24

Here is the situation on the ground:

There is barf on the ground. Jack Bauer emitted it last week after shooting Curtis, which Jack had to do because Curtis was about to shoot the evil terrorist Assad, or possibly Fayed. I, personally, am not 100 percent convinced that Curtis is dead -- at least not as dead as Edgar -- but Jack was so sick about the shooting that, despite his three-year contract, he was going to quit being a counter-terrorism agent right then and there, which would have meant the end of this hugely popular award-winning dramatic series. Fortunately, at just that moment terrorists working for Fayed (or possibly Assad) detonated a nuclear bomb in Valencia.This was just the "pick-me-up" that Jack needed. So tonight he's back, trying to track down the other four suitcase nukes, which we assume are located somewhere around Los Angeles, because otherwise there will have to be several episodes consisting entirely of of Jack flying to, say, Chicago ("Dammit, I'm a federal agent, and I want a second package of peanuts NOW!").

In other developments:

-- The official 24 website is conducting a poll that asks: "What other terrorist body part do you think Jack could easily bite off?"

-- Kumar is dead. He was not a very effective terrorist anyway, having been severely wounded by a coffee table.

-- According to the previews of this week's show, the creepy bald scotch-drinking puppet-master guy will return. We don't know whether he is puppet-mastering President Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, but we do know that President Payton is proving to be the least-effective president this nation has ever had since the last one.

-- There is still no sign of Audrey, knock on wood used to generate dialogue.

So that is where we stand. Everybody get ready.

UPDATE: Whoa. Some guy just shot himself on Prison Break. I'm sure I would be amazed if I had any idea what was going on.

UPDATE: They're saying Saw III is the best Saw so far.

UPDATE: The bunker!

UPDATE: The bunker looks like a steak house.

UPDATE: Does everybody inauthority seem just a little, I dunno, low-key, considering that A NUCLEAR FREAKING BOMB WENT OFF??

UPDATE: OK, who is this guy with the accent?

UPDATE: Jack knows exactly what to do with a roof helicopter.

UPDATE: The nuclear shock wave is causing extras and special effects to occur all over Los Angeles.

UPDATE: The president uses an Apple!

UPDATE: "The only language they understand is force." Thanks, dialogue generator!

UPDATE: Bill doesn't know where Assad's hand has been.

UPDATE: Blah blah. Where's Jack?

UPDATE: OK, just for the record, so far nothing has happened except a helicopter fell off a roof.

UPDATE: MIlo is falling in love with Morris.

UPDATE: Jack's FATHER???

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be cool if Jack's father turned out to be William Devane?

UPDATE: They're gonna wire Walid!

UPDATE: They're gonna give Walid a swirly!

UPDATE: I'm not sure how to spell swirly.

UPDATE: Jack's father lives with Sam. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

UPDATE: THE BALD GUY IS JACK'S BROTHER??????

UPDATE: What if Jack has a sister, and it's Princess Leia?

UPDATE: I wonder if Sam knows that Jack's dad has girlfriends.

UPDATE: The Los Angeles freeways are jammed! Wait, that's normal.

UPDATE: That's Graham's wife? Whoa.

UPDATE: She's not over Jack? And HE WAS HOT FOR AUDREY??

UPDATE: Blah blah blah, Mr. President.

UPDATE: It must take them many takes to record those presidential-advisor scenes without falling asleep.

UPDATE: OK, does anybody have a clue who this couple is?

UPDATE: At the 45-minute mark, the helicopter is still the highwater mark, violencewise. This is not acceptable.

UPDATE: The Walid subplot is slooooooooooooooooow.

UPDATE: Maybe Jack will shoot Graham in the thigh. Is that too much to ask for?

UPDATE: Do we think Jack could be... Josh's father?

UPDATE: I suppose Jack could give Graham a swirly (sp?), but there's not much to swirl.

UPDATE: Hitting! Good.

UPDATE: "Trust me... I'm not." Excellent.

UPDATE: I hate to say this, but President Payton is a bigger handbag than President Handbag was.

UPDATE: It specifically states on those plastic bags that you are not supposed to use them that way.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack's dead wife!  AND THE DAD IS THE OLD GUY FROM "BABE" THE TRAINED PIG MOVIE!

In summary: Some shockeroos, but  no shooting, no nukes, and way too much talking. We have to do better, people. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[pete]

Ann,
OK. It could be argued that calling WJC a liar is not really a cheap shot since it is well documented.
But I do agree we should keep the "24" blog about 24.

[fenDy]

Yea Steve!

[Siouxie]

STEVE!! you're alive!!! did they swap you for another nuke-yielding terrorist???

