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January 30, 2007

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to DavCat)

UPDATE, also from DavCat: Now we are not so certain who should hold that title.

Comments

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YAY!

I'm just trying to figure out what the guy could have done for the tires to be bald when he only had it for a number of hours, not weeks or days.

And how did the guy drive to pick up the car? Was he able to drive both vehicles back home?

C'mon. Thorough reporting people! Sheesh.

mmmm, cheetos.

The moral of the story is: when you steal your bail bondsman's car, don't call him and ask to be bailed out of jail after you're caught.

I'd say there's at least one other moral. See if you can guess:

Yonan further inspected the inside of the car and found a letter the thief had written, it was a list to his mother of what to do with his personal belongings when he went to jail.

The list included her phone number and his girlfriend's.

Wow, that guy really has his head up his Tancredo.

Could this guy have been related to Darren in Denver?

and the engine eventually needed to be replaced twice

How hard do you have to work to trash two engines in a day??

Has this plot line appeared in Stephanie Plum? If not, it sure will soon....

A local story that ran in the Free Press:

According to police, Calvin E. Fluckes Jr., 21, pulled into a Walmart's parking lot next to 40 marked squad cars. Apparently unfazed by the cops who filled the aisles and checkout lines for a charity event, Fluckes tried to pay for merchandise with a poorly photocopied check, police said.
The cashier called over a manager, who alerted police.

Love the Dumb Criminal stories!

This would-be criminal mastermind should only be credited with trashing one engine. I think that the second engine would have to be blamed on poor choice of mechanic.

Now the bald tires, scratches, dents, and of course the Cheetos fall directly on the shoulder of the evil genius that left his contact information.

Wow, that guy really has his head up his Tancredo.

Posted by: Christobol | 02:38 PM on January 30, 2007


exactly........

ROFLMAO

I'm with Noob on this one. How do you make tires go bald in one day unless they were 2/3 the way there already? And as Baron says, how did he ruin the second engine? There's somethin' wrong here...

Of course trashing the car was an extremely unwise move...

Dr Acula - who knew there would be Evanovich fans here. Steph will get to the bottom of it.

I think that article raised more questions than it answered.

Bad habits! (see update)

Nuns On The Run
WBAGNFA Christian Punk B.

Dammit, you stole my line!

I'm with Noob on this one. How do you make tires go bald in one day unless they were 2/3 the way there already? And as Baron says, how did he ruin the second engine? There's somethin' wrong here...

Of course trashing the car was an extremely unwise move...

Posted by: mm


simple...drifting

Hey, Dave stole it first!

as to the follow up story...Sounds like the nuns have a habit....


sorry

dangit...I just sent that in a few mins ago!!

LOL Meanie!!

It's not easy to shake off bad habits.

d'oh

hmmm...could it be a bad habit, Chaz???

;-P

"naughty greek nuns" wbagnfa.... oh, god not even i can finish that sentence.

Chaz - OK, I'll bite. What is drifting? It sounds like a secret guy ritual...

"I'm just trying to figure out what the guy could have done for the tires to be bald when he only had it for a number of hours, not weeks or days."

He sold the good tires and replaced them with crap.

600,000 euros in debt after buying only 250,000 worth of knitting machinery?

*Tries to picture 350,000 worth of yarn.*

*Still just just ends up seeing a bunch of naked women wrestling in pudding.*

*Blames the nuns*

Somebody's getting fleeced.

drifting is that thing the do with cars like in The Fast and the Furious 3....we used to call it power sliding....

the keep the engine at high speeds, tires spinning and slide around corners

tires can go in one day...really taxes the engine

Also,
Tipiyokti!!

ofcourse...we all know what kind of meat the priests eat, right?

Nun...

If the nuns are caught, will they confess?

"Forgive me Father, for I have skeined..."

There one was a Grecian nunnery,
Trying to make money for gunnery,
So much debt they now owe,
On the lam they must go.
And creditors do not think it funnery.

Don't ask, I have no idea what some of those words mean.

Stevie- Heck he could have just taken the wheels off entirely. that would have been easier, and probably made him more money. Of course, we are discussing a criminal mastermind here.

Those nuns, that's a fishy story, too. They borrow 250K euros and are now 600K euros in debt? Who did they borrow from, Guido the Man? It sounds like someone was ripping them off either in overpriced supplies or "lost" sales at the stores...

You have to wonder if the nuns found out that they were losing money on each sale and tried to make it up in volume.

*wondering if Sister Rosetta Stone was involved*

Maybe a bit too much sipping of the Black Nun wine?

OOPS. Blue nun.

I'll be the Virgin Mary appear in something soon, say a ball of yarn, so they can charge admission and make thier money back

Chaz- thanks. I was imagining beaches or sand dunes or something.

C'bol - sorry I'm a really bad typist. You posted while I was typing, didn't mean to repeat you....

and *snork @ Stevie

"He sold the good tires and replaced them with crap."

*At Firestone*

"See, you have very little tread left on these back tires, and, well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your front tires are turds."

Get thee to a country with no extradition treaty!

What's a Grecian earn, anyway?

If one of them turns state's evidence, will she be The Singing Nun?

Stevie - whatever they're ode.

This career criminal actually came into the newspaper one day to complain about the fact I was always writing about him. He wanted to know why I was picking on him.

I explained that if he would stop mugging people and knocking over convenience stores that I would stop writing about him.

He had this sort of dazed look and then said, "Really?" and I said, "I promise." And he grinned real big, shook my hand and bounced out like he was the happiest guy in the world. I'm sure he went to his thug buddies and bragged about he had worked out a deal with the newspaper....

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry....

