NEWS OF THE WEIRD BONKERS

Key quote: My escort boats will all the time carry buckets of fresh blood to pour in the water in case the piranhas or other fish attack me," Strel said.

(Thanks to many people)

Comments

[mm]

that's it, get all these critters into a feeding frenzy, yeah, that makes sense. Especially that toothpick thing

[Mot the Hoople]

Oh Lordy, now we have buckets of blood to clean up.

[Jazzzz]

urinating in the water can attract the feared Candiru fish... All you guys at the "swim up" bar better watch out

[mm]

instead of just the small pan we had before.
maybe we can just let the pirhanas clean up...

[Siouxie]

All I can say is...FISHBAIT!!!!

[CJrun]

"Toothpick fish?" I thought those were blackberry thorns. Just damn....

[Mot the Hoople]

And this guy is also contributing to the gene pool? Man! I'm having trouble posting tonight

[Jazzzz]

As a young boy, I was beaten a lot by my parents and schoolmasters. This no doubt contributed greatly to my ability ito ignore pain and endure.

And they want to outlaw spanking. Go figure

[mm]

perhaps after the toothpick fish and the pirhana get to him, he won't be able to contribute to the gene pool

[mm]

I decided to dedicate the Amazon swim also to the preservation of the rain forest and clean waters

so of course you pour in buckets of blood...

[Lairbo]

As a young boy, I was beaten a lot by my parents and schoolmasters.

If they were trying to beat some sense into him, they failed miserably.

[Mot the Hoople]

Not to mention the exhaust emissions and other effluent from all the support boats.

[D.Esker]

The number of parasitic critters living in the Amazon is second only to the watering holes in equatorial Africa. He'll be covered in leeches and incubating worm eggs in his brain by the end of the first hour.

[CJrun]

Well, Desker, he's cheating and wearing a wetsuit. It sounds crazy, but here we water ski on a Black Water river. It's great as the water is smooth as glass and you are winding through the edges of a cypress swamp. The trick is, alligators. Falling [which I do a lot of] is tricky. You tend to do things that might attract toothpick fish, IYKWIM.

[Siouxie]

He's "swimming for peace". He'll be swiming in pieces when he's through.

Moron.

[Mot the Hoople]

"Swimming for peace" that's a new one. My favourite is the expression "Fighting for peace". To my mind fighting for peace is the same as f*^%!$g for virginity.

[insomniac]

israeli: did you hear about that guy swimming the amazon for world peace?

palestinian: yeah, it makes you think...if a guy can do something that painful , why can't we live in harmony?

newspaperboy: extra, extra! slovenian swimmer attacked by piranha and toothpick fish, explodes into sushi!

israeli and palestinian: let's lock and load!!!!

[blurk]

Well, I for one would fight for piece.

Oh...peace.

Well, that's different.

[mm]

snork @ blurk

[Stevie W]

All you guys at the "swim up" bar better watch out
=====
lol, jazzz
=====
They might as well start writing his obit now.

[Meditrina]

That guy is dying to go swimming. Can we just text him a lap pool?

[Mot the Hoople]

Love to follow him in a glass-bottomed boat to watch the fun.

[Siouxie]

and pick up the pieces ;-)

[Stevie W]

Who can find your anus
Swim in it upstream
Find a rectal fold for an an intestinal buffet
The candiru can
The candiru can and it feeds upon your blood and eats your tissue away

[mm]

this guy must've been hit too hard upsideothe head wunst or twice while he was bein' beat

Mot- personally I'd rather watch via sattelite in the comfort of my own living room. All that travel for what's sure to be a short swim...

[Siouxie]

lol stevie...icky but good!

btw, the bot has been on my ASS all afternoon!!!!

YES, bot! I SAID ASS! ASS! ASS! ASS!!

gumballs?? anyone?

[Mot the Hoople]

SW, is the candiru good for the klingons around Uranus?

[mm]

and *snork* at stevie

[blurk]

Uh-oh...mudstuffin has some competition.

stevie, that was hilarious!