[mellio]

That's OK, Steve--I think we'd all understand if tonight's ep just flat-out made your brain explode.

We sure would miss ya, though ;)

[Ann]

Calling any president a liar is well-documented, with the possible exception of Washington. Bringing Clinton up as the case in point when the current president's lies are far worse is cheap to me. But the disagreement is the basis of my point. For everything I read that makes me grimace, I could write something that makes someone else get ticked off. So it's all better left un-typed.

Go Steve Go!!

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

Siouxie, no but I brain feels like cheese right now. Someone's checking the verbage right now; posting will appear soon.

[pete]

See, there you go exhibiting your personal biases. Yet you claim it shouldn't be done here.

[Ann]

Steve, FOX really ought to pay you for this, because you have definitely garnered them more viewers.

[Siouxie]

whewwwww! I brain feels like cheese too! ;-)

[pete]

STEVIE!! You got a lotta splainin to do!

[Siouxie]

*trying very hard not to comment on the political comments*

come on, people! lets agree to disagree and leave it at that???

Jack Bauer doesn't lie. Nuff said!

[Spiny Norman]

Steve's here. Good, I can breathe now.

;^)

[Siouxie]

pssst....Steve...we don't mind a few typos k??

[fenDy]

You have probably seen these before, but what the heck.

Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's beef.

It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.

Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

PREVIOUSLY ON 24: We found out that:

When Jack throws up, nuclear weapons go off; When Jack fires someone, he really fires someone; If you EVER see someone that’s about to set off a nuclear weapon, rush them - yelling at them won’t stop them; Fayed is going to need some more bad guys to hang out with.

The following summary takes place between 10 am and 11 am

10:00 am - The unthinkable has happened: They positioned the TV in the Oval office so that everyone has to stand to be able to see it. On that TV, we learn that Valencia oranges are going to be a lot more scarce, mainly because of a nuclear weapon special effect we’ve already seen at least three times. The announcer on the TV they’re watching is stretching for time and giving everyone interesting, but completely useless facts about what happens when a nuclear bomb goes off.

10:01 am – Lennox tells Wayne that at least twelve thousand voters expired in the blast. Haig tells Wayne that her husband from CTU Bill just called to let her know that there are four other bombs available to the terrorists, so we could be seeing that same special effect again really soon. Wayne asks Lennox for the Joint Chiefs to bring one, until Lennox explains what the “Joint Chiefs” really are. Haig said that keeping people from taking airline flights will NOT be a problem. They also find the video of the explosion on YouTube already. Wayne is told he has to go to the bunker, and is pretty excited about it, since they keep some pretty cool food down there.

10:02 – At CTU, everyone’s watching on TV, and they’re all standing up too. The guy talking on the TV say there’s a nuclear physics expert who will talk about some scary things to more panic. Bill asks Nadia if they’ve heard from anyone (“No”), and Milo tells Bill that all their field teams were too close to the blast, and they’re dead too.

10:03 – A guy with a wire in his head is briefing Wayne about all the cool stuff in the bunker. The Vice President has been alerted and at first was very excited, until he found out that Wayne was still OK. He goes back to his VP duties of sitting around for something to happen to Wayne, and continues to follow protocol. Large silver cardboard doors behind them slam shut with a satisfying special effect noise.

10:04 - Haig calls Bill. She asks if the heavily armed teams they sent after the terrorists might have something to do with that nuclear weapon going off. Bill says he’s not sure. It could have been one of the California garage bands trying to play “Louie, Louie” when something went horribly, horribly wrong. Bill tells her they’re still looking for Fayed, and Assad is on the way to CTU. Haig asks Bill to be careful. Bill assures her that he’s NOT going to go outside for the next two or three hundred years.

10:05 – Chloe and Morris talk about what happened in the nuclear blast to “all those people, and Curtis”. She asks Morris why all the people she knows keep dying, and Morris asks her if she really knew twelve thousand people, obviously impressed. Then Chloe said that she’s having “packet loss” and wants to know if Morris wants to “boot her router”, and he agrees. Fortunately, or unfortunately, for Chloe, she means exactly what she said.

10:06 - Many fire engines all over the place in California, dodging people that are trying to drop suitcases on other people on the street below, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.