A soon to be made CBS movie: Nuns on the Lamb
staring Kevin Bacon as Father Dowling.

Clark Kent, you really work for a major metropolitan newspaper?

*snorks* @ Stevie & Meanie!

Or if one of them escapes, she'll be The Flying the coupe Nun??

I'm a nun. I ain't had nun in a long time.....

and won't be gettin' nun any time soon.

*waiting for one of the very talented lyricists to come up with a parody to "Band on the Run"*

Hey, this article's actually from a sister paper to the one I work for. I'll have to pass the questions along to the reporter. ;0) But I'll tell ya, sideshows are big around here. Drifting sounds like a very plausible explanation.

Knitting Inside These Four Walls, Celibate Forever,
Never Seeing No One Nice Again Like You,
Mother You, Mother You.
If I Ever Get Out Of Here,
Thought Of stealing It All Away
From A Registered Charity.
All I Need Is A Pint A Day
If I Ever Get Out Of Here.

Well, The Rain Exploded With A Mighty Crash As We Fell Into The Sun,
And The First Nun Said To The Second Nun There I Hope You're Having Fun.
Nuns On The Run, Nuns On The Run.
And The Jailer Man And Collector Sam Were Searching Every One

For the Nuns on the run, Nuns on the run, Nuns on the run, Nuns on the run

Meanie, I wouldn't call it major or metropolitan, but it is a newspaper.

Hot Springs, AR. Population just under 40,000. But we do have four Sonics, half a dozen McDonalds and Burger Kings and not one, but TWO, Wal-Mart Super Centers....

So there.

YAY Hammie!! LOL excellent!!!

"A soon to be made CBS movie..."

Or a TV series starring Sally Field and David Janssen, "The Fugitive Nun."

"The nuns are believed to have taken refuge at another monastery in central Greece..."

Father McKenzie
Darning his socks are the nuns who have sought refuge there
Fifty new pair...

with that much yarn "we're going to need a bigger cat..."

come out of hiding

What kind of hides do Greek nuns wear?

Yay Ham! our first (I think) song of the afternoon.
Also, Stevie you've been zinging us with the one-liners all day.

*most excellent snorkage*, LMAO

I guess the bill collector wouldn't fall for the yarns about why they couldn't pay.

Greek nuns wear garments made from a fiber found in the excrement of a small marmot-like animal, valued for its strength and aroma. Or was that some kind of coffee?

I dunno Hanna - I've never heard of a garment made from coffee.

I did go to a wet t-shirt contest at a Starbucks one time, but it was a disaster.

Don't let CK fool you. The Senile Sentinel Record just today had a story on prostitutes, just like the "big city" papers

Hanna, I think it was coffee mad with beans which had passed through the digestive tract of some animal before roasting and brewing...

Ever notice they never have wet brief contests. Male chauvenists!

CBol....Did it get out of hand (so to speak) when expresso got invloved?

Cool. I love coffee that is "mad" with beans. Very awakening!

or even invOlved?

I think you'd have to be mad to drink it.

A soon to be made CBS movie: Nuns on the Lamb
staring Kevin Bacon as Father Dowling.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | 03:53 PM on January 30, 2007


six degrees of....father kevin?

Yeah, Jazz, but we only have like three prostitutes and they work in eight hour shifts....

(I actually wrote that story and I feel bad in a way cause the majority of "johns" they bust are here from Mexico to work at the race track and have no clue prostitution is illegal since it's not there... Almost doesn't seem fair.)

So Clark, are you saying the nuns were in the wrong line of work? Or has this thread totally unraveled?

CK... I have a good friend (whose extended family owns La Hacienda). He was hilarious today about it, but I do see your point....He said "just another way we're helping the economy" Well written BTW, even I understood it.

Soon to be released, a heart-wrenching expose of the life of nuns in Greece, "Nuns on the Lam," co-authored by Dr. Phil and Oprah.

I'm not sure how the nuns would fare as prostitutes...

I mean, those "johns" are probably all Catholics. If they're spending all day in confession and doing penance, who is going to walk the horses?

I had a holey sweater once.

*snork* at CK

Thanks, Jazz. I had a fraternity brother who is related to the Osegueras. Now he's a state trooper... Comes in handy sometimes.

I have a friend named John who is a protestant. Need to be careful about stereotypes. : ]

He doesn't even own a horse.

I forgot to engage my auto *snork* @ Steve W button, which will be standard in all new Microsoft™ software

Oh good, can we talk about horses now?

George? If so, it's his brother Miguel

I got a sweater for my birthday...I had wanted a screamer.

speaking of screaming, how is your nasal biscotti, Jazz?

*Snork* at Hanna....

(with my apologies to the horseless John)....

Catholics walk horses? I've never herd that one before. Maybe I was in the barn at the time.

kinda crusty at this point AWBH. I'm having trouble identifying what's cheese and what's not. Thanks for asskin'

Work calls. Thanks for the yuks.

Ice cream, you scream, we all scream for gelati...but it was a crostini, aw, not a biscotti.

Jazzz - um....EW!

Yes, Jazz, it was George or Jorge, but everyone called him George....

Nice family.

stevie - if it wasn't crustini before, it sure is now.

Since this story is from Greece, it's probably more like a spanokopita.

"I forgot to engage my auto *snork* @ Steve W button"

Ty, jazzz. Why not just create a holy macro?

Tancredo is of Italian heritage. What pastafazool let his granny into dis country, anyway?

CK.....I agree, no better family around. Gabriel too

Awbh....should I send you a sample?

Steve W...how do you know about my crow?

Are we talking about crows now? You guys are giving me a tummy ache.

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