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January 31, 2007

LOST OR STOLEN: PUNCTUATION MARKS AND A BRAND NEW, NEVER-USED SENSE OF HUMOR

If found, please return to Denver. No questions asked.

Dear Mr. Barry

Your correct Denver will probably never host a Super Bowl.
But that is fine with us we would rather watch our team play in the game.
Unlike the dolphins the Broncos goal is always the same Super bowl or bust.
The Dolphins seem happy just to finish the season.
You Might try visiting our fair city seems many people relocate here al the time.
Denver Fan
John Frantz

Comments

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Hi my name is John this is my brother Darren.

"seems many people relocate here al the time"

But how quickly do they move back?

Oh the shame, gonna have to tell my daughter to move.

Wow, inbreeding seems to be rampant in Denver!

*sends some assorted periods, commas and humor over to Mr. Frantz*

oooooooooooookay. even i, no defender of punctuation or capitalization, would make an effort, when firing off a note to anyone who most probably would be making fun of my writing style, to proofread.

*tosses some Capital Letters into Siouxie's care package*

What is with these humor-challenged Denverites (if that's a word) and their lack of spelling and punctuation skills?

I blame Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-Col).

as one one who customarily eschews the grammatical conventions of punctuation and capitalization i feel i must add that while this person and i seem to have that habit in common he seems to be a fair twit and offer this rejoinder:

"my team wears bigger jockstraps than your team and your city smells bad and your teams cheeleaders will have sex with anyone and they also smell bad."

*briefly considers adding a gumball to care package, decides against it*

This is another fine example of why I live in Colorado Springs instead of Denver.

Dave, you should visit Colorado Springs. The folks here in the Springs are always nice, even to people from third world countries. That's why we let people from Denver come visit, too, but hopefully that won't include Rep. Tancreepo. Er, Tancredo.

Ok this is all a cunning plot. The lack of punctuation and bad syntax is deliberate. I think this guy's pulling our chain. Nobody could be this stupid after the Darren massacre.

You don't know people from Denver, Mot. It may not be deliberate.

Hey! ima grduat uf th evlin wood spd rdng corse.

Shadow, I do too, my daughter lives in Firestone and works in Boulder.

btw, Mot?? how's she doing?

Nothing ruins a rebuttal (good or bad) than poor speeling and not good grammer.

I really don't think you should count people getting lost in the Denver airport and never getting out again as relocating to Denver.

Everything seems to be in a holding pattern, neither worse nor better. Ty for asking Sooz.

Shadow, I apologize if I sounded abrupt, if I put a smiley there would it help?

post his email......please

seems many people relocate here al the time.

Someone better tell Al. Mebbe he doesn't know.

Boo, Denver International is so far from Denver it could be in another State and I've seen many people walking around there looking dazed and disorientated.

Dear John Frantz Tancredo,

Please shut your tancredo. You don't know tancredo about Dave or Miami. If you had half a tancredo, you'd (that is "you" plus "would" with a little ' thing to combine the words, as one might use if they were to spell "you're") apologize your tancredo off.

Please keep your tancoodies away from Miami. If you show up here, we may have to kick your tancredo back to Denver.

Tancredo very much,

*zips in*

If you can't get the FIRST word of you note/e-mail/whatever correct, there's really no hope at all for you, en I ain't kiddin bout that....

Does anyone wonder if this is Darren agin using an alias?

Aside: its rel hard to be incorrect when typing

The Coneheads from SNL put it best: Never trust anything from Frantz.

I took no offense Mot. I just don't think Denver represents the state well. Boulder is a beautiful place and I've not been to Firestone but I am sure it is nice too. After all, it's not Denver, however close it might be.

Can't...think...head...exploding...from such bad grammar.....

Seriously, I know third graders who write better than that.

Tom and John and Darren - Tancroglodites all.

Punkin, Pleaser do not impeach the good name of "thanks," by substituting the foul word tancredo in it's place.

Tancredo you too,
Edgar

john and daren,

denvers toilet flush is crappy in the halftime. us in miami have better sewer than yours. and the miami website is beter

denvers: http://www.denvergov.org/WasteWater/HomePage/tabid/395801/Default.aspx

miami:
http://www.miamidade.gov/wasd/home.asp

and miami gives out free showerheads. tell tacrenedo that he can come change his here if he comes.

John. your writing. is excellent. perhaps we could get together sometime.

I may be missing something, but pray tell, when was the last time Denver made it to the Super Bowl?

I think Punkin "bite me" Poo is in good form today. Although, come to think of it, many of this blog's fans would say her form is always good. ;)

"al the time"

Ok, someone who can't spell "all" correctly has real problems. But I think that is obvious from the content.

Aparentley grammerizing, spleling, and punkuation are not thot hiley ov in Denver.

And fer all yall that think that grammerizing is not a werd I no for a fakt that it is a perfektly cromulent wrod and yousing fitty sent wrds embiggens you're vokabullarey.

*Hi my name is John this is my brother Darren.*

And this is my other brother Darren.

I hope I got the Denver inflection down well enough for those Denverites, or whatever they are called (Tancredos), to read and understand.