10:07 – Fayed’s car nearly misses a little girl in the street, and he hits the driver in the back of the head for missing her. Fayed continues the conversation with the person that sold him the bomb, McCarthy, telling him that the bomb wasn’t supposed to go off yet, that something must have happened. Fayed is particularly upset because he lost his engineer in the blast, and that it was going to be IMPOSSIBLE to find another one, because most of them have already been hired by Google. Fayed also says when the device to program the nuclear triggers blew up, they realized they forgot to do backups and don’t have a way to program the other triggers. McCarthy sympathizes, saying it’s hard to find a good backup program for Windows. Fayed offers to double McCarthy’s price for the previous transaction. Fayed says he needs them within the next couple of hours or the plot is going to drag on too long and they’ll lose viewers. McCarthy says he has to look up some things on web, and that he’ll call Fayed back. Fayed’s car continues on, and we see a helicopter parked by a student driver that won’t be getting his pilot license soon.

10:09 – It turns out that the student pilot is already on the street looking around for someone to help him, and of course he meets Jack. Jack, as usual is more than willing to help, but the student is a little freaked out when Jack tells him that the reason the helicopter crashed was a shockwave from a nuclear bomb. The guy says that there was definitely nothing about that in ANY of the manuals he has read. Jack climbs to the top of the roof like a spider monkey. The people inside are OK. Jack pulls a McGyver by grabbing a television antenna and pries open the helicopter door just in time to grab the guy inside. The helicopter sparks on the way down, and blows up a Porsche on the street, leading most of the Porsche owner’s neighbors to start clapping, since they didn’t like that guy very much anyway.

10:10 – Still on the roof, Jack calls Bill at CTU and tells him he’s getting AMAZING reception from up there. Jack says he’s “back in”. Bill says “I thought you were out”. Jack says this isn’t the hokey-pokey, and he wants someone to come pick him up. Bill says that’ll take a while since everyone’s already heard what Jack did to his last driver, but says he’ll send a car.

Commercial

10:16 – Down in the bunker, everyone is sitting down because the televisions there are in a much better position than they were in the Oval office. Wayne is Skype-ing with a military officer. Wayne wants to know if Fayed was state-sponsored, and if so, who it was. The officer tells Wayne that the CIA is going through photos to see if Fayed had ever driven for NASCAR which would make it a lot easier to see who the sponsor might have been.

10:17 – A guy dressed as Captain Kangaroo tells Wayne that he’s not sure which country sponsored the bombing, but he’s willing to take the chance to blow up a lot of things because he has some ships he wants to use. He says, “We’ve been playing games with these terrorists for 11 weeks now”, and Wayne says that they should have been trying to catch the terrorists instead. Captain Kangaroo continues, “The only language they understand is force”. Lennox starts to make a lame Star Wars joke, but Wayne stops him. Captain Kangaroo wants to send them “back to the Stone Age”. Wayne says he seriously doubts that Hollywood would even consider making “The Flintstones 3”, let alone hire terrorists. Haig says that Captain Kangaroo seems to be speaking in clichés, and they need a translator right away before everything goes to the dogs.

10:17 – Wayne starts to tell Captain Kangaroo that sending a lot of nuclear weapons all over the place probably isn’t the best tactical nuclear weapon option at this point. Captain Kangaroo starts to argue with him. When Lennox speaks up to tell Captain Kangaroo that he HATES it when people interrupt during meetings, and we also find out it is not Captain Kangaroo… it is Admiral Kangaroo. Wayne says he’s going to retaliate, with “our sights locked on our enemy”. Haig looks worried that Wayne might have caught the cliché virus that Kangaroo has.

10:18 – Wayne asks Haig what CTU has learned in the last 20 minutes about the remaining nuclear weapons. Haig says they’re loud and that people don’t want to be around them when they go off. Wayne says he’s not talking about Trump and Rosie, he wants to know about the remaining nuclear weapons! Haig says that CTU has been watching satellite TV, but don’t know where the bomb was meant to be set off, and that just like she told everyone just twenty minutes ago, Fayed may or may not be alive, and that if he’s alive that would be “bad”. Like “tell him about the Twinkie” bad.

10:18 – Fayed tells his driver to make a phone call to someone, to let them know that the nuclear weapons in the back of the car (which they almost had an accident in nearly hitting a little girl) are “safe”, which I think the caller could have assumed because there wasn’t a second nuclear explosion recently.
10:19 – At CTU, Assad arrives and starts to give Bill a speech about not being his enemy. Assad tries to shake hands with Bill, but Bill spots the joy buzzer in Assad’s hand, so he doesn’t shake it.

10:19 – Morris and Chloe are setting up mineral water and laptops (always a good combination to have right next to each other) in the CTU boardroom. Morris makes various wisecracks while doing this, showing us why Chloe probably started going out with the guy in the first place.

