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January 23, 2007

CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT 'EM

(Via Gizmodo)

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who, us? no way!!

Not funny but there are times I think my wife would agree, she loves Pogo.

Of course I loooooove my new Xbox 360.

*emails this ridiculous article to Mrs. fivver*

*checks bazoomages*
Nope, the computer cannot compete with me.

At least the computer has off button

I can rub 2 $50s together and get bazoomage. But the PC never nags me about the toilet seat.

Not only does the computer have an off button, it also has a volume knob, and never has a "headache."

Hello? Did I hear something????

I'm surprised. Course my ex would agree.

The computer also never attempts to wrest control of the remote control from me.

*stomps away from PC in a huff*
*glues DPC's toilet seat down*

*dribbles all over Nurse Tammy's toilet seat*
*goes back to the Ambiguously Labeled Links on the PC*

Yep. And it's time for an upgrade.

Not to mention an "an" as well

Misleading headline writing...

The article says they "spend more time" with the computer. This does NOT say they *prefer* doing that!

My son spends more time at school than he does playing video games, but that does not mean he prefers doing that.

The majority of those surveyed -- 52% -- described the experience of their biggest recent computer problem as one of anger, sadness or alienation.

Bot curse, anyone?

17 comments and no one's mentioned the byline??

Anybody see the author's name?

Steven Schwankert.

OMG, did Dave miss that too?

The computer just has so much more going for it. The first two that come to mind are, it:

1. doesn't snore
2. doesn't let a whiffer and fluff the sheets

There must be a million of 'em.

Mine's portable and I can take it wherever I go. The computer as well

ok I gotta say it and go against the flow - it can only give blog-hugs when things are bad...

not to mention other things it can't do...

mm, blog-hugs yes...bl*w j*bs...not so much. right?

"I cain't quit you PC."

*just 'cause nobody said it yet*

Well, I spend a lot of time on the computer, but it doesn't hold my hand in bed at night like Mr Artchick does. (or mow the lawn or open jars, either).

Siouxie - exactly, A

where'd it go?

add: lso I don't think that Argentinian supermodel would be satisfied with one...

Mot's temporarily off the air.

...or do the laundry, or make dinner, or clean up throw-up from kids/cats/dogs, or...

wait a minit - what's that little gadget CH has that vacuums the carpet? That's a computer. Um...

rut roh!!

Well color me dependent.
I love my laptop! All my friends are in there.¹

¹ stolen from somewhere

*cues bwang Schwankert music*

Don't forget - your head is in there, too, Leetie.

No, I don't have a Roomba. I only wish I had a Roomba. And a Scooba (scrubs floors). And a pony.

CH - Then you'd need a Scoopa, too.

If my hubby and I ever managed to get on the same schedule, I'd spend significantly less time blogging. Not that I don't love ya'll too, but a blog snuggle just sounds like it would be dirty, IYKWIM.

Not having a spouse, I can't comment. But a computer gets thrown away after ten years.

*looking for a way to make a joke about computers having viruses (and worms) while I don't...*

DPC - I don't know where you were, but my toilets are still clean.
*tastefully avoiding joke about aim issues*

*Notes Mot's discretion in not referring to his wife as Mrs. Hoople*

Nurse Tammy... One of my favorite signs in a public restroom:

We aim to please. You aim too, please.

*snork* @ Baron, I need to send that sign to my Aunt... she has 6 males of the species living there, and, well...you know.

there is also the ever popular

Be a man, not a kid!
Hit the toilet, not the lid.

Cute, but i don't see any difference in the bathroom situation since posting the above two signs. most of the customers that use our restroom aren't quite as smart as the dog in the next post.

If the females of the species could just raise the lid, rather than having us males lower it for them (or not raise it at all), this would never be an issue.

*glares @ Baron*

exsqueeze me, Baron?? why would we raise the lid? we don't need it up (the lid that is, you sick people).

IF you guys would experience falling down the toilet when the lid is up, you'd put it down.

You females complain about our (male) aim, but insist on making the target smaller. ;)

Go, Siouxie! I too have experienced middle-of-the-night butt baptism. It was cold.
That having been said, hubby still firmly believes that even in the dark, when getting up for a quick tinkle prior to returning to slumber, it is my responsibility to check the seat. I have graciously not killed him.
Pray tell, how did you train your ex?

Oh, and this has been a great thread for me... both glares and snorks. I am in heaven... All I need now is a good Brain Bleach moment and I will have hit the trifecta.

It may only count as the trifecta if you get all three from one person, Baron. I have to go consult the rulebook.

NT.... I have had the other end of that. I got up in the middle of the night to drain the main vein, and not turning on the light opened up the flood gates.... only to find out the hard way that a female acquaintance of mine had not just lowered the seat, but the lid also. The shock of a leg soaking in the middle of the night will really wake you up too, and it is not good clean toilet water that you are being baptized with.

Baron, don't make me post that picture of a pregnant Twatney in a bikini again!

Tammy, he probably got tired of my constant bitching reminders. Either that or he went to take a cr@p one night and "forgot". THEN he understood and just decided to let me think it was all ME.

Whatever works.

Baron: seat down, lid up is the ideal. It's mostly not a big issue for me; I have three brothers, I had to learn to look before sitting. I only let my guard down every now and then.
Hey, wait, does it count if we use the brain bleach on the toilet? Then you could say it was the trifecta...

