THIS JUST IN

Comments

[Nurse Tammy]

They'd better be soundproof, too. Confident, my ass...

[Hammond Rye]

Always with confidence. Sometimes with secondary harmonics and theatrical gestures.

[bookbabie]

I can't wait to see them being demonstrated on QVC!

[crossgirl]

could they make a pair for my dog?

[Meditrina]

a built-in, multi-layered replaceable filter, made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool.

The reality is, you are so uncomfortable, there's no way to let 'er rip.

[fivver]

Oh please. A fart without aroma is like a morning without sunshine. And I'm really not wild about the idea of having fiberglass wool anywhere near that area!

[Lairbo]

Charcaol filters didn't work on cigarettes, I don't know why they would here.

[slyeyes]

That woman who got kicked off a plane for lighting matches will be the first in line to buy one.

[Meanie the Blue]

Does the banner ad above it have to say "Download Now!"?

(And *SNORK!@Hammond)

[Mot the Hoople]

Holy sh1t!!! I don't wanna be around when they take them off. I've had a heck of a day. Is it too early to open the blog bar? It's 4:35 pm and 90 in the shade over here.

[Meditrina]

Was that a train going by or did someone cut the cheese?

[Nurse Tammy]

But does it stand up to the challenge of broccoli and sauerkraut night?

[Lairbo]

To "cover" the sound problem, they could rig up a device to automatically crank up the volume on your iPod at the first indication of an impending emission. It'd be called the iPoot.

[Baron VonKlyff]

I sent this one in on Monday, and mine has an accompanying photo. I wonder if they would be obvious under a pair of slacks or a clingy dress?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I don't know ANY self-respecting, chili-eating, beer-drinking guys who would wear these.

[mudstuffin]

let's see, either air-tight underwear made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass, or social embarrassment. hmm... i'll take the embarrassment.

"Always with confidence. Sometimes with secondary harmonics and theatrical gestures." - snork

[fivver]

Baron I think they would be slightly noticable under the male leggings...

[lairbo]

BvK: So, it'll be a while before the thong version is inrtroduced...

[Meditrina]

Do they make a thong version? I simply can't abide panty lines.

[Baron VonKlyff]

I would have to agree there, fivver. I think I will stick with the unmuffled approach.

[Chaz]

my wife says to sign me up...I however, like to toot my own horn

[Baron vonKlyff]

I think that a thong version would just change the offending sounds into musical notes much the same way as a reed does for a saxamaphone.

[From another world]

Air tight? What happens when they are taken off? It makes my eyes water just to think about it.

[mudstuffin]

why do farts have smell?

so deaf people can enjoy them as well.

[Meditrina]

FAW - Especially after DPC has been drinking beer at the chili cook-off. Whoa baby! Don't light a match, my scooter will launch like a rocket. Wheeeeeeee!

[Siouxie]

HEY!! who let one go??????????

*snorks* all around folks!

[fivver]

Are these going to marketed as crapalytic converters?

[mudstuffin]

a beer-drinking pot-bellied gent
made friends wherever he went
from his lumpy butt
you could hear a 'putt-putt'
but could not detect a foul scent

[BDeano]

So, this is Arrivaderci, Aroma?

[MOTW]

This just in ... or out, as the case may be.

Buck Weimer ==> muckier web

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Steve-Shouldn't that be "DBeano?" just sayin'

[Meditrina]

Due to the stomach flu, our Christmas dinner wound up being my immediate family, Mom, Dad, Sis and me. We were almost finished eating, and the 2 month old baby woke up. Dad was holding the baby at the table, and let the greasiest, gnarliest, foulest, unbelievable fart rip.

Without pausing, he looks down at the baby and exclaimed, "Charlie!" I snorked mashed potatoes and gravy (not comfortable).

The price of dinner: a couple hundred bucks.

My Dad: PRICELESS

[Leetie]

snork @ Baron!

*fweep!*

[OtheU(manity)]

Yeah, Baron' ... that fiberglass is gonna chafe somethin' big-time ... and ... "airtight ... waterproof" ... that's gonna create a closed environment much like a greenhouse, with lotsa humidity ... fungal growths would become rampant (not Rampart) ... yeast would thrive ...

Nah, y'all are gonna hafta deal with at least one cowboy (this one, Cést Moi!) who's not gonna even think of tryin' these on ...

[Siouxie]

LOL Meanie, but I read Beano...time to clean my puter screen.

and Med, aren't we always blaming someone else?? LOL

[OtheU(manity)]

Med' ... y'all weren't there when I posted ... when that sorta thing happens around our place -- and the grandkids are around -- I usually blame them, speakin' their name with some tone of accusatory disdain ...