10:20 – In the boardroom, Bill tells Assad that Fayed has four more nuclear weapons, and Assad seems to be a bit surprised by this. Assad tells Bill that he came to the US to stop Fayed and to take a tour of “star’s homes”, if there was any time left over. Bill and Assad recap the whole “I’m here to stop Fayed, and to broker a peace deal” story just in case we didn’t remember them pounding that into our heads last week.

10:21 – Assad says that the source of the nuclear weapons is General Dmitri Gredenko. Chloe immediately starts to open up a Russian database, because she just happens to have one lying around.

Commercial

10:25 – Milo tries to get all technical with Chloe by pointing to the file name “Gredenko” on the screen and Chloe tells him that it’s a yellow sticky note, not a file name. Morris comes over and just happens to have a list of everyone that Gredenko ever met during business meetings, and Chloe goes to tell Bill about number 17 on the list: “Philip Bauer”. Bill says, “Bauer…. Bauer… Doesn’t ring a bell”. Chloe smacks him on the back of the head and Bill says, “Oh, THAT Bauer. Jack’s Dad!”

10:26 – Bill calls Jack about the “Gredenko”, and asks if he recognizes that name. When Jack says “no”, Bill gets all snotty and says, “Well, your dad does!” (Classy, Bill). Jack hasn’t talked to his dad in nine years, but wants to have a really awkward conversation, so Jack volunteers to talk to him. Bill tells Jack to leave the driver on any old street corner, and that Jack can have the car. The driver mumbles something like “Curtis said there would be days like this”.

10:28 – At the detention facility, there are prisoners standing in the courtyard standing really still and trying to pretend that a nuclear weapon didn’t go off not all that far away. Sandra’s on the phone and she recognizes the FBI as they walk in because of the white iPod wire coming out of the agent’s shirt and into his ear. The agent says that his friend, Agent Jennings, wants to give Walid an iPod that can record conversations, so he can find out if there’s an active terror cell in the dentition facility. Sandra asks why all the cells aren’t already all wired up for sound, but everyone ignores her. Then she asks how they’re going to put a wire on him, and they tell him that they use a very small staple gun and that the nervous twitches will go away about a week or two after they get the staples back out.

10:29 – In the courtyard, the men being held there are standing around in a circle talking, not letting Walid join in their terrorist games. Walid tries to join in the conversation, but the men don’t really seem to take to him.

10:30 – The FBI agents go walking across the courtyard, yelling out Walid’s name, right in front of the group of men, who I’m sure would never in a million years suspect that Walid might eventually try something with the FBI. Walid, for his part, acts like he has no idea what’s going on, mainly because he really has no idea what’s going on. They make a HUGE deal out of roughing up Walid, so much that Walid almost starts to confess. That’s when one of the agents whispers to Walid that they’re wiring him up. They throw in a few extra punches to make it look real. Sandra’s in the other room listening to all this and freaks out, telling everyone she’s the one with the lawyer, err acting training, not Walid. She tries to go help him, but the FBI hold her back.

10:31 – Out in the courtyard, all the men are watching while Walid is pretending to get beaten up with very realistic punches from the FBI. The FBI guys show Walid a Windows Mobile PDA with Fayed’s name in huge letters on it. Walid starts to ask how they got Fayed’s PDA, when the agent punches him again and tells Walid that he’s supposed to drop Fayed’s name to the guy’s in the courtyard. Walid seems pretty confused about this whole situation, not to mention the audience. The agents leave. The guys in the courtyard seem very impressed that Walid can take that kind of beating, and Walid tells him it’s because of his days as a mime and walks away.

10:32 – Jack makes a phone call, and someone named Sam answers. Sam tells Jack that he doesn’t know where Jack’s father is, because he left in a mysterious plot point we’ll learn about later. He also casually drops the fact that Jack has a brother named Gray. Jack asks for the phone number, since Jack hasn’t talked to him in a while either. It also turns out that the entire conversation from Sam’s end is being broadcast in HD TV to a guy named Liddy who’s video taping Same for some reason.

10:33 – Liddy calls someone, and WHOA! Gray is “Hollywood Looking Terrorist Guy” from last season! And he still has the Borg implant in his head! Gray is pretty surprised that Jack is alive, and doesn’t seem all that happy that Jack is back. I’m guessing that Gray and Jack didn’t exactly see eye to eye about things, mainly because Gray tells Liddy they should have killed Jack when they had a chance.

That’s just a guess though.

Anyway, Gray caught the cliché virus too, because he tells Liddy that “My brother has a way of digging things up that need to stay buried”. I bet Gray is still mad at Jack for digging up a pet from the backyard when they were kids.

