24 PREMIERE ADVISORY

As you know -- because you have been changing your underpants on an hourly basis for two weeks now and are experiencing third-degree chapping --  the new season of 24 -- Season Six -- begins Sunday and Monday nights with a special two-night, four-hour premiere.

When last we saw Jack Bauer, he had been kidnapped by evil Chinese communist evildoers, who no doubt intended to kill him, until they found out that he had signed a three-year contract, void if he was dead. (Speaking of which, Edgar still is.) After viewing the trailer for the new season, we know a few things about the plot:

1. Evil terrorists will be committing evil acts of terrorism.

2. Jack will shoot and stab them.

In other words, it will be the same plot as always. Good! That is why we tune in. As for the cast, we note a few interesting wrinkles:

-- The President of the United States is now the brother of Deceased President AllState Insurance, and he looks a lot like Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, the team that kicked the butt of the Dallas Mavericks and their billionaire owner, Mark Cuban. .

-- One of his key advisors is the lawyer weenie from Ally McBeal. He is also, according to judi, a numbers weenie from the cast of the show NUMB3RS who is going into space. So he is one busy weenie.

-- Chloe has a new hair color, but we still love her very much.

-- Kumar, of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, has joined the cast. We are very excited about this, and are hoping against hope that Kumar will get Jack to share a doobie, thus causing hours 5 through 17 to consist of the two of them ordering pizza and watching tractor-pulling competitions on ESPN-37.

-- Some new dude with a scraggly moustache is also in the cast, and he looks a little like Rony Seikaly, who also played for the Miami Heat before they became the World Champions by kicking the butts of the Dallas Mavericks.

This blog will be tuning in Sunday night to watch the show along with literally billions of other people all over the solar system; we invite you to join us here. Be sure to stay tuned afterward when the Amazing Steve™ posts his summary of the show, which is almost always better than the actual show. (At least we assume Steve will be doing this.)

As for the Monday episodes: This blog will be traveling Monday evening. We will try to get to a TV in time to watch the third and fourth episodes along with the rest of you, but in case we don't make it, we'll pre-post something here so you can comment.

That is all for now. Get ready.

Comments

[OtheU(manity)]

Terrible Bean Farts from Last Nights' Mexican Dinner wbagnfa Mariachi band ... merely sayin' ...

... um ... Siouxie ... I was a bit tied up this morning ... um ... um ... nevermind ...

[Sondra]

Peter MacNicol is not a weinie! He is a fruit!! And I loved his accent in Ghostbusters 2!!!

[SlothB77]

* spoiler *

lots of torture in the new season hours 1-4. jack is both subject to it and gives it out.

also, jack's kill count through 4 hours is 2, but they are both very memorable kills. you will understand

* spoiler *

[Mohican]

i agree with Sloth, both kills are very memorable. The first one was very tastefully done.

[Siouxie]

WARNING!! 24 SPOILER ALERT!!

All my sources reveal that Jack WILL eventually get rid of that hideous scraggly beard.

/END SPOILER

[Tiger68]

I'm a first time poster here but have been reading this for a while. Powers Boothe (from my hometown!) will be the new Vice President. Played Jim Jones a long time back. Very good indeed! Love this thread!

[havoc]

powers boothe is the vice? Holy Mother of God. Oh, this is SOOO going to be a good season. Its like, Chrismas or something.

[pegger]

Your guide to 24
by Ken Levine

For everybody who says “I hear 24 is great but I don’t want to join it in the middle” Sunday night is your chance to start fresh with a whole new day and season.

And if you’re not familiar with the characters, let me quickly get you up to speed.

JACK BAUER (Kiefer Sutherland) – Has personally saved the world from nuclear war, a killer virus, deadly terrorist attacks, Richard Nixon’s even more evil twin, the destruction of Los Angeles, and a presidential assassination yet has not received so much as a holiday ham from this grateful nation. Last seen on a slow boat to China where torture awaited. Once they broke him down to where he could pass for Nick Nolte they returned him. That’s where this season picks up.

CHLOE (Mary Lynn Rajskub) - CTU agent, computer whiz, and my favorite character on television even though I often want to slap her. Could not be more snotty, could not have worse people skills. She’s the template for every US postal employee.

NINA, GEORGE, SHERRY, TERI, EDGAR, any civilian who ever assisted Jack – dead so don’t worry about them. Same with TONY, MICHELLE, and PRESIDENT PALMER (I hope he had good Allstate Life Insurance).

AUDREY (Kim Raver) – Jack’s willowy annoying girlfriend. Mad at Jack for a host of reasons. And furious that he didn’t save her when she was held hostage in a bank. Jack tried to explain that was THE NINE, it wasn’t his show but she still is hurt. I guess the sex is great but when does he ever have time?

WAYNE PALMER (D.B. Woodside) – David Palmer’s brother. Now the President. It’s as if Fredo were in the White House. Wait a minute, Fredo IS in the White House.

CURTIS (Roger Cross) – Another CTU field agent. Does not yet have enough viewer popularity to be killed. But this could be his year.

KIMBERLY (Elisha Cuthbert) – Jack’s insufferable daughter. Been kidnapped so many times she now brings her own rope and gag. Can not ride in a car unless she’s in the trunk.

BILL BUCHANAN (James Morrison) – Head of CTU’s Los Angeles branch. Often mistaken for Max Headroom.

KAREN HAYES (Jayne Atkinson) – Uptight but fair Director of Homeland Security. Will sleep with Bill Buchanan once she receives authorization in triplicate.

MARTHA LOGAN (Jean Smart) – Former First Lady. Good hearted but a little nuts. Among her advisors were Malibu Barbie and Skipper.

Plus, new this year because the network insisted on stunt casting – Hamri Al-assad and Ahmed Amar.