The girls merely give me a withering look and say, "Grandpa ... that wuz YOU!"

The boys merely giggle ...

[Nurse Tammy]

I think dogs are amazingly convenient to blame it on. Just sayin'.

[Juggler of Geese]

The other day the cat farted. Neither of us have ever heard one do that before so when I told her, She was in the den on the desktop playing Pogo™. She blamed me.

[artchick]

Airtight? So wouldn't they inflate like a big balloon? ("Stay away from the bean dip, just look, it went straight to Millie's thighs!")

[Siouxie]

btw, since I didn't wait the mandatory minute between posts earlier, our very alert spambot has been kindly asking me to type those unreadable symbols at every post.

bot??? I fart in your general direction.

excuse me.

[random thunking]

*TMI alert*

Fart with confidence? Ever since I "sharted" after eating Chili Man™ chili, I will never fart with confidence again.

/TMI

[Nurse Tammy]

*SNORK* @ Random. *looks again, repeats *snork**

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

My dog will fart and try to blame it on me.

[Leetie]

random?

[ubetcha]

*snork* at "sharted"

[diverdowndoc]

LOL at Baron, artchick
LMAO at random's TMI

[Nurse Tammy]

Arghhh! My eyes! Leetie, how could you!?!

[Meditrina]

Leetie - OMG! He gambled.............

AND LOST!

[diverdowndoc]

still laughing

[Mot the Hoople]

Did anybody read my 9:36? just wondering,

[mm]

These things look like those adult incontinnence pants. They've just changed the liner. Or maybe they haven't, they've just found a new marketing angle.

and *snork* at EVERYone

Mot I'm pretty sure we could arrange an AM (PM for you) bar opening. The rest of us could be having our morning mimosas (or whatever) and you could have your after-a-difficult-day-at-work harder stuff.

[fivver]

Mot the sun's always over the yardarm somewhere. Go for it!

[diverdowndoc]

Maybe simosas, Mot- I've got a very late shift tonight, so I'm just getting going.

Still wiping tears away after Random and Leetie's posts.

[diverdowndoc]

A mimosa simul-toast mm and fivver!

[Meditrina]

Mot is that 9:36 your time or our time?

And honey, it's always happy hour in Margaritaville, so let 'er rip!

[From another world]

Leetie I think you owe the Blog a round of mind bleach.

[diverdowndoc]

*OT post*

Any thoughts on how to get diverdowndog to quit barking when the yard guys are here? She is driving me nuts!

[mudstuffin]

his confidence ain't been the same
some say that chili-man's to blame
he ripped one whole-hearted
and regretably sharted
now his intestinal fortitude's lame

[diverdowndoc]

Brilliant, mud.

[Leetie]

Will it remove that pudding stain?

[diverdowndoc]

Just wondering, Leetie- how did you find that picture? Someone you know?

[Leetie]

DDD: this works for my idiot dog. Great for kids too! ;)

[wickedwitch]

i still think that the idea posed on SNL a few years back is a much better idea. y'all remember "Flatuscents". They come in 'New Car', 'Leather' and other flavors. I think for those truly afflicted (and you know who you are), this would be a little more convenient than having what looks like a gas mask filter in your undies.

[Leetie]

ddd: that pic was floated around by the bloglits a few years ago. I think Mr.Fisher found it FIRST! It's always been one of my faves.

[Mot the Hoople]

I was beginning to feel like chopped liver. And as for that "random" posting, it's enough to drive any sane person to drink. Not that there'r many sane people around here. Just saying.

[Leetie]

ddd: that pic was floated around by the bloglits a few years ago. I think Mr.Fisher found it FIRST! It's always been one of my faves.

[mm]

ddd - medication. Also you cound try letting the dog out to "help." (you probably love your dog, though, so that might be out, depending on your lawn service)

mud - your versification qualification knows no bounds *snork*

[mudstuffin]

great billowing gusts do i blow
ask anyone that i know
i frown and i bear down
for volume i'm renown
i've a brown badge of honor for show

[Stevie W]

I've always farted with confidence. I have high self-esteam.

[casey]

My boss needs these. I dread Thursdays, being vegtable platter lunch special day. He sits across from me, yappin at me like a pomeranian, occasionally lifting a cheek and just continuing with his yapping like nothing happened while the wind whips my bangs into my eyes and my eyes start watering. He is so gross....some days I can barely stand it!