Commercial

10:38 – Gray gets a call from Jack, and they make ironic small talk. Jack tries to find out where his Dad is, but Gray is of no help. Gray says he’ll try and find out where their father is. Gray almost asks if he can get Jack’s exact GPS coordinates, so he can send a squad of commandos right over to help Jack out, but stops himself just in time. It doesn’t appear that Jack suspects a thing… yet.

10:39 – Jack calls Chloe to see if she can find “Graem Bauer’s” address, but questions why someone would give a kid a first name with a spelling like that. She asks Jack if Gray got beat up a lot as a kid, and Jack hints that’s why Gray might have turned out the way he did. She gives Jack the address, knowing that Jack just got off the phone with Graem. I think Chloe is pretty sure that Jack surprise visit to Graem won’t be that great for Graem.

10:40 – Back at Graem, err Gray’s house, we find out that he has a wife and son, which is kind of weird because we never saw them last season when he was locked in that room giving orders. Must have been another part of the house. Anyway, the wife and son are watching TV, and the wife is standing and the son is sitting. It looks like they almost got the TV in the right place, but not quite. when Gray walks in. Gray tells his son that now that a bomb went off in LA, he’s SURE that the next one will be somewhere else, and says under his breath that “I oughta know”, but no one else hears this.

10:41 – Gray tells Mrs. Gray that Jack is back from his Chinese takeout, and Mrs. Gray seems surprised. They start to have a little “inside baseball” conversation that only they understand until it comes out that Jack had a thing for Mrs. Gray, and Gray still doesn’t like that. That’s even when Mrs. Gray didn’t take Jack, and went after a small, balding ticked off guy with a piece of metal in his ear.

10:43 – The White House speech writing staff is hard at work trying to think of a political correct term for devastating nuclear explosion, and have come up with “high energy physics event”, which doesn’t go over with Lennox at all. He wants to call it “a big bang boom”. Wayne is more worried about how he appears on TV than anything else, and Lennox takes the opportunity to point out that if everyone had just listened to him and they had bombed the living tar out of anyone that even thought the word “terrorist” everything would be just peachy. Lennox and Haig start to argue, with Wayne jumping in to help give a nice little speech about trying to get everything back to where it was before: Safe streets…. Except in LA where Jack Bauer is shooting everything in sight.

10:44 – McCarthy picks up a blonde woman on the street who has been waiting for him. She’s really mad because the wind might change and put “nuclear thingies” into her hair.

10:44 - McCarthy calls Fayed and says, “Things are looking up”. Fayed says that’s a really bad pun, considering what happened today, and wants to know what McCarthy has found. McCarthy tells him that he thinks he’ll have some good news for Fayed soon. Fayed tells his men that the rest of the bombs are going to go off today, and to get ready. One of the guys does an imitation of SpongeBob saying, “I’m Ready! I’m Ready!” but Fayed ignores him and walks into a building. Then he backs up and walks through a door into a building.

Commercial

10:49 – At CTU, Nadia tells Bill that she just got done talking to Assad, who gave them a few more names. Bill tells them that since they’ve known each other for less than an hour now, and that they’ve known that he wants peace for everyone, it seems completely appropriate to put him on a plane where he, as a top terrorist leader, can go meet face to face with the President, since there’s no way anything bad could happen to the president if they meet fact to face. Bill puts out his hand to shake Assad’s hand, and after checking to make sure that Bill didn’t spit in his palm or anything like that, Assad shakes it.

10:50 – Milo tells Bill that the FBI put one of those special iPods on someone at the detention center, and that a podcast is being broadcast over the internet right now. Bill tells Chloe to start streaming the audio right away.

10:50 – Back at detention courtyard, the men argue back and forth about Walid, and whether or not they should talk to him. Somehow, the FBI got an undercover cameraman to show off what’s going on in the courtyard too, because Sandra is watching Walid over closed-circuit TV. Sandra is pretty upset by all this, and tells one of the FBI agents that he shouldn’t be giving speeches. The agent reminds her of the speeches she gave last episode.

10:52 – Out in the courtyard, one of the men from the group goes to talk to Walid about getting beaten up by the FBI. Walid drops the name “Abu Fayed” after the man prods him for information, but the guy says he doesn’t recognize it, but it’s good enough to join the clique with the other guys in the courtyard.

10:55 – Over at Gray’s place, Jack arrives and tells Gray they need to talk. Gray hugs Jack, and checks Jack for a wire. Gray’s son, Josh, comes downstairs and Jack shakes hands with him, showing off the cool hand makeup he’s wearing. Gray takes Jack to his special office, and tries to make small talk about Chavez, but Jack just wants to find out where their dad is.

