WHAT WE ALWAYS SAY

We always say, "Never enter the Tunnel of Love with a vast woman."

(Thanks to Tyler Willson)

Comments

[Cookie]

Wow! Am I the FIRST to say that?

[Jazzzz]

She IS the tunnel of love!

[Cookie]

YESSSSS!

And now I can add that the pic of "how she may have looked" is - beyond words.

*waits for someone to translate stones to lbs.*

[Neil G]

I suppose advise to never enter the vast women's tunnel of love joke is just too obvious...

[Neil G]

1 stone == 14 lbs, so she was a 350 lb chunk o' woman.

[Siouxie]

Neil, you will need some flour...just sayin

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Hopefully, she has a New Year's resolution.

[Lairbo]

The tunnel of love
Avast! A woman enters!
Shouldn't've brought chair

[Dr. Doug]

How about a half-vast woman?

[Cookie]

I think it's pretty funny that they sent in chocolate!

p.s. This is my new nickname for 2007. But I'm still who my e-mail says I am. :)

*waves hi to Siouxie*

[casey]

"During the twelve hour weight"

hahahahahahahahahahaha!

My Tunnel of Love has never involved a pulley and some liquid paraffin lubricant.

Glad they got her out before the people behind her had to start eating their way to freedom.

[lance]

During the twelve hour "weight"...ahahaha!

[Lairbo]

DrDg: She'd probably have fit okay.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

If she were only half-vast:
She would have fit through the tunnel.
she would tip over when she sat down.

[Siouxie]

El!!! LOVE the new name!

[casey]

ooh, lance!

There is a commercial in these here parts that has stupid people on the street singing about having "lance in their pants". Reference to Lance Crackers tm thingy. Does anyone else in other regions of blog world hear that commercial?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Isn't 'parafin' what we would call 'kerosene'?

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Hi Cookie. *I knew it was you*

[Christobol]

I call BS. There is no way they got chocolate in past this woman.

"Okay, distract her with the chicken now."
"Go! ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!"
"Dammit! She got the chocolate."
"Screw your chocolate! She ate one of my fingers along with the chicken!"
"That's no reason to screw my chocolate, Nigel."
"Sorry. It's just...that was a good finger."

[casey]

Vast man sitting on a little stool
Takes the money from my hand while he rolls flour & paraffin all over you
Hands me the ticket smiles and whispers good luck
Cuddle up angel cuddle up my fat dove
We'll get stuck baby in this tunnel of love

Thanks Bruce

[Clean Hands]

Well, that's one way to get her out of there, DP Chris.

"Fire in the hole!!"

[Christobol]

*in the love tunnel, somewhere on the wrong side of a vast woman*

"You know, my last boyfriend knocked me out with a Club after proposing to me, and still that was better than this date."

[insomniac]

a woman whose girth was so vast
that people just couldn't wedge past
in the tunnel of love
it took more than a shove
she was lubed up and oozed out at last!

[Otis Wildflower]

Hey, I'm 25 stone!

But I'm also about 4 metric cubits in height, and built like an offensive tackle that's been retired a few years :p

[Siouxie]

Isnt paraffin wax??? Hot wax and a vast woman sounds kinda kinky.

[Jazzzz]

Chocolate AND insulin.........a full service (ahem) tunnel of love!!

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Paraffin can be wax. But the article says they used liquid paraffin, which IS the same thing as kerosene.

Boom.

[insomniac]

yo' mama is so vast being stuck in a tunnel with her made me diabetic!

[Siouxie]

ah...didnt see the liquid reference. kaboom indeed.

[Hammond Rye]

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the proper applicatin of explosives...

[blurk]

HUGE SNORK @ insom!!!!

[Hammond Rye]

Adds an "o"

And I've aggravated the BOT again. Life IS good.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Hunk-a, hunk-a
Burnin Love (Tunnel)

[Addicted to 24]

I think everyone is just thankful that she didnt eat this before her adventure.

[Siouxie]

Addicted?? why?

*just barfed up a bit*

thank you.

Hammie, I\\\\\\\'m just soooooooooo happy with the bot...ask my \\\\\\\'s.

[«LabSpecimen»]

... or brussel sprouts

[mm]

Ato24 acutally if she'd eaten that, they'd only have had tolight a match, and see Ham's comment above re:explosives

[Zoodle]

Unfunny Comment:

Political Correctness just drives me crazy. They warned her she was too fat but she "insisted on going". Tough. Come back when you've lost some weight, you won't fit in the tunnel, end of story. But NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo. They have to let her go cause we wouldn't want to offend anyone. If I was one of the people stuck behind her for 12 hours I'd be pretty angry.

/unfunny rant

[Zoodle]

What's a gumball?

And I think I need one.

:)

[Cookie]

Hey, LisaBFF, how's everything going?

And a belated Happy New Year to all. :)

[Siouxie]

same thing with brussel sprouts like Lab said.