Siouxie,

Just know that I would never do this or this or this without provocation.

I refuse to open those links, Baron.

You can't make me!!! :-P

la la la la

re: Aim
It always goes exactly where I point it.

re: Seat
It would be most fair if everyone checked the seat before using the pot and adjusted accordingly. Then, leave the seat in the same position you found it.

Baron, I propose you just start sitting on the throne, point down and release. No splashage, no differing of opinions re: seat position. Just sit down like a good girl, I mean boy and problem solved.

seat-down-lid-up os only the ideal if you don't have free-romilg cats who like to play in the water now and again. Sitting down to a sloppy wet seat is nasty for either sex..

I promise there is not a single Britney or Manilow appearing in any of those links.

*knows there's gotta be a Barely Manenough one in there*

Nope.... he's not in any of them. I swear!

DPC, I am shocked, SHOCKED by your proposal. I thought the world revolved around ME and that toilet seats should be in the position most convenient for MY sweet a$$. Isn't this the way the world works? What planet are you from?

mm- My pets (dog and a cat) don't WANT to go in the bathroom. They can still smell the pet shampoo. And anyway, we mostly keep those doors closed.

Oh, and nice try, Baron. I am amused at your attempt to induce brain bleach consumption.

ain't gonna do it! nope!

May I point out that Manilow plays here in Vegas ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME? Imitations do not frighten me.

As I said... neither Britney nor Manilow are in any of those links.

In the immortal words of someone who isn't me:
"Women are from Earth. Men are from Earth. Pop psychology is from Uranus."

And the most obvious solution is for every bathroom to have appropriate standup facilities (the sink) and sitdown facilities where the seat can not be moved.

This one should, though, NT. How could a parent be so cruel?

My sentiments exactly, DPC. I will leave the lid down when I am allowed to pee in the sink!!!!

Snork at DPC's sink! On behalf of Mrs. Dread, might I offer you a wack upside the noggin?

Dunno, Baron. We may have to alert child protectives services.
*shuddering* All the times I hear Tw@tney, skank-ho, I mean Paris, Manilow, etc are in town... I may have actually breathed some of the same air. *rocking in terror in blog corner*

then you may as well wash your face and brush your teeth in the toilet too, guys!

eww!!

Baron, I'm not falling for it ;-)

Baron, link the first is AWESOME.

Link the second is so horrible that my brain crawled down to my ankle to hide.

Link the third was so excruciating that I shut it off before it was finished.

I am glad I could accommodate, CH. Did I tell the truth, or what? Not a Britney or Manilow in the bunch.

Just don't attack your leg, should your brain take over while it is down there, CH

*snork* @ Baron

Erhm, I think that the third link might have bent the truth of your claim just a bit.

And the second link represents a massive, evil misdirection on your part.

The first link, though, is excellent in every way, even though there is a disturbance in the Force over what played in my headphones.

Off to my probably disturbing dreams now. Thanks for the laughs, folks.

Have a nice nap, Tammy!!

Did someone say disturbance in the force. I love disturbances almost as much as my computer, and way more than my sappy wife.

My claim is valid... neither of the spaced oddities appeared in any of the links.

That second link was just icing on the cake.

Nighty night, NT. Make sure to check lid positioning prior to the midnight tinkles

That second link was just icing on the cake.

...or should I say, the stuffing in the Brain bleach sandwich.

I'm STILL not opening them up, Baron!

Come on, Siouxie... you know you want to. That curiosity is getting to you now.

Straight Back. Head Up. And step right in. It will be over before you know it.

ohhh OK! but if I have permanent brain damage after this I'm holding you personally responsible...uh...when I stop droolin'

Link 1 - hysterical!

Link 2 - closed it the second she popped up so no permanent damage there. (seen it before...eeck).

Link 3 - that screeching child is actually better than Manilow. Ear bleach is needed. PRONTO!

*smacks Baron upside the head*

HAPPY NOW?????

I am just amazed that any good parent would actually allow their 3 year old to be exposed to something that horrible, let alone encourage them to emulate it. They should be locked up for child abuse, and 100,000 counts of aural assault on the internet viewing population.

I am glad you survived Siouxie.

Baron - the IT police block all three for me, so I can't open them till I get home. I assume they are suitably nauseous...

To recap, mm:
1=Two thumbs up
2=Boo, hiss, *urkh*
3=My ears! My precious ears!

You will really enjoy them... that is if you enjoy nastiness and filth and sleaze. Oh, and bad vocals.

The first time I saw video two, I threw up in my mouth a little.

The third one almost made me do the full fledged heave.

I survived, bleached and posted.

Correct, CH!

And you decided to share with us, Baron??

how um...thoughtful of you.

I always have felt that my sick sense of humor and taste should be shared freely with the world. That's why I feel so comfortable in this blog with all you other sick and twisted upstanding bloggers

He ain't wrong, Siouxie.

It is with great pleasure that I also share with you this link, followed by this admonition.

I then dutifully duck and cover.

He ain't wrong but he better be hidin'!

And on that note, I leave you all for the day. I hope you have a productive rest of the afternoon, and I will see you all again tomorrow.

See ya, Baron!

ok Baron, that was fun, especially the C-4. So the ITbot won't let me see any of your other stuff, but lets through the production-enhancer. Makes sense to me.

Ya know, some girls don't account for all girls. I believe the famous last words of a majority of men is "hold my beer while I try this". ;-)

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