10:56 - Gray tells Jack to relax, which Jack does by punching Gray in the face! Jack locks the door to the room, gets a lamp which Jack renders useless by pulling the cord out of it. Jack ties up Gray, and tells him that he wants information.

10:57 – Back at the White House, Lennox tells the president that they’ve adding a few more clichés to the speech, and that it’s in the teleprompter ready to read. Wayne makes his speech to the American public.

10:59 – Jack REALLY wants to know where his father is, because he doesn’t even as “paper or plastic”…. He goes straight for the handy plastic bag that Gray just happens to have, and wraps Gray’s head with it! Jack better hope Gray doesn’t think to just bite into that bag!

11:00 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME: JACK PULLS A KNIFE ON HIS BROTHER! GRAY DISSES JACK’S DEAD WIFE! LENNOX PLOTS AGAINST HAIG! ZEFRAM COCHRANE IS JACK’S DAD! WAIT UNTIL JULIAN FINDS OUT!

[Otterboy]

Hooray for Steve!

[Siouxie]

FIRST!! YAY Steve!!!

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

Thanks to my friend John for checking what I just posted. My wife and kids are getting used to me typing like a crazy man during this too.... One of the kids came up to me twice and told me "good luck!". :-)

Sorry it took so long...as you can see, I was a bit....er, verbose.... this time.

[Siouxie]

WOWSA! Steve!! amazingly amazing as usual!! Well worth the wait and me hating myself in the morning!!

I can sleep now!!

Nite all!

[Spiny Norman]

"Curtis said there'd be days like this."

That's a keeper!

=^)

[Spiny Norman]

I wonder how many people out there, when they realized Jack's dad wasn't Donald Sutherland, said, "What the hell?!? No way!"

::damn::

[Val]

Bravo, Steve! Amazing, as always! My favorite part....10:10 – Still on the roof, Jack calls Bill at CTU and tells him he’s getting AMAZING reception from up there.

[Riteaidbob]

Steve you left out the part about...no you covered that.
What about the guy that...no you mentioned that.
OK OK OK wait you failed...no you included that one.
You made up the part about...no no you got that one right.
Hey wait he didn't say...oh wait...he did.
Those doors weren't CARDBOARD!

HA! Got ya!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Clean Hands]

I feel like a small boy pitching pebbles at a great institution, but isn't Walid being held in a detention facility near Washington, not near the glowing crater?

[Clean Hands]

Let me also add that I stand completely in awe of your effort, S(T2g)!

Let's hope that Jack isn't feeling nauseous over seeing his brother turn various interesting shades of purple, because That Would Be Bad, as you pointed out.

Also, I have to take a moment to say that clearly, given the Uncadaddy subplot, Jack didn't always shoot them in the thigh; his aim used to be a bit more on target.

[sister mary martha]

You'll all be pleased to know that Edgar IS alive. He lives in my neighborhood here in Venice. I see him all the time having coffee all over the place. Guess he wants to be wide awake for when Morris blows it again and he is called back to CTU.

[jt]

Hey, how come last season, Jack's brother always referred to Jack as "Bauer" when he talked about him? Does ANYBODY else's brother do that???

Never mind.

[Siouxie]

*stumbles in and gets the coffee going*

*YAWNNNNNNNNNNN*

mornin'

[Nurse Tammy]

Mornin' Siouxie. *pours Sio a cup* Cream or sugar?

[Siouxie]

Mornin' Tammy! lots of both, thanks!

Done for the day? or heading off to work?

[Nurse Tammy]

I was off work last night. I goofed off, napped, read a book, and did grocery shopping. (Long lines don't exist at grocery stores at 3 am.)

My hubby is watching 24 right now, because he had to leave for work when it was on. *I cannot escape Jack Bauer and I don't even watch the *&%&($^ show!*
OTOH, from having skimmed the comments, I was able to spoil the daddy/uncle thing for him...

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Clean hands..... about where Walid is....Um.... oops?

You're absolutely right! Doh!

[Siouxie]

ohhh Tammy you are baddddd!!

Steve! I'm still trying to drag my @ss outta bed but it was worth the wait.

LOVE Jack-yver!!

[Nurse Tammy]

*bats eyelashes innocently*
Who, meeeeee?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Good ones, people, better than the show.

I spent the last half in a daze repeating over and over, "How could that little weasel Dr. Romano be Jack's brother?"

Did I miss anything?

She makes noises like a chipmunk when she's really excited...

Nice Groundhog Day tie-in, Crash.

where the HELL is he keeping sylar?!?

Good one, judi.

