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January 25, 2007

YOU NEED THIS

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The tripod strode across the landscape and Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning came running out of the smoke.

seems handy for the ladies....

"MMM baby, I feel like I'm on fire!"... "Nope, just my 'active denial system'....now get yer hands off!"

Whoopee! another first, *does Snoopy dance*, *family looking like they're about to call those fine young men in their starched white shirts and ..........

"....shoots a beam that makes people feel as if they are about to catch fire."

So what. My beyotch of a Mother can do that with her eyes.

Liar! Liar! ....

Well, I may not actually need it Dave, but I want it.

they're coming to take you away, Mot??

ho ho he he

Aaaaaaaargh, zapped by Punkin's ma in law. Sooz my wife and dogs do not comprehend the need for my blog fix. I quit smoking 6 months ago and this is a brilliant substitute.

i need 1 for the front of my car, 1 for the rear of my car and 1 mounted on my desk. with those in place, i won't need to refill my tranquilizer prescriptions anymore.

Soon to be adapted as an Active Squirrel Deterrent System.

Didn't Marvin the Martian invent this years ago???

oh and Mot, I hear ya. This blog fixation is hard to 'splain. Only the afflicted understand.

So that explains the sudden burning sensation....

The caption under the picture of the Hummer, "Hot but doesn't burn" could describe Kate Benkinsale, Selma Hayek and a few others I could name.

what on earth does "like i am about to catch fire" feel like??????

And since when is 130 degrees "not painful"?

I already have it, it's called a hotflash.

Judi, you like never felt that before?

burn baby, burn

Most important of all, does it leave tan lines?

My question exactly, Judi!

I guess, after torturing test subjects, they asked "So, on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being 'Froze my nuts off' and 10 being 'Melted all the skin on my body', how would you rate it??? Um, please stop screaming. Hello? Could you just stop screaming for two seconds?????"

That's hot!

Furthermore, if someone has an automatic firearm aimed at me, I, for one, need something more lethal than Marvin the Martians' Ray Gun.

Puhhhleeeasssseee. Is PETA or the ACLU behind this moronic idea?

hammond: did you say squirrel detergent? wrong thread.

If you aimed it at squirrels would they shed their fur? Just asking.

Just a matter of time before the boys on "Jackass" get a hold of one of these and spend an entire episode zapping each other in the nuts.....

Personally, I can't wait....

Would that be classified as roasted nuts?

Deterrent, Detergent, Denial, Defenestration - It's all good.

Geez, I wonder what the effect will be on the liver, heart, your blood pressure, etc.

This was actually commissioned in the '80s by the president.

Sippi - not supposed to penetrate to the liver and heart. Read further down: electromagnetic millimeter waves, which can penetrate only 1/64th of an inch of skin, just enough to cause discomfort. By comparison, microwaves used in the common kitchen appliance penetrate several inches of flesh.

Blood pressure would probably shoot up with the panic attack, though.

...during the Raygun administration.

I've been seeing the stories on this as it works its way through the system. It's not really meant for combat so much as crowd control. Of course, there have been times and places where it was hard to tell them apart.

The idea for combat is for when you're facing what amounts to an armed mob. In theory they'll drop everything and run away. Same deal with the (presumably) unarmed mobs.

Wonder if they'll have these set up and ready to test in NO & Indie after the Super Bowl?

MOTW - speaking of microwaves, if you're going to nuke your kitchen sink sponge, be sure it's wet.

MOTW: thanks, I jumped the gun...so to speak.

grEAT Horny Toads! My biscuits is burnin'!

Hey, I wonder what this would do to the Julbocken?

*multi-snorks* @ Brainy & the whole gang who posted.

I hate leaving my desk...

Thanks, BrainyJ.

Actually, I've used the microwave to disinfect my wet sponge, with an added benefit. I let it sit in there for another couple minutes to a) cool down the sponge and b) steam up the oven. Then I can easily use a papertowel to wipe any exploded goobers left by the family who never use a napkin to cover their soup/chili/other-explodable-eats. (Not that I am bitter about that.)

"Two minutes of microwaving is sufficient for most sterilization. Sponges should also have no metallic content. Last, people should be careful when removing the sponge from the microwave as it will be hot."

Also people should avoid eating the sponge, even if it smells good. Do not insert any metal objects into the electrical outlet where the microwave is plugged in. Do not insert head into the microwave and attempt to close the door. Do not eat the microwave, as serious injury could result. Do not jam your hand into the electric can opener. Do not stand on your head when using the toilet. etc.

*pipes up from the geek couch*
186,000 miles per second is not just a good idea, it's the law.

Gumball, mud?

But will it make that shrill "ray beam" sound when you fire it??? Inquiring minds want to know...

how's the toe, mud?

No way Jose! it will make that sound like crumpling paper, or maybe that kind of low-pitched hum. Anything would be more acceptable than that crumbling metal sound that they hopelessly overdid in the $ 6 000 000 man.

Set phasers to 'roast'.

the 'girls gone wild' people will turn it on crowds of spring-breakers in the hope they'll get nekkider...

That would be interesting at family get togethers!