[Leetie]

ddd: that pic was floated around by the bloglits a few years ago. I think Mr.Fisher found it FIRST! It's always been one of my faves.

[Mot the Hoople]

Leetie, you're not related to Pavlov are you?:)

[Leetie]

MAKE IT STOP!

[casey]

Snork to Stevie!

BTW, you guys did an excellent job last night; debating the issues. I loved it!

[From another world]

Snork at pudding stain. I just thought it was a clogged air filter.

[mm]

Leetie - I'm impressed, not even an "AAAAAARRRGGGH" in there.

[Meanie the Blue]

Leetie has postulence!

[Leetie]

I save my AAAARRRGHs for September 19.

[Stevie W]

Puff, the magic gas bomb
Lived by my pants
And frolicked in my rectal mist
But escaped when got the chance

A little toilet paper
Had stuck last time I wiped
It clogged my filtered BVD's
And stuck to me all night

Oh...

[fivver]

*waves lighter for stevie*
*bad idea - massive explosion*

[diverdowndoc]

Thanks for all the tips- I might get some of those collars for the doclings, too!
Me: I've told you six times to clean your room.
docling (staring at the TV screen): I don't want to clean my room!
Me: ZZZZTTT!
docling: Ow. I don't want to clean my room!
Me: ZZZZTTT!
docling (still staring at the TV screen): I don't want to clean my room!
Me: ZZZZTTT!
docling: Ow. I don't want to clean my room!
Me: ZZZZTTT!
docling (neer really twitched- still staring at the TV screen): I don't want to clean my room!
Me: ZZZZTTT!
docling: Ow. I don't want to clean my room!
Me: ZZZZTTT!ZZZZTTT!ZZZZTTT! Why doesn't this thing work?!?

OK- maybe not- TV is too strong an anesthetic.

Oh- and thanks for all the suggestions. Diverdowndog barks and growls until she is hoarse then starts coughing like she has a hairball. Of course, once the yard guys leave, she is exhausted and falls asleep immediately until the UPS guy comes.

[Meditrina]

I sure hope those Wichitonian political types are NOT reading this thread. They will know we are full of hot air of the gaseous variety.

[diverdowndoc]

Oh- and EWWWW! at stevie w.

[ring]

so why were all my gooooogle ads on that article about

Ringtones?

[Siouxie]

*in for a min*

*reads posts*

*throws a series of lol's, ewwwwwww's and *snorks* out there.*

ya'll grab whichever you want!

[diverdowndoc]

I'll take a snork.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

DDD-Another option for barking dogs...We've used a citronella collar for our dog. Instead of a shock, it delivers a spray of citronella away from her face. It's harmless, but since dogs don't like the smell of citronella, it's a deterrent.

We've had good success with it.

[Leetie]

My blog Statcounter is telling me that I can increase my log size today. Takes on a whole new meaning now. No thanks, pal!

And speaking of my statcounter... who here is from Herndon? Speak up, neighbor!

[Stevie W]

Lol, fivver. Massive explosion?

Life could be a dream
Sh-boom
If I could fart with endless confidence all day
Sh-boom
To lift a cheek without somebody yelling "Hey!"
Life could be a dream, sweet farts

Smell oh, smell oh, again
Sh-boom
Enjoyin' my farts again...

[Siouxie]

*opens blog windows and sprays some Oust™*

[Nurse Tammy]

*Peering for Siouxie through wafting green mist*

Thanks!

[wickedwitch]

Way south of there, Lettie. Hampton is home, but I was born in Herndon, PA. Close enough?

[mm]

My blog Statcounter is telling me that I can increase my log size today.

but it's so much more fun when you have someone else do it...

[OtheU(manity)]

Leetie ... is "pudding stain" the new euphemism fer ... um ... somethin' else?

[Leetie]

I had to check a map to find out where Herndon, PA was. ;)

Close as I can get: I spent a few days in Bellafonte once, when I was a novice chemist. So... sure!

[queensbee]

the commercials should be a riot. and thanks, stevie for the new words to Puff.
and i dont fart with confidence. i fart with my whole family! ba-bing!

[Leetie]

mm, I don't have that kind of log.

For me, Everything comes down to poo...

[diverdowndoc]

Leetie- I am a HUGE scrubs fan but I haven't seen that!

ROTFLMAOWTRDMF!

I'm gonna email that one!

[Nurse Tammy]

OMG - that was great! I almost peed I laughed so hard.

[Miss Chevious]

Y'all are all hilarious! Especially Random's TMI, what a toot, I mean hoot. :)

Miss C