The second they went to Graham's house and brought out the family my wife - a soap opera fan from way back - said that it was Jack's kid.

How could somone as tall as Stretch Cunningham have two such midget-y kids? Mom must have been really short.

If Graham survives, I'm betting he picks "paper" the next time at the grocery store.

*snork* sly

Lisa Bisa: swirly is when you hold someone's head in the toilet and flush it.

[ubetcha]

Siouxie, so glad to see you made it. Donuts all around, with espresso.

[Nurse Tammy]

I'll have the hot tea... *contribute more donut to blog breakfast*

[Nurse Tammy]

Sorry, I feel too lazy right now to do the belgian waffles, donuts will have to suffice...

[Meditrina]

Does anyone have Jack's cell number? I need help controlling a terrorist cell my teenage boy whose homework not being finished is somehow MY Fault. FYI: Global warming, the war in Iraq, 9/11, and cancer are also my fault.

Will the DHC take me in if I shoot him in the thigh? It always works for Jack.

[Nurse Tammy]

I'm going to guess his number starts with 555.

[Meditrina]

NT - And I am hoping there's a 69 in there somewhere.

[Nurse Tammy]

You wouldn't be hoping he forgets his pants again, would you?

[Meditrina]

I currently have the little terrorist tied up subdued and locked inside his bedroom. I'd like to send in the goon squad for questioning a little attitude adjustment.

[Meditrina]

Nurse Tammy - With Jack Bauer, pants would be optional. But I would submerse that cell phone in liquid to put it out of commish.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Great job Steve!!! I like all the parts this time!

G'morning everyone.

(Thanks for the swirly explanation Jeff. I was afraid it was something like that.)

[ubetcha]

Meditrina - I bet you kidnapped the Lindburgh baby as well.

[Leetie]

TropicHunt: Excellent new posters! My favorite is still "REMORSE." Most excellent!

Steve: We love you!

[Leetie]

Did anybody dial that phone number they gave out last night?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Excellent as always, Steve. Clean was right - Anacostia is in D.C.

And I agree with the 75% or so who say Sandra needs a major smacking. She's no Sherry Palmer.

[Siouxie]

UGH! at work now!

ubetcha, yes I barely made it out of bed!

*volunteers to byotch slap Sandra* please???

[Leetie]

And has Chloe opened up a SINGLE socket?

[Cookie]

The original zipper here. ;)

*zips in*

This is my FIRST season of watching the show. I love how CTU is always sending cars to pick someone up.
And Sister Palmer is giving all of us female lawyers a bad name.
She must go!

[Wes S.]

"...Then she asks how they’re going to put a wire on him, and they tell him that they use a very small staple gun and that the nervous twitches will go away about a week or two after they get the staples back out."

ROFLMAO! Another amazing effort by the Amazing Steve! What a way to wake up in the morning!

[FumblingFather]

My latest theory …

So, if Dr. Romano is Jack’s brother and “Babe” farmer is his dad…
If I had to guess, by the end of the next episode we are going to find out Chloe is Jack’s sister.
Of course that would make annoying English guy Han Solo and I guess Edgar was Chewie (it would be too easy to call him Jabba, but he wasn’t a bad guy).
And then it all falls into place…
Current President Palmer must be Lando who tried to double-cross our heroes to save his own hide (although Milo has the Lando moustache)
Curtis was that guy with the gray beard in the No 2 or 3 who kept jumping around with a light saber because he used to be good, turned bad and then was killed.
All the techies in CTU are C3PO and R2D2.
Audrey MUST be Jar-Jar (sadly Jar-Jar never dies!)
Bill B. is Obi-Wan.
The Chinese are the Sand People.
Marwan was Darth Maul
Kim is a freakin’ Ewok (God, I hated those things!)
The first nuke (from Season 2, 3 or 4) blew up the plane (meaning Death Star).
Valencia was Death Star No. 2
Fahyed is the Emperor (at least until we find out who the real ringleader is later this season)

So, here’s how it will end…
Jack will torture his father and nearly kill him but he will sense there is some good in him so he will only shoot him in the thigh. Fahyed will sense weakness in Jack and try to kill him. Babe-farmer will then turn, grab Fahyed and throw him down a large shaft. By then, all the nuclear fallout will be hitting around them and Babe-farmer will die in the arms of Jack, who will be safe, of course, because he is wearing his hoodie. Jack, Chloe and English guy will then dance to some annoying music played by Kim and her new band, The Cougars.

[Val]

Meditrina, you've given me a thought! My daughter was jumped on at school last week by a girl who's trying to fight her over some stinkin' boy. So, maybe I could get Jack to go to school with my daughter and have a few "words" with said little terrorist, er, girl??

