seatbelt on...

[danceswithvowels]

Good thing she's relaxed, driving a Maserati. Especially since copters can't drive on the wrong side of the road!

[Gretchen]

I TOLD you Milo was a demon!

[tomservo]

How did JACK loose them?

[CJrun]

They're gonna outrun the helicopter! *snork*

[slyeyes]

Jack should use that silent helicopter he used later season to sneak up on the gas company.

[WizzyPigabeth]

I am ashamed of Bill to be so easily swayed.

Jerk!

[Wes S.]

Hmmm. Interesting that traffic on the streets looks pretty normal for a city that just suffered a NUCLEAR FRICKIN' ATTACK!/i>

[WoosterGirl]

The old under-the-entrance-ramp trick.

Wiley.

[Ann]

Did they just land that chopper across two TRUCKS?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

That was Stephen King in the truck looking at the copter!

[Suzy Q]

It's already been ten minutes and no one has died. I'm bored!

[slyeyes]

Luggage, *snork*

[ChuckE]

$7 million for 4 nukes? McCarthy doesn't exactly drive a hard bargain.

[baligurl]

geez, trop, that's what I thought!

[Cheesewiz]

I wonder is Jack ever holsters his cell phone and puts the Glock up to his ear?

[Suzy Q]

Plus, I'm italicized, which makes me feel all frisky!

[Ann]

Goodbye italics-bomb.

Oh, sure, Milo's sorry.

[Bryan]

Someone needs to lose a kneecap.

[WoosterGirl]

Jack looks awfully healthy for having undergone two years of torture in a Chinese prison.

Too much fried rice?

[WizzyPigabeth]

two dammits so far

[Gretchen]

Milo sucks. And Chloe is SO going to kick his a**.

[Ormazd]

Chloe wouldn't have been fooled by the old overpass trick...

[CJrun]

The pick-up truck has the same motor and standard shift as the euro-crotchrocket!

[WoosterGirl]

OMG!!!

[baligurl]

where'd all the italics come from? Cus I can't do thT!

[danceswithvowels]

Finally. Excessive!

[Bryan]

Let's do a shot every time someone gets shot. (Do a shot)

[Sooska]

BLONDIE GOT HIM!! Oh she's just wants the money

[tomservo]

She is kindof on the edge.

[Gretchen]

Wow - she's high strung for someone who just blew her boyfriend's brains out.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

That's what McCarthy gets for making her sit on glass...

Oh, she wants the money. Go figure, what blonde in California wouldn't do the same thing?

[slyeyes]

She must have really wanted her luggage!!

[WoosterGirl]

Skinny chick is freakin' OUT!

She definitely needs more insulin.

[WayneHere]

Guess he should have loaded her luggage...

[Glow]

Morris: Me and my big mouth.

[Ormazd]

Chloe wouldn't have been fooled by the old overpass trick...

[Wes S.]

Ohnoes! Morris is at the mercy of a panicky Valley Girl with a gun!

[Ann]

Uh-oh, deranged blonde woman with a gun! Jack can stop (but not say) nuclear bombs, but can he stop this?!?!

[Cheesewiz]

That two timing little minx.

[baligurl]

Plus, now, I'm botfodder. Stoopid bot.

[Glow]

Sheesh, everyone is having fun killing their loved ones except Jack Bauer. This show is going downhill.

[Sooska]

oops SHE just wants the money - shopping spree and a new do would do!

[Ormazd]

She's more likely to get 7 bullets than $7M from Fayed.

[danceswithvowels]

Correct on both wooden counts, sir.

[MJ]

*Walks in, somewhat on time for once*

That jerk made his crazy girlfriend sit in the broken glass on the passenger seat!

He deserved to be shot.

[slyeyes]

Nap time!

[WoosterGirl]

This president is booooooooring.

[Eponder]

I was just saying how I hoped McCarthy would get shot, but I was hoping it would be Jack who did the shooting. And that it would be in the thigh.

[Cheesewiz]

These scenes with the pres and Tom are like death. Only slower.

[Ann]

Another reason to choke the little Ally McWeasel.

[tomservo]

Wow he is so BAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD!

[Bryan]

Is anyone else tired of that "This Is Our Country" song already?

[jt]

Coming to the party late, so sorry if someone already asked, but will we break the blog comment record tonight?

[Ormazd]

Biscuit likes a fresh bowl!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

The president called Ghostbusters...that's why he's upset.

[WoosterGirl]

The Biscuit has been emasculated.

Biscuit is baked.

[tomservo]

Is this him being angry?

[WizzyPigabeth]

How much you wanna bet Weenie Tom starts impeachment proceedings?

[Sam G.]

This music makes me think of bad buys creeping through a sewer.