*snork* @ Boo, back up there.

I get the feeling that guy is not a writer.

Thanks, Nurse Tammy!

I better watch out with the "bite me" stuff.
Some people have sharp teeth

uh, teeth, that is.

I must say I never thought anyone would claim Colorado Springs to be more progressive than Denver or anywhere else. It's the right-wing capital of the world and home of Focus on the Family crazies, among others. And, of course, Tancredo doesn't represent Denver. Diane DeGette does, and she loves Miami.

Punkin: Indeed they do. You missed all the earlier stuff, so here's a waffle and an augmented cocoa. Enjoy!

Tancred-you very much!

*slurp*

Colorado Springs may be better known for its right-wing nuts, Davo, but we also have plenty of liberal crazies, like myself. We just don't get as much publicity.

Also, just for the record, Denver won the Super Bowl twice in 1998 and 1999. No, I have no idea how; it was surely another sign of the Apocalypse.

Umm... have I just been thanked or insulted?

Nurse Tammy, I'm pretty sure you were thanked. The only time Punkin is vicious in a bad mood is when you slam her losing beloved Red Sox. :)

Anybody wanna see the way a cookie crumbles????

Punkin, how can you say that to someone you just had a simul with???

*wonders how that could have happened*

I, too, live in Colorado (Greeley actually which is north of Denver). I would just like it on the record that no everyone in the state is as stupid as this guy ... some are worse. And we didn't vote for Tancredo!

This is a Red Sox household. I don't give a rat's @ss (I lack the "caring about sports" gene), and my hubby is a Red Sox stalker fan. I suppose that means Punkin can't be mad at me right now...
Cookie, you are in the other camp, a(n) idiot Yankees fan, if I remember correctly?

OMG! Judi, stop! You're killing me with these guys! And I don't mean that in a good way!

Seriously, for every one of these sub-literate fiercely loyal Denverites who lacks a brain sense of humor, there are ten guys like me. But we all live in Brighton. It seems IQ points tend to clump together.

It seems Mr. Frantz is just a few punctuation marks shy of stream-of-conciousness.

*tosses a Schoolhouse Rock CD into Siouxie's care package.

That would be correct, N.T.

Eat your heart out!! ;)

J.D. belongs to us now. :)

Please Denver.
TAKE EVERYBODY.
We and the Everglades do not want your old people or any other newcomers.

Also: See 1972.
I am content with the fact that the Miami Dolphins make Hootie and myself cry.

Brighton??? Excuuuse me, but that's worse than the Springs. I once bought a snow shovel in Brighton but other than that there's not much to say for the place.

Cookie - WWJD? Apparently anything for a buck.

All this from people who can't punch a hole in a piece of paper! Hmmm!

DEAR. SIR,

CONFIDENTIAL- BUSINESS; PROPOSAL

HAVING, CONSULTED: "WITH MY" COLLEAGUES (AND BASED ON) THE INFORMATION- GATHERED. FROM, THE, NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF: "COMMERCE", AND INDUSTRY! I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO? REQUEST FOR YOUR; ASSISTANCE, TO TRANSFER 47,500,000 (FORTY, SEVEN, MILLION, FIVE, HUNDRED, THOUSAND, PUNCTUATION MARKS) INTO. YOUR, POSSESSION?

Punkin, he just wanted to play with the best and for the best.

I don't recall you feeling that way about him when he was a Sox. ;)

Emily Dickinson took liberties with punctuation and caps, but she was a genius. Maybe this guy is one, two...

Had to print this off--Good grammar lesson for my 4th grader!! Thanks, Mr. Denver!

*makes note that Nurse Tammy is a Bosux fan*

Try again, Davo. Now that northern El Paso County and Douglas County have figured out that too much residential growth before business/infrastructure growth equals idiot new-home-owner bitching about crowded plumbing and lack of places to actually SHOP isn't a good strategy, Brighton and Adams County are enjoying their/our new place as the place to relocate both business and INTELLIGENTLY allowed residential growth.

Oh, yeah -- we also did not run out of places to buy snow shovels OR snow blowers during these blizzards. Thanks for reminding me of that.

And for the record, I lived and worked in Colorado Springs for three years, 16 years ago. And there was a reason I left. And it had nothing to do with the religious idgits everything to do with the tanking economy in 1993.

There are writers in Brighton??? Thought you all were still working on basic reading and such. But you should work on your reading, in any case. I wasn't defending Colo Springs, just saying it's better than Brighton, which it is.

Someone contact the President. It seems some children in Denver have been left behind.

1) Those of us in Denver or Colorado don't like Tancre-doo either. Someone keeps voting for Tancre-doo but I've never met any of them personally. b) Mr. Franz probably relocated from Texas, as most everyone here seems to be from California or Texas and I think the latter has a worse school system. iii) Every state has its share of stupid people, just look at the 2004 elections.

Kevin is absolutely right. Dave Barry's blog will obviously tolerate no foolishness. In fact, the general level of discourse would rival Foreign Relations for maturity and general gravitas. I stand corrected.

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