And hope that no one decides to smoke ;-)

[Clean Hands]

*Tosses a sugar-free gumball to Zoodle*

[Juggler of Geese]

All the Tunnel O'Loves I have been on have actually had two doors, why didn't they just go back the way they came. (I am picturing a bad monty python skit right now, but the title eludes me.).

[Jazzzz]

HNY, "Cookie". *wink wink*

[MOTW]

They had to winch the wench who was pinched in the trench?
(trench / tunnel ... work with me people)

Zoodle, I am sure they hurled more than a few unkind words at her.

*waves HI to el Cookie-o*

[Lairbo]

The ticket booth to this cave will now have a sign saying "You must be less vast than this to enter" and show a silhoutte of this woman

[pogo]

casey - we get that commercial on radio here in ATL. Fortunately I haven't heard anyone singing it on the street.

[mm]

JofG - perhaps the architect sketch - building with abattoir?
No, that's just sick...

[Beppie]

Yeah, they passed the food around her to the other people. Don't eat that!! We want to be out of here by next week, thank you!

[OkieDokie]

Geez, I sure hope no one ever describes my ass as "vast"!!! (as I pull on shoes to do 17 miles on a treadmill....)

[blurk]

I wanna see the guy who went into the tunnel with her vast assness.
I bet he weighs a buck-oh-five.

[Otis Wildflower]

Geez, I sure hope no one ever describes my ass as "vast"!!!

I've been tempted to have a green 'Yes' and a red 'No' embroidered onto the left and right rear pockets of a pair of jeans of mine ;)

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Life imitates art.

[MOTW]

Bravo, DPC! I was thinking of the same thing myself.

[Siouxie]

LOL Chris - very cute! I remember that one too!

Okie, I have a vast Cuban @ss, but it has never gotten stuck...yet.

*goes off to the gym*

[insomniac]

JoG - i was thinking the same thing, if the tunnel had an entrance and an exit, people on the near side could go out the entrance and those on the far side of her moons could go out the exit...
but they said it was actually a cave, so there was probably only one opening...

[MOTW]

If this had occurred in America, d'ya think she'd have been sued by now?

[mudstuffin]

thank god it's dark here
don't want the memory of
the view from behind

ten hours in - depressed
hungry, thirsty and so cold
and that smell - oy vey!

she must have farted
i went unconscious - dreamt of
toxic acres - ass

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

If this had happened in the US of A, she would have sued Tunnel of Love, Inc. and the diabetic would have sued her. Her family would have sued the rescue workers, and the chocolate receivers would have sued the chocolate givers.

[Clean Hands]

More likely, she would have sued Fatburger and the operators of the cave, MOTW. :-( Yeah, I'll have one of them thar low-cal gumballs, too.

[Siouxie]

*taking my vastassness home*

later.

[judi]

they "regularly have people stuck in the caves"??????????????????????????? and people go in there, why?

[Beppie]

There's nothing wrong with a slightly vast ass. Much better than a boney ass any day.

[mudstuffin]

the manifold flesh
pressed between rocks, soft, pliant
like pillsbury's boy

you think your job's bad
i had to rub the grease on
the silly fat bitch

we had a bucket...
we drew straws to see who would
hold it under her...

[Trouble]

23 people.
12 hours.
1 bucket for bodily wastes?
I hope it was some big bucket.

[MOTW]

*gasping for breath* *begging mud for mercy*

[pippinsqueak44]

Am I the only one who is reminded of the incident when Winnie the Pooh got trapped in the entrance to Rabbit's burrow after some overindulgent elevenses?

[MOTW]

pippin - No
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | 03:57 PM on January 3, 2007

[Edgar Greenberg]

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the proper applicatin of explosives...

Posted by: Hammond Rye | 03:18 PM on January 3, 2007

'Cept Fireproof Bokkens.

[Beppie]

I guess having to stand outside the cave and wait and remain in annonymity would have been a whole lot more embarassing.

[TCK]

OK, did anyone else read:

liquid paraffin lubricant as:

liquified puffin lubricant?

just wonderin

[Kev]

When I was in college marching band, we played a few games at Texas Stadium, which has individual seats instead of bleachers. We were standing up to play the fight song when our team came on the field, and then the director motioned for us to sit down. Everyone did, save for a fairly husky female trombonist. The director motioned again towards her in a "sit down!" motion with his hands, but she remained standing. Finally, he yelled, "You! Sit down!" She replied with a mournful, "I caaaaaaan't!!!!"

I felt really bad for her, but another part of me won't deny laughing a bit on the inside, because I'd never known anyone up to that point who couldn't fit in a stadium seat.

[Kev]

Umm, the above should have said "The director motioned towards her in a "sit down!" gesture with his hands." What I actually typed up there came to us courtesy of the Department of Redundancy Department.

[Captain Flummox]

That photo cutline is a magical thing. Nice to see journalistic standards loosening up. Maybe soon we'll get more artist renderings.