So let the shootings, explosions, mayhem, suspense, twists, and uninterrupted cellphone service no matter where Jack is begin!!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

According to the profiles, Morris O'Brian has experience in "Freelance Intelligence Gathering."

Ring, Ring, Ring.

Person: "Hello?"

Morris: "Yes, hello, I'm doing some freelance intelligence gathering and I'm calling to find out if you have any bombs, concealed weapons, anthrax...that sort of thing in your possession."

Person: "Who did you say you are?"

Morris: "I'm Morris O'Brian, from CTU and--this will only take a minute--I'd just like to know if you're a terrorist or spy. Any information you can provide would be most helpful.”

Person: “What’s CTU?”

Morris: *sigh* "Sir have you, or has anyone you know, left a bag unattended anywhere in the city?"

Person: “Well, there was a flaming brown-paper bag on our doorstep last week, but Martha put it out with her slipper.”

Morris: “What about coins? Any coins containing tracking devices or bubblegum…”

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Great job pegger. That's helpful as a refresher for returning bloggers also. ;-)

Plus *snork*

[Cookie]

OK. Thank you pegger.
I'm ready to be a FIRST time viewer. :)

*waves hi to Lisa*

[Renee (the First)]

Um, guys? I've just been reading the "Washington Post" review of the upcoming episodes. I think you'd better prepare yourselves to be majorly grossed out.

*SPOILER HINT* *SPOILER HINT* *SPOILER HINT* *SPOILER HINT* *SPOILER HINT* SPOILER HINT* *SPOILER HINT* *SPOILER HINT* *SPOILER HINT*

Think Dracula . . .

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Renee-Uh oh. Thanks for the warning. If that's true, I may only be able to blog the funny commercials.

[Suzy Q]

Yaaaay! Jack Bauer Power Hour is comin' back at us! 26 hours and counting...

Steve: Have you already written your fabulous summaries? That would probably save you time.

Melody: Hate to break it to you, but Awdrey will be back this year. Just not right away.

Bring it onnnn!

[Siouxie]

YAY!! someone's gonna get shot in the neck!

[Suzy Q]

According to her bio, Chloe does "penetration testing." Heh.

[Siouxie]

Pssst! Dave??? Ask your good friend Stephen King about the first 4 hours. He's already seen them!

pffffft!

I guess it's true...It's good to be the KING!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

*waves hi back to cookie*

[Jazzzz]

I didn't read all posts, but what happens when daylight saving time goes into effect EARLY this year. (second weekend of March) Does Jack SPRING into action, or what?

[Renee (the First)]

Seen them, heck. From what I read, I think Stephen King WROTE them.

[daisymae]

I can't believe I have to work Sunday and Monday nights. I sure hope the TIVO works.

[Melody]

>Melody: Hate to break it to you, but Awdrey will be >back this year. Just not right away.

Actually, according to something I just read, no decision has been made. Raver has no idea if she'll be back. I suspect the Oddity will but, if there is - in fact - a God, her presence will be fleeting.

[Cookie]

Now I'm worried.
Dracula? I just like shootings, explosions, car chases, plane chases, etc, but not super scary other world stuff.

*wonders if she picked a bad season to start watching*

[Siouxie]

WOOOHOOO! IF Stephen King wrote 'em...I'm watching!

yes, I know...I'm disturbed.

[Renee (the First)]

That's not exactly what I meant, Cookie -- oh, heck, just go to http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/12/AR2007011202219.html if you want to know. I never could keep a secret.

[mm]

renee's linky

[Renee (the First)]

Thanks, mm. I'm not much better at hyperlinking than I am at keeping secrets.

[Suzy Q]

Melody: I'm friends with a TV writer in LA who interviewed Awdrey a couple of months ago. She is, unfortunately, coming back. Unless she was lying. Which TV celebs NEVER do. ;)

Hey, I'm ALL for her permanent disappearance. Along with Kim, the disposable daughter.

[Melody]

re: the Oddity

Well, thats bad news. There goes my real-time viewing of the show as soon as she shows up. lol It's fast forward all the way.

[newsgal]

Tony will be back...saw him on C-span with chloe this summer.

[Ken]

I heard a rumor that Jack even bites one of them this time!

[Dr. Doug]

Zzzzzzzz

[Edgar]

I can't wait to see how times she'll open up a socket...

chloesopensocket.com

Edgar Lives !

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

Suzy Q: I've got all the words, it's just I don't have them all in the right order yet. ;-)

[Valerie]

I've already seen the first 4 episodes, but I'm doing it all over again with you guys, because it's not 24 unless I'm following it up with The Amazing Steve's recap!

[goddessoftheclassroom]

I am SO glad Morris O'Brien is coming back--but they should have spelled his name "Maurice" as the English do. Oh well.

If they kill off Chloe, I'll die.

[Betsy]

Wow...Blogtime is definitely warped tonight!

[AST]

President Allstate?! I've been calling him President MilitaryChannel all this time. Tom Lennox? I thought he was up in the Space Shuttle!

And I could swear that's Dr. Bashir riding around with Jack. When did he become a terrorist? (I know when he became a patriot again!)

I CAN'T REMEMBER ALL THESE NAMES FOR THE SAME PERSON!

. . .

I hope that wasn't Disneyland!

[M Guy]

Well Dave your beloved Miami Heat can't win on their own ability, they have to rely on the refs!!!!! Seemed like the Heat was chosen before the games even began. Can't wait to see you all Dirk destroy Dwayne Wade in the playoffs!! Dwayne repeatedly fouled the Mavericks and they were never called!! You can't be blind Dave! It was the worst ref series I've ever seen. Wouldn't you rather see a game that wasn't reliant on the refs bad calls? A good game. It was extremely one-sided and not because your team was better than the Mavericks! We'll see you later....