*SNORK*

And yuck.

[mm]

ooh Mot, that just gives me an @sspucker

Siouxie, me too, can we kill appease the bot?

[Siouxie]

ohh ohhh I have an idea!! can we throw Twatney & Paris in there with him?

[Mot the Hoople]

One of the inventions I'd really love to see would be an overexposed celebrity eraser. It's right up there with bio-degradable supermarket trolleys and non-proliferating wire coat hangers. C'mon the geek brigade, put your thinking caps on.

[Siouxie *not even my ears*]

mm, maybe if we sacrifice a blog virgin to appease the bot gods???

*looks around*

**SNORK*^!!!!!!!!!

[Jazzzz]

I was about to *snork* Siouxie, then I had to add Isom, then I saw stevew, d@mn you guys are killing me here!!

[mm]

Siouxie, they'd suck up all of the toothpick fish and the nothing would happen to the swimmer. Better than buckets o' blood...

[Mot the Hoople]

Time to retire gracefully, brains getting fuddled and my eyes are drooping. Ciao Amigos

[Jazzzz]

Oh, and not to leave out Mot's f^%!!g for virginity. dayum!!

[mm]

Yeah, that sacrifice thing might be hard to accomplish.

Ya think it'd go for squirrels? We gots lots of them. No? Slovenian swimmers?

Dang we're SOL..

[Siouxie]

wooooo hoooo group *snork*!!

[mm]

ruh roh, italics attack

[Jazzzz]

better?

[Jessica R.]

Jazzzz got so excited he left his italics opened! It's ok Siouxie shut them for you, Jazzzz.

[Jazzzz]

Thanks guys... dain bramage. Did I leave anything else open?

[Jessica R.]

Thanks for the new thread, judi. We were wearing that last one out.

[Siouxie]

*not looking*

[Jessica R.]

Don't know, Jazzz, feeling any drafts?

[mm]

is that J you were hiding feeling chilly?

[mm]

OK ladies, enough rubbing ribbing Jazzzz about his openings

[Jazzzz]

*turns red*.....face, that is

[Stevie W]

"A wetsuit and a special cream should protect him from these..."

Wonder if he gets his Orifice Protection Cream from
Argentine model Belen Rodriguez.

[Siouxie]

fish sauce for the fish, stevie??

[mm]

just eeeww, stevie, oh and *snork*

[Stevie W]

She's hot.

[mm]

I think the bot's got nothing else to do today, so it's raggin' on us...slow news day an' all

[mm]

in more ways that one, stevie

I can think of three

[Jazzzz]

steve w........Taste great, less filling?

[Stevie W]

I can only think of two.

What's the third?

[Brad]

I thought the biggest danger of swimming in the Amazon was that fish that swims up the urethra when you pee and embeds itself.

Ah yes, I wasn't mistaken. See this video.

[mm]

bodacious, excited, and infectious

[CJrun]

Mega Saturday afternoon *snorks*

[Stevie W]

Scary. From now on, I'm limiting my pissung au naturel to hotel swimming pools.

[Stevie W]

That's pissing, dammit.

[Siouxie]

ouch! eeeek!

there goes skinny dippin for me!

[mm]

ok that just gives me chills...Thanks, Brad
*triple eeewww*

[wxgurl]

Can we get Twatney & paris to make the swim first and see if they can kill the parasites?

[Jazzzz]

I thought maybe "pissUng" was a combined form of elimination I was unfamiliar with, steve w.

[Siouxie]

wxgurl, I'm thinking even those parasites won't go up those vagins.

[Stevie W]

The willyfish swam up my putz
He's making a feast of my guts
I tried to extract it
But I got distracted
By the piranhas that were biting my nuts.

[Jazzzz]

Siouxie, does that mean they don't eat meat? ;-\

[CJrun]

*snork* @ the song pissung by stevie.