COOL!!!!!

I wont it!

"They refused to comment on whether the waves can go through glass."

Reporter: So...you're saying that this fantastic new military device can be thwarted by...windows?

Scientist: I did not say that and I'll thank you not to put words in my mouth.

Lackey: Or small mirrors! There's virtually no limit to the number of things this won't work on!

Scientist: Shut up, Johnson.

When will Jack Bauer get one?

I see a new market opportunity for Ray Ban.

They also said that it'll go through "most" clothing. So... what will the well-dressed rioter be wearing in 2010?

like CH, I also want to know if a visible ray will come out, and what color?

my guess is it'll have trouble going through tin foil

Why Rayon of course

motw: the toe is better, the stitches are out but i'll still be in the "boot" for a couple more weeks. i'm down to my last percocet. be on the lookout for some strange poetry tomorrow.

personal update #2. mrs. mud and i are celebrating our 20th anniversary tomorrow. got a room with a hot tub. bought her a new ring. should be a good night.

personal update #3. my two oldest were wrestling yesterday and something happened (bite? suplex?) that caused a trip to the ER for me and my daughter who now has a lovely "boot" matching her dads.

personal update #4. the squirrel still lives in the ceiling of my office, and today i found a mouse turd on my keyboard.

oh mud, you're in trouble now. I had a few times when I opened my desk drawer to find thet "someone" had eaten half of the first two toast-chee crackers I had stashed in there. They can can get into anywhere...

Awww, good luck tonite, mud.....hope you make your wife feel like she's on fire! (In a good way)

and congrats on your toe and anniversary, have lots of fun and many more...

we must be in the same office 'cause I also have had a squrrel in my ceiling. and on occasion it has come down and had a stroll around my office. But then it politely left. And last, twice now we have had snakes in here. I wouldn't let them kill them, though. Caught them (the snakes) in a cardboard box & piece of cardboard and escorted them outside, no biggie...

Congratulations to mud and the missus. Down to the last percocet? Just remember something ... percocet != mouse turd.

mud, congratulations on your anniversary and be careful with that toe and other appendages when using the hot tub.

and no, I don't know from experience. i've never had boiled nuts.

Congrats, mud! And I, too, am glad to hear that the toe is healing well.

*snork* @MOTW regarding "Percocet != mouse turd"

Way to go Mud & the Missus

"Percocet != mouse turd" (?)

i'm stumped

i am reminded of Wyo's line that he's been happily married for 20-some years and his wife has been happy for at least six of them. where has he been anyway? (Wyo that is) i noticed that nurse tammy's picture showed up in his collection recently, but haven't seen his name on the blog for a while.

mud, he's busy at his new job and commuting back and forth the Thermopolis where his wife still lives. he said something about not having internet service at some point???

the = to

note to mud:
if you experience pain so severe that it clouds your otherwise impeccable judgement, do not reach for a percocet and accidentally grab a mouse turd.

I had some dreams,
they were turds in my coffee, turds in my coffee
You're so pained - I'll bet you think this song is about you
You're so pained (so pained!)
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don'choo don'choo don'choo

*SNORK!*@CarlyOTW.

LOL MOTW!

siouxie: i knew that. (actually i didn't realize that he was still commuting)

motw: thanks for spelling that out for me (while i read your comment, my lips moved) nice song parody, what drugs are you taking?

mud - Wyo said a couple of days ago that he was having internet access problems, and that they would contintue for a few more weeks...

Just my usual daily dose of cortisol, some severe sinus pain, and pressure/ringing in my ears.

I once called my doctor to ask for a prescription of antibiotics for an ear infection. (I grew up with ear infections.) The nurse asks me, she says, "How do you know it's an ear infection? Can you describe the symptoms?" I told her it felt like someone was shoving a full grown cold carrot into my head through my left ear.

They called in the script, no further questions.

A request to all you good people out there in blogland, please send some positive vibes to my daughter in Colorado, she's 33 weeks pregnant with our 2nd grandchild and her blood pressure is a tad too high for the doctor's peace of mind so they've ordered bed rest. She's been a diabetic since she was 5 yrs old so births and such can be a bit tricky at times.

Mud's squirrel after consuming percoset:


http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2004/i-gm-animals-p14.php

casey: send that to the blog! snork!

Why the $h!t are they releasing information on their newest "secret weapon"?? Surely someone, somewhere is going "Doh!".

Mot, consider it done! I had hypertension when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter towards the end and had to stay in bed too. Everything worked out for me and I'm sure it will for your daughter.

good, Good, GOOD, good vibrations - to your daughter, and to you
(((Mot)))
and keep us posted, we're great support and distraction

Aw gee, thanks you guys, getting past my bed time so I'll say ciao for now.

Nite nite, Mot!!!

*smooches Mot*

They refused to comment on whether the waves can go through glass

That's a no.

can't wait to see Chloe put it to good use.

Are they making a retail version? This could really help to disperse the line at Starbucks every morning.

*makes note to self to bring popcorn to next riot event*

*sends good vibes to Mott's daughter* (MrsBoss went through the same thing when she was pregnant with JuniorBoss)

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