[Kevin In JAX]

So Jack will get to shoot his best friend, his Dad and his brother (and does anyone else see a sort of Ron and Clint Howard comparison here) in a 24 hour period.

That'll put a damper on Kim's Bridezilla episode on Day 7.

[Dee Kulig]

Can't believe you missed one, Dave! There goes the Prez and his staff into the underground bunker that no nuclear device could penetrate...but Karen can call Bill Buchanan on her cell phone!!!! All that and no Verizon or Sprint product placement?

[DeskDiva]

*zips in*

I haven't had a chance to watch last night's ep yet, but had to read the blog anyway. SNORK @ EVERYONE!!!

*zips out, grabbing the last donut on the plate*

[mischultz]

"How dare you bark at me like some junkyard dog?!"

[Doug Ross]

"Hey, how come last season, Jack's brother always referred to Jack as "Bauer" when he talked about him? Does ANYBODY else's brother do that???"

My brother does.

Now.

I insisted he call me "Bauer".

My brother refused. A plastic bag, a knife and a vague reference to his "thigh" later and ...

... Now, he calls me "Bauer". Like he's supposed to.

[Mr. Completely]

We do NOT discuss politics on this blog. This blog is for fun - sarcastic, rude, scatological fun, with the occasional booger joke thrown in for good measure. If you wanna discuss the respective foibles of the various political parties, candidates, and/or Presidents, past, current, or future, please log on to Fox News. Unless it's a booger joke.

Now then. I remember James Cromwell best as the warden in The Green Mile. What a great movie!

[Chris P]

1) Jack's brother's name should be Eddie
2) once again, Dr. Romano and a falling, exploding helicopter in the same show

[pete]

Honest to God, when I saw Jack making his phone call
from the burning roof my first thought was that I could probably even get a signal there with my Alltel (Notell) phone.

[Jack's Dentist]

He's no Amazing Steve, but he's got a nice summary at the end of todays bleat:

http://www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/07/0107/012307.html

[JunebugJinny]

Stop being so damn hot, Dr. Bashir!

[Beppie]

Well, I am happy to up the blog posts from 666 to 667. I must say, these 24 blogs must stop! They are making me want to watch the show. I am addicted to too much TV as it is, so this is obviously y'alls problem, not mine!

[pat]

this was not heroes o no o good lol cause it would have been weird

[Capt Scarlet]

Has anyone noticed what grand employment "24" has become for Star Trek spinoff and movie veterans? Not only Dr. Bashir, but Lt Tom Paris of "Voyager" as the FBI agent, who, for my money, must be the son of Bill Buchanan due to his steely reserve. (Check out the fact that the actor, Rob't Duncan McNeill, "has...directed in several TV shows including Dawson's Creek, The O.C., Las Vegas, One Tree Hill, Dead Like Me, Summerland, Supernatural, and Desperate Housewives (wikipedia)." Now THERE's some trippin' crossovers into "24"-land.

Finally, we know that Jack's dad can't be a baddie, because not only was his Prince Phillip, but he was also a Bishop with lupus on "E/R." He helped Luka restore his faith, which cam in quite handy when Luka was about to be killed by violent African rebels.

[chase]

Hey, how come last season, Jack's brother always referred to Jack as "Bauer" when he talked about him? Does ANYBODY else's brother do that???

Not sure how many brothers set their sibling up to be shipped to china for torture -- their may be some disfunctional family issues in this clan....next up - Kim's long lost seperated-at-birth identical twin sister "Kam"

[txgirl]

All I can say is that Jack/Graham's mom must only be knee-high, what with super-tall dad (doesn't anyone remember him from Hot-L Baltimore? I'm not THAT old!)

[bard]

That isn't Robert Duncan McNeil. That's Scott William Winters.

[AST]

Whew! I was worried that I was the only person in America who didn't know Jack had a previous life with a Dad and a brother and everything.

That can't be his full brother, because you get male pattern baldness (and your weasel genes) from your maternal grandfather and Jack's not that bald. He must have a different mother.

[AST]

And what is Peyton Manning doing employed as a CIA/FBI agent?! He's got a game to prepare for.

[Madison Outsider]

As soon as we learned of Jack's brother and father, the words, "Luke, I'm your Fathaahhhh" came to mind.

[Capt Scarlet]

Scott William Winters? I stand corrected. At least he & Lt. Paris look more like brothers than Keifer and McCrane. Looked Winters up on imdb.com and can't see much I would have seen him in before. Sorry for the error, and the typos.

But Jack's dad really was a bishop on "e/r."