Here's a torch version:

Remember... I remember how long I bled
Told me peace was too ephemeral
Told me I’d be et by a crocodile

And now you say you’re peaceful
Well, just to prove you are
Come on and swim me a river
Swim me a river
I swam a river over you

lmao, good one

and owwwwie

[Brad]

A pitcher of brain bleach for everyone, on me.

[Siouxie]

fish eatin' clams?

clam eatin' fish?

[Jazzzz]

kinky, Sioux

[blurk]

Oh good Lord!!

Jazzzz...Brad....you guys take the comments on that, please. I'm afraid of what I might say.

[Jazzzz]

I've been sittin on my hands afraid of what you may say too, Blurkie :-)

[Siouxie]

what?

[Siouxie]

oops..btw, that invisible poster @ 4:54 was me.

stoopid typepoop

[CJrun]

[we could tell].

*gets in the sign-up line to become a fish*

[blurk]

CJ...take a number.

[CJrun]

OK. I'll take 69. Is my stereo too loud? No? Good.

[Siouxie]

*sweep* *sweep*

*keeping the blog clean*

well guys, it's been real! must go start getting ready to meet my bff's!

*jumps in the shower*

HEY!! whatchall's lookin at???

*closes curtain*

[Siouxie]

byeeeeeeeeee ;-P

*will leave you boys to your clambake*

[CJrun]

Hey guys! I've got Sio's cell number; let's take turns making her get out of the shower to answer it!

[PS Sio, enjoy gals night and be careful]

[Siouxie]

HEY! I saw that!!!

(thanks...smooooooooch)

[Siouxie]

now i'm leaving for reals

[CJrun]

I knew you were doing this for money.

[Jazzzz]

*snork* CJ. do we get to choose what kind of fish? (decidedly NOT a blow fish) Maybe a whale...(7 ft. tongue, and breathes through a hole in their head)

[CJrun]

*rises on soapbox, which these days are paperboard, so back where he started*

If ya gotta be a fish and clams are on the menu, go Sheepshead. They have the shell-crushing teeth.

If you're going for maximum clammage, you need an Oyster Drill [snail] or Menippe mercenaria, the clam and snail eating machine.

*puts flattened soapbox in recycling bin*

[Jazzzz]

I'm always in favor of maximum clamage.

[Jazzzz]

^m

[crossgirl]

off topic but still naughty:
i just got in from the hardware store. the ever so helpful ace hardware man asked if he could help me with anything when i walked in the store. his eyes got real big and his friendly, helpful smile got real wide when i told him that what i really wanted was some caulk. and yes, i did say that in my phone sex voice and with a straight face.

is the blog bar still open?

[CJrun]

Made up words, made up spelling. *Passes out garlic butter*

[Edgar Greenberg]

Toothpick fish doesn't begin to describe fish the swim up your _____, die, rot, and cause infection.

[Meanie the Blue]

Did you get Tru Value from him, Cross?

[CJrun]

ROFG [giggling] cg! I did the same thing today... I found this gorgeous brunette gal in the building materials section and asked her if she knew anything about roofies. She finally said, 'maybe over at the Pro Desk.'

Why do girls always say that to me?

[insomniac]

("The Sloop John B.")
i swam down the mighty yangtze
but didn't get world harmony
and then a bigger idea entered my dome!!
dodge carnivorous fish
who think i'm delish
with all i've soaked up
i want to go home!

the toothpick fish's a bad dream
swims up your urine stream
made me keep my d--- completely plated in chrome!
there's buckets of blood
(i hope they think type O's good)
with all i've soaked up
i want to go home!

so hoist all the chum-filled pails
see how far that i'll get
piranhas, bugs, tidal bores won't
let me go home.
Let me go home, i swear i'll move up to Nome
with all i've soaked up
i want to go home!

[Stevie W]

Q. What did the piranha say to the toothpick fish?

A. Tastes like scrotum.

[Stevie W]

"so hoist all the chum-filled pails"

xlent, insom! cj too! I